631: Are You Present To Walk Your Daughter Down The Aisle?

For 21 years, Ashley and I raised, led, and parented our daughter.  On a beautiful Friday afternoon in April, I had 56 seconds to walk her down a sweepingly curved walkway of gray pavers under an aged live oak tree into the hands of another man who within a few minutes would become her husband.   My time as her dad did not end in the 5 o’clock hour of that Friday afternoon, but my time as the primary male influence in her life did.   In the months and years leading up to this moment, I felt calm and intentional thinking through where we were trying best to lead our children.  In the hours and days after those 56 seconds, my emotions began stirring in realization of a new reality, and one that can bring a man either to joy or regret. I will relish those 56 seconds.  I remember them.  Those few paver-stabilized steps were clear, and I even remember telling my daughter that we should slow down because I had waited 21 years for this short walk together.   The song being sung in the background was entitled Gratitude. The wind swayed lightly. The sun peeked through the canopy of the oaks to catch an overhead glimpse of a Dad soaking it all up.   Remembering the meaningful steps that you will take in the future begins with taking intentional steps today, and those hard, often unseen steps set the moments to experience gratitude when we are invited into the brief, 56-second steps.   The question you will answer on the backside of the 56-second moment is this, “was I present?” Too many Mom and Dad business owners are too busy in the weeds of their business that they don’t make time for the intentional steps that are required before the 56-second moments.   The presence of the 56 seconds is earned in the minutes, hours, weeks, months, and years leading up to it.  Then, poof, life moves on. Were you present? Were you in this moment while you were in this moment? A banner that you can begin to fly over the hope of your life is the word intentional. You own the years and the 56 seconds when you create a life of intentionality; of being deliberate. A deliberate business owner is one who has carefully thought through the weight of life, the relationships that matter, and actively builds a business that will support the desired life. Too many owners are growing just to grow and the growth leads to increased burden (more time at work, more people to lead, more money to steward) that they have little desire for.  Being deliberate carries with it the idea of carefully balancing weight on scales, slowly and carefully adding an ounce here, and removing an ounce there to get the scales balanced.   Balance will rarely be achieved of course because we are human, fragmented, broken.   A third-century Rabbi Shemuel ben Nachmani said that: “We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.” If you are chaotic, frantic, distracted, and unintentional, then life will remain that way for you, even in the 56-second walk. If you are boundaried, scheduled, coordinated and thoughtful, then life will shape itself in that way for you, even in the 56-second walk.   Intentional owners hold to a mission and values and repeat it over and over again.  This does not lead to the misnomer perfection of The Truman Show or Disney-like perfection.  Life is hard and business is hard, but it is made all the more meaningful when we have a mission to pursue and values to guide our decision-making; both in life and in our business. Intentional owners decide now what they wish for their future presence to look like.  I did not want to be distracted in the months, weeks, and hours leading up to our daughter’s wedding. I began maneuvering my schedule months prior to the 56-second walk so that I would think of nothing but this stunning bride and leading her to her husband.  Nothing else had my attention except that walk in that moment or in the moments leading up to it; no personnel thoughts, client thoughts, billing thoughts, service-delivery thoughts…nothing.   Just walking with smile-induced tears.  Intentional owners necessarily empower others to do the work day to day leaving space and margin in the schedule and in their heads to do the hard, uncertain, un-kept work of pioneering, visioneering, and direction setting.   We have three primary meetings in our business.  Two of those meetings are weekly, and one is twice monthly.  I lead none of those meetings. Our team has been and is being equipped to lead in a powerful and agenda-driven way so they have autonomy and freedom to lead within a clear set of boundaries and outcome expectations.   You will only have 56 seconds for one action that you will have waited her whole life for. Will you be present?