Here I am again. And this will be part of a longer episode, which is up to date real time of what is happening now in 2021. As season three, and season two, if it's not clear is conversations that I had with myself years ago, starting in 2016. And going until 2019. So I think it went around three and a half years. And then things changed. And I haven't really been talking to myself. And at times, I've wanted to get back into it, but it hasn't really happened. And so this is another attempt to get back into it. Partly because it seems like the new information, funnel or channel or download has slowed down a little bit. And I'm not sure why that is. And I don't think it's really a problem. But I do find myself as I was speaking about the other day, craving altered states. And that has taken the form of drinking a bit of beer or drinking a bit of vodka, not getting really, really drunk or anything because I'm not interested in being hung over. But enough to kind of alter consciousness. And at the same time. Alcohol is a depressant. So I don't really think that's the exact effect that I'm wanting. But then other things are psychoactive and could lead to psychosis or something. And I do think I was sharing that. years ago, when I was talking to myself one time I decided to have a drink, and it made me really go kind of nuts. So then I just didn't drink. And I haven't been drinking. And I'm not recommending it or anything. But I'm wondering if it's because I've been stable for quite a long time. Now it's been since mid 2019. So that's about two years, just over two years. I remember I was hospitalized in 2019. And right after that, I made a couple dialogues with myself, but then I didn't continue. And then I stopped. And it took a few months after that it was April took a few months, before I started being able to do things and sort of be in the linear world, I was depressed for a few months, because I had gone into a big time mania, if you want to call it that for quite a while. And so I knew I was going to pay the price. And I was I was kind of okay with that. But at the same time, it was hard for me to go and get help. And I even wanted help I wanted help from the system at that point. But it was hard to to get there. Because I had you know, some thoughts of not wanting to go there and some thoughts of being able to maybe get through it myself. But at the same time, I knew it wasn't going to be possible. I just I gone too far. And I knew I had yet it was still hard to get help. And I finally was able to. And since then, I I spent that summer pretty depressed and not being able to function. And then when I came out of it, I was able to do things and go about life. I was doing some food delivery driving, which I quite enjoyed because I like to drive, it's fun. And then I went back to California for a short trip. And then I came back and then I started working in the mental health system again, in a different capacity. And before that, I went to Hawaii for a month. And then that's when you know the whole world changed. Soon as I got back. That's when everything started to change. And since things were shut down, I decided and I had already decided to start working on a book. So that was about About a year and a half ago now, and I'm at the point now where I'm getting close to being finished. And that being said, it's not perfect. And I don't think it's going to be perfect. I had somebody beta read the book, and they said that it stands out because they had read quite a few psychology type books, I don't, it's not really a psychology book. But they said, my book stands out. They also said that it's pretty intense, the tone is intense. I don't know if that's the tone in my self dialogues with myself, or what, but I was thinking about that comment about the intense tone, because the reader recommended that I have an editor kind of look at the tone when they look at it. And at the same time, I'm wondering, I don't know, if somebody could get the intense tone out of there, I don't know if it needs to get out of there. Because this information is pretty intense. Because a lot of it's sort of new or weird, or mind boggling, or unbelievable or impossible. And there's a lot of it. And not only that I've sort of filtered down from like this much information, like huge amount of information down to what's into this first book that I'm writing. And the writing process has been quite different than I can imagine. Or I've even read that people recommend how you write a book, like you write an outline, and then you sort of write your points. And then you have your sort of intro and outro line relating to the next chapter. It hasn't been like that at all. Because I wrote out pages upon pages of big stack of paper, like three or four inches thick. And then from that, I went through everything that I wrote, and I typed it into a document. And I think at first I put it into a loose categories. And then I had to basically each time each iteration of editing, transfer it from one document to the next and sort of leave the ones behind that I didn't want to go with and I probably had to go through like 10 iterations of that, then I had to not only that, once they had gone into the headings, I had to stick them in order, some kind of order. And then I had to like, kind of link them together and make points that were sort of linear, one after another somewhat, I guess I didn't have to write it like that. But it seemed to work out. But I think the editing process of the book in a way has mirrored somewhat what it's like to have access to extra information, because of bipolar consciousness, or transconsciousness, which is, you know, there's these bits that don't necessarily fit together are linked together. And there's a certain amount of signal, which, which is way less than the amount of noise of the overall information. And so trimming it down from finding the signal from the noise, and then, you know, there's a lot in the signal that's meaningful. And then it's not necessarily significant other people. So I've tried to include that which is significant to others in their journey. And maybe I'm completely wrong, I don't even know. And I might have been talking about this last time, so I won't go into too much. But it seems like the next book that I'm writing is going to go together in much the same way because it's just more categories that aren't fitting in the first book. And then I have to go through and put all the points there. They're sort of in a, an order of some kind and expand upon them and make them full sentences and things like that. So it's quite arduous. I'm feeling I'm starting the second one because what I've discovered is that it's quite helpful to ask for help from people on Fiverr. And so far, I've really liked what people have done. And I had somebody create a podcast intro like a speaking bit, as well as music and the person put the music with the different person put the music with the spoken part. I had someone beta read my book, I had someone find some references. Because I found with writing the book, I just got to this point where I just didn't even want to look at it anymore. And so I figured why not just see if somebody does bibliographies. So I had someone do a test section, and it was pretty good. So then I had them do some research on some of them sections that I hadn't done yet. And then lastly, now they're doing the complete bibliography, which should be done in the next 10 days. And I think it's about I think it's about 140, citations, or references. And I don't know, I think it's helpful to have some references, I think it should be good. And then at the same time, someone else is helping me create a book title, I have some ideas, but this person will create a few other options just to see. And once that's done, I will have someone create a cover based on the title. I had someone create a book description that I need to tweak a little bit, but I thought it was really good. I couldn't write something like that Not even close. And I will once the references are done, I'll have somebody go through and edit it. And after that, I'll get someone to do the book design. And I think a lot of people can get way with not doing these extra bits. But I think it's been a really fun lesson in outsourcing. And it'd be really cool one day to have a crew of people, whether on Fiverr, or another platform that are able to symbolize that they are part of the bipolar crew. And that way we can utilize each other with these overlapping skills. And the book itself, I started to talk about it last time I was talking but I ran out of time. And the working title that I have right now, before getting that person's advice is it's too long, but it's I don't even know if this was the one but finding and creating meaning in bipolar mania, breaking the taboo of potential and mania through philosophizing. re-uncovery re gaming and harvesting special messages to crowd out pathological ideas. Now, it'll be less than that for sure. But that's generally the idea is introducing this. rearranging of the word Ria, recovery, however you want to call it and calling it re uncovering because a lot of what we come upon our knowledge that we gather in the state of mania is lost, because for one, we're told that it's meaningless, we're told that was from an illness. And also, after it's over, it takes some time to realize it's like a hangover, really, the brain had been working so hard for so long. And it takes a bit of time to, to let it settle and get back to processing. Mainstream reality. It's really a different world to process. So So I talked about kind of gamifying bipolar or gamifying mania, as like an overarching thing. I sort of thought about that and put it in the intro after though it's not really peppered through the book, like maybe it should be. But at the same time, I don't think I have to keep repeating Oh, this is part of gamification. This is part of gamification. It's just sort of all re gamifying it, which means creating a different game like right now we get gamified into being mental patients. And I think that we, if we, if we look at it differently, we can potentially gamify it into something else. And in a way, mania is Is the universe's attempt to gamify you and your life. I'm pretty sure I said that before too, but it's worth repeating. And I talked about the possibility of using the word transconsciousness. For bipolar because our consciousness is trans. It's like we have this mainstream consciousness. And then sometimes we go into this manic consciousness. And then you know, some people might say, well, we also have this depressed consciousness or a state of psychosis, which is a different consciousness as well. So you know, it could be an omni consciousness, it doesn't have to be transconscious. But that seems to roll off the tongue quite easily. And so part of that is also re-uncovery is part of the game, right? So the game is to re uncover mania in retrospect, but it's also to bring that into daily life, and then sort of close the gap between daily life when we bring a little bit of mania in there and mania, the state. So when we stay away, and we stay in fear, the the gap stays so big, but I think we can kind of close the gap. And that's yet to be seen, even for myself, because like I said, I'm not anti psychiatry, I do take medications, though, it seems like my consciousness is sort of like, Okay, it's time for another journey of some sort. But yeah, and then I talked about how to use the book, because, you know, we're going to go on a journey of making meaning out of, out of our experiences, and out of the information that came to us. And now I don't know about you, but for me, a lot of it felt really meaningful. And it's not really any particular bit of information. It's more so the state of being able to sense and alchemize and integrate and create meaning on the go. It's like a spontaneity of meaning instead of how we usually experience life as sort of mundane and repetitive and, and that's what our, our thinking mind says that life's about. But the the manic mind is different. And so, you know, part of it too, is to give ourselves permission to, to think differently about it, because we've been told like the way to approach it and perceive it and think about it. And, you know, like, it's an illness. And I'm not saying it's not an illness, I just feel that identifying so strongly with that sort of inflates it into something, a bigger part of our life than it needs to be. If we choose that we'd like it to our life to be other than that. And so yeah, giving ourselves permission, and breaking the taboo. It's taboo to be like, yeah, I'm this magical creature, like, I know what Christ Consciousness is like, like, I had a taste of it. It was amazing. When I had that taste, I thought I was Jesus. Like, obviously, I'm not Jesus. But maybe that's how Jesus felt, you know, and just being okay with saying that, and owning that. But also then letting it go and letting the next thing come in to play. Because if we start to hold too strongly, then it can create stories and we can believe the stories and belief is, is a real, it's a real hurdle. made really is and we'll talk more about that later. But I'm hoping this book has a lot of surprises, a lot of resonance where, where you might feel like, wow, I experienced that same thing, or that same feeling or a very similar event, but just different sort of details. And I feel like this really lends weight to the ethics we're perceiving in consciousness in that state as well as how the world works, how communication works, that not everything is physical and Newtonian and we're experiencing that and seeing manifestation play out. By those rules and laws, which are different, slightly different, at least from what it is that we think. And and for some reason, these traits are, are seen as basically threatening right to the status quo. And that is partly why, you know, we are asked upon intake like, Oh, are you seeing special messages? Like, are you seeing that, you know, you might be special and and the world might be able to specifically bring the things that you want into your life through processes that are faster than physical laws that we know. And if somebody is kind of like, yes, or you know, then they don't want us to be able to do that, you know, who was they? I don't know, that question is bigger now than ever. Not sure what that is, but it doesn't really matter, right? Doesn't matter, we don't have to know that. And that's the thing, it's more about going back towards what it is that we discovered. And then it sort of got lost, because you know, when somebody returns from space travel, I'm sure the first thing they they don't just like, go back to their regular routine and go for a run and do everything they used to do. No, they have to, their body has to recover for a while. So the same way, like we recover our body and some things after it happens. And then when we're feeling better, we can go back and look at some of those things that happen if we can remember. And even if we can't, if we can remember some things, then we can have those sort of spark awareness of some of the other things. And yeah, it's just kind of moving away from you know, it's all a meaningless mental illness, the only meaning is this chemical imbalance in your brain. And then from that it negates everything that happened for whatever period of time whether it was a day in our, in my case, that the first time two months. That's, it was nice to know that to make it sort of stopped. But you know, the medications usually don't even make it stop forever, can't can't stop that impulse of the universe forever. So, you know, I shared a little bit of my story of, you know, when I first found out about the word bipolar in my life, and then ended up with a diagnosis myself, and how, you know, in mania, we have more access to meaning. And we don't have all the words to describe it, we don't have the words to describe it in the state, when we're trying to communicate to ourself or others, we don't have all the words to communicate it after the fact. Or when we're being apprehended. Like we just don't have the language. So not only that, if we even did have the language, that language doesn't fully represent. That which we're trying to point to. So in a way, mania is a solution to the state of meaningless because meaninglessness because it feels so meaningful, it feels subjectively meaningful. And in a way that ego thought patterns are almost like saying, This is the objective way of what the world means. And it's sort of going around in circles trying to justify that that is what the world means in life means and it doesn't really mean that. That's sort of what we're told it means. And we've never been taught to make our own meaning, and figure out what something means for ourselves and create it for ourselves. And that being okay. It's more about like, what's the answer? And so, you know, in a way we haven't, we haven't realized our potential. And so when we see that, okay, yeah, maybe it was meaningful and it was subjectively meaningful to me and objectively in how life unfolded at that time. Yeah, not everything was great. Probably pissed some people off for sure because I wasn't being myself as they Know It. So it's not perfect. And I don't know if it ever will be. It's not meant to be a state of perfection. It's more of an improvisation. And that's how we can bring some new energy and information into the world. So now all that we said, okay, it's meaningful. Now we have permission, if we want to break that taboo and talk about the meaning for ourselves. And I talk about, just talk about it with yourself. Like, I talked about it with myself for those three years. And when I did talk about it with myself, I had most of the things that I wanted to happen in my life come true. And I'm pretty sure that everything that I was hoping for, has come true from what I said up to this point now. So what I was talking about, and maybe not feeling so great about is healed. It's healed. And also, now there's some new stuff for sure. But that's why I want to get back to talking with myself. Because I feel that that is one of the main ways that things can manifest because that's the way the universe is going to hear me. It doesn't really hear me the same way. I don't think it hears me like, it's interesting, because I think maybe the universe doesn't really hear us when we're thinking as much it can, but it's it's more quiet. It's more powerful when we say it out loud, for sure. And you know, sometimes we we think that other people can hear our thoughts. And you know, the universe can too, but I don't think it's as powerful. So, you know, I talked about in the book as well, I just go on about like, how many is a good word, except in the case of like, say bipolar mania, or, you know, others certain manias, but for the most part, it's indicating like energy and motivation and different things. So I think we can reclaim the word mania in bipolar mania as positive, if we want to create it that way for it to be that way for ourselves. And the more of us who choose to do that for ourselves, the more that creates that within consciousness. So human consciousness, I feel like the more of us that do this process, the more of us who can build sort of a manic consciousness in a way and a bridge to mania from the regular world. Because, you know, if, if there were no negatives in it in, in certain ways, like the Fallout, anyone would want to be in that state, that's what people are chasing when they're taking drugs, or, you know, so many things, they're chasing that state, and then we get it in mania. And then we're sort of chased out of it, or forced to swallow pills chased with a glass of water. So and that's to stay out of it, right. And then everyone else is trying to get into it. So there's people that go into it, that fall out of it, and there's fall out. And it's like, you know, natural or unprovoked as far as like, taking something exotic honestly, or from the outside. And, you know, in a way, where we get punished for it while everyone else goes home and sort of tries to get into that state, or tries to get into an altered state of consciousness of some sort. So yeah, just going back into it retrospectively, after we've given ourselves permission to think that it's meaningful, and after giving ourselves permission to you know, glorify it in a way because now we're saying, okay, you know, there's some good there, and I want to go back and look at it, and I want to go back and sort of glorify the good parts, because a lot of it was a lot of information. A lot of it was noise, but there was some golden nuggets in there. And probably a lot more than we knew. And even if there weren't that many, maybe now knowing that there could be golden nuggets, we can have a different perspective and and maybe a little little less fear when it comes on and And of course, in the book, I do talk about the medical mental health system, a little clinic critical you sometimes, clinically, I don't think that's the word. And it's probably a little, little harsh sounding, but it's hard to make it sound peachy, or like a warm apple pie, it's, I don't know, it's if you've been through the system. I don't know, maybe I've been influenced by what other people say, as well and hearing bad experiences of other people. But I really haven't had that many bad experiences. You know, being stuck on medications and being dependent on them is a bad experience. But it's a common one. And so I think that it's been great in a way, but it's been great in the way that I'm able to do this, which is fine information that I want to harvest and harness and share from my journey and experiences. And if you take everything that I say in the book, and will say in future books, and have said in all my dialogues, maybe other people have said it somewhere else, maybe some people haven't said certain things. But, you know, it's, it just means that to me, it means that mania is a meaningful experience worth looking at, just like all the different areas of study out there. It's like a whole new area of study. But there's a lived experience area of study that people who haven't lived the experience can't do. And people in mania or who experienced mania, and people with bipolar diagnosis, they get studied for all different things, you know, inject with this fecal microbial transplants, trans cranial magnetic stimulation, probably that one where they stick the light into your brain, you know, all these different things. But how many people are out there studying this, and I think there's a lot more than is obvious. But since it's sort of seen as a thing that is not meant to be glorified, it's just awful stuff, then, you know, people don't share it, or they don't talk about what they're doing. Like I've been doing this in some way, shape, or form, looking into alternatives. Since 2014. And I've, in my research and everything, you know, I've seen people who say, Oh, this happened to me in 2015, or this has happened to me in 2013. And they've already like published a book, they've already created a course, they've already done something really awesome. So I'm looking forward to making a contribution myself, because more and more of us, hopefully, will be able to do that faster and faster, until that gap is just zero, where, you know, the experience itself is the contribution and people can see and experience people in mania as giving something giving some kind of energies from some other dimension or place that is being channeled into the material world and is like a gift. And you know, people generally think, you know, gurus or this or that who are able to maintain a certain meditation or consciousness for 20 years, then people will be like, wow, like this is somebody to be respected and followed and read, like, we need to get down to, you know, like the Instagram level of these types of things where, you know, in life, in reality, someone can give you a manic gift in the moment, and it might just be 20 seconds, and that's gone. And then, you know, the person who's manic might even transform into someone who's a little bit annoyed or something. And that's okay. And there's still that gift that right? No need to sit and ponder and everything because part of the point is that deep perception action that can happen in that type of state. So that's more of the end goal, rather than rather than sitting in writing books about it is one of the goals I guess. It's not really a goal. But it's more like one of the facets because there are many fascinating facets to this. Like, yeah, I've written a book, there's information in it, but it's really not the thing, like the thing is something, it's a different phenomena altogether. And I think it's possible and, and we can see if we can make possible, right? This is the time of possibilities with all the technology, you know, even though we experience life Newtonian, now I can be anywhere in the world via video. So that's sort of like a quantum thing, in a way, because it's instantaneous, pretty much, pretty close to instantaneous. And yeah, so critiquing the mental mental health system, it's in there, it's peppered throughout, I'm pretty sure by the second book, it won't really be in there at all, because it's more about the potential and the possibilities and applying manic consciousness or transconsciousness, to other human potential frameworks, not all of them, but a select few. And then that way, it sort of provides a greater context. And we can say, yeah, that sort of sort of an aspect of manic consciousness, this isn't and sort of build another consciousness for ourselves. And by doing that, we sort of slowly push other frameworks to the outside. And I think there are other people in the world who have already done this, and they sort of live in a different framework of consciousness than the one that we come back to after mania is over. So yeah, I critique it. I talk about, you know, if we're trying to change this, the psych system, like, what are the pros and cons of that? And of course, like, Well, for me, at least, if there's an opportunity to do something that might change it a bit. Sure, that's fine. But there's other people who think changing it is sort of feeding the beast, if it's, if it's a beast, it's a beast. And my book is more positive or critical or intense. But it's not about it's not about depression. There are some chapters on some experiences that might be called psychosis that were also felt as spiritual and scary. At the same time, so. So yeah, I apologize in advance if it sounds like and that's the thing by by being programmed so much with the word stigma and the word, you know, oh, people don't recognize that I have an illness and, and it's not me, it's the illness. Then as soon as somebody starts saying something about the positives, it's like saying that we're, like, I'm ignoring the negatives. I'm not like, I'm not trying to, I'm just, there's only so many pages in a book. And there's so many books out there. Probably not even enough about the depressive side of bipolar, or, you know, anyone's journey through bipolar, like all of that is useful information. And I do share some of mine. But again, it just doesn't dwell there, because I'm trying to cover another part that doesn't get enough. Justice. And, you know, we could ask, Well, does the does mania justify the the fallout? And what happens? And I don't know, maybe not, but maybe it can, if we see it differently? I still think in my experience that it does, because it's brought a lot of meaning to my life, and maybe most of it is philosophizing. But I don't think so because I experienced the manifest results often, and not as often lately. But that's fine. It's not something that needs to be counted or anything like that. So you know, like, I haven't found a five leaf clover in a while. So what but yeah, so it's not totally about that suffering aspect. And, you know, I do I have a screen, are there benefits to mental emotional crisis. I'm not the first person to say this, you know, I'm not creating a wheel here from scratch, or being the first to say that, so there's a lot of people who talk about some of the benefits and trauma. So someone can say there's benefits and trauma. I don't know how someone can't say there's benefits amania because there are and it just sucks. Assets followed by psychosis, maybe in a depression, usually, and then it's very hard to get back there, or look at that. And also, if we're told not to look into it, it doesn't expand, like the, the context doesn't expand as much as if we start to look into it. And, and, and it'll talk to us, you know, it'll talk and share more. That's the beauty of it. And it's about creating, being able to create our own information and our own consciousness. And when we can do that, it's amazing. And so there's other people who are critical of the mental health system. And I go into that a little bit related to how I created the word re uncovering re-uncovery, because we're re uncovering what we uncovered in mania. And so also talking about neuro diversity, and saying that maybe we as bipolar people are on that sort of spectrum, being neuro diverse. But you know, life or human society doesn't like when people change rapidly is that thing, they don't think that that should be possible, or desirable, because you know, how you can't predict people that way. And then it's kind of scary, right? And if we get scared, we does kind of freeze. So. Yeah. And then I shared a bit about when I discovered that I wasn't the only one who thought that mania had a spiritual aspect. And, you know, spirituality is a big part of it. But, you know, 10 years later, for me, I don't even think about the word spiritual, ever. So that's why I went towards more like meaning. And, you know, because if we're thinking, Oh, that spiritual, it detracts from the actual meaning or the actual message that's trying to be conveyed. And can also, when we call when we label it, something, it sort of shrinks into that. And it's like, well, I already know what that is. So you don't have to show me more. And we don't want to do that is if we're going to re uncover things. And, and also, a big part of it is re languaging. So I create quite a few new terms or put out there bunch of Neo loge isms, which means new word. And I think we're really good at this as bipolar people. And I think it's a gift and a talent. And I don't know about a talent, but it's a gift. And we can learn to use it. Many people use it by doing poetry and art and, and wrap. And that's awesome. And I think we can also get it into other areas, many other areas. Because, you know, if you can create new language while I won't go there right now, but so I talked about the self dialogue process, which I have with myself, I don't even like the word self, really, because part of this book, I question whether the self really exists as we think it. And again, that questioning goes back hundreds of years anyway. But you know, when mania if you're all of a sudden, one person, a different person. And five seconds ago, you were this person, like, how can you think that there's a consistent self? I don't want to say that I don't want to say how can you think but it questions? What is the self? Is there consistent person personality self, or is trying to stay consistent to that part of the trouble of the world, because we're always trying to keep up how we're supposed to be in certain situations, and we don't end up being how we would naturally be. And we're doing it for our sake and the sake of other people, and then that just creates this whole, you know, world that is like that. And then so as soon as somebody is being spontaneous, people don't like it. Well, we just don't have practice. That's all and we don't have permission to do That. And then if we do end up going into a state where we just can't help it, we can't help but not pretend, then, you know, we could be locked away, and medicated for life. So you know, what is a dangerous, it's a dangerous game to show yourself, to show yourself yourself without any control over that process happening. It's like a mutated awakening. And so yeah, some of this stuff, I, you know, I bring in a little bit of science here and there. But you know, if there's something that I didn't quote, it's because I probably just made it up myself. And if somebody else said it, I just didn't know. And plus, I say a lot of things, and I can't, I can't put a reference for everything, I'm having somebody decide, I picked out a lot of the references, and then having someone pick out the rest. So yeah, I go, this part, this part I go into about, you know, the self thought, the false self, all that, like, it's kind of uncomfortable to talk about, because there's so many books out there that are really good on the subject, like, so many in so many great thinkers. So. So I don't want to pretend that I know what I'm talking about as that much. But I'm trying to just sort of make a point. Because I think we, as people who experienced bipolar mania, we are told these things. So for some people, this will be like old news, like, yeah, I've heard about the ego. I've read the power of now, blah, blah, blah. And then other people will be like, what the heck, like, of course, I have a self and all that. And then, you know. So there'll be just very things and I'm just trying to share a little bits that seem to stick through those 10 iterations I told you about. So it's not meant to be perfect. And it's not meant to be like perfectly scientific. And, yeah, again, like, does it does the self exist? And what about other aspects of the mind? And, you know, how do we sort of disengage the self? Or can we, and then I go kind of into a section on mania, but it's not very great, because it's like, all this content in a way is from mania. And it's sort of to build a bridge from mania to the mainstream world. But it's not so much about like, a story about mania, or all the different things in mania, like it's sort of subjective to the person. So the specifics of mania are not really as interesting. So I kind of just got a list of sort of metaphors of mania, and, you know, the supersensitivity of mania, because again, in the next book, I'll be talking about mania related to other human potential thought lines. So yeah, I'm not trying to really talk about it so much on its own. So I think I could have done a better job of this area, but it didn't really happen. And then, you know, the last part I talked about, from the first time I went from mania to psychosis, and, you know, sort of different views of psychosis and crisis, and you know, feeling like going crazy. And then I just go into a few other things about, you know, I guess in a way, it's part of depression, where there's could be anger, pain, just not forgetting about the physical world. And then I talk about a few hints for navigating the next cycle, which there's tons out there. A lot of people have so much great information. This is just a few bits. So you No one can think of this book as like, Oh, it's trying to be like this big complete message. Which isn't exactly right. Or it's like these bits. It's like food for building a bridge to mania or sparking your re-uncovery process if that's what you wish to do. And yeah, it's not meant to be like this is how it is or anything. It's just kind of like ideas and putting certain things out there. And I went on Spotify and I looked up in the podcast section, I looked up the word bipolar and I found a lot of different parts. broadcasts and people that started them over the years and start sharing them. And then they just stopped like they didn't keep going. So I'm just had one episode or a few. But there were about 14 or so that were still still active. And none of them seemed completely similar to what, what I'm doing. But there was one that was had a few topics that maybe are something that I've touched on. So yeah, I just hope more people get out there and, and talk and share and hoping to create a new conversation. And yeah, I, I need to wrap it up for now. But I'll come back. And this was helpful to just talk a little bit about what I've been writing about. And, you know, I don't know if a book is the best medium, so I'll try to get it out there and other forms. Because sometimes it's hard to read, I find it hard to read, sometimes even now just it's challenging. So I will get it out there and other forums as well. And I hope that it's enjoyable, and I will try my best to talk to myself more. And I listened to what I was saying about, you know, in my journey from my documented bipolar journey of three years, and talking with myself and being able to live all my dreams, even though they weren't like huge dreams, but they're pretty big for me. And I'm just about to head off to California and that journey. So that was that was amazing in many ways. And I hope that you enjoyed hearing a little bit about the book. Stay tuned and I will talk soon.

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