Words. Phrases. Lyrics. It's often the spark for ideas, questions, and conversation. Connection ensues.

Communication isn’t the same as connecting.

We communicate by speaking, writing, and body language. Communication is one person sending and one receiving. But that’s not connecting. Communication is aimed at intellectually understanding. Connecting is aimed at emotional understanding. That’s how relationships are built. And that's more often than not how these episodes are formed. Makes sense because Leaning Toward Wisdom is a collaborative endeavor.

Do you think we’ve connected? Is there any emotional bond between us? As a listener to this podcast, I hope we've found some sort of connection. Otherwise, I doubt you'd be listening.

Connection requires the people involved to get in. I got in on day one with you years ago when I started this podcast. I'm hoping you'll get in - if you haven't already - and contribute to making this Leaning Toward Wisdom connection work for you?

It started with a conversation about kindness versus niceness. I've discussed that before so I won't dive too deeply into it again today except to point out that being kind is helpful, being nice is mostly about being polite - but not likely being very helpful. Which is where the conversation quickly went to with the question, "What's helpful? What's hurtful?" The context was challenging with kindness.

Focusing in on the word "hurtful," I offered a counter. Let's make it harmful instead because it be hurtful to pour alcohol on a skinned knee of our child, but it's helpful. Harmful is something entirely different though. It's detrimental.

When you make your living by coaching people to higher performance you have to lean heavily into kindness because until people feel completely safe, you can't serve them. Safe means we know - with certainty - that people have our best interest at heart. They want us to succeed. They want us to thrive. They want us to grow. They're committed to helping and equally committed to avoiding harming us.

Being challenged isn't always fun, but when it's done in safety it's not harmful. Uncomfortable? Almost always. Putting us in a position where we're driven to think more deeply? Always. Giving us a choice of how to respond? Always.

As my friend and I talk about helping or harming it was clear we were really talking about some different scenarios and different kinds of people. There are times when people may think they're being helpful, but they're not. Times when people are disguising being harmful as helpful. Times when people may genuinely want to help, but go about it so poorly they harm.

I'm fond of how the British refer to coaching as being in the helping business. I think of myself as being in the helping business. I'd hate to think of myself as being in the harming business. Criminals are in the harming business. Immoral businesses are in the harming business. Sin businesses are in the harming business. Look around...there's an awful lot of profit and feverish activity in the harming business.

Last week I pointed out what's on my whiteboard.

It's implied in my whiteboard statement that I'm trying to figure out how to make the biggest POSITIVE difference. The biggest HELPFUL difference.

Am I always successful? No, I don't always succeed at my intended consequences.

There are unintended consequences. Would that we were always judged by our intentions. Or would that be good?

Are our intentions always honorable? Do you really want to be judged by your intentions?

Sometimes our intentions may be rightly aimed at helpful, but sometimes not.

I stumbled across a documentary on Amazon Prime the other day, The Identity Theft of Mitch Mustain. It's a 2014 documentary about a young man,