Are You A Workaholic Or A People Pleaser?

In this episode, Jess shares about a pivotal moment recently when she realized that her workaholism was actually masking her people-pleasing tendencies.   Audio Transcript:    Jessica Rhodes: On this episode, I want to share a really, really great breakthrough, I had.   2 00:00:10.559 --> 00:00:21.870 Jessica Rhodes: spoiler alert we're sharing all of our breakthroughs on this podcast now, but I want to share a really important breakthrough about like workaholism and people pleasing and the connection because.   3 00:00:22.470 --> 00:00:35.640 Jessica Rhodes: I had this pivotal moment recently when I was you know talking with my husband Jamie he was like hey you know we do our two week vacation every summer with our like extended family.   4 00:00:36.390 --> 00:00:51.660 Jessica Rhodes: And then he was like I really think this summer, we should also do a week vacation like just the four of us, and I was like yeah and when he suggested that I was starting to get a little nervous about taking another week off and.   5 00:00:52.740 --> 00:01:06.270 Jessica Rhodes: Normally one would be excited for a vacation, but it was like kind of stressing me out like scheduling it in, and you know we found this week where it's fine like there's no launching happening and.   6 00:01:07.530 --> 00:01:10.410 Jessica Rhodes: It was like we were looking at this Wednesday to a Wednesday.   7 00:01:11.490 --> 00:01:19.350 Jessica Rhodes: And I saw that on the calendar was like a group mastermind call and content day like where we record all our podcast and I was like.   8 00:01:20.100 --> 00:01:26.430 Jessica Rhodes: Okay Jamie maybe like let's leave like Wednesday afternoon because, like, I have some stuff in the morning and he was like.   9 00:01:27.240 --> 00:01:41.250 Jessica Rhodes: it's we're talking about August, like you, can't move it and I was like getting really nervous and like uncomfortable and I was like um no I can get it, and he, like what he gave me the look right he was like seriously like you can't move this like.   10 00:01:42.360 --> 00:01:50.850 Jessica Rhodes: And I really like it was just in that moment, where I was like oh my God like I don't i'm not like addicted to work i'm not a workaholic I am.   11 00:01:51.240 --> 00:01:56.970 Jessica Rhodes: deeply afraid of inconveniencing other people, because I knew that if I.   12 00:01:57.390 --> 00:02:05.610 Jessica Rhodes: said i'm going to be off that day I would have to ask Maggie can we record our podcast on a different day and I would have to say to MARQuIS can you lead the call that day.   13 00:02:06.390 --> 00:02:16.320 Jessica Rhodes: And I was so afraid to make that request, and I was like I have always identified as a hard worker I love work i'm a career woman like.   14 00:02:16.770 --> 00:02:28.830 Jessica Rhodes: That has been my identity and through all of this work that's happening right now, this personal work I realized, it is like people-pleasing manifesting as workaholism and an addiction to work.   15 00:02:29.130 --> 00:02:40.080 Jessica Rhodes: it's not an addiction to work, I actually quite enjoy taking time off, but I was so afraid of inconveniencing somebody that I just was like I love working.   16 00:02:42.120 --> 00:02:48.150 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah and, like the stuff that justice talking about is like very easy to reschedule to.   17 00:02:48.600 --> 00:02:49.950 Jessica Rhodes: Like it just exactly.   18 00:02:50.040 --> 00:03:02.100 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Like we reschedule like our content block when we record the podcast we reschedule it like all the time, in fact, the August, one is a reschedule of the original one because I booked a weekend with my basti and all the colleges move this.   19 00:03:03.840 --> 00:03:05.880 Jessica Rhodes: knocking I have different trauma tendencies.   20 00:03:07.770 --> 00:03:11.190 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah, but I think this is really good, because this is something.   21 00:03:12.840 --> 00:03:17.220 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): When we did the leadership and the nervous system panel hold on.   22 00:03:19.470 --> 00:03:30.540 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): When we did the leadership in the nervous system panel which we also put out as a podcast episode So hopefully you listen to it and talks about psychological safety we talked a little bit about.   23 00:03:32.880 --> 00:03:46.920 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): trauma informed leadership, which I think is really, really interesting and i'm excited to go down more of a rabbit hole on that, but one of the things we talked about because, having worked with Elizabeth Elizabeth Christoph who, I guess, we talked about in every.   24 00:03:46.920 --> 00:03:50.040 Jessica Rhodes: episode is basically our co host now we're.   25 00:03:50.820 --> 00:03:57.390 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): only slightly obsessed with her and the work that she's doing but um she was talking about herself how.   26 00:03:58.380 --> 00:04:08.850 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You know nervous system dysregulation and trauma and stuff manifested as perfectionism and high achieving and how true that is for a lot of business owners, a lot of high performers.   27 00:04:09.810 --> 00:04:17.190 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): there's like this aspect of like yes, you love what you do, but then there's this aspect of the way that you're doing it that can be dysfunctional.   28 00:04:17.580 --> 00:04:22.020 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it was really interesting because we're talking about leadership and the nervous system and talking about our teams.   29 00:04:22.440 --> 00:04:36.120 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And there's this sort of myth in mastermind groups and just groups of entrepreneurs talking it's like if somebody has a team Member who's like all into like first two o'clock in first o'clock out like all this stuff that like your.   30 00:04:36.120 --> 00:04:36.960 Jessica Rhodes: Last too long ago.   31 00:04:37.500 --> 00:04:37.950 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Oh yeah.   32 00:04:40.650 --> 00:04:41.520 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): See I can't even say.   33 00:04:43.050 --> 00:04:51.690 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah So if you have someone who's like the first in in the morning, the first out at night, like just working super hard I can't.   34 00:04:51.840 --> 00:04:53.460 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): See it's not me.   35 00:04:57.240 --> 00:05:08.820 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): there's this myth that if you have this employee who is so all in there working longer hours and everybody they're trying harder their work is perfect like they're just like this quintessential a player.   36 00:05:09.330 --> 00:05:15.330 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): everybody's like oh my God you're so lucky like where did you get them, how can we clone them.   37 00:05:15.720 --> 00:05:23.760 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And there's nothing wrong with having someone who's a super high performer i'm a high performer just as a high performer like it's good but there's also.   38 00:05:24.270 --> 00:05:31.470 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): With trauma informed leadership, there is this aspects of is that person.   39 00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:42.240 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Working that way because of dysregulation and a lot of the times, I think the answer is yes, we can still perform at a high level, we can still work hard.   40 00:05:42.510 --> 00:05:49.710 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): and go hard on the things that we love that we're in flow and alignment on that feel really easy but that generate results in revenue.   41 00:05:50.130 --> 00:05:56.100 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But I do think it's really powerful to look at this idea of especially.   42 00:05:56.550 --> 00:06:04.500 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You know within capitalism it's being a hard worker being a duo or being a grinder being the hardest worker in the room, like.   43 00:06:04.860 --> 00:06:16.470 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): All there's so many sayings are so many quotes there are so many motivational posters like it's so glorified and I think it's really important to bring in this aspect of the dialogue that.   44 00:06:17.370 --> 00:06:34.230 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's kind of dysfunctional and while the label of being a workaholic or super hard worker feels really validating to the ego that ego boost might be covering up some less you know, maybe attractive or less.   45 00:06:34.770 --> 00:06:45.060 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): gratifying to the ego traits that have more to do with proving self worth getting affirmation not letting people down people pleasing all that stuff.   46 00:06:45.480 --> 00:06:51.690 Jessica Rhodes: yeah and when you understand and have these breakthroughs of understanding, your tendencies and what they're coming from.   47 00:06:52.380 --> 00:06:59.460 Jessica Rhodes: A lot of your actions can be similar, but it is totally perceived in a new way and you feel so much more different.   48 00:07:00.330 --> 00:07:02.010 Jessica Rhodes: You know so for me like I.   49 00:07:02.250 --> 00:07:16.020 Jessica Rhodes: I do, I love this business and I love, what I do and before I realized that I had these people pleasing tendencies, like, I mean i've heard for forever people like i'm a people pleaser and i'm like that's not me that's not me and i'm like so Okay, maybe it is so i've had.   50 00:07:16.530 --> 00:07:26.520 Jessica Rhodes: Since i've had this realization around like how I do, I have had these people pleasing tendencies now i'm realizing oh my gosh like I can see how many times, I was.   51 00:07:27.210 --> 00:07:36.690 Jessica Rhodes: working more hours working harder doing more things because I wanted to please people and I didn't want to inconvenience anyone, and I wanted to like show my worth.   52 00:07:37.200 --> 00:07:47.850 Jessica Rhodes: And now that I realized the difference like you know i'm working on our social media at seven in the morning because I want to because it's fun, not because i'm trying to please somebody and then.   53 00:07:48.210 --> 00:07:56.850 Jessica Rhodes: I may stop working at 430 or four o'clock because I know i've provided the value that I can provide that day and I don't feel bad or guilty about it and it's just.   54 00:07:57.990 --> 00:08:05.970 Jessica Rhodes: it's so interesting to have this realization and this breakthrough because i'm now seeing it and other people, which is like i'm like okay now I gotta.   55 00:08:07.050 --> 00:08:15.450 Jessica Rhodes: I can't not coach this person or this or you know, and I think it's I love what you're saying about the dysfunctional.   56 00:08:16.470 --> 00:08:26.970 Jessica Rhodes: You know traits because it's It makes me sad right when people are like they want to check their email on vacation because they don't want to inconvenience, you and I think that's something.   57 00:08:27.330 --> 00:08:38.010 Jessica Rhodes: I mean you talk about this, all the time, like really healing the workplace healing the team, so people can feel free to to take that time off without feeling stressed about it.   58 00:08:38.970 --> 00:08:51.000 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah and the healing of a team starts with the leaders right like it's you it's not enough to just work on an individual level, you also have to work with the organization and, as a group, but it starts with the leader.   59 00:08:51.330 --> 00:09:02.730 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And you can send a message with your words that it's okay to unplug and take a vacation if you're not actually modeling that energetically and with your actions.   60 00:09:03.480 --> 00:09:10.080 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): They people are smart social mammals pick up on cues and it's not just what you say.   61 00:09:10.320 --> 00:09:24.510 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And if you say something's Okay, but every other piece of you is indicating it's not okay your team will get the message they're like all right wink wink got it it's okay to do this, like I know it's not and they won't do it so.   62 00:09:25.380 --> 00:09:38.430 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): This healing that we do as leaders has such an impact to create this next level team to create group healing and we knew think about how people spend and we i'll probably do a whole.   63 00:09:38.910 --> 00:09:44.040 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): episode on this, but when you think about how people spend the majority of their time at work.   64 00:09:44.400 --> 00:09:56.280 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): The space that you create within your Organization has such a huge impact on people's lives which then has this ripple effect on all the people that they live with and come in contact with.   65 00:09:56.610 --> 00:10:11.970 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): So I think leaders have this incredible opportunity to create the shift in consciousness and to heal generational trauma and all of this stuff by creating these safe spaces, with our teams, but it really does start with you as the leader.   66 00:10:12.780 --> 00:10:26.610 Jessica Rhodes: yeah So if you do feel like you're a workaholic and you're addicted to your work just know that there may be some trauma to process there may be some tendencies playing out that are in your blind spot and.   67 00:10:27.150 --> 00:10:40.560 Jessica Rhodes: As somebody who has felt like a workaholic there is this, there is a possibility for you to enjoy taking time off and to do it in a way that feels really good and free and not like it's constricting you know.   68 00:10:41.130 --> 00:10:46.470 Jessica Rhodes: So we hope that this was helpful and maybe shed a light on something that you weren't looking at before.