In this episode, Daniel and Sam dive deeper into the practical implications of what it looks like to truly be a family. They also tackle the very hard question of, "Which family takes priority, my blood or church?" Furthermore, what do you do when your blood family claims Christ but pushes against what you believe God is calling you to do?

Benjamin and Mary Wilson

Sam Choi

Benjamin and Mary Wilson share the many ways the church has been a family to them. 

Attention: there were technical difficulties that cut out the first 30 seconds of this talk. We are sorry for the inconvenience. 

I want to start off by sharing one of the strangest but most transforming rebukes I’ve ever received. It was 2009 and it was during my first year of Bible College in Southern California. It was a time in my life when I was living on my own for the first-time. I had almost nothing in my bank account. To give you a little glimpse of the living conditions, I was living with 8-9 other guys in a 3 bedroom apartment. my room had a quadruple bunkbed. Needless to say, it was an extremely stretching time in all of our lives, learning how to love each other in all of our immaturity, sin, and zeal.

I remember one particular time where the bank account was nearly at zero and I had to pay for some necessities. I didn’t know what to do so I took out a cash advance, hoping to pay it back after some time.

Shortly after this transaction, I casually shared about it with one of my roommates. His reaction floored me.

“How dare you do that!”

 Me, “Um, excuse me?”

“We’re family man. How dare you go and get a loan and not tell us you were in need. You are robbing us from blessing you.”

But what you have to know about my friend Jason is that he truly believed in every word.

He believed we were family.

He believed it was a blessing to give.

He was hurt that I didn’t lean on him and the guys in a time of need.

So is he weird?

Or maybe we are just too individualistic to understand and too warped by the world’s understanding of family.

 Maybe you’ve been in need before but you didn’t share because maybe you were:

embarrassed

proud,

didn’t want to bother others?

Maybe like me, you theoretically believe that the Bible teaches that we are brothers and sisters in Christ but yet, you still live mostly like you’re on your own.

We make a big deal in the church about action and obedience, which is important. But you will ultimately do, what you believe you are.

Being precedes doing.

Let me give you an example that will help clarify this reality,

Imagine two people resisting a cigarette. When offered a smoke, the first person says, “No thanks. I’m trying to quit.” It sounds like a reasonable response, but this person still believes they are a smoker who is trying to be something else. They are hoping their behavior will change while carrying around the same beliefs. The second person declines by saying, “No thanks. I’m not a smoker.” It’s a small difference, but this statement signals a shift in identity. Smoking was part of their former life, not their current one. They no longer identify as someone who smokes.

Most people don’t even consider identity change when they set out to improve. They just think, “I want to be skinny (outcome) and if I stick to this diet, then I’ll be skinny (process).” They set goals and determine the actions they should take to achieve those goals without considering the beliefs that drive their actions. They never shift the way they look at themselves, and they don’t realize that their old identity can sabotage their new plans for change.

Clear, James. Atomic Habits (p. 32).

We have a wide-spread epidemic of identity confusion. And if doing overflows out of identity, that means we’re going to be missing out on what God has for us.

And so we are going to be spending a 3 part series focusing on our identity in Christ. This week, we are speaking about our identity as a beloved family.

To be clear, the church is not like a family it is a family.

We don’t have missional community groups because we are lonely and sociologist say that we need community to be healthy and happy (that is true).

But we are a beloved family.

So rather than spend most of our time on all we would do if we believed we were family, I’m going to spend the majority of the time, trying to help us all grow in our understanding that we are God’s beloved family. If we truly grasp this identity, our community, in time, by God’s grace, will look like a family, because we are.

Text

we’re going to be looking at a number of texts that help us understand that we are God’s beloved family. Each of them easily could be a sermon but we are just dipping into them. So bear with details we may skip.

Mark 3

31 And his mother and his brothers came, and standing outside they sent to him and called him. 32 And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you.”

Here’s the scene, Jesus is teaching in a home and it’s standing room only.

His blood family is trying to see him and send a message through the crowd informing Jesus his family is outside waiting for him.

33 And he answered them, “Who are my mother and my brothers?”

Jesus’ answer is certainly confusing. “Seriously, Jesus? We literally just told you they’re outside.”

But what we see is that Jesus is asking a rhetorical question. He’s setting them up to show them that they misunderstand who his family truly is.

34 And looking about at those who sat around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers!

What!?

Jesus, are you saying that your family is not your blood family but those around you.

Now for us in the West, this is a strange passage. But for anyone in the East and coming from a culture that has a higher regard for family would find Jesus’ words confusing and offensive. It is as if Jesus is spitting in the faces of his family members.

We’ll get more into what makes someone a brother or sister but let me explain the context first.

Understanding the context

Jesus’ cultural context was like that of Majority world in the East and also the South. Sociologist name it a “Strong group society.”

Strong group society

Professor Bruce Malina from Creighton University explains a Strong Group Society as,

In a strong-group society the person perceives himself or herself to be a member of a group and responsible to the group for his or her actions, destiny, career, development, and life in general. Correspondingly he/she perceives other persons primarily in terms of the groups to which they belong. The individual person is embedded in the group and is free to do what he or she feels right and necessary only if in accord with group norms and only if the action is in the group’s best interest. The group has priority over the individual member.

B. Malina, Christian Origins and Cultural Anthropology, 19.

›    Keep that quote in mind cause we will come back to this later...

In his helpful book, When the church was a family Dr. Joseph Hellerman sums up 3 principals about the New Testament world’s understanding on individuals and their groups.

Principle #1: In the New Testament world the group took priority over the individual.

Principle #2: In the New Testament world a person’s most important group was his blood family.

Principle #3: In the New Testament world the closest family bond was not the bond of marriage. It was the bond between siblings.

This is not to say that it was always this way, but the research is solid to suggest that this was the norm.

If you were able to track with all that, you probably get that what I just read does not describe American culture, at all. To understand their culture better, we can contrast it with ours.

Compared to our Culture

In their culture, they chose their job, spouse, and where they lived based off of what would be best for their family.

In our culture, we choose jobs, spouse, and location based off of our passions and goals, regardless of the benefit to our family.

Is our culture necessarily bad?

 Yes and no.

Jesus did not hesitate to condemn areas in his culture that grieved the heart of God. Part of their culture was that they rejected and ostracized the poor and sick. He certainly called that out.

All cultures have aspects of it that are more biblical and less biblical. We must celebrate the good and reject the bad.

But when we look at our individualistic culture, there are aspects of it that can be extremely unhealthy and unbiblical. Again, Hellerman helps us,

Social scientists have a label for the pervasive cultural orientation of modern American society that makes it so difficult for us to stay connected and grow together in community with one another. They call it radical individualism. What this amounts to is simple enough. We in America have been socialized to believe that our own dreams, goals, and personal fulfillment ought to take precedence over the well-being of any group—our church or our family, for example—to which we belong. The immediate needs of the individual are more important than the long-term health of the group. So we leave and withdraw, rather than stay and grow up, when the going gets rough in the church or in the home.

Hellerman, Joseph H.. When the Church Was a Family (p. 4).

›    Let’s get back to the Text.

What makes someone a mother or brother of Jesus?

35 For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”

Those who do the will of God.

Those who listen to Jesus, because they are the ones who are listening.

And at this point, much of Jesus’ blood family is not doing the will of God nor listening to him.

So let’s take a step back and understand what is going on here?

 Jesus is speaking to a very very strong group society, so you can see how his words and actions are a total slap in the face. It would feel like a betrayal. It’s a total paradigm shift!

He is literally telling everyone what makes someone to be part of his new family is not if you’re related to him but if you follow him. If you do the will of God.

Jesus, we’ve known you for years!

But do you do the will of God?

Jesus, we go to church?

But do you do the will of God?

Jesus, I got Bible verses on my walls!

But do you do the will of God?

Jesus, I claim you’re my lord and savior!

But do you do the will of God?

Let us look at another text,

John 1

12 But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, 13 who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.

If you want to be part of Jesus’ family, the family that will never be broken up. The one that will last forever and reign over this earth, you have to receive Jesus.

When we say, “receive Jesus” we don’t mean just a prayer, although prayer is included. We mean that you receive Jesus as your king, savior, and supreme treasure. That means you have to reject yourself and others as your king, savior, and treasure. To receive Jesus means you’re receiving all that he is and all that comes with him.

Those who receive Jesus are born again into a restored relationship with God and also a new family.

Ephesians 1

›    Now let’s go further into this concept of family in the New Testament. The Apostle Paul continues expanding our understanding in Ephesians chapter 1.

5 he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

There’s so much here. In fact, we have a sermon on this we preached over a year ago.

But let’s highlight a few important points.

-Those who are Christians have been adopted as sons through Jesus.

This is crazy significant because adoption in the NT context gives the adopted rights as the same as blood sons.

So we get the benefits and status of being Jesus’ blood brothers.

-Those who are now children have been so by God’s grace.

No one in the church can boast to be here. Anyone who is part of God’s family is only made a child by the blood of THE SON. And it’s all by God’s undeserving grace.

God wanted you.

-Finally, those who are part of the family are BELOVED. They are dearly loved.

-We are God’s beloved family.

-Christian, you are God’s beloved child.

This is so important to stress because if we miss this, then we are not going to be able to live out the community God has called us to be. We must be rooted in God’s love to be able to love the way he calls us to love.

Romans 12:5

5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

Note this word, “Belong to all the others”

If you are part of the church, you belong to one another. 

1 Corinthians 12 makes this even more explicit that we are literally attached to each other.

›    There are more passages but let’s move on.

If it is true that Christians are those who have been adopted into God’s beloved family, how should we now think?  But before we get into the living, let’s get into the thinking.

Another word for God’s family is the church.

And based off the Texts I highlighted and more, many of us need to completely revamp the way we see the church and some of us just need to continue to grow in these realities.

Well let’s talk about how people view the church often in America. Check out this humorous but revealing paragraph from Francis Chan’s, Letter to the Church,

We live in a time when people go to a building on Sunday mornings, attend an hour-long service, and call themselves members of the Church. Does that sound shocking to you? Of course not. This is perfectly normal. It’s what we grew up with. We all know good Christians go to church. But have you ever read the New Testament? Do you find anything in Scripture that is even remotely close to the pattern we have created? Do you find anyone who “went” to church?

Try to imagine Paul and Peter speaking like we do today: “Hey, Peter, where do you go to church now?” “I go to The River. They have great music and I love the kids’ program.” “Cool. Can I check out your church next Sunday? I’m not getting much out of mine.” “Totally. I’m not going to be there next Sunday because little Matthew has soccer. But how about the week after?” “Sounds good. Hey, do they have a singles’ group?”

Chan, Francis. Letters to the Church (pp. 69-70).

The reality is for many Americans, church is very much like that. It’s just something we add to our life.

For many American Christians, we have a list like this:

1st - God

2nd - Family

3rd-  Church

4th- Others/work

But rather the Biblical reality is more blended.

The Biblical Mindset

1st- God’s Family (Church)

2nd- My Family (We’ll cover more on this in the mid-week on how to prioritize between your church family and blood family, especially if they’re Christians)

3rd- Others

If that doesn’t make sense, maybe these graphics will help.

From the revolutionary book, Total Church

Picture with man juggling categories

The prevailing view of life today is that of an individual standing on his or her own, heroically juggling various responsibilities— family, friendships, career, leisure, chores, decisions, community involvement, and money. From time to time the pressures overwhelm us, and we drop one or more of the balls. All too often church becomes one of the balls. We juggle our responsibilities for church (measured predominantly by attendance at meetings) just as we juggle our responsibilities for work or leisure.

Picture with the church in the middle as the spokes.

An alternative model is to view our various activities and responsibilities as spokes of a wheel. At the center or hub of life is not me as an individual but us as members of the Christian community. Church is not another ball for me to juggle but that which defines who I am and gives Christlike shape to my life.

So with the second model, when life gets crazy, the church becomes even more prominent in someone’s life. That may not mean Sunday church service attendance butt that the community comes around more than ever.

This may be the most controversial.

When God calls us family, we have to understand his understanding of family was based off their context (strong group) not our hyper individualistic one.

So that means we must live our lives in light of our church family.

Earlier in the sermon I mentioned Bruce Malina’s quote on Strong Group societies. Imagine if we took that quote and applied it to the church which is what Joseph Heller man does,

The Christian perceives himself or herself to be a member of a church and responsible to the church for his or her actions, destiny, career, development, and life in general. . . . The individual Christian is embedded in the church and is free to do what he or she feels right and necessary only if in accord with church norms and only if the action is in the church’s best interest. The church has priority over the individual member.

Hellerman, Joseph H.. When the Church Was a Family (p. 51).

Is that just the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard?

It feels so wrong for many of us.

However, let me be frank with you, that quote could be nuanced a bit, but it is far more biblical than we want it to be.

The first reason that we don’t live and love like a family is that many of us just don’t truly believe that we are a family.

Maybe you didn’t grow up in a healthy family so you don’t know what it even looks like

Maybe you struggle with the idea of being close to others like a family because you fear rejection. You fear of people truly seeing your brokenness and junk.

Elijah never has to worry about not being a Choi. He is my son, no matter what. You don’t have to maintain a certain level of performance to stay in the family. You don’t have to be good enough.

You will never truly thrive and be free of sin without the family.

We’re at our best and worst with the people we’re closest with. So it’s scary to let others in and be vulnerable.

The crazy paradox is that it is people who have wounded us the most and God has designed for people to be the key to find healing from our relational trauma and pain.

I challenge you to be vulnerable with your DNA  group this week. And I caution you, as a DNA, don’t take someone’s heart lightly. This is a huge privilege and must be stewarded carefully.

We are all more selfish than we’d like to admit. Selfishness is a big issue that gets in the way of living and loving like family.

 Loving like a family is costly. We don’t want to be inconvenienced.

Our lives are so separate with little overlap outside of church functions.

There’s much more to be said here, but I think this get’s in the way of mission to unbelievers too. We just don’t have margin in our schedules. We max them out. This is something that takes time to learn how to rearrange to have space for others.

Who’s your church family?

Anyone who’s a Christian? Anyone on Facebook?

Your community are those who you are near and committed to, not anyone you are just like.

This is key to becoming  a church of all peoples.

The problem is that our culture is quick to cut off those who hurt us.

We need steadfastness.  Those who stay grow. We often run before we can reap the benefits of community.

A Few Application Points

1.

I want to challenge you to remind yourself of your identity as a beloved family everyday this week.

This is so important!

We are constantly being molded by our culture and our circumstances, so we need to speak over ourselves our identity everyday to remember who we are.

That is why on that daily prayer guide we send out, we have our identity you can declare of yourself. 

2.

And then ask the Spirit to teach you how to live that out tangibly.

A simple way to pray this is, “Father, how would I live if I really believed this was my family?”

3.

Practice CARS this week.

C.onfess your sins.

A.ffirm God’s forgiveness & love.

R.equest for grace to change.

S.hare with someone who will fight for you.

What if you treated me like I was your brother? What if I truly viewed you as my family?

Imagine what it would be like if we truly believed we were family?

Jesus Exaltation

We would attest to the reality of Jesus because no one can bring us together except Christ. At the end of the day, this is about Jesus. The way we live and love reflects the reality of Jesus. 

What if our love for Jesus brought us together more than what we look like, eat, or enjoy? What if Jesus was enough?

Jesus is enough. Jesus is worth it.

Let’s show it.

We are a beloved family.

Benediction and Commission?

34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

Daniel Simmons

Pastoral Resident Daniel Simmons and Pastor Sam tackle two weeks in one!

Daniel covers the second death and how we deal with translation differences. 

Sam revisits C.A.R.S. 

Travis Hasson

Sam Choi

Daniel Simmons