Well Scripted Life

Too many great teachers are out there. I have so many choices and so little time.

How do I pick? Where do I start?

The problem lies in the question. I am not asking the right question. I am saying, “So much I can learn, where do I start?” I love subjects like mental toughness, productivity, goals, finding purpose. Again, I’m asking the wrong question. I’m asking, “What do I want to learn?” I should be asking, “What do I want to do?”

I remember my kid’s swim team t-shirt slogan, “If you want to swim faster, swim faster.” First do it. Get out there and give it a try. Want to be a better Dad? Start with something simple and give it a try. Spend time with your kids. You’ll struggle to find time. Then you know what to learn, time management or setting goals.

You might hesitate and pick something out of your control. Maybe you want to get promoted at work? Maybe you want to be offered your dream job? Okay. I agree it’s a little different. What does the person in the role or in the job do? How do they dress? How do they behave? What do they look like? Can you start to do what they do and get better at it?

Have you heard edge cases make bad law? It means if you design laws based on events that seldom occur, you’ll have a law that’s bad for nearly everyone. If you are thinking you agree with me some but what about that one thing, then you are trapped in edge cases. Come back to the useful, the applicable?

What do you want to do? Such a more useful question than what do you want to know. Knowing precedes doing, but you might be learning the wrong thing if it isn’t focused on the doing.

If you try to learn a programming language, I suggest you find a problem to solve and work backwards. Learn what you need to know to solve the problem. Don’t just attempt to learn the language.

If you want to eat apples, learn to climb trees. A friend introduced me to his beautiful wife and explained that’s why he learned Spanish. I have never forgot his lesson.

It is easier to focus on the learning. Schools get stuck here because it’s too hard to have real-world labs where students can experiment. Of course, it isn’t an absolute. You need a foundation, and that’s where school is perfect. After the foundation is laid, we need to find problems to solve.

We learn to drive because we want to go places. We don’t really care about cars. Where do you want to go? What do you want to have? What do you need to do in order to have it? What do you need to learn in order to do that? Want to be more motivated to learn? Focus on the doing.

“It’s making a funny noise.” My wife had just picked up the car from the garage, and she complained about a noise. Being a former service garage adviser, I was quick to tell her it was only the metallic brakes. I explained it’s not safe to use asbestos, so we had to switch to a more noisy brake.

“Doesn’t sound like brakes.” She didn’t agree with my brake theory, and I’ve learned to listen to her over the years, so I thought it could be the new tires. She said it was worse on the highway, so I explained that it could be the new tires need to wear a bit. Sometimes new tires will sing a little at highway speeds.

“It’s getting worse.” A couple of weeks had gone by and she found my tire wearing scenario was wearing thin. While we drove two cars back from visiting a relative, talking by cell phone, she told me the noise was worse, and that now she could feel vibration in the steering wheel.

“It’s better when I hit the brake.” I told her if it’s better when you hit the brake, it’s probably a bad brake roter or something. I’d take it to the garage tomorrow and have them double check.

“I’m parking it.” She decided the noise was too much and didn’t feel safe. She parked the car at a truck stop and rode home with me. She wouldn’t let me drive it at night either.

The next day I drove back up to the truck stop, hopped in the car, and was shocked at how bad the vibration felt. Even I didn’t feel safe driving 100 yards – never mind 20 miles home. I pulled off of the road, with a good idea of what was wrong.

Sure enough, two lug nuts were missing and the other three were very loose.

For now, we will ignore the fact that we had just loaned our car to a visiting brother-in-law, who had his new baby with him. For now, we will forget that my wife was driving at highway speeds with three of our six kids with her.

Let’s not worry about what could have happened. Let’s look at why it went on so long.

I was attempting to help from a distance.

No matter how much I care for a client, I love my wife more. I was trying to be attentive, helpful and considerate. I respect her opinion. At no time did I ignore her or dismiss her concerns… but while she was in the car, I wasn’t. I didn’t drive it myself. I was remote.

Get out from behind the desk and go visit your client.

Companies that attempt to centralize customer service, standardize customer care, or outsource the helpdesk in order to save money can never get as close to their clients as someone who is right there. Service must be local. You have to walk in your client’s shoes. You have to drive the car.

That kind of customer service is impossible to fake.

I’m thankful my family wasn’t harmed by a simple mistake at the garage, and I’m grateful for it giving me such a concrete lesson in the value of LOCAL, in person.

NO substitute for face to face.

Sunday Update Sept 27, 2020

Hello and welcome to my Sunday update. A chance for me to rest one day and give an informal update the 100 Day Challenge. I am 58 days into the challenge, and I’m going strong. Many days, including today, I’m only doing this because of the commitment I made to myself, and I want to see it through. I have to wonder why I didn’t make other commitments, and why didn’t I do this years ago? What makes this 100 Day Challenge special?

I’m sure there’s an answer is there somewhere, but I am not sure I’ll find it. When the challenge is over, I’ll have an estimated 500+ minutes of content, over 8 hours of conversation. I’m going to attempt to organize it my any natural themes I can find, and I’ll put together an ebook of some type to pass around.

I like the idea of a workbook or journal that can be used over a long period of time. I don’t believe in shortcuts. Maybe like Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy? Always carry a towel and don’t panic. I can’t think of better advice. My book will be something to open in case of emergency, something to open when stuck in a rut, when you need outfitted to get out of the valley.

On a side note, have you watched the social dilemmaon Netflix? The film makes the claim we are giving out attention away to advertisers. It’s a little depressing. I recommend watching, especially if you have kids.

I always feel a cold coming on and start to dread what's ahead. Sales Sickness is similar; however, it's easier to spot in others.  You start explaining why it's been hard to close more deals. You begin to wonder if I should change things, offer new things, or discount more. You use phrases like "it's different here" or "this is that time of year" or "the economy is slow".

If not cured, you'll end up losing and removing yourself or missing your targets by so much that you’ll need to part ways. I do think there's a cure, but it takes action.

You need to move -- both physically and mentally.  My car sales boss always told me when he was in a slump he’d get a haircut and come to work early. I agree with him and I get lots of haircuts. Like a videogame, you need power-ups. If it's a cold sickness, you need to rest and maybe take vitamin C (no real cure is known but it's worth a try).  If it's Sales Sickness, you need to sharpen the saw as Steven Covey is famous for saying. Study your company, what you offer, and how it's done. Find out the “why” behind your offering. Call a rep that's having a better day and ask questions. Don't spread your disease. Ask questions to learn. Don't confide and complain and talk about how tough it is. No one wants to hear and besides your Mom, no one really cares.

And physically, go for a long walk, get up 30 min earlier, go to bed an hour sooner, play with the kids -- just do something to get the blood pumping. Changing the body will quickly change the mind. William James, the father of modern psychology, told us over a 100 years ago that if you act cheerful, you’ll soon become cheerful. There is science behind a certain amount of fake-it-till-you-make-it, at least with attitude.

Send me note, and I'll talk with you about a plan to correct your course. The key is to act sooner. Watch for signals and ask for help early and often. It always starts with a poor attitude and not taking ownership for performance. The refs aren't fair, but it's part of the game. Learn to play through it.

Natasha was her name. She didn’t know us, and we didn’t know her, but she changed our lives. My wife and I were considering adopting a baby. We had spent a couple of years asking questions, visiting agencies, and wondering about how to best go about this decision.

We learned a lot along the way. We were told it isn't about finding the perfect baby. It's about the baby finding good parents. We were told you don't become the parent you want to be. You become the parent you have to be. Parenting is a game of mirrors. The children reflect you, your attitude, language, culture. More is caught than taught. You don't limit the number of caring, loving, safe people in your life, and you eliminate the rest no matter who they are, or how they are related. It's connection not correction. Few things are truly worthy, and adopting is one of those worthy things. These lessons and more came slowly. It wasn't a weekend seminar or accelerated learning course. It took time and learning happened through application, mistakes, and a string of second attempts.

Our strategy changed when we saw Natasha on a web page of waiting children. Instead of “Why?” we thought “Why not?” Natasha was about 12, and once we were open to older children, we found out we needed to be licensed as a foster parent. This started our journey to adopt 6 kids and work with several more. We didn't have a plan from the beginning. We didn't start out to adopt 6 kids. We aren't doing it for the kids. We are doing it for us, and we learned along the way.

Business is the same. Strategy is the same. We learn through a string of second attempts. The strategy is refined, crafted over time. I'm not talking about culture. Culture is who you are as a company; it's what you practice. I'm talking about your plan to deliver on the promises you've made. How are you going to deliver?

I love Tom Peters' idea of Ready, Fire, Aim. We spend a lot of time aiming and run out of time to fire again. One of the best demonstration of this is the Marshmallow Challenge. Kids are better at it than adults. They try first and then adjust.

I'm not saying you don't have a plan. I’m saying the plan guides; it doesn’t demand. The plan, the strategy is crafted through experience, and you keep what works.

Part II – Progress is a temptation.

Some endeavors do lend themselves to counting, to progression. Yesterday, I was talking about the pursuit of mastery where measurement is the enemy. What about production type jobs? I can’t pay the bills without profits, and I can’t wait to see what happens at the end of each month. I must know where I stand and be able to adjust early and often.

What about starting a new job? Would I have 30, 60, 90-day goals? I will also have paths I’ll choose toward mastery of the new job, and these paths will not track progress. Paths like daily practice of successful habits or continual learning. What about my short-term goals? Do I abandon the idea? Of course not. On the contrary, I’ll have aggressive short-term goals that will lead to successful long-term goals. I believe in a flywheel effect of momentum. A great daily production model creates a great week that creates a great month and so on.

The tough part of answering 30, 60, 90-day question is the lines blur. I don’t get to demarcate clearly between each month, but I can emphasis different agendas. I like to use the What, Why, How sequence. First 30 days, I’ll focus on the ‘what’. What is the job, product, company, prospect profile, client list. Second 30 days, I switch to ‘why’. What’s the why behind the brand and product? What’s my why? What’s my story. I’m just like everyone else, I buy into a great story. I get motivated watching a story unfold. I need to know why. And for the 90-day mark, I’ll focus on ‘how’. How am I going to get the job done? How do I create the machine to produce reliable results? I haven’t waited two months before wondering about ‘how’ of course, but I did have other foundational questions to answer. By day 60, I should be ready to double down on the ‘how’. A constant theme is to have an impact from day 1. Find ways to make a difference, even when I am new.

Somewhere during the 3rdmonth, I’ll be able to create a new set of 30, 60, 90-day goals and even visualize 1, 3 and 5-year goals. These goals will change over time, but I’ll refresh the goal list every 6 months using Peter Drucker’s 5 questions:

1. What do I want to be remembered for?

2. Who do I want to be remembered by?

3. What do those people find important?

4. How am I going to measure the value I bring?

5. What’s my plan?

The answer to Drucker’s 5 questions will influence my goals, especially the 3 and 5-year goal.

I will also keep in mind what Drucker’s said about efficiency. “Nothing is worse than efficiently doing what didn’t need to be done in the first place.” These efficient tasks are the slack in the system. Slack cost money, and I can keep that money if I can cut out the slack.

Ask yourself a few questions before taking on a project or task:

· Am I the right person for this task?

· Can I contribute?

· Do I need help?

· Should this be done by me?

I am not talking about being lazy or avoiding work you don’t want to do. I’m talking about focusing your time and energy where it makes the most good and the greatest impact. The days are short, and time will run out. Focus on what matters. All you have to give is your attention and energy. Don’t waste it.

I love it when ideas come together. I keep a list of what I believe. I collect principles and hard-fought lessons. One of those beliefs is “Love the Plateau.” I got the idea from George Leonard. His little book on Mastery is a treasure. It's about the work, the practice. Growth comes in surprise burst surrounded by long stretches of seemingly flat gains. The flat periods are needed to build the base for growth. You must love the plateau to reach mastery.

I stumbled upon the lesson again but in a very different context. I teach at a Jesuit university, and they offered us a chance to make a spiritual exercise with some guidance from a priest. The priest sends us a short video with some hints, lessons, and ideas on how best to approach the exercises. He cautioned against the temptation to measure progress. He said progress is a temptation. If I focus on progress, I’ll be disappointed or at least focused on the wrong thing. The exercises are about an adventure to get to know God. The exercises are not about progression through the book.

How similar to “love the plateau”? The key is to never give up, to keep going. Progress can be a weight too great to carry. I can feel like I’m not far enough along, or it’s hopeless because I have so far to go. I remember my 5thgraders listening to my 8th grader play violin, and they sighed because she was so good. They forgot she was worse than them when she was in 5thgrade. The key was daily practice, not progress.

I believe this is why diets are so hard to follow, and New Year’s resolutions are nearly worthless. We are all about the progress. We forget the path. Stay on the path and keep going. I recently heard a saint’s moto was Siempre Adelante, meaning Always Forward. I love it.

Change dieting to one meal, one decision. Change New Year’s resolutions to a new path, ignore progress, and always forward.

I get to add “progress is a temptation” to my list of beliefs. And I get to use it every day while I’m on the 100 Day Challenge.  What’s on your list?

Some other lessons I learned from the tough colonel:

Protect your people. He was always more concerned about our welfare and our preparedness than he was about anything else. If someone needed equipment, he made sure it was delivered.

Eat last. He did eat last in the lunch line. If there wasn’t enough of a favorite dish, he’d go without. The team saw this and would skip out to make sure he got it anyway. He didn’t stop at the lunch line. He always got a computer upgrade last, he rode in the older vehicle, took the worst schedule on holidays. He went last as a visible, tangible way to put us first.

Demand high standards. His expectations were high. He earned the right to demand it. Even when we missed his standards, we still were above others, and we worked hard to not miss twice.

Only complain up. He never complained downward, and he wouldn’t allow it from his junior officers either. If you didn’t agree, you could go to the person above you and discuss it. You were not allowed to complain to peers or to share any gossip of any kind.

Fix the checklist. He was a pilot, so he lived off of checklists. This was in the very early days of personal computers, so everything was still on paper. Paperwork wasn’t quick or easy, but he didn’t care. The checklist would be followed and fixed when needed, no exceptions.

So many more lessons I’m sure. I just can’t think of them at the moment. I grew up in the Air Force, ages 17 to 24. Colonel Worthington wasn’t the only officer that shaped my leadership style, but he certainly was the lead. In closing, I’d like to say thank you.

Zig Ziglar promised us that we’d get all we want in life if we helped enough other people get what they want. I didn’t realize how true this is. I had a conversation recently with someone that wants to be a leader. I feel for them because I think they want to skip over being a follower. The definition of a leader isn’t too hard. Do you have people following you? Are you the type of person that people want to follow?

Let’s walk through the goal setting framework mentioned by Zig Ziglar, Be, Do, Have. What do you want to have? The position of leader. What do you need to do to get this position as a leader? You need to get people to follow. What do you have to be to get people to follow? A person who people want to follow.

I know it sounds over simplified, but are you a person to follow? What does a person worth following look like to you? To me, it is a person willing to help. A person that’s honest and honorable. Someone who is what they say they are. Someone who thinks about my good as well as their good. I want to get the most out of me, so I’m drawn to people who want to get the most out of me also.

A leader gets the most out of the team. Jocko Willink and Leif Babin talk about this in their book, Extreme Ownership. There are no bad teams, only bad leaders. This is a hard one to accept. I want to blame others, to blame the environments, the pandemics, the politics, the company. Leader accepts responsibility and takes action to make it happen.  If you are a person wanting to lead, become a great follower. Do the work to help people succeed.

I found out that my son returns for a second shift to help his buddy. My son is assigned to wash up after breakfast as part of his work study at his boarding school. That’s all he has to do. He returns at lunch to help his buddy that has the same chore. He’s being a great follower, and I’m so proud. He doesn’t want to be leader. He steps up and does what needs to be done. He is first willing to help before asking others to help. He leads by example without even knowing. I find this beautiful.

You want to be a leader? Show up early and help the leaders in place get ready for the day. Be available. Be a life-long student. Have character. The world needs leaders who are willing to act.

Sunday Update Sept 20th, 2020

Episode number 51. It’s Sunday, so I take the day to rest and give a simple update as to the progress and direction of the podcast. Yesterday was the mid-way point on my way to 100. I’m a little excited, but it didn’t last long. I’m back at it tomorrow with the back half to complete.

I figured out how to add apple podcast to the distribution list. It was easier than I thought. I’m not sure why I waited so long, but it’s going now.

I was offered a new class to teach next semester. This is an introduction to technology for business majors. The class sounds like fun, and I’ll be one of three instructors. First time that I’ll teach as part of a team. I look forward to figuring it out.

As for the podcast, I’m eager to see where it goes. Seems to have a life of its own at times. I’m working through content that I’ve written before, and I’m updating it as I go. Somedays, I don’t really like what I’m finding. I’m not feeling it, so I do have a technique I learned from others. I got it from two places. The first was a journaling technique from the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, and the other was a copy writing course, which I can’t recall the exact name. Both sources recommended a form of free writing. I attempt to write without restrictions. It’s okay to use paper or type. I type because I can go a little faster, and it’s already one step closer to publishing if something good comes up. The trick is to continue to write even if you can’t think of anything to write. You literally can write, “I can’t think of anything to write, so I’m writing this, and I’ll write it again.” I keep going on about anything and everything. Without fail, I find a thread to follow to a decent idea. I can take 5 to 20 min, but it always works. I try to do this type of writing often. I really like what I find. I don’t believe it’s magic. I just think my brain, like yours, has a lot of disorganized thoughts that can come together when forced through writing. I’ll see what happens this week. I’m excited to find out.

Here’s to the next 49 episodes. I haven’t decided what to do when I reach 100, but I do think I’ll pause for a week or two and see what happens.