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The Leaker: When Anger Comes Out Sideways

Not all anger explodes.
 Some of it slips out quietly—through sarcasm, passive-aggression, or constant nitpicking.

In this episode, we’re exploring The Leaker—a subtle but powerful anger pattern where feelings aren’t expressed directly, so they leak out sideways instead. This often develops in women who were taught that being openly angry wasn’t safe, polite, or acceptable—and who learned to protect themselves by staying indirect.

If you’ve ever heard yourself say something sharp and thought, That came out harsher than I meant, this episode is for you.

In this episode, we explore:

• What Leaker anger really is—and why it hides behind sarcasm and “small” comments
• Common signs like silent treatment, backhanded compliments, guilt-inducing remarks, and nitpicking that misses the real issue
• The emotional and physical cost of leaking anger, including resentment, stress, jaw tension, and digestive discomfort
• A powerful reflection question: Do I focus on little things because I’m afraid to speak about the big ones?

Five ways to work with Leaker anger:

1. Spot the leak — notice sarcasm, snark, or nitpicking as it’s happening
2. Pause and ask why — identify the real feeling underneath: hurt, disappointment, feeling unseen
3. State needs directly — use clear “I” statements instead of vague or cutting remarks
4. Practice emotional honesty — replace indirect comments with truthful ones, even when it feels vulnerable
5. Repair in the moment — name it and reset: “That came out snarky. What I meant was…”

Support makes change easier:

Leaker patterns are learned—and they can be unlearned. We talk about how therapy or coaching, communication tools, accountability partners, and mindfulness practices can help interrupt old habits before they slip out sideways.

Hope & healing:

If you’re a Leaker, it doesn’t mean you’re weak.
 It means you learned creative ways to protect yourself when direct expression didn’t feel safe.

Each honest sentence weakens the habit of leaking.
 And every direct conversation builds confidence.

Your voice matters—and speaking clearly isn’t rude, dangerous, or wrong. It’s freeing.

Resources mentioned:

• The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
• Radical Candor by Kim Scott
• Journaling prompt: What do I really want instead of what I’m criticizing?
• Mind–body practices like meditation, yoga, walking, and breathwork

Closing thought:

When anger leaks out, it creates distance.
 When it’s expressed honestly, it creates connection.

Reflection for the week:
Can you turn one sarcastic or nitpicky moment into an honest statement?

👉 For more resources, courses, and ways to connect, visit www.stephanieyork.com