Today  I'll cover the difference between being a director and an influencer, why directing will cause resistance, and how to break the director's pattern and become a powerful influencer in your marriage. 

Directors 

Directors are those that like to be in control. Their motives are not necessarily selfish. After all, they believe they are ensuring success. They think they know best. You or your husband may be a director at work as the assigned leader, but those skills don't work well in an equal partnership. Marriages must be in a state of equilibrium; otherwise, they are made up of two opposing forces. Now, you may not or may not be the director in the marriage. It might be your husband. I'll cover how to handle that in a moment. 

Influencers

An influencer, on the other hand, is encouraging someone to buy-in. Social media influencers influence others to buy a product or sign up for their services.  They focus on letting their audience see the value of what they are bringing to the table and how it might benefit their lives.  An influencer doesn't use force but gently encourages. They offer partnership in getting the outcome most desired. 

Remember when you were raising your children? When my children were young, giving directions was pretty commonplace, but I got the best results when I asked them to do things over telling them and by explaining why I was giving the directive.  I remember trying to be creative in getting them on board. Each of my children was very different, and I had to vary my approach for each. I engaged them to work with me, not against me. Every parenting book I read talked about how to communicate effectively with your children to achieve this. As they became teenagers, I had to get even more creative because they naturally wanted more control over themselves and their choices. That's the natural progression to adulthood.  We want a say in things. Being directed feels like we are being treated like a child that doesn't know any better. What if we brought these skills to our marriage? They are just influencer skills for all relationships if you think about it. 

I've heard grown adults say these very things before, You're not my mother, or If I wanted a father, I'd stayed at home. The only grown adult that will be directed is the one who is getting a paycheck, and even then, they may do so begrudgingly. However, most companies today are using psychology to work with employees to influence, not dictate. There is a greater awareness of the benefits for a company. Employees feel they are more empowered and likely to stay with the company. Bosses who disregard and talk down to employees are usually not well-liked and harder to respect. 

So, how do you change from being a director to an influencer in your marriage? It is all about intention and delivery. 

You can find the complete show notes at http://reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/40