Bob pulls a Miles and tries to exact a bit of revenge on his injured wife, while Miles freaks out as he now has to go to a funeral.

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Bob pulls a Miles and tries to exact a bit of revenge on his injured wife, while Miles freaks out as he now has to go to a funeral.

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All right, fellas, let’s go. static hey everybody welcome to the show this is bob Welcome to Channing’s Charges. This is Myers. Harold Channing here. I’m way too comfortable tonight. Sorry. Are you eating beef jerky while you’re trying to record? That’s right. I got some jerky. Yeah. Actually, I bought myself a And now here comes the Jimmy Stewart story. I bought myself some pizza Pringles tonight. Oh, it sounds like someone’s had a little bit too many… What? No, it sounds like you kind of slashed your words there. Hey, everybody! Hey! No, I… Yeah, I… i’m out of town uh tonight and I’ve, uh, typically when i go out of town, which i did do tonight, I usually go by some place and i pick up, uh, you know, something to drink. Yeah. Not alcohol necessarily, but something to drink to have in my room uh because i’m gonna be here for a few days and i get a couple of snacks and i got some popcorn, which, you know, I,
I cannot live without popcorn these days. Yeah. And then I said, well, I’m going to get something else. Yeah. And I wanted to get pizza combos. Yeah. I love those. Those are just so great. Yeah. They did not have them. All they had was the nasty cracker combos, cheese cracker combos. And so I’m taking a leap here. And I got pizza Pringles. I haven’t tried them yet. That’s the tomorrow snack. For a guy who’s always preaching about eating salad, this is a little shocking. I don’t preach about eating salad. I just tell you that I eat some salad. So, you know. If I could just put salad in a Pringles can, I’d be all set. Salad Pringles. They did have… They had quite a selection of Pringles. They had fully dressed Pringles, which I did not get. I don’t know what that means. Yeah, I was hoping you’d enlighten me. I have no idea what that means. I looked at the can and I’m like, I don’t know what this is going on about. But I had a weird feeling it included mayonnaise. And I’m not a big fan.
And I think they had loaded baked potato Pringles. Okay. All right. You like that one? Okay. Yeah, I’d try it. Yeah, why not? And then they had the more pedestrian sour cream and onion and cheddar cheese Pringles. And the Western salad. And they had no regular Pringles. They were all out. So I’m like, all right, I’m going to live large today. I’m going to get the pizza Pringles and we’re going to find out later. I’m going to break out the old wallet here and we’re going to try it out. Tune in next week. Explosive diarrhea. See how well these pizza Pringles go over. Maybe my new addiction here. I don’t know. Are you okay? You’re acting a little weird tonight. I don’t know. I’ve had some weirdness go on in my life. Oh, really? Okay. Well, there you go. I am high atop the Flynn building here. I own a mountain of Flynn. I was just telling Miles I’m on the 37th floor of this hotel. And a helicopter…
was outside my window landing on a lower building. Yeah. I have never seen that before, and I probably won’t see it again, I don’t think. I’ve just seen Steve McQueen and Red Button. Dollar and Inferno. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, don’t, please, don’t. Don’t jinx me. Next week, the… Don’t jinx me. I’m in an infamous building as well. It’s very infamous. I guess I’ll say it. I am in what used to be called the Hyatt Regency in Kansas City. Yeah. And, you know, people have to be a little bit knowledgeable, but this is the site of the worst architectural failure in the United States ever. A hundred and some people died in this building back in the 80s. Is it haunted? We’ll find out. I will report back. It’ll be next week’s show will be Pizza Pringles and possible dead ghost who fell from a balcony. And if you want to go see Bob, he’s currently on the 10th floor in 1003 if you’d like to knock on that door. Yeah. You would love to have guests, especially really late at night. So if you want to go. I think I’m on a restricted floor, just so you know.
Restricted? What’s that? Well, when you’re so high up in the building, you have to have a key card. Oh, I see. The elevator, like, does not go that high. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, I didn’t really want to talk about any of that, to be honest with you. Yeah, I’m surprised you did. You’re Mr. Secret. Yeah, I usually don’t disclose, but since no one’s going to hear this until after I’m gone, it’s fine. Um, no, I wanted to, I wanted to, uh, so this is more, this is more of a miles title story. I’ll be honest with you. Every week. I hear this every week. I hear this. Except my normally wouldn’t do, but, uh, you know, so, uh, recently my wife hurt her foot. Okay. And she had to have surgery. Mm hmm.
And she’s been kind of incapacitated because of this. And so, you know, she can’t walk on her foot. And I’ve been helping her and so forth. And here’s where the Miles title part comes in. I’ve been a little bit… Yeah, go ahead. A little bit ornery about it. Yeah, yeah. Because… you know, if you’ve listened to this, I have been laid up on more than one occasion because I’ve hurt myself and this goes all the way back to my college days when I tore my ACL and I haven’t, I’ve been in the position that she’s in where she’s kind of a little bit helpless. Right. And I was helpless when we were younger. And she was not always the nicest. And there was a lot of, you know, come on, Bob, quit being such a pussy. You can’t be in that much pain. Bob’s spilling the tea tonight. Yeah. So I was like, and then now, of course,
So what happened with me is I had laparoscopic surgery on my knee. I’d hurt my knee. I bent it backwards. And I had laparoscopic surgery. Basically, I bent it backwards and it stayed like that for, what, like two weeks or something before I get surgery? Anyway, I had surgery. And then when we were in college, and so we were living together in college, and I basically lived on the couch then for a good, weeks and I was like god I have this like one spot on my knee it feels like it’s on fire and I’m in like such horrible horrible pain and then well do you come into the story a bit because I they gave me a bunch of Tylenol with codeine mm-hmm which which I took and then I couldn’t stay awake all right and so I stopped taking it because I literally would just like not off randomly
And then I took it. And then you took it. Yeah. I took it for you. I thought we both should experience the same thing. You swung by. I go, God, this Tylenol with coating is killing me. I can’t stay awake. You’re like, oh, I could use a little bit of that. Yeah. And then you took the rest of it. And so anyway, so then my wife now has got Tylenol with coating and She’s got a spot on her foot. She’s like, oh, my God, this is the most painful, right? This one little spot. So whenever I finally got my bandages off and everything, it literally was like one. It was one of the entry points for the laparoscopic was what hurt so bad. It literally wasn’t even more than a stitch. One stitch. It was driving me bonkers. And so now she’s got one.
because she had laparoscopy, too. She’s got one stitch that is just driving her totally effing nuts. It’s just the pain. It’s searing. You know, the medicine doesn’t even help. Oh, I’m waiting for those bandages to come off, because it’s going to be one little knot. And so then, yeah, I can say, oh, now, look, she saw it. She saw my little stitch. She’s like, oh, my gosh, you complained so much. I thought you were going to have a big, gaping hole in the side of your leg. Just one little knot. And I’m like, oh, my God. Baby Bob. Yeah. Oh, my. I got so much crap during that time period. Well, since then, too, because I’ve re-injured myself like several times. And I basically, you know, become somewhat immobile because of it.
Packing on some pounds too. Yeah. Well, that, that too. Well, I, yeah, but that, but when I hurt my knee a couple of times, uh, since then and basically been on crutches and whatnot. So, um, yeah. And the other thing is you can’t use crutches. Why? Well, she, I didn’t realize that you couldn’t know how to not use crutches, but yeah. She basically just almost falls over when she tries to use them all the time. And I’m like, you can’t line them up. You’ve got to keep the crutch away from you. Right. The next thing I know, I’m walking with her, and she’s got the crutch going, and then she’s falling over. And I’m like, hey. I’m like, you can’t do that. They’re not like legs. They don’t work like that. Basically, it’s like you’re leaning on them. You just have to have them at an angle. Anyway, yeah. I’m trying to help her, and I’m like, God, you’re the worst goddamn person on crutches I’ve ever seen in my life. Oh, God. I didn’t realize people had such a learning curve for this.
I, that’s weird. Have you ever been on crutches? I have no idea. Uh, I think I have. Yes. That’s why you were in that big car wreck. So, uh, yes, that’s true. That’s true. You, you broke your pelvis or something. Yes, I did. I walked on a cane for a while. Yeah. Yeah. So you know how to use crutches. Yeah. You put them, you, you use them together. Okay. You kind of, uh, Uh-huh. They move together, and then you kind of move them yeah and you you know i don’t know, once you get the hang of it, it’s no big thing, but yeah imagine an adult would not grasp the concept of well she’s never had to do it, ever. So. Yeah, it was always the first time. You know, so it’s like, but i’m like, yeah, it’s like remedial crutches. I’m like, oh my lord
Just like I was in remedial band. That’s right. I’m like, thank God you don’t have cerebral palsy or something. You’d just be… we’re in the uh go anywhere. We’re in the pt slow class and there’s mrs lament our only, uh, patient today. Yeah. I don’t know what she’s doing over there. So, yeah. So anyway, there’s, I’d be a little bit of a turd. I’ll be honest with you yeah because after you know what 20 some years now probably almost 30 years. She’s finally in the same position I was in, and now she gets a little bit of a taste of what it’s like to basically not be able to use one of your limbs. I had, I was, yeah, I had, I’ve, you know,
I’ve come to terms with it now. But yeah, for a minute there, I was like, God damn. She’s very book smart, but she’s crutches dumb. Yeah, she’s… Is that one of those… You’re trying to get that saying to stick? No, they’re crutches dumb. I’m going to start a whole TikTok thing. Crutches dumb. Crutches dumb. She’s got wooden legs. She doesn’t know how to use them. Aluminum gams, y’all. Aluminum gams. You need to get a metal scooter. But anyway, that’s what’s up with me. I’m just being a jerk. What a freaking jerk, man. I’m glad you’re fine. I know. I can’t help it. I can’t help it. I can’t help it. Remedial PT. That’s right. Oh, God. Terrible. It is terrible. We’re laughing at her, man. Terrible. Why would we do this? This is mean. That’s why I said I’d be like you. You’re right. You are being a freaking jerk. You’re right. Yeah, exactly. I’d be just like you.
You’re like the Kathy Bates of caregiving, man. Use the crutches. It’s for the best. This year’s award winner for the Kathy Bates caregiver. It’s for the best. Mr. Bob. Yeah. So what’s going on with you? You’re doing like a whole Benny Hill thing, like whacking her in the back of the head. Like… I should put that music and play it while she’s on the crutches. It’s called Yakety Sax. Yeah, I know. It’s Yakety Sax. Yeah, can you do that and be funny? Yeah. terrible, man. And I’ll record her with Yakety Sax in the background. Yeah. Oh, my God. But on the plus side, she is a whiz on the knee scooter. Yeah, I’m hoping she is. see a wipe out of that crutches not so much. Knee scooter, it’s like, goddamn, watch out. That’s terrible. Why am i laughing at that i know you haven’t you’re enjoying it more than i did. That was my comeuppance. I’d probably be laughing if i saw her trying to do the crushes not handle them like what the
keeps falling over. I’m like, what the he’s gotta take like this she got like a lose your balance switch under her arm or something oh no i don’t know what’s going on. Low motion. I’m there to catch her. That’s the thing. I’m like, bring me my bedpan, Bob! Oh my god, that’s terrible. That’s terrible. Well, you know, I did back in the day, I had a piss bottle whenever I was laid up on the couch there for weeks. And I told her, I said you want me to get you a piss bottle? Oh! She’s like, no, no, no. Oh, gross. Yeah, I know. I was fine with the piss. Yeah, I bet you were. Oh, I didn’t have a D scooter though. We weren’t rich. We weren’t rich back then. I could get, I got like some hand-me-down crutches was that I didn’t get a D scooter. Your grandpa used these in the great war. So take care of them. That’s right. These are made from the floorboards of Stalag 18. Your grandpa made them. He didn’t know how to use them either.
Well, we couldn’t bear to get rid of them. So what’s going on with you? Well, you know, not that we haven’t had this topic often on the show anyway this year, but so if you’ve been listening to the show with any regularity, you’re going to say, oh, fuck for again. Fuck. What the fuck? I attended a funeral. Okay. I can’t have all the glory. Yes. All the freaking glory of attending a funeral. Yeah. Very sad. I lost a family member about a week ago. And this person had been sick for quite a while and had pretty much died very peacefully with some of his family around him. Oh, fantastic. That’s good to hear. That’s always good. So it was not a horrible, horrific accident or anything.
So we all, uh, pretty much my family over here decided to go and good choice. Excuse me, getting all coughed up here. Yeah, really? Anyway, excuse me, all plumbing. Um, so we’re leaving on a kind of Friday, you know, and so we all got Friday off and, uh, you know, it starts off, things don’t start well, you know, you, you, don’t know about you guys, but when i have like a thing to go to, sometimes i start getting like really like weird, like, you know, like everybody sit down shut up, you know i just started really weird. And so we get in the car, we’re about ready to go. It’s like my wife. Oh my God. I lost my phone. I lost the phone. Oh, your phones uh Okay. And then, oh, I know what it was
We decided to get a rental car. Oh, you guys rented a car, really? And not that we’re high and mighty, but just our cars suck. So I’m like, well, I don’t know. How was the Maserati rental? Well, here’s the deal is like, originally the deal was, hey, you can pick it up Friday, eight o’clock in the morning. No problem. And then she gets a call shortly before then. Yeah, that might be pushed back to noon or later. oh no. Somebody didn’t bring it back. And so we finally got it. She loses her phone. We have to find the phone. Uh, we’re not more than about 10 minutes down the road and she’s trying to get her drink and unscrew her drink. She likes to get mugs of to drink spills like half of it on my pants. Like I’m dressed for the visitation and i go, I hope this wasn’t full of like colored, you know you know because yeah that’s all i need is like, you know,
grape knee high or something on my fucking pants or whatever the fuck it was. Jesus Christ. You’ll be like, Miles, is it your time of the month? Yeah, I know. I’m like, this is going to be a really hillbilly show. I show up. It was cheer wine. Oh my God. If that was the case, I’d suck it out of the pants. I love cheer wine. That cherry soda. Cheerwine. Nobody’s going to know what Cheerwine is, but anyway, it’s a local thing. Yeah, I’ve had it. It’s regional, regional, I guess. Yeah, it’s regional. And so we got there, got there on time, and we actually brought two cars. You rented two cars? Well, no, no, no. My son did take the better of our two cars, but one of my sons had to work. Anyway, it’s a long story, but we both got there about the same time, and my wife jumps out,
and immediately starts walking towards the wrong building. You step out with your Cheerwine pants. Some kind of breakdancing 1990s pants or something. Some funky color. Got this big red splotch on your crotch. Everyone’s like, hey, Kool-Aid! Hey, Jim Jones, enough with the Kool-Aid, man. Yeah, enough with it. I’m trying to get my wife’s attention. Right. Hey, I’m like, that’s a bank. You are trying to walk into a bank behind us. It’s the funeral home. Oh my God. Yeah. I don’t know what she was drinking. We get in. She is. She was a little more on the wine than the cheer part. Yeah. Right. And, i would show up, my brother’s there and, uh, he made it, he says, Hey, are you my cousin i said no i was gonna say did he recognize you he did he did oh okay and uh so uh you know you got to go through the line, you know, your condolences and stuff like that. everybody’s like, what, what did you get? Right. Are you okay i mean did you need money miles or did you, uh,
I don’t know. Are you dribbling blood? I was just hustling roses out on the intersection trying to raise money to get here. Yeah. Hustling roses. Yeah. And so I had a family member there and he was very upset. Understandably so. Big Dirty Jake? No, it was not Big Dirty Jake. Oh, okay. I think he would be an emotional guy. I don’t think you met this one. I don’t think you met this guy. He’s my nephew. He has been super upset, understandably. Which is not funny at all. I go, man, you’re going to be all right. Be tough. Don’t be tough like Uncle Miles. He’s like, what’s on your pants? Why are you sticky for, Uncle? Your crotch and leg are sticky. It smelled like, I don’t know what, like orange Kool-Aid or something. I’ll explain it later. I go, man, you know, I go, man, you’re going to be all right. Somebody overdid the cherry chapstick. Christ. So I go, you know what? I’m going to make you laugh. I’m going to make you laugh. Uh-oh. I go, I’m going to go down to where your sister is and her fiance, and I’m going to grab his ass. Uh-oh.
He’s like, nah, you ain’t. I’m like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m going to do it. I’m going to stick my thumb right in his crack. So I’m like, hey, you know, we’ll just call him CB. Hey, CB, hey. You know, I made this thing a big deal about how I was going to hug everyone. I was like, I’m going to give a hug. Okay, and I grabbed the guy’s ass. Yeah, he was not happy with that. Yeah, he was like, I don’t know about this. You grabbed his ass with a hug. Yeah, during the hug, I grabbed his ass. Oh, okay. I go, hey, CB, just enjoy it. Go with it. I’m doing this to everybody. He goes, number one, he goes, why are you sticky? And number two, why are you grabbing my ass? Your pants are like a post-it note.
Yeah, so everyone’s like, what the fuck is this guy doing, man? Like ripping off people. Oh, my God. It’s like I’m getting moderately waxed. Yeah, no shit. Oh, my God. And I’m just kind of pointing out the high points of this, by the way. So I’m skipping around. I’m skipping around different stuff. Ass grabbing. We decided to not mooch off. Sticky pants. We did not mooch off anyone this weekend, believe it or not. Really? I went to a hotel. It appeared to be a very nice hotel. Yeah. Come to find out that it’s full of orange ladybugs and stink bugs. Oh, great. That’s good. Oh, I hate those ladybugs. Those are bad enough. Probably at least three stink bugs and a dozen ladybugs in there. Okay. I don’t know what’s going on.
Weird. Well, it got warm, and then it got cold, and it got warm. Yeah. It’s like 8.30 at night, and someone behind the hotel decides to let off M80s. What the fuck? Where’s that sticky pants damn effer? Yeah, at this point, it was hard to walk because it would dry it up. I go downstairs to kind of talk to the clerk who has disappeared because i freaked her out, you know, because I, you know, you’re in room 103. I like, okay, well, you might get a call because it might get a little loud down there yeah and my wife’s like, no, it won’t like, oh, damn it. And, uh, so the clerks go anyway. So, uh, we go to the. So next day is the graveside or, you know, the service, you know, the priest leading the service. Very, you know, he obviously doesn’t know the deceit, you know? Right. Right. Yeah. Humanitarian. And it was not that the decedent was not a nice guy. I’m just saying, you know, he’s a good guy. People that don’t know, you’re like, Oh yeah. He, uh, flew, you know, airplane missions to homeless kids, you know, and yeah. Now here’s a good guy. He’s a regular guy. And so, uh,
The graveside service goes off, and one of his old-time buddies is there that he went to school with, and he’s telling all these crazy stories, how they would blow up things, and this and that. He goes, you know what I want to do at the end of this MFR? I’m just going to light up my own M80. And son of a bitch, he didn’t do it, man. Oh, my God. Crazy son of a bitch. At the cemetery? Yeah, he just walked over. He goes, I’m going to light this son of a bitch off. And sure enough, he’s wearing a three-piece suit, and he just casually do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Kaboom! That motherfucker did it. Oh, my gosh. He split the tombstone. Yeah. And then my sister, who loves The Rock, he was there. I’m The Rock!
Turns out this is her brief boyfriend from high school, right? Oh, the guy who blew up the… The maybe guy. Oh, really? Okay. Which I did not notice at first. Wow. He didn’t know it. Oh, okay. Well, it’s been a long… Yeah, my wife’s trying to interject this. She hadn’t seen him in a long time, wasn’t sure who he was. Anyway, so we’re having the meal. Firecracker Chuck. for Christ’s sake. Oh, I remember him. Yeah. I was trying to razz her during the meal. You get that nice after-the-service meal. Let me just tell you, whenever he climaxed, it was just like a firecracker. They called him Old Ball Rocket. Roman Candle. My sister always razzes people. She’s a good razzer. So I go, I’m going to razz her.
Well, I’m like, Hey, where’s the, where’s old Sam, your boyfriend there. I don’t know. She was kind of, I didn’t want my bullshit. She goes, okay. All right. She goes, uh, you got any ex-girlfriends here, miles? Yeah. I’m like two, one on each hand. Yeah. I go, uh, well, she lives in Canada, but I lost her numbers. I don’t know. She did. Uh, there you go. And then, uh, so anyway, uh, it’s wrapping up. Everyone’s leaving. I see one of my youngest nephews is there. And this young man, you know, he kind of straightens out and he kind of gets in a rough part of his life. He straightens it. You know, he’s kind of an up and down with some, you know, wildness and stuff. Sure. But these new guys, these young guys is the last thing I’ll say. But these young guys have like a new girlfriend, like every week. Right. Hey, well, what do you want? Every week. Christ. What the fuck? Yeah.
how do these guys do this? You know, I’m like, she’s got a lot of energy, I guess like this. I don’t know. And so I see my, yeah, like this little, you know, blonde, you know, younger lady there. Yeah. And, uh, he’s vaping. Did you pet, did you squeeze her ass? No, I did not. I didn’t want a visit from Hanson or whatever his name is. Uh, I saw him vaping. I go, what do you got in there? The devil’s lettuce, huh? He goes, no, no, Uncle Miles, no, no. Vaping. The devil’s lettuce. And anyway, I go, well, I’m hoping you’re doing all right. He goes, yeah, I’m doing all right. It seemed like he was kind of ignoring his date, you know. His date to the funeral. Yeah, isn’t that weird? Yeah. I go, hey, if things don’t work out between you and her, maybe you can give me some digits, you know.
I’ll set you up. Yeah. He’s like, yeah, if I break up with her, this will be my revenge. Yeah. I gave her herpes. So, yeah, that was my whole bingo card of filling up shit. Yeah. So I grabbed a guy’s ass. I was sticky. I asked for a young lady’s phone number kind of in about way. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody, yeah, had fireworks at the funeral. Yeah. Can’t beat it.

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