An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven by Tim Bedore

Could you choose a scarier costume for Halloween than the Mar A Lago look? If you think not perhaps you will enjoy this new scary Halloween song. Melody by Mike Schmidt. Lyrics by Tim Bedore. Scary performance by Super Spooky AI.

A new client did something wrong and was asked to not attend his grandfather's funeral. I try to help. Are today's men's suits too tight and small? Is Pete Hegseth a macho cheerleader in Spandex formal wear? In response is the 90's Hugo Boss look coming back? Should you ever bury someone in an expensive suit? Halloween is around the corner. I always dressed up as a Catholic priest for Halloween. Today a lot of Trumper MAGA women are going for the scary look every day. Take a listen to my scary new Halloween song "The Mar A Lago Look." Have you ever noticed people are nicer while in boats? Ever get the "yachter's wave" from someone and not give it back? We're just nicer in boats. I have an idea to bring that feeling ashore. Subscribe and THRIVE!!! You don't have more than 18 minutes to lose.

Are prediction markets, Kalshi and Polymarket another sign of the apocalypse? Would New Zealand let us all in if we asked nicely? A new client is thinking of marriage but also worries his girlfriend might be a nit wit. I try to help. Can sex make up for the occassional brain fart? I respond to an angry mother who blames liberals for her son declaring himself as an English major. I might have made things all better for her. Have you ever witnessed the American Melting Pot in action. I have and it involved a vacuum cleaner and was in stereo. All this in 20 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!

If capital punishment were more of a spectacle would it be a better deterrent to crime? Why do I try to help people through a podcast versus in person? A new client who just moved to the Twin Cities from Iowa thinks all the women he meets here turn out to be gay. I suggested he secretly record his attempts at meeting women and he did. The audio tells an interesting tale. Is a Boy Scout knot tying merit badge a predictor of future interest in bondage? What do living trees think of nearby telephone poles? If an elderly person wants to die with dignity but had forgotten where they put their stash of pills should you help them look? I also suggest guidelines on when to take the car keys from an older parent. Is being a degenerate liar a pre-requisite for joining the Trump Administration? And is it ever OK to give a lousy Yelp review to an auto repair shop if you can't prove but are certain they screwed something up? Subscribe and THRIVE!!!

If you saved someone's life does that make you friends forever? What if it turns out the life saver can't stand who they saved? What then? I try to help. Is it better to look to religion and philosphy or Hollywood for guidance? Are there any circumstances where you should not save someone's life because of who they are? A new client moved to the Twin Cities from a small farming town in Iowa and says that all the women he meets turn out to be gay. Is that possible? Or is something else going on? And it's all over in less than 20 minutes? How can you lose? Subscribe and THRIVE!!!

William Shakespeare created so many commonly used phrases that we use till this day that you might say he invented how we speak. If you asked A.I., Artifical Intelligence, to create more pithy Shakespearean type phrases how close would it get? The results are in. You decide if A.I. is up to it. Could Hollywood save a lot of money by firing writers and actors and just let A.I. do that work? Will A.I. kill humans or threaten us if we try to put controls on A.I.? If you think that's just science fiction, think again. A.I. has already gone on the attack. And if this kind of thing scares you you may not sleep tonight after hearing what one A.I. program did in retaliation. Paul McCartney and I have written a song for the midterm elections called "Let It Blue." I can make a tuning fork sound off so I used the enemy, A.I., to do the music and the singing and hopefully we have a Blue Wave in November and then sane politicians will try to get A.I. back in its box but until then I use it to defeat it. Would you like to hear the happiest woman in the world laugh? She was at a comedy show I did and when you hear her you'll know why I think she's a role model for how we should all be. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!

A client told his fiance he wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers. She called off the wedding. He's baffled. I try to explain to him what happened and why. What do you think ChatGPT would turn out if you asked it to give a New Testament sounding treatment to the life of Jesus if he was a carpet layer instead of a carpenter? Turns out, Jesus was pretty good at it. Can beach sand in your bed at night make your half asleep mind drift towards Satan? I introduce a new sponsor--Northern Pike Ale. And someone wants to know how I would describe myself other than being liberal. All this in under 20 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!

I got an email from a tech firm saying I'll get greater visibility for my podcast if I label myself as a "spiritual comedian." Let's see what happens. There was another assassination attempt on Trump. I know for certain how the Washington Correspondents Dinner could have avoided this situation. A client is concerned with how sycophantic the people surrounding Trump are and I offer an opinion as well as predict how far his people are willing to go to protect him. Is the internet causing us to de-evolve? I believe it is and the proof is that today's college film majors cannot focus long enough to sit through a film. What does this mean for our future? Would The Flintstones cartoon show have been more accurate if they had replaced Brontosaurus burgers with Mastodon burgers? How do we get young people to more No Kings rallies? With the help of AI I have produced a new non-folk genre protest song which should appeal to younger demos called You Suck. Let's all hold hands and SING ALONG!!! All this under 20 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!!

It's Easter Sunday. Has HE Risen? Who can say for sure? But I know this episode has risen to answer some questions from you listeners that traditional therapists wouldn't touch including "If God says all life is sacred then what can we eat," does the existence of Polymarket taking bets on when the war with Iran starts mean we've not only lost our moral compass but stomped on it and a wife is concerned her husband has fathered hundreds of kids in Southern Califronia (not with her) and needs help dealing with it. And it's all over in the time it takes to drive over to your much more religious friend's place for Easter dinner. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!

It's Lent and even though I'm an Agnostic it's a very important time for me. In this episode I explain how that's possible. Is the road to Hell paved with good intentions or are do good intentons all that matters? I help a lazy new client try to deal with his concerns. How could contemplative nuns figure into this? Does the Old Testament have a talking donkey in there? Ever have a Spanish Teacher with a Southern drawl? Another new client wants to know if he becomes a pedophile when he turns 18 while his girlfriend is still 17. And someone wants help getting Lightening and Thunder, the Neil Diamond tribute band, into the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame. I'm onboard and I also do a new song, "I Think I Might," which is an homage to Neil Diamond and his classic hit "I Am I Said." With AI we can finally all put out our own version of that classic song that is a confessional, soul bearing, gut wrenching ballad which exposes our inner feelings and dreams through imagery and words that might mean something or nothing at all. And it's all over in less than 20 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!