On our fourth wedding anniversary, we finally recorded the episode you all voted for: everything we wish we knew earlier about dating. After nine years together — classmates, then colleagues, then partners across three cities from Beijing to Boston to New York — we're sharing the philosophy, the criteria, and the wildly unromantic-yet-somehow-very-romantic four-hour conversation that set the foundation for everything.

We get into how to actually know if someone is the right person, why self-awareness and prioritization matter more than a long wishlist, the "interview questions" Brian secretly asked on our first lunch, why being a nice guy is the most underrated trait in dating, and why we've always operated as teammates. Poured some wine, opened up, and told the whole origin story — from a Thanksgiving toast to getting together four days later.

If you're single and intentional, in the messy dating-to-serious transition, or an ambitious person wondering how a relationship fits around a big life — this one's for you.

Email me at [email protected] for anything you would like to listen next! Cannot wait to hear from you!

Timestamps

• 2:04 — Meet the couple: 9 years, 3 cities — classmates → colleagues (we split a referral bonus), Beijing → Boston → New York.

• 5:07 — What we each look for in a partner — Ling's criteria and Brian's "3 + 1"; why relationship is a team sport.

• 9:56 — The bad-boy trap — "if they're mean to other people, they'll be mean to you," and why you can't change anyone.

• 14:23 — Why nice guys win — kindness is the most underrated trait in dating and the best predictor of how you'll be treated.

• 18:04 — How we met: the Thanksgiving toast — the 60% friendship goal and one casual hello that changed everything.

• 22:44 — The secret "India interview" first date — the question that was really a personality test.

• 32:34 — Together in four days — "if I had to date someone here, it could only be Brian."

• 35:27 — The four-hour interview + staying independent — a consulting-style values talk, the one thing you didn't agree on, and the rules that kept you both independent.

We spend our 20s and 30s optimizing our careers, pursuing side projects, and catching up on AI, while quietly putting relationships on the back burner. This episode is LingLing's loving intervention on that plan. The research is the wake-up call: Harvard's 85-year Study of Adult Development found the single best predictor of who's thriving at 80 isn't cholesterol or income — it's how satisfied you are with your relationships. Meanwhile half of US adults report loneliness, social disconnection carries the mortality impact of smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and people in their 20s–30s are hit hardest (school hands you friends automatically; adulthood, remote work, and constant moving do not).

Then comes the part only a former McKinsey consultant would give you: a MECE framework of four relationship types — friendship, romantic, family, and "others" — with a rule of thumb (build a solid foundation in at least two of the four; diversification, like investing) and a genuinely useful pile of concrete, tested tactics for each. It's warm, it's funny, it's a little too structured, and it ends with a challenge you can start today: 30 minutes a week on the project called "don't die alone."

The banana underneath: relationships aren't the reward you collect after you succeed. They're a pillar you build while you succeed — with the same time, effort, and intentionality you already give your career.

What's your hardest relationship pillar — friendship, romantic, family, or others — and what's one tip that's worked for you? Comment, or email [email protected]. Ideas for future episodes welcome — she's compiling a list.

And the challenge: 30 minutes this week on Project Don't Die Alone. Call someone you love today. Stay bananas. 🍌

00:00 Why We Die Alone

00:37 Loneliness Research Wakeup

02:21 Ambition Makes It Harder

03:32 30 Minute Weekly Challenge

04:08 Four Relationship Pillars

05:24 Friendship Foundations

05:33 Keep Old Friends Close

12:05 Make New Friends Intentionally

16:00 Romance Strategic Clarity

20:11 Dating Takes Effort

22:56 Love Is Ongoing Work

23:35 Family Bonds That Last

26:34 Dogs And Neighbors

30:51 Key Takeaway And Goodbye

"Coding is just not in me." (Lingling fell asleep — front row — every single class of high-school CS.) Then one month changed everything: six hackathons, three websites and apps, and various different AI agents. This week, the apple we peel apart is the box called "I'm not technical" — and why the scariest part was never the code. It was the first step. 🍌 Stay bananas.

This episode is the honest, funny play-by-play of going from terrified to obsessed: the corporate laptop that wouldn't run a single AI tool, the API key that refused to set up, the two front-row neighbors who were always five steps ahead ("it works for me!"), and the Chipotle that genuinely saved the day. It's about how the first step is the scariest part, why the setup is harder than the building, and what it feels like when your identity quietly rewrites itself from "I can't" to "I can do this." Follow along Lingling's journey to fall in love with vibe coding.

*What do you want to listen to next? Do you want to join a virtual workshop on EP2 vibe coding or EP1 rejection is hot? Any feedback on the podcast? email me at [email protected], can't wait to hear from you!

Timestamps

00:00 Intro: the lifelong fear of coding

00:40 High-school CS class & the Bill Gates dream

01:47 The second class: asleep at the laptop

03:07 One month later: 6 hackathons, obsessed with vibe coding

05:22 Brian's AI gifts: a storybook & a website

07:56 First event: Agent of Change (and the laptop fail)

09:34 The Google workshop & getting stuck on setup

12:03 Phase three: actually building things

13:43 The tools: Claude, Lovable, Claude Code & Terminal

16:38 A new identity: "I can code"

19:03 "Is apple a banana?"

Resources & Links:

• Claude
• Gemini
• Lovable
• ChatGPT
• Perplexity

Lingling has a fancy resume, but she's been rejected more times than she can count. In this episode, she walks through more than 10 real rejections: a kindergarten crush who needed Ultraman loyalty, every college club at UNC, a scholarship she never got interviewed for, internships that ghosted her, and the first 20 McKinsey partners who said no to her impact idea. And what she figured out along the way. 00:00 Why Rejection Matters 01:50 First Crush Rejected 02:30 College Admissions Noes 03:16 Rejected By Student Clubs 04:53 Scholarship Dream Denied 06:34 Campus Jobs Turndowns 07:22 Internship Hunt Reality 08:51 Networking Event Meltdown 09:59 It Was Not The End 11:20 Internship Rejection Lessons 12:03 Asking For Feedback 12:41 Recruiting From Scratch 13:12 Networking Numbers Game 14:08 MBB Interviews And Setbacks 14:50 Thank You And Updates 16:18 Offer And Two Way Bonds 17:13 Rejection Never Ends 18:09 Impact Team Pitching 19:55 Final Message On Trying