Always Mending

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This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit natlajune.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit natlajune.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit natlajune.substack.com/subscribe

When I first began to heal in 2020, barely separated from my ex-husband, the one thing I knew intuitively is that I had to stop listening to everyone else. I had to tune out everything that didn’t belong to me and listen to myself. That one decision changed my whole trajectory.

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This is a good reason why I’m single, besides the fact that I haven’t met a man who  experiences sex the same way I do, I also just don’t think a man wants to share a bed with a woman who’s doing this in the middle of the night 🤪 but if I have to choose between this and a man, I choose this every time  🥰

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#maritalcoercion is rape. And repeated rape is a totally different kind of bond. A trauma bond. And every person who cites oxytocin and bonding as reasons to have sex is contributing to the system that causes and allows marital rape.

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What do you do if you’re experiencing all the symptoms of rape but your husband isn’t coercive? Who’s to blame? How do you heal? I had to put blame aside and just sit in the FACT that I had been made to have sex I didn’t want. I had to face that trauma without naming my husband as a rapist before I could heal. Now I can say, “Yes, he raped me, but I don’t need him to be punished. I just need to know it happened and why, and then work to strengthen myself so it can’t happen again.”

This is why I focus so much on healing over punishment and blame. I believe it’s none of my business if your husband is a rapist. That’s entirely your journey to take, in your time, when you’re ready.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit natlajune.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit natlajune.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit natlajune.substack.com/subscribe