Appamada

Appamada

By AppamadaReligion & Spirituality
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Appamada episodes

  • 2025-07-22 I Inquiry I Belonging is what we are.. I Trudy Johnston
    Thanks
    By W. S. MERWIN
    Listen
    with the night falling we are saying thank you
    we are stopping on the bridges to bow from the railings
    we are running out of the glass rooms
    with our mouths full of food to look at the sky
    and say thank you
    we are standing by the water thanking it
    standing by the windows looking out
    in our directions
    back from a series of hospitals back from a mugging
    after funerals we are saying thank you
    after the news of the dead
    whether or not we knew them we are saying thank you
    over telephones we are saying thank you
    in doorways and in the backs of cars and in elevators
    remembering wars and the police at the door
    and the beatings on stairs we are saying thank you
    in the banks we are saying thank you
    in the faces of the officials and the rich
    and of all who will never change
    we go on saying thank you thank you
    with the animals dying around us
    taking our feelings we are saying thank you
    with the forests falling faster than the minutes
    of our lives we are saying thank you
    with the words going out like cells of a brain
    with the cities growing over us
    we are saying thank you faster and faster
    with nobody listening we are saying thank you
    thank you we are saying and waving
    dark though it is
    "Just to be clear
    I don’t want to get out
    without a broken heart.
    I intend to leave this life
    so shattered there’s gonna have to be
    a thousand separate heavens
    for all of my flying parts."
    – Andrea Gibson
    Still
    The Waters run deep
    The stag patiently waits,
    perhaps a lifetime, this lifetime.
    steadfast he watches,
    Studies this floating world,
    steps forward
    The first of his kind
    Knowing he will
    Kick up a speck of dust
    Dips his head
    drinks the clear dark water
    his tines swirl
    Fugitive patterns
    Into the flowing river
    And the moon trembles
    Turning
    He disappears
    Trudy Johnston
    1 hr 3 min
  • 2025-07-08 I Inquiry I Heartbreak I Flint Sparks
    Heartbreak
    ~ written in the ER
    The dull sickening pressure
    Is what got my attention.
    A racing heart,
    Stumbling over itself
    Is a more familiar alert.
    But this blunt sensation
    Was something new,
    Relentless and swelling,
    Like water and dry earth
    Mingling and churning
    As in a flash flood
    Finding its way slowly,
    Inexorably,
    Blindly searching out the low places
    By feel.
    Nothing stopping it’s steady movement.
    And nothing did
    On that day.
    This intensity,
    not familiar pain,
    Invaded the muscles of my chest
    Stiffened with anticipation.
    Slipping silently between the ribs
    Of my caged heart and lungs.
    Pushing rudely up into my throat
    Without asking permission
    Flooding both jaws
    With a strong, strange sensation
    That signaled something wrong.
    The pushy entitlement of fear
    Taking over without concern
    Or consent.
    It was my heart that was
    Captured and confused
    By this wild rouge energy.
    Not by the eyes I couldn’t
    Turn away from in the beginning,
    And still can’t.
    Not the warm young body
    I sought and never left
    As both our bodies
    Transformed into something
    More settled and real.
    Not by the steadfast will
    And stubborn Insistence
    I encountered saying
    This was what mattered.
    No, I had been captured by
    That unexpected love
    Years before.
    Confused by its earthy and
    Ordinary magnificence.
    Irresistible and terrifying.
    And now it was breaking.
    Not the love.
    But my heart.
    A dull sickening pressure
    Pushing me
    To the edge of the bed,
    Over the precipice in the dark.
    Nothing cruel or personal,
    Just inevitable.
    This precious breaking
    The final vow
    The final bow
    To you.
    1 hr 1 min

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Appamada is a contemporary center for Zen practice, inquiry, and community, located in Austin, Texas. If you appreciate these offerings, please consider making a contribution to support Appamada with…