A weekly magazine-style radio show featuring the voices and stories of Asians and Pacific Islanders from all corners of our community. The show is produced by a collective of media makers, deejays, and activists.

Tonight on APEX Express Host Miko Lee continues the series on the Asian Prisoner Support Committee’s campaign for justice for the APSC 4. The APSC4 are Ke Lam, Peejay Ai, Chanthon Bun and Maria Legarda. All are formerly incarcerated folx who have served their time and are currently incredibly valued leaders, advocates and healers in the community. They are also part of the staff of Asian Prisoner Support Committee and all are at risk of deportation.  In our most recent episode we showcased an interview with all of the APSC4, in our upcoming shows we will center on each person’s individual story. Tonight we focus on Maria Legarde. Thank you to the HHREC Podcast for allowing us to re-air a portion of their show, which will be linked in our show notes. Maria’s story is also featured in the zine we was girls together by Trần Châu Hà. The zine is on display in the Walking Stories exhibit at Edge on the Square in San Francisco Chinatown until February 28th. 

For more information:

Thank you to the HHREC Podcast for allowing us to rebroadcast part of their interview with Maria.

Asian American Histories of Resistance timeline

For tickets to Edge on the Square event

APSC 4: https://action.18mr.org/pardonapsc3/

APSC Website: https://www.asianprisonersupport.com/

APSC Donation Page: https://donate.givedirect.org/?cid=13…

APSC Get Involved Page: https://www.asianprisonersupport.com/apsc-4

Appreciation to the HHRC Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@thehhrecpodcast83

Twitter:   / asianprisonersc  

Facebook:   / asianprisonersupportcommittee  

Instagram:   / asianprisonersc  

SHOW TRANSCRIPT: APSC4 Part 2: Maria’s Story

Opening: [00:00:00] Apex Express Asian Pacific expression. Community and cultural coverage, music and calendar, new visions and voices, coming to you with an Asian Pacific Islander point of view. It’s time to get on board the Apex Express.

Ayame Keane-Lee: [00:02:01] Thank you for joining us tonight on Apex Express. Welcome to the second part in our series on the Asian Prisoner Support Committee’s Campaign for Justice for the APSC4. The APSC4 are Ke Lam, Peejay Ai , Chanthon Bun, and Maria Legarda. All are formerly incarcerated folks who have served their time and are currently incredibly valued leaders, advocates, and healers in the community. They are also part of the staff of Asian Prisoner Support Committee, and all are at risk of deportation. You can help today by urging Governor Newsom to pardon APSC4, and protect them from deportation, which you can find the links for in our show notes. In our most recent episode, we showcased an interview with all of the APSC4. In our upcoming shows, we will center on each person’s individual story. Tonight we focus on Maria Legarda. Thank you to the HHREC podcast for allowing us to re-air a portion of their show, which will be linked in our show notes. Maria’s story is also featured in the zine we was girls together by Trần Châu Hà. The zine is on display in the Walking Stories exhibit at Edge on the Square in San Francisco Chinatown until February 28th. You can come view the zine in person at the Walking Stories closing event, arriving with our stories on February 28th, 2025, at Edge on the Square in San Francisco, Chinatown, from 6 to 8 pm. Co presented by Asian Americans for Civil Rights and Equality, Asian Prisoner Support Committee and Edge on the Square, featuring readings from Asian Prisoner Support Committee’s recent anthology, Arriving, Freedom Writings of Asian and Pacific Islanders, along with a panel discussion with the APSC4. Maria’s story, the one we’ll hear tonight, that is also featured in the exhibit, echoes the broader themes of the Arriving anthology, Where AAPI community members share their journeys through criminalization, deportation, and reentry. These narratives expose the deep entanglement of the prison and immigration systems while humanizing and making visible the resilience of those impacted. The link to RSVP for the event will be included in the show notes, where you can also choose to donate 25 and receive a copy of the anthology. this event marks the closing ceremony of the yearlong exhibition walking stories, but also a commitment to the ongoing work to center the voices and stories of system impacted individuals through the oral testimonies of those still incarcerated and the panel discussion with community leaders of APSC4, a space where storytelling is not just a practice of remembrance, but a demand for justice and an ongoing continuing call to action is created. So join us at arriving with our stories on February 28th, 2025, from 6 to 8 PM at Edge on the Square, 800 Grant Avenue, San Francisco, California. Find the full details in our show notes and at edge on the square. org. Now let’s listen to Maria Legarda share her journey content warnings for mentions of sexual violence, substance abuse, death, incarceration, and trauma.

Maria Legarda: [00:05:10] So I grew up in the Philippines, with my grandparents. My first years had the fondest memories there. Couple of years later, we moved to our new home. Had my baby brother and we moved and a couple years later, my sister was born. She had a medical condition when she was born and I saw the change in our household. You know, as she got older, her condition worsened and it took a toll on our family slowly. I withdrew from my folks, detached and I, I built a resentment towards my parents. I was young, this is what we used to have. And this is what’s happening now, what’s going on. You know, there was no emotional support when we were growing up, me and my brother. The focus was, Trying to get my sister better, you know, but I was young, I was young, and my brother was young for us to understand, you know, what was going on in our household, and, that started the separation between me, my parents, It was tough growing up, I’m the eldest and so I had to be responsible, you know, for my younger siblings and I didn’t know. I didn’t know what to do. so. When I got older, you know, my dad urged me to go to the U. S., you know, years where our family was in debt. And when I came to the U. S., I saw the opportunity to help my parents actually get out of debt, and help them. I didn’t know the cost, the burden that it’s going to cost me. being in a different country, and supporting my family alone. And I did everything that I could to help my parents and my siblings, not be in poverty. Not live day to day and have a future for them. but at the same time, being a young adult in America, when I immigrated here, it was after 9/11. So there was a lot of, society was different at that time and finding my place during that time was hard, you know, and I was alone, I was working hard. I was stressed, you know, I didn’t have much help. ,and that started the drug use. it was hard for me to assimilate into a culture that it just looks, it’s great. You know, being free and being able to experience a lot of different things, but deep down, I don’t know how to, Find my place here. You know, I didn’t have friends and I have my cousin, And I was dealing with a lot of the tension at home, too You know my mom dealing with my sister’s death She passed away Dealing with the money issues dealing with her marriage I was her emotional support, and as a young adult, I don’t know how to provide that for my family. And so the drug use became my coping here in a new country with new friends, and I just got tired of being hurt and being pain and, you know, the trauma of losing my sister. How do I deal with that? Losing my family because we were lost, you know, with her. And how do you cope from that? 

Drugs became my coping. I was numb. I was happy, you know, because I didn’t hurt anymore. and, you know, being alone here in the U. S., I turned to online chatting. That’s where friendships, I found friendships in there. I was very young and naive and, You know, I met a man online who said all the right things, words, that I felt loved and cared for, for somebody like me that was so desperate for emotional connection and just to feel loved that was huge for me to find that one person to give me that attention. And so for six months, you know, I felt I was at the happiest in my life because I had somebody to turn to, I had somebody to talk to. And, I felt that I, you know, I have somebody with me that understands what I’m going through, um, when my own family is not there for me because they’re too busy trying to take care of their own needs. And, um, you know, we started talking and, after six months, he promised to, um, take me out on a date. and when we met, um, it was fun, you know, for the first time seeing somebody behind, you know, the, the conversations and seeing him in person, it was nice. It’s real. Right. And, you know, everything happened so fast at that time that, I was excited, but then there’s that fear and, you know, we were on our way to where we were going at, you For our first date and he veered off to a hotel and, you know, in my inexperience you know, I was hoping that, okay, why are we veering off to this? This wasn’t part of what we talked about, but things were happening so fast and I was engaged in the conversations and what we’re going to do, or we’re just going to go and see. And, you know, I was very vulnerable and I went with it. And before I knew it. I was at the hotel, you know, with him and, I was hoping and praying that nothing bad would happen, but unfortunately, you know, I was alone and knowing that it was just me and him soon enough, the inevitable would happen. And our first meeting, our first date, I was raped, you know, and, all the signs were there, you know, that desperate for that human connection and that, you know, I trusted him. I trusted him that, you know, he was a good person, but it happened, after that I went home and I told myself that it didn’t happen. Pretended that it didn’t happen. my mind and my body just disassociated, you know, from what just happened and, you know, went to bed the next day, went to work, like it never happened, like nothing happened. That intensified my drug use. It was my way of coping. Every time I hurt, every time I’m in pain, I feel pain, I feel hurt. I turned to drugs because it made me numb and it made me function. You know, I am able to function and continue on with the next day. Why? Because I have a family who’s waiting for me, that depends on me, and I need to take care of them. and that’s how it was for me. 

For the next months, few months later, I found out that I was pregnant from the rape. And when I found out I was pregnant, I stopped using. You know, I was torn and at the same time I was still hoping there was still that small hope that what I had with him was real and I was suffering. Now I know that back then I was suffering from post traumatic, battered women’s syndrome. I never got help from what happened that day. and so with the baby I have this, thought that maybe if he knew that I was pregnant, that he would come back to me. That’s how my mindset was. I wanted my rapist to come back into my life. That’s how desperate I was, you know, was alone. And I wasn’t in the right state of mind, you know, with deep in my addiction, not being able to think rationally. By the time I, I asked, you know, for help, I asked my parents if they could, um, come and visit me here in the United States. I didn’t know how to tell my mom about my addiction, about the rape, that I just needed them and they couldn’t be there for me. And with everything else that’s going on in my life, I hit, finally hit my rock bottom and I relapse, I relapse and I used, and me using far along in my pregnancy. That night induced my pregnancy, um, induced labor. And so the following morning, I went into premature labor. Again, I was alone in my room when they induced labor. I was in my bathroom and I gave birth to my son. I got him, picked him up, wrapped him in a towel, and when he wasn’t breathing, I panicked. Wrapped him in a towel and put him in the room. And after that I went to go take care and get ready for work. What am I supposed to do with my baby not breathing? got ready for work, called the cab so I can go to work. I didn’t make it to work because um, the cab driver took me to the hospital because I was so pale and I lost so much blood. And, um, so I stayed in the hospital and later on, um, medical staff was there. and, you know, the cops were there and I was arrested, I was sentenced to 25 years to life, for the death of my son. 

I was 24 when I sat in the holding cell of California’s biggest women’s prison sitting there thinking, this is what. Life is going to be like for me. What is life going to be like for me? How did I get here, you know, and I was, I was in so much denial. You know, I was in so much denial I don’t even know where to start. Because at that time, sitting there at that holding cell, I was still in a victim mode. You know, I knew I was responsible for the death of my son, but the extent of it, I couldn’t even grasp the severity of how much harm I’ve caused. And for 14 years, I immersed myself in self help groups to make sure that I understood what happened that night, what happened at that time, you know, 25 years, there’s no amount of punishment that I think would, would equate because I give that punishment to myself every single day. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think like, okay, today he would have been 19 years old. I wondered if he was playing basketball, would I take him to football games? Would I take him to baseball games? Like, what would it be like for him? You know, when my parents came to visit, Those were questions like my dad would want it to know, my mom would want it to know, and it’s the big elephant in the room, we don’t talk about it. But today, um, I hold, I am, you know, I hold responsibility, accountability for all my actions that led to that dreadful night. You know, when, when I went to board and I was found suitable, you know, one of the, one of the programs that, really helped me was, um, We’re just to life, you know, forgiveness I have to find forgiveness in myself for what I’ve done for my past decisions in order for me to move on and make a difference in, you know, for people. If I wanted to help people, how am I supposed to help people if I can’t even start healing within me? you know, took all the self help groups so I could have that understanding of where do I need to start in order for me to have a future and so that people around me, I wouldn’t hurt anymore the people, those people that are around me. My family, my friends, even people that I don’t know that when they see me, they wouldn’t get scared of the person that they knew came from prison. You know, that was sentenced to 25 to life for killing her own son. I don’t want to be that person. So. I took advantage of all the groups that, you know, were, were offered to us and I earned that second chance. when I went to board and to really deep, look deep in, deep down and where was that anger coming from? You know, why was it so hard for me to ask for help? And the biggest part that I learned was stepping out of denial, acknowledging that the rape happened, that it wasn’t my fault, that I could overcome that and, I could take control back, you know, take that back and turn my life around and use that. You know, motivate myself to, find healing and forgiveness. 

Today I’m a re-entry consultant for APSC. I help folks that are coming home from jails, from prisons, from detention centers. I help them navigate, you know, in their re entry. You know, coming home from detention, so after I, you after I paroled from CCWF, I knew that I would be, I had an ice hold and I would be detained and ICE came and picked me up in CCWF in 2019. You know, the first day of being free, I was welcomed with shackles, with handcuffs and a waist chain around my waist chain. And, I was walking, you know, into a white van and I drove off to the Holding cell, the ice holding cell, and I was on the road for 72 hours back and forth because they, they have nowhere to, put me, all the ice facility detention centers were, I guess, they were packed and they have no room for me. So they finally made room for me and I was in the Delanto where I stayed for 11 months. And. You know, when I was there, I’m just like Bun said, once they get you there, they ask you sign the paperwork, you deport, or you want to fight your case. And I’ve met Anoop, Anoop prepared me, you know, for when that day comes, like I just needed to let them know that, no, you’re fighting because you have people, the community, the family here fighting alongside you. And that’s what I told them. I said, no, I’m not. signing, I will go through the process and it was very, it was a very different experience, you know, with being sentenced to 25 years to life than being told, you have to sign this paper because I’m deporting you back to your country because you’re not a citizen. You know, they don’t see the changed person. They only see the person that was not born here in the United States. They don’t see the person that has a family in the community waiting outside that building. They only see a convicted felon that has an aggravated felony that’s not a U.S. citizen that needs to get deported back to the country where they were born. So knowing that every day, and I’ve always said it, you know, every moment in detention center is like a cliffhanger moment. You’ll never know when your day is going to be when you don’t come back to the dorm and you get shipped off and get sent to a plane. And then next thing you know, the next phone call your family gets is that you’re in a country where you don’t know where you’re going. So that’s what it was like in the detention center. 

You know, it was the onset of COVID when I was able to file, a writ because of my medical condition. And by the grace of God, you know, with the community behind me, Anoop too, was very instrumental. I was released Friday when everybody was telling me that you’re not going to get released. You know, the cutoff date, the cutoff time is six o’clock and you’re not going to get released and you’re not going to get a bond hearing. You’re not going to you’re not going to get released from here. There’s just no hope for you. You know, that’s what they tell us in, in detention, you know, there’s the chances of us being released from detention. Once ICE has a hold of you is very, very slim. So for us, that’s. small hope is really just a teeny tiny window for us. But it takes a community, you know, to work together to get us all out. And I have that support with Anoop, with APSC. So at six o’clock on a Friday, when they said that the judge is not going to rule today, you’re going to have to wait. And the last, The last process already for people that were getting released were already done. There’s, you’re, that’s it. You’re not gonna get it. But 6:30 came. It was after count time. All the tablets in the detention center was ringing and it was a phone call for me and all I saw was my grandma on the other line saying that, she was crying, crying, hysterically crying. And so my heart dropped because I thought, okay, this is it. I’m getting deported, what I didn’t know, was Anoop and my grandma were constantly in communication trying to get me out and the judge made a decision a little after six that before five o’clock Saturday morning, they are to release me. And, it took the community, you know, to get, to make that happen. And on April of 2019, I was released from Adelanto and I was released to Los Angeles. I couldn’t, parole to San Francisco, to the Bay area because, um, of COVID shelter in place. 

Ayame Keane-Lee: [00:23:30] You are listening to 94.1 KPFA and 89.3 KPFB in Berkeley, 88.1 KFCF in Fresno, 97.5 K248BR in Santa Cruz, 94.3 K232FZ in Monterey, and online worldwide at kpfa.org. We’ll be right back to Maria’s story after we listen to “7,000 Miles” by Ruby Ibarra featuring Ann One.

MUSIC

That was “7,000 Miles” by Ruby Ibarra, featuring Anne One. You are listening to Apex Express. Now let’s get back to Maria Legarda ‘s story.

Phillip Winnick: [00:28:19] Um, Maria, how long did you know Anoop throughout this process when you were in the detention center?

Um, and how did you manage to get to San Francisco? 

Maria Legarda: [00:28:31] So I’ve known Anoop since 2015, end of 2015, beginning of 2016, right before board. I needed to seek his advice about, you know, my ICE detainer and how long. Like what the process is going to be, if I choose to fight it, if I don’t fight it. And around that time, you know, we just had a new president in the Philippines and what would it look like for me if I don’t win my case? Like, what are the chances, you know? So that’s how we started corresponding, 2015, I prepped for board and then, um, when I got out in 2019, Prior to that, 2018, we started, corresponding frequently, more frequently because, My board date, um, is coming up, and, you know, when they ask me about questions about immigration, like, what do I say, Anoop, like, because the board wants to know everything, just like Bun mentioned before. They want to see the big picture. If we grant you parole, what are you going to do? So when it comes to immigration, like, what are your plans? So I have to have a realistic, it needs to be realistic for me. You know, there’s no ifs and buts. I have to like, Anoop, what do I do? And if it’s not possible, then I have to have a plan B, you know? So that’s how we started corresponding and Anoop guided me in a lot of my preparation. and before I went to Adelanto, he prepped me step by steps on what it It’s gonna look like for me once ICE picks me up and everything was on point, you know, they came and got me an R& R, I left around nine o’clock, the white van came and picked me up, I went to Fresno holding cell from there, they’re gonna, assign me a, facility, you know, so that’s how it started. And then when I ended up in Adelanto after 72 hours, they finally were able to locate me just like, when, you know, Anoop has a way of, you know, it’s like a, you know, We have a GPS within us and Anoop just knows where to find us. So finally, you know, my grandma was telling me that Anoop told her that I was in Adelanto and, you know, later on I’m going to be in the system. And so, when I got there, everything that Anoop told me to, like, when you get there and they ask you for your signature, you tell them that, you’re fighting your case, this is what’s happening. You give them my number and, you know, so that’s the step by step process. 

And, that’s, that’s how Anoop got me, situated when I got to Adelanto and in preparing for my, my hearing, he walked me through it too. from the Bay Area, I was all the way to like, what, San Bernardino County in Adelanto and he was guiding me every step of the way. He had some, The Advancing Justice LA kind of like helped me, you know, with representing. Um, so I have extra help, and then preparing for CAT hearing, preparing for, just, you know, the whole time that I was in Adelanto, I was in constant communication with Anoop. Sometimes it’s not even about legal support, just emotional support. Like, okay. Anoop you have to, you have to just tell me. Tell me what I’m looking at. Tell me what I need to do. What are my next steps? What are my chances? And that really helped a lot, you know, stepping out of denial. That was my life story or, you know, I’m always in denial. And so this time, like, no, Anoop I need to know, like, what am I looking at? and so when. when it wasn’t going, it didn’t look well, you know, for me, as far as my hearing, it gave me all my probabilities, And I know what I need to do. So that’s how we, I’ve always, um, until today, I still seek Anoop’s advice about everything. you know, not being able to get my ID, like Anoop would be my next step, not being able to get, I said, some paperwork, some documents. So every step of the way in this whole journey, he’s always been our, You know, emotional support, legal support, in everything.

Anoop Prasad: [00:32:40] I think what’s really amazing and special at APSC is I met most of the staff at APSC when they were incarcerated. And most of the APSC staff first met each other in prison, often when they were just kids. And I think that makes APSC just like such a special place. Um, and I met Maria through Nia Norn, who’s our co director and met Maria at CCW Afton prison. Um, and I’d been writing Nia about her ICE hold and her deportation when she was serving a life sentence. and then she over mail introduced me to Maria and I started writing with Maria. and there’s this ripple effect of hope and freedom from every person who gets out and Maria has helped so many other people and she got out, get out of prison and out of ICE and same with Bun.That’s helped so many other folks in San Quentin and throughout the entire prison system get out. And so it’s really amazing seeing folks come home and then come back to get other folks out. 

Phillip Winnick: [00:33:33] Yeah, it’s incredible. Um, Maria, why don’t you tell us about some of the experiences you had, um, helping people out with the APSC?

Maria Legarda: [00:33:41] Oh, where do I start? 

Phillip Winnick: [00:33:43] Most memorable, I guess. 

Maria Legarda: [00:33:44] Yeah, the most memorable. you know, I’ve been sober for 20 plus years now and, one of my clients, um, when I introduced myself to her, I always introduced myself as a formerly incarcerated individual because I don’t want them to feel that I’m, you know, most of my clients have had traumas and have been judged for a very long time. And I don’t want them to think that I’m law enforcement or anything like that. And so I always tell them, oh, hi, my name is Maria and I’m formerly incarcerated. I served 14, 15 years and they’re like, what? And so that opens up, you know the, the door and it becomes an easy conversation to have. And so when one of my clients, she told me that Maria, I’m 20 months sober. I was like, Oh, I’m so happy for you. And she’s like, really? It’s like, yes. Don’t you know that it’s an accomplishment? It’s like, why? It’s like, Oh my God, you just give me one day. I’d be the happiest person. And she said, why? Because I’m 20 years sober, 20 plus years sober. You’re 20 months. You’re going to get to where I’m at. And so that started that conversation and that just bond between us. She’s, you know, she, she’s worked hard and she needed some help in different aspects of, you know, her trying to get her life together. Like Maria, I need to get my kids. Um, I’m in the process. What do I do? It’s like, okay, don’t worry. We’re going to find you some resources. We’re going to find you some, help with the law clinics and see who can take your case. And we’ll start from that. It’s like, okay. she needs housing. We signed her up for a housing and, it didn’t work out for her because she already participated in a similar program. So what we did was, okay, maybe we should start, you know, asking your CPS and this is what we’re going to do. So having case plan goals in order for her to see what would best suit her, what she wants to do in life and what she wants for her kids. we worked on that, you know. and her desire to be a substance abuse counselor.​​ The team, actually, I had talked to [unintelligible]. We need to help her get enrolled and she doesn’t have, financially, she’s struggling. She has three kids on coming back to her. You know, she’s getting her custody, her three kids custody back. So, you know, her hands are gonna be full. we need to help her. What do we do? He’s like Maria, enroll her. Like, I can? Like, yes, enroll her. I was like, really? I can enroll her? And to me, when my boss said I can enroll her, I was like, oh my god, that’s like, you know, you’re giving something. Like, that’s a gift. It, it doesn’t cost a lot, but that’s her future. That’s the kid’s future. And her having, you know, a career after that. She’s been on drugs for as long as she remembers, right? So that’s the greatest achievement for her at that time to be a substance abuse counselor. And just like, Maria, can you please help me find a class and to be able to do that? That’s why I’m doing the work that I do because if I can make a difference, even just by enrolling them, you know, what other programs do that? I don’t know if they do that, out of their organization’s pocket to sponsor somebody, you know, for higher education. So that was one of my memorable moments helping one of my clients get her classes to become a substance abuse counselor. Thank you. 

You know, and then the other one, we had one of our clients struggling with substance abuse and, his wife called me and she’s not actually our client, but you know, we’re all about family reunification. So if the wife, if the kids are having trouble and they have my phone number, they can reach out to us and we’ll help them. Right. And she reached out and she felt really this burden of guilt because. Like Maria, I don’t want to turn him in, but like he was drunk and being a, being a domestic violence survivor, right? I told her like, look, the first, that’s the best, like, he’s not going to be mad at you because you put your daughter’s care and your care in your life first before anything and because I know he’s a good father to her and a good man to you, besides that, you know, addiction, it creeps up on you and it crept up on him. And I said, you did the right thing. You did the right thing for him, because when the time comes, you were his accountable, accountability partner. So, you guys are both responsible for your daughter, and you did the right thing. And just walking her through that, because the guilt that was eating her up, because the whole family’s mad at her because she put him there, she shouldn’t have to go through that alone. You know, so, just taking the time, throughout the week and checking up on her. Do you need food? I can, we have pantry available for you. like, do you need diapers formula for the kid, for your daughter? Like, we have somewhere, a place that you can go to, to get some help in these trying times. And she’s like, okay, Maria, I’m going. So other than the emotional support and you know, the, other things that she needs, just getting her through that toughest time, there’s just no, there’s no, amount of like, there’s no satisfaction other than seeing a mother and the daughter being together and then now reunited with, you know, them reunited as a family. 

Phillip Winnick: [00:39:19] The feeling of you helping people who feel alone in a situation that you are similar to, and that you felt alone in, what is that feeling of being able to give these, these people somebody to talk to who have been through what, what they’ve been through?

Maria Legarda: [00:39:38] You know, it feels good is not even like amount to it because, um, I always wondered what if somebody, you know, what if somebody took their time, you to ask me, like, Maria, is everything okay? I felt like that could have. You know, that could have made a difference. Maybe not, but I wouldn’t know, right. Because of what I went through, but I don’t want that to be me. So when people come my way, I, I encounter people and, you know, I get a sense of like, what’s going on, you know, like what’s going on in your life. Like, you know, to have a conversation and just get to know them just a little bit, Then that’s when I know, you know, like, okay, this is what they’re going through. So let me just walk them through it. Why? Because some people don’t even know that they need that at that moment, at that time. You know, I, I didn’t know that maybe, you know, if one of the lifer OGs, you know, and in the beginning of my time, if she didn’t make an effort and say like, baby, you know, you can be more than just this around you. There’s hope out there for you. And that, gave me that small window of hope that maybe there is a chance for me to get out of this place and see myself outside these walls, right? So when I encounter people and I know that they’ve been in situations, I don’t know exactly what it is, I’ll just give some time and just get to know, talk to them just a little bit.

Just a little bit to see, like, what is it that you need? Maybe that’s, you know, a few seconds would make a difference, right? So if that’s what it needs, if that’s what somebody needs, a few seconds of my time to deter them from making that one major, decision in their life that’s gonna alter the course, right, of their life and go down that path that I went down on, like, that I’ve gone through, if I can prevent them from that. Then I did my job for that day, not my job, but I did what I’m supposed to do, you know, I felt like I went through all these obstacles in life because I have a purpose now, you know, and it’s not about saving everybody, but just being there for that person at that moment when it counts.

Ayame Keane-Lee: [00:42:01] We’ll be right back after the next song, “GRLGNG” by Rocky Rivera.

MUSIC

You are listening to Apex Express. That was “GRLGNG” by Rocky Rivera. Thanks again to the HHREC podcast for allowing us to re-air a portion of their show. Let’s get back to it.

Phillip Winnick: [00:46:22] That’s incredible. And I’m so happy for you that you found that for yourself. Why don’t you, you were, you were talking about the support groups a little bit earlier. Why don’t you, uh, tell me more about that? 

Maria Legarda: [00:46:33] Oh, so APSC, created, me and my director created, community and, re entry empowerment, which stands for CARE.

It’s APSC’s first women’s support group for formerly incarcerated women and transgender folks here in the Bay Area. And. You know, after years of incarceration, you know, navigating in, society, right, coming back home, transitioning into society, there’s a lot of overwhelming experiences and obstacles that we all go through. And so I know a lot of people. Women need that support, but where do we get that support? So we’ve been in a lot of re entry groups, support groups, and men have it, like they have it it’s, you know, it’s available for them, but what about the women? And so when we started it, um, we started with 24 people, asking is this something that you’re interested in? And majority of them said, yes, like, we need this because women wear many hats, you know, some are daughters, sisters, mothers, grandmothers, and there’s a lot in their lives that they go through. and as formerly incarcerated, not everybody understands what it’s like. So for us, you know, it’s, we live right next to each other, right? If I need help and I need support, I’m going to knock on the door like, Hey, you got a few minutes. Like, cause I need to talk right now. Like, okay, come on. We’ll walk down the yard, walk down and hash it out, talk and, you know, what’s going on with you. It’s like, I’m going through it. We can just talk. But now being out here, some live in the Bay area, some live in Antioch, some live in Pittsburgh, some live in Dinuba, some live up the mountains, like how do you find that support? Right? Some are tech challenged. They don’t know how to zoom. They don’t know how to FaceTime. So how do you do that? So we. made it possible for them, you know, to find, to have that space where we can meet every month and check in and see what’s happening with it, with each other. You know, what’s going on? What kind of support do you need? What resources do you need? Who do you need to get connected with? And, you know, being in that support group for six months, it’s like I never left my sisters inside. You know, the bond that we formed, and I know Bun can, you know, relate to this, the bond that we formed, you know, in those walls, it just continued in that Zoom space, you know, and it, recharged, that motivation, that encouragement that we’ve always looked out for each other when we were inside. So now that we’re out here, like, no, it doesn’t mean that just because we’re all out that we have to stop. So that space being created for us, we were able to reconnect and help each other out and playing phone tag and have text thread messages and emails. And so it just needed to get started. Like, no, this is what we’re going to do. This is how we can be there for each other. And so the program was a success. You know, we graduated in December. We started with 24, but due to work conflicts, we graduated with 19 women, who participated and completed the program. We had three in person events. Their whole family came with us with a graduation. And the one thing we wanted for our graduates, our participants, is that to spend a weekend with their family without having to worry about, Oh my God, we’re going to have to travel. It’s going to cost us money. No. We wanted them to spend time with each other as a unit, as a family, because of all those years that they were separated. Right. And not only that, be in the same space with the sisters that they’ve left, that they’ve been celebrating Christmases for two decades that’s how much time these women have spent with each other. And now that they’re out, they just needed to find a place to, you know, have a reunion. But at the same time, continue what we have when we were inside. Cause it doesn’t mean it has to stop. So now with the success of the program, We’re getting emails and we’re getting, you know, when can we start the next group? When can I participate? When can I come over? Am I going to be able to come to the Bay Area reunion? So there’s that hope, you know, that they’re not alone because, like we know now it’s, you know, these are challenging and difficult times and we’re here, you know, we we just. Don’t leave any of our sisters behind we just come on we got you just like we’ve always had each other’s backs.

Ayame Keane-Lee: [00:51:18] You can learn more about Maria’s story in the zine we was girls together by Trần Châu Hà. It portrays the story that you just heard along with more details. Maria’s story is one of many. She’s a survivor of gender based violence, forced to migrate to the United States due to the economic consequences of Western imperialism in the Philippines. Migrant women like Maria experience the compounding forces of colonialism, border exclusion, and economic exploitation in the United States, making them even more vulnerable to abusive relationships. In their attempts to survive, these women are usually met with criminal punishment rather than support or care. An estimated 94 percent of those in women’s facilities are abuse survivors. In the absence of state sanctioned support, these women turn to one another, building their own networks of care and advocacy for each other’s freedom. These networks illuminate the nature in which feminist care work is inherently a practice of racial solidarity between Black, Brown, Indigenous, and API women. The zine we was girls together, seeks to honor Maria’s story alongside that of her community of incarcerated women, documenting their solidarity campaigns, mutual aid projects, and life affirming relationships to one another. Thank you so much for joining us. We hope you will have the opportunity to join the live event on February 28th and to take action in support of the APSC4. You can also find out more about Maria and the APSC4 in the Asian American Histories of Resistance Timeline that is both online and in augmented reality form in the gallery. This timeline spans from 1873 to present day. We have interviewed scholar Helen Zia on Apex Express multiple times. She talks about moments that are MIH, or missing in history. In the timeline, Acre, Asian Americans for Civil Rights and Equality, presents moments of our Asian American story that are MIH. One of those stories is about Maria. Apex Express is a proud member of ACRE, Asian Americans for Civil Rights and Equality. We are committed to fighting for a more just and equitable world. As Grace Lee Boggs said, We are the leaders we’ve been waiting for.

Miko Lee: [00:53:26] Please check out our website, kpfa.org. To find out more about our show tonight. We thank all of you listeners out there. Keep resisting, keep organizing, keep creating and sharing your visions with the world because your voices are important. APEX Express is created by Miko Lee, Jalena Keane-Lee, Preeti Mangala Shekar, Anuj Vaidya, Swati Rayasam, Aisa Villarosa, Estella Owoimaha-Church, Gabriel Tangloao, Cheryl Truong and Ayame Keane-Lee. 

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