When you wrestle with a commitment, who are you arguing with? Let’s say you made a plan to get in shape. You download a workout schedule, buy some shoes, and a watch. You are ready. The alarm goes off the next morning. You debate the rewards of sleeping a bit more vs. going for a jog. You decide to roll over. You wake with a heavy guilt for not running. Does it seem like two characters in the play here? Why are you guilty? It’s you that decided to roll over.

You had an idea of yourself running. This idea is lost when you roll over. Are you grieving the loss? Can you grieve something you never had in the first place?

I was once a German linguist. I studied German intensely while in the Air Force for about 9 months at the best language school in the country. I lived in Germany. I didn’t practice, and like running, the ability will pass. The fluency will fade into oblivion. People will console you that it’s like riding a bike. Maybe. But I did lose what I had. I grieve this stupid mistake. I should have kept at it, even a little. This grief seems real to me. I did have the skill once. I don’t have it now. That’s different than grieving something you never had like the ability to run, being in shape, or slim. The New Year’s resolution is almost comical. Does anyone stick to it just because of a date?

I think the grieving is the loss of your story. You started a story when you bought the shoes, downloaded the app and told your friends, “I’m a runner.” You lost the story when you rolled over to sleep instead of getting up. Did you have to lose the story?

Maybe if you could hold on to some version of the story then you could keep going? Maybe, just maybe you need a better story to tell? I’m not sure I have an exact answer, but I do feel like I have a clue. I’m on the right trail.

Some stories have a fixed date and strict boundaries. These stories are fixed in time. When it comes to our life’s story, you have some flexibility. One problem with your story telling is you can trick yourself into thinking it will never end. You know you are going to die, but you think it won’t be soon. Your story doesn’t need to progress. You have time.

I’ll let you in on a secret. Any good story is what we call a page turner. What’s at the bottom of each page that’s going to get you to keep reading, keep turning the page? The story can be a 1000-page saga, and if it doesn’t hook your early and often, you’ll put it down.

Here’s some guidelines to keep you story going.

#1 Know, believe it will be okay. You are worth it. You do matter, and it will be okay. Few things you do can’t be undone or improved upon. Give yourself a break.

#2 Forgive yourself. You are going to make mistakes. Count on it. No matter how sincere your commitment, you are going to slip, so have a plan. What are you going to do? First forgive yourself. When I was in POW training, we were taught when someone makes a mistake, bring them in closer. The alienation will only cause them to fail further. In this case, you are your own team. Forgive yourself. Bring yourself in when you mess up. Be honest. Regroup.

#3 You’ll be right back. You aren’t going anywhere for long. If you roll over, know you’ll be back in two minutes or tomorrow morning, but you aren’t going away. The story continues.

#4 Realize it is your story. We have enough of everyone else. The world doesn’t need one more author, athlete, singer, or business phenom. The world does need you. Your unique approach. Your signature style. Embrace the differences and enhance the flavor.