Well Scripted Life

99 days. My odd experiment is coming to an end. Tomorrow is the last episode. Today, I thought I begin to reflect on what’s happened, maybe a part 1. I didn’t want to talk about something I’ve already posted, like so many of the podcasts. I wanted something new for today, so I’m starting with a blank sheet, and I’m going to see where this leads.

Emotions have played a larger role in my experiment than anything physical or mental. I didn’t lack skill, time, or money. The skill level required is minimum. I just did the best I can do. The time wasn’t much. The article and podcast took about 20 to 45 minutes depending on the day. The exercise was only 150 seconds. Money wasn’t required. Anchor.fm and LinkedIn are both free, and I already had the microphone.

The experiment was an emotional rollercoaster. The last week has been an all-time low, and I would have predicted it to be an all-time high. I thought I would be excited to be at the end, but I was almost angry at the futility of a few more days. Somehow I thought I had learned all that I would learn, but in the middle of that thought, realizing I was still learning how to finish when the fun was gone.

It’s about the finishing, even when it isn’t fun. It’s okay to switch of course, but only for real reasons, not for emotions. I’m not happy about emotions playing such a large role. I feel cornered somehow by my desire to have my emotions aligned with my objectives. Why do I “want” to relax, veg, read for fun, hang out? None of those activities are bad in the right context and allotment. I’m not saying to work all day and never relax. Actually, I believe being with the ones you care about is more important than any experiment. The point is what type of person do you want to be for the ones you care about. I know someone that lies often. He’ll exaggerate and explain away mistakes. I find him untrustworthy. I don’t value his friendship much. He’s not the type of person I aspire to be. I don’t think he’s the type of person he aspires to be, but maybe I’m wrong. I don’t know him well enough to say, but I can use him as a hypothetical to examine my own thinking. Is it possible he’s too busy with the mundane and immediate that he can’t take the time to ponder something long term and valuable? Could he be addicted to the easy road? I know first steps in any direction is a good indicator of the next step and direction. I like to say firsts beget seconds. If I read, I’m more likely to read. If I eat junk food, I’m more likely to continue to eat junk food. If I walk a little, I’m more likely to walk a lot. In this real sense, I can be aware of beginnings and set a course for a beautiful ending.

I haven’t really found my tribe yet. I have a few very dear friends that are worth the world to me. I’m not talking about that tribe. I’m talking about my hobby of investigating will power, decisions, and habits. I’m still searching. If you know anyone I should know, please connect us. If you are someone who finds this type of thing interesting, please let me know.

This isn’t an end. Tomorrow is my last episode for this experiment, and I will close tomorrow the same way I’m going to close today, to be continued.

Where is work? It’s not a place. It’s an effect.

Stephen Ambrose in Nothing Like It In the World (page 130-131) tells a story about General Dodge's philosophy. “He [General Dodge] toured the country and had every soldier on the Platte in the saddle instead of by a fire in the stockades. Shortly, the general manager of the Overland Telegraph notified Washington that telegraphic communication had been resumed from the Missouri River to California. Grant wired him a query: “Where is Dodge?” The general telegraphed back, 'Nobody knows where he is, but everybody knows where he has been.'”

I can think of a better complement.

Schedule it.

That's the best time management advice I can give summed up in one bumper sticker. Sure there's more we can talk about, but if you only remember one thing, schedule it.

Have you ever stressed because you don't have enough time in the day? I hope so, and that's a good thing. I believe you can use this to your advantage.

Do you normally start out strong and relax a little as the day progresses? I hope so; you can use this to your advantage.

Boundaries and restrictions, like 24 hours a day, force innovation and creativity. One of my favorite movie quotes is from Platoon, "There's the way things should be and the way things are." When we talk about change in a corporate sense, we are trying to move from the way things are to the way things should be.

To paraphrase a quote by Bernard Shaw "At every dog fight, the owner knew which dog would win. When asked how he knew, he explained it was easy. He feed one dog and starve the other." I experienced the benefit of feeding the wining-dog firsthand. About 20 years ago, I sold service at a local car dealership. I was measured by how many hours my technicians were able to charge per customer visit. On days with less factory-paid warranty work, I'd have a higher average repair hour number. I told my boss that I couldn't control what warranty work would come through the door. He agreed and told me to book more customer-paid work, and I wouldn't have room for so much factory-paid work. I had to feed the dog I wanted to win.

Change requires a feeding plan. You must identify the behaviors required to adopt the new way of life, the way things should be and make a plan to encourage, require, or gamify those behaviors. Since we know our will power is stronger early in the day and wanes thin as the day progresses, we need to go big and go early with the desired changes. If you fill the day with the actions you want, you'll run out of time for the other actions.

Of course, this isn't easy. Of course, there are key behaviors. Of course, there's more to change than just a feeding plan. My point is that you must have feeding plan in addition to the other change activities.

What do you think?

Definitions are powerful. What's your definition of success?

As a parent, my definition of success is simple. I have 6 kids now, and I formed this definition years before I had kids. I would add so much to it if we were discussing parenting today, but I still think it holds as a decent definition.

I'm the child of a teenage pregnancy. I've heard lots of stories about the hardships and struggles. I've seen a few as I got old enough to understand. I guess this is why growing up I considered teenage pregnancy such a burden. This type of mistake carries a lot of fear. Young people have a tendency to continue hiding a mistake, hoping it will somehow go away. I too was young once (long time ago), and I remember clearly thinking the world was against me. I had to do it myself. This type of thinking is dangerous. As we know now as older adults, a lot of harm can be avoided if we get help early and often. My definition of success as a parent is "Can my daughter come to me and say, 'Dad, I'm pregnant.'"?

As a leader, my definition is very similar. Does the team live in fear of failure? Do they hide mistakes, sweep mistakes under the rug, or think they'll make up for it next time? Remember the $2 Billion mistake JPMorgan suffered? Jamie Dimon explains in an interview how the mistake could have been so much smaller had the team admitted earlier what had happened. What's my definition of success as a team leader? Does the team come to me earlier and often to check in on mistakes? Do they trust that we'll push each other hard, hold each other to high levels of accountability, and still realize we have to take risks? Does the team believe we have each other's back?

What about the success definition as a seller? “Let's call Greg.” -- not “Let's look for a solution, or let's shop around.” Even if I don't have the product they need, I'll still help explore a solution. My definition of success as a seller is “Am I top of mind to the customer?”. Do they trust me enough to call early and say, "Hey, we're thinking about X." or "We have a problem. Not sure you can help, but we thought we'd start with you."

In life? My definition is a bit odd. I've always pictured a loud, chaotic, colorful Christmas. Too many gifts. Too much food. Kids everywhere. Laughter. Time together. As Inky Johnson says, it's we not I.

How I wish we were face-to-face. We could talk like humans. We could trade ideas, extend our views, challenge our assumptions, and even become friends. I think it was Newton that said we stand on the shoulders of the giants that came before us. Day to day we can stand on the ideas of our peers much like you see the obstacle course racers scale a wall with the help of their team.  We need each other more than ever to tackle the problems of the day.

I love to learn. And after I’ve learned anything, I can’t help but share with anyone that will listen. This morning while driving to an appointment I was thinking about KPIs, metrics, and gut intuition. Malcolm Gladwell in his book, Blink, tells us we should trust intuition more than we think.  Over time experts can become very good at intuition. Daniel Kahneman in his book, Thinking - Fast and Slow, explains what we consider intuition is really just pattern matching over time. Either way it’s a judgement call. What I find interesting is my behavior with google maps and my intuition -- and how I discount for risk.

On each morning drive I get to choose between a slightly faster interstate drive or a drive through town.  Depending on the time of day and destination, it can be 5 to 15 min difference in the choice.  Maybe 60% of the time, I’ll check google maps for traffic and base my decision on that metric or KPI; however, the trips I remember are the ones where I didn’t check google maps and the traffic on the interstate delays me excessively.  This happens maybe 1 out of 20 trips. I don’t know for sure since I don’t track it; however, the negative experience weighs so heavily in my mind that I’ve learned to not trust the interstate.

This is how most people discount for risk. They might not use that phrase, but I discount the time saved by interstate travel by a factor equal to what I consider the risk of traffic.  If this was a project and I was using a financial model to determine to go or no-go, I’d discount the project outcome in the same way. It’s a gut-intuition call.

What if I had used metrics? KPIs? Google maps is a very good KPI for my travel time. It is true that I could start out with a clear interstate and an accident could happen that would change the prediction.  Remember past results are no indication of future returns. I could have traveled the interstate for weeks and today would be the day I would miss the important meeting.

Like most managers, I discount more if the risk is higher. Let’s say I was on my way to an interview for a job. I’d leave earlier and drive through town, regardless of what google might predict. The risk is too high.

Here’s the point: use KPIs and metrics routinely for everyday decisions at work. Don’t trust how it normally is.  Evidence based decisions are real and getting cheaper by the minute. As the algorithms improve, we’ll trust them more, but remember to discount for risk. It’s still your responsibility to make the right call.  You can’t blame the model or the machine or the computer.

Sunday, November 1, 2020 Update

Hello again. It’s Sunday. Time for an informal update on the 100 Day Challenge. We are down to the wire. A week from today, and it’s all over. So far, I’ve missed exercise on 1 day. I have recorded a podcast and wrote the accompanying blog every day for the last 93 days.

I keep thinking about day 101. What do I do? Do I keep going? Doesn’t feel right. I might have something to learn from a forced break. I could lose the handful of people that actually listen.

Am I going to begin a different 100 Day Challenge? I think I am; I must. Knowing what it means to stick to something, even a small something for 100 Days, causes me to weigh my selection carefully. What will the return be on the attention invested? What type of gains do I wish to see?

I’ll continue something with health and something creative. I’ll add something about growth, like learning a new topic. I’ve wondered if I should shoot for the moon and discover the grit required to stick it out, or do I stay with a reachable goal that adds up to nice rewards. The past 100 have been very easy as far as the tasks are concerned. The podcast has surely suffered at times being forced to a daily production, but I am happy with the output. My exercise was so simple to be embarrassing, and yet I am more flexible and stronger than I’ve been in a long time.

Everyone talks about swing for the fence or out working everyone else. Of course, I don’t disagree, but I’m more interested in the small nuance of change. What’s the minimum I can alter and get a desired improvement? I could start with goals like run a marathon, lose 50 pounds (yes, I weigh 240 at 5’9’’), make a million dollars. These goals might be unreachable or seem like it. But I could back up and wonder what type of person I would need to be and what type of things would that person do each and every day. Make a list of those tasks and find a bare minimum that would move me toward my goal. Based on the philosophy that something each day is far better than nothing or a medium size chunk every once in a while. The best activities aren’t much use if done once every couple of weeks. I can’t run a few miles once a month and expect much from it. I can’t fast 1 day a month and see a lot of gain. I can’t write all day every 90 days and get anywhere. I’m far better off to run for 1 min a day, stop eating after 6pm, and write for 10 min. This is what I’m talking about.

3 areas to improve for me:

1. Body

2. Mind

3. Skill

Hard to separate mind and skill, but I’m talking about a healthy habit for the mind like creating or building versus a tactical skill like writing, singing, programming. I’ll keep working on what’s next, and I’m building a process to pick the goal, find the habits, and begin with tiny actions.

Right size fits all. Send me an email if you’d like to join me. Starts Monday, November 9th, 2020 and ends February 17th, 2021.

Do you believe physical weight is relative? Does 50 pounds weigh the same for everyone? I know on a scale, we might agree, but in practice, is 50 pounds just as easy for a 1st-grader to pick up as it is for a high school senior? Of course not.

Do you believe emotional weight is relative? Can I handle the same emotional trauma that everyone else can handle? Maybe I can handle less; maybe I can handle more, but we can all agree we don’t each handle it the same. I might cry like a baby during an aircraft emergency where a trained pilot would become alert and get into action. I might yawn when the school calls and says my kid was hurt where some other parent might find it difficult to drive safely to school.

I think we can become sensitized to emotional strain. I’m sure a nurse’s first day in ER is a little tougher than six months down the road. Our minds have a way of shutting out information when we have too much to handle. Over time we can become familiar with some details and notice more. This takes practice, and we can be trained to focus on the key information.

My point is we don’t all behave the same under pressure, and we can’t expect everyone to be the same. We can’t transfer our expectations onto someone else. Sometimes I don’t even understand why something gets to me when I don’t think it should. We are complex.

Einstein said something like, “We are all geniuses, but you can’t judge a fish by its ability to climb trees.”

Often those of us in the technology world ask too much of everyone else. We expect people to understand how to use our tools when we can't possibly understand theirs. I remember wondering why a nurse wasn't better at using the software at the hospital until I saw her with a patient. It was by the patient’s bed that I realized how silly IT was when asking her to learn a cumbersome tool. It was up to us to make the tool easier to use; otherwise, we were taking care away from patients.

We all have a limited amount of time and energy, and we can only focus on one thing at a time. When we ask a teacher to wrestle with a learning management system and fill out stacks of tracking paperwork, we steal attention intended for a child.

In my world of technology, we all too often take away from the real work that needs to be done. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard about the “stupid users”. The “users” are people trying to help customers, clients, patients, or kids. These people are trying to solve real problems, and the tools shouldn’t distract them. Don’t judge the “user” by their ability to play with computers.

How do you feel when the physician is speaking to a loved one about a serious condition, and you can’t understand what’s being described? Or less importantly, how about when an auto mechanic is describing what’s wrong with your car? We all have our world, our context, and we need to respect the other person’s turf.

Try it and let me know how it goes.

Today’s question is simple. What comes first the decision or the question? Do I decide to act or question my current state first? I think the question must come first, and the decision is the answer. Everything seems to come down to a question and a decision. I questioned if I should skip today. I decided I should not skip. What type of guy records 90 days in a row and skips on day 91? Not me. I am not a hero. I frequently want to skip. The decision to keep going has reinforced itself over the past 90 days, and I have a little boost in my will power. The fear of quitting actually helps me keep going.

I’ve been reading more about questions. I stumbled upon a book on interviewing by Dean Nelson called “Talk to Me”. I haven’t read enough to say it’s a good book or not, but I have read enough to appreciate what he is trying to do. I look forward to reading more. He’s trying to describe how to conduct a good interview. It seems similar to selling. First, he has to know why he’s conducting the interview. What’s the point? Who would care? He places emphasis on being transparent, honest and the work to prepare. I couldn’t say it better myself. I’m sure I’m going to learn more from the book. I’ll update everyone as I do.

How I wish we could have a conversation, a two-way dialogue. I don’t mean for my podcast. I mean for both of us to think through problems and maybe improve a little. I was training the other day, and the presenter said, “Shared problems are solved quicker.” Reminds me of a saying, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” What problems could we work on together?

My favorite job I’ve ever had was an IT manager position. It wasn’t fancy, but every day I went to work wondering how to make the life of the team a little better. Could we get better at our jobs? Could we be more reasonable about our planning and expectations? I couldn’t give raises, so I had to search for other ways to make the job worth having. I decided to create a learning environment. If you came to work at our company, you would gain skill to make a better living. If you got so good that I couldn’t afford you, then that was a great problem. I would help you find a better paying job somewhere else, and if at all possible, I’d hire you back if it didn’t work out. For a while, I think our work world did improve. We’d take 90 min on Friday afternoon to teach each other a technical topic. We were growing as a team. It didn’t last, but that’s a different story. Change doesn’t stop. No such thing a status quo. You can’t get back the way things were. You need to keep going. Good came from the short-lived experiment, and I would do it again even knowing the same result would occur.

I guess I’m still trying to recreate that scenario. Like Johnny Appleseed I keep spreading plants hoping they’ll take root, and a new orchard will be found. By the way, Johnny Appleseed was most likely making alcohol from his apples, but that’s a different podcast.

I asked my students “What do you want to be remembered for?” I love to read the answers. I get a sense of who they really are. What we want to be remembered for is a story that we want to tell about ourselves. When we are doing well, we live out those stories on a stage. The audience is how we think everyone sees us. It’s important to remember the audience is not in charge. We are. We are the director and lead actor all rolled into one.

I want to give Life-Stones instead of tombstones. A Life-Stone would have inscribed a sentence of what I want to be remembered for, and I wouldn’t wait till I was dead. I would look at it every day, and I would measure myself against it. What would your Life-Stone read? I want mine to read, “He led us through the valley.” I realize it’s a bit grandiose, and I know I fall short most days. It is the story I’m trying to live out. It’s the story I want told. What’s your story? Call me sometime and we can talk.