Bipolar Inquiry

Project 427, part two. So I just discovered within myself another way that this could be helpful is that by doing this every day, we can discover, like, if I do create something like, for example, this your plug, this designer, your plugin. If I do this from 427 to 4:32pm, or 8am, if you're an early riser, then one can see that within five minutes, with one's at hands, eisenhardt and some, some stuff, one can create something new. And it's important to approach it without a motive to create something new. Because otherwise, there'll be an idea about what should be created. And that blocks the possibilities, because it's about seeing everything with the whole visual field, and starting to look at everything by withdrawing the focal vision, and going into the peripheral vision. So the whole peripheral vision can see everything at the same time. And that could actually start to inform the hand movements or not. But if we are someone with bipolar, and we do this, and we happen to create something that is amusing, just creating with our hands, eyes and heart for the sake of it, like when we're a child, just for the movement of it in itself. But say we do create something kind of fun.

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I have a couple more things that I want to talk about with myself. And hopefully some of this is tip and the obsession with words, I have a certain project I want to talk about with myself. I don't know if it'll work or if it's something interesting to other people labeled with bipolar, but I think it could be something that's kind of interesting and fun. And there's a few layers to it. And basically, I came up with this idea, after watching some videos by the YouTuber v sauce, and he has a video called messages to the future, something like that. And at the end of the video, he talks about something called the library of Babel. And I'd heard about this library of Babel before conceptually, because I actually had a paper on it that somebody had written. But I didn't know it was a thing, like a thing on the computer. And when I first started writing stuff down for this idea to do with this online library of Babel, which is library of Babel dot info on the computer, the library wasn't up and running. So I couldn't test it out. But I kept going back to it and eventually found out that it was again working, and I got to give it a try.

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So I think I've already created my my grandiose notion, which, which has to do with the singer versity, which is like, if we start moving in certain ways and sharing meaning, then it could have an effect. So yeah, there's something about that. And I'm glad that I created that bit, even though it might not come into play. And now it's more like, well, what am I meant to do? What am I allowed to do? I really, like do I still want to exist? Why am I still here. So many different things. And that's why I want to try to talk to myself, it's, I think, at the very least, it is helpful for survival. I need to continue to survive, we're all trying to survive, and maybe thrive. And I really don't know, if I'm meant to thrive, or if I will. And in another way, I've already actualized myself when I was in California, like I lived, kind of a dream of, you know, being with someone being happy. Having a lot of physical contact and, and fun, and, you know, sunshine and seeing Celine Dion, and then it just all drops out. And I'm back at this whole feeling of, I really don't have that many friends. And so this could be a way of, I need to read befriend myself, I really do. And that's I guess, what I'm going to attempt to do is be friend by myself again. And hopefully, it would be nice if I could make something practical for somebody like to help. I don't know if I will, because part of the trouble is, I don't have a very good memory.

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So yesterday, I don't even know if I talked to myself I can't remember. And I woke up and I felt like so. suicidally depressed, I couldn't even move. It was so painful. And then sort of decided, going to the island. And then I felt like I could move again. And I managed to shower yesterday, not today yet. And I took some of the vitamins that Peter Smith told me to take. And again, I took some today, usually take them twice a day and at bedtime, but it's kind of like once a day happening. And all of a sudden, I felt like a little bit more creative. And like I can do things. And I don't know if I'll be like kind of falling back into the lowest common denominator at some point. But couple things last night, I had this weird experience I woke up in the night, and I don't usually wake up in the night. And somehow I knew it was the middle of the night. And I checked the time, which I never do, and it was 229. And it felt like how I was earlier in the night when I was sort of laying in this certain yoga posture like fully stretched out like this and like stretched out and touching in the back, laying on my forehead, on a yoga mat. And also on an earthing mat. And I discovered last night that doing that posture as well as the reverse waterfall, like with feet up on the couch, on an earthing that took away the pain like I was feeling this pain and the pain, I think has something to do with gravity. And also does the sound that I hear this really loud, like almost like a like a magnet turning or something.

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It's 1112 on January 1 2019, happy new year, I was going to start at 1111. And a friend has texted me a picture of 1111 have screenshot of their phone on January 1. And I looked up and I was 1112. So here I am. And I'm kind of in creative mode right now. Yesterday, I had my teeth whitened. This is the most yellow one, sorry, looking better. I had a whitened and cleaned with ozone therapy. And the lady was so cool and generous with her time and her information and knowledge. So I'm going to look into this ozone therapy thing more. I bought an ozone machine a water ozonator. So I'm curious how ozonated swirl water will be. And I also bought some other stuff for what I'm creating. And some supplement powders like Magnolia bark, because that's an expensive supplement. And if I get it in powder, that will save some money. So I'm leaving the United States or leaving where I am on the 20th of January. So I'm gonna try to order some things that would be not available on Amazon Prime Canada, or would be more expensive in terms of shipping. So kind of be ordering more stuff. And getting all this creative stuff in order. There's been some challenges. And I think this is going to be a challenging year. 

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I just had an acupuncture appointment, went to try acupuncture for a few weeks because it's coming upon the time were good have a bit of a crisis. It's the seven month mark, I think. So this next month and a half, something could happen like that. And I've heard acupuncture can be helpful for transconsciousness. And I feel pretty relaxed after that appointment. It was 200 American dollars, though. So hopefully, I'm doing the right things for myself and I created some bracelets like this that I want to give away as gestures of friendship. And I'm hoping that I can get in alignment with whatever it is I'm meant to get in alignment with. In this next while, kind of do or die time. That's how I feel. And we'll see how that manifests. I started taking some doTERRA oils, I got their little family essentials kit, which has lavender, lemon, peppermint, their blend, pod breathe, Deep Blue melaleuca, which is tea tree oil, frankincense, oregano, oil, digestion, which is another one of their blends and on guard. They're all supposed to do different things. And it comes with a cool book, to start to understand what some of them do, as well as information about ones that I didn't get. So I'll buy more, and the nice book, and so my digestion spin off. 

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Sitting at the park, some kind of feeling the buisiness of the city, and how not loving that. So leaving in a week I think is good timing because I'm starting to feel I don't like all this traffic and construction can really feel the vibration of sound lately I can feel the airplane vibration in this table that I have my arm resting on the vibration of the music that I play in my car. So I'm sitting here and enjoying the frog croaking to the left and the birds to the right, including a hummingbird that I heard and watching a spider lower itself down by its web in sort of sequential jumps from the roof of this little shelter, and listening to the river. And the wind and the trees and the freshness and the air from the rain. So I'm feeling like where I'm going will be more suitable. Especially for how I'm recently feeling sort of the build up of Okay, what's enough busy city time. driving back and forth in traffic. It's more stressful driving in the dark, and the rain for sure. And just pondering what to take with me, I put some stuff aside to take with me, but I don't know which items I will take and need to pack my clothes, get some health insurance. 

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I just had a really simply powerful experience. I was feeling so tired this morning, like tired of my eyes. And I was feeling like I wouldn't be able to shake it all day. And I'd taken my supplements but I hadn't yet had my coffee. So I stopped at Tim Hortons for coffee and sat down at a table and, and had my binder out studying what I'm facilitating today. And there was this table of four men across the way, I had my headphones in, and I had taken out my name tag for the group that was on the table. So I heard someone calling my name and it was one of the men at the table across the way and he just started making some small talk, talking about his knee surgery, asking what I was studying for things like that. And after we talked for a couple minutes, even though the restaurants loud and it was sort of shut, it really got up to talk to him, because it was kind of yelling across the way a little bit. But after we stopped talking, that tiredness in my eyes was gone. So it shows the power of the nutrient of human connection. And lately, I feel sort of like I don't feel I don't like living by myself. I want to live around a bunch of like minded people and not not alone. And it's not about loneliness, it's about this fact of the nutrition, the the power of this human connection, the light coming out of someone's eyes. So he was being friendly.

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But it was really manic, I would take it probably put it on my necklace. But I'm not. And yeah, it's been an interesting couple of days. I was super, super tired yesterday. So first thing I want to talk about today is how I know do have a ticket to the event with the spiritual master I studied with 10 years ago, when he was here last. He's from Malaysia. And I guess, somebody else one, one person who I met there, who probably doesn't remember me, they emailed me and said, oh, there's no tickets, you can be 20th in line for cancellation. So it's not likely that you'll get a ticket. And then somebody else emailed me and said, Oh, I'm going to forward your email to that same person that already emailed me and I said, Oh, they already emailed me and said, there's no ticket. And I wrote a bit of a blurb about my struggles, and said, some of the stuff I remember experiencing with this enlightened master years ago, and that I did, you know, the discipline, one class of his in person years ago, and I guess I had mentioned, I listened to a recent talk on his online portal thing. And so I just got an email saying, Oh, we had a cancellation for the public talk. And since you've done discipline, one and listen to talks, we're going to give it to you. So you know, I just bought myself up from 20th, to first and here I was thinking that I wasn't going to be able to go. And I have to work some stuff out with my schedule to be able to go. But now that I have a ticket, I'm going to try to go No matter what, just to say sort of Thank you.

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I'm feeling really domestic, really organized and cleaned a lot I decided to catch up on my laundry today instead of in a few days. Being in this house makes me feel like being domestic first. just noticing that, and for a while I've been wondering about my spire, it's smelled a little bit funny, like, ooh, because I've been using it since, I don't know, April May, and I haven't washed it. And I remember seeing online that it can get run through the washer and, and live. And it did get run through the washer accidentally tonight, so smells beautiful. It didn't go through the dryer, which is good, because I realized I was looking for my spire and I realized I left it on my bathing suit top so it's nice and clean. And I'm gonna let it air dry, it feels a little damp. And try it again tomorrow, see what happens. Hopefully it still works otherwise. Hopefully they might replace it. I remember reading somebody say that. They're good at replacing it because this thing so small, be so easy to lose. And so anyway. Yeah, so I wrote some stuff today. And I'm feeling like, maybe I should stop talking so much about this stuff and, and make it into a game or something or make it into created something creative. Because I don't know I've been I've been saying all this stuff for a long time. And not maybe the universe is playing a game with us. Because maybe I'm saying the same kind of thing over and over. And I'm looking forward to going out and hanging out with people tomorrow. From being here by myself. I don't feel lonely. I don't really get lonely. But I feel like I want to be around people. So it's not a lack. But I just enjoy being around people, especially since I was out and about, it was like I did a 60 day challenge without even knowing it. 

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