Well Scripted Life

Today marks the half-way point. I have looked forward to this a while. I remember being around day 5 thinking, “What have I done?” Even now sitting at 50, I’m not sure how I’ll make it to the end. I don’t plan on quitting. I guess it’s that simple. Like Dori in the Nemo movie, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”

I’m intrigued with activities like swimming, riding a bike, parenting. I’m not sure what to label the attribute that intrigues me, and if you do, please let me know. What is it about these types of activities that require experience? You can’t learn how to swim without getting wet. I’ve talk about this before, but I can’t leave it alone. The more I consider it that more I begin to wonder if there is any skill or activity that’s achievable without experience. Some require more experience, and some aren’t assisted much from book learning or talking. Like bike riding, I’m not sure how much reading a book about it would help a kid ride a bike. Even a 100 Day Challenge is only a thought unless you struggle to meet the challenge for 100 days. Do I now after 50 days know what a 100 Day Challenge is like? No. I don’t. I have a better idea than I did at day zero or 5, but I don’t know what the next 50 will bring. Could I read about it somewhere? Sure. But my ignorance would remain.

One of the reasons I’m interested so much is that I teach. I teach college students how to sell and how to manage salespeople. How close can I bring the students to understanding the real world? Not very close. I can prepare them to learn faster when they meet experience, and that’s about the best I can do. Realizing the limitations of my classroom inspires me to innovate, to experiment.

I consider myself a guide. This podcast is called Valley Guides for that reason. I want to offer clues that might help. I want to warn you about the traps and dangerous spots, help you pack for the journey. Maybe that’s the best I can do? I am more of an outfitter. I’m not taking the journey with you. I’m only talking to you as you prepare.

What can an outfitter do? Maybe a lot? I can teach what I learned the hard way. The mistakes I’ve made. I can tell the students what to pack with checklists, books, scenarios, training techniques. I can prepare them for what it’s going to feel like. I can tell you that Nebraska has cold winters, but when an exchange student from Spain shows up with his winter coat, I realize I failed to communicate what cold means.

This is what I like to consider. This is the mystery I investigate. This is the reason I continue the 100 Day Challenge. I find it useful and instructive, and I need to go first if I’m going to tell you about it. Plus, I have to admit that I’m having fun along the way.

So happy halfway point to me, and I’ll see you on the next 50.

Thank you

We love the natural born hero. Superman didn’t learn to be superman. He didn’t practice being superman. He was born superman.  Superman has done more harm to us than any villain ever could. We know superman isn’t real, but we still hold on to the natural born idea. We love to pick the winning horse early, to spot a tendency and extrapolate into the future. The trouble with our natural born idea is that it’s wrong.  The research is plentiful, but we still hold on to an old idea.

I have a humorous story to introduce the possibility we’ve got it wrong.  My wife and I adopted our children. Our oldest is Native American. When she was about 8, she went to a summer camp.  One of the events at camp was archery. She didn’t tell anyone, but she knew she would be a natural at archery. She was Native American after all, and everyone knows Native Americans are naturally great with the bow and arrow.  She walked up to the line with all the confidence of an Olympic medalist. You might have guessed the outcome. She had never shot an arrow before. I’m not even sure she had ever held a bow. The arrow went wildly to the right and into the grass. She learned the hard way that morning that you have to practice, even if you are a Native American.

What about a genius? A genius is the same idea as a natural born hero.  Even I believe in some variation. Just like some people are tall and others aren’t, I do think some people have a greater capacity than others, but the range is much narrower than I had previously thought. We can be fooled into thinking someone is a genius.  We see years of concentrated effort, and we want to believe they were born that way.

What about a natural born salesperson? Again, it doesn’t exist.  We learn to be a salesperson. Some people might learn early. My Mom sold Mary Kay cosmetics my entire childhood. She was listening to Zig Ziglar talk about selling as long as I can remember. I’m sure my early education combined with my need to make money played a much larger role than any natural born talent.

Maybe you’ve seen the scene from the movie, Wolf of Wall Street, where the main character asks, “Sell me this pen?”  It’s a famous and odd test of selling ability. Can you sell the pen? What I want to take away from the scene isn’t how to sell a pen. What I want to show in the scene is how to sell a pen must be taught and can be taught.  Everyone can sell a pen once you are shown how to sell a pen. You can get better with practice. Someone who’s already been selling might not know the pen example. After being shown once, they’ll quickly be an expert. You might be looking in and see this as proof of natural born talent. All the expert did was transfer prior knowledge and skill to the pen test. The expert didn’t need to practice as much because they didn’t require as much new learning. The framework was already in place.

I’m writing this is to give you hope.  Most of us didn’t focus on one topic or skill long enough to reach any special ability or success.  We might give up and believe we aren’t smart enough. Don’t confuse Hollywood scripts for the real world. In the real world, there’s always hope.

A friend of mine has done very well taking over poor performing businesses and turning them around. I guess you could say he flips businesses. I asked him what's the method? What's the plan? He said he comes in and figures out the one or two activities that matter. Gives those two activities everything they need and lets everything else suffer.

Seems like a good idea for my own professional life. My professional life, like yours, is my business. I don’t get to flip it for profit; although, that would be cool. I do get to reinvent and continue to improve, and that’s a major theme of the podcast.

First, I must know where I want to go. Work life is so much easier than real life. At work, I can be told sell more. The real world of relationships and parenting is much more difficult. When I ask, “Where do I want to go?” in this article, I'm only talking about work.

What's my job? I'm not asking my title. I mean what is it I get paid to do? Is it keep-my-boss-happy? Is it make-my-boss-look-good? Is it sell-more-and-shut-up? I will get fired if I don't do my job, so I must be honest. I'm writing this more for the sell-more-and-shut-up type of job, but the idea works for other jobs too.

What are the top 3 things at my job: Of course, sell more and close deals, but that's the results. What's the work? What's the lever to pull that moves a deal forward?

So many tempting, good-sounding activities beg for my attention, like webcasts, birthday committees, fund raisers, and feedback surveys. What are the top 3 activities?

Notice I didn't say talk on and on about my product and all the benefits. Notice I didn't say show how my price is better than someone else. Notice I didn't say just flatter my client.

My clients are people, and people live out a story. Find the people with a story that gets better if they use what I am selling. Put my offering in the client’s story. Don't leave it up to their imagination.

What if you aren’t in sales? What if you just need to get promoted or get more time on your boss’ calendar? Tell the story where your boss or partner or co-worder is better off doing what you suggest. Remember they are the hero in their story, and they don’t care what you know until they know you care. The Golden Rule of Friendship, according to Jack Schafer, is ‘make people feel good about themselves.’ I agree with Jack.

It was a project for fun. Something to show the kids. I was going to write an app. First, I had to learn the language, get access, setup the environment, so I signed up for some free on-line courses that look promising. I started, and I started, and I started -- each time getting distracted and lost in the details.

I stumbled up MIT's App Inventor. I downloaded the kit, synced with my android tablet and following the simple instructions, I create a magic 8-ball app. The kids loved it. When you shook the tablet, a new answer would appear, and I got to edit the answers. I had answers like, "go clean your room" or "time to take a nap". They laughed and laughed, but I was a little scared.

My concern has flipped from how-do-I-do-this to what-am-I-going-to-do. This was huge for me. Without the technical gate to keep most people away, what would I do? What app can I think of that is worth creating?

Have you heard of the DIKW Model?

Software tools like MIT's app inventor push us up the scale from information or knowledge to wisdom. As the tools get better and AI begins to truly come of age, we'll find most jobs are simply software that needs to be written.

I know I'm preaching to the choir, but we need to focus on continual learning to expand our experience and knowledge. We need to look for wisdom. Bring new ideas to the table. I made a living in the 90s with the power of 'how'. I knew how to make a computer do what it was supposed to do. Now the computer does most of that itself. The important part now is what do you want the computer to do for you. I think that's what people are talking about when they say digital transformation. We are off to the races and so much work is left to be done. Good luck!

It's take about an hour to fly from England to Germany. We had picked up 5 brand new graduates. Tomorrow these new team members would fly off to join the 1st Gulf War. The normal training program for our computer system on board the aircraft was 6 weeks. We had one hour.

Lockheed had trained our team on the system originally. The trainer started in the top left corner of the keyboard and explain each key, one at a time. It was mind numbing and nearly useless. Government contract at it's best. As a group of instructors, we had expanded and rewritten the entire program. We had a schedule of training flights and classroom instruction to fully prepare someone to use the system. A instructor would sit by a student and walk through the functions of the system. The demands of supporting the offensive didn't allow for the normal training program. The schedule didn't even give us notice to prepare. We found out about picking up the new students from England, and we knew all they would get for training was the return flight to Germany the day before they had to use the system.

We had zero distractions, and I had the students' full attention. I started with the function that would be used 80% of the time, ignored all trivia, and circled out from that center key. I've heard people talk about being in the zone. This was one of those times. It was electric. What could be achieved in a single hour of intense focus with a clear purpose was amazing. The feeling of being the right person, in the right place, at the right time was life changing. I had tasted what it was like to be really good at something and be on a team of other great people. It took all I had to keep up, and I loved it. I've been searching for that setting and feeling ever since.

I am so thankful to have experienced that flight. I have a concrete idea of where I belong and what I am meant to do. Every job I have ever had is compared against that flight. Am I part of a high performing team? Can I count on my teammates? Does it take all my focus and energy to keep up? Are we focused on something worth while? Are we helping people?

Maybe you aren't in that type of role today. I would suggest focusing on gratitude. Find the small things to celebrate and get better at your job. Be the person other people will come to for help. Only emotions endure. People are attracted to energy and focus. Add to people's lives. As you work to improve, to give more, you will notice the job is better than you had thought. Develop a fire in the belly for what you are doing. If you must, begin to look for new opportunities, but do it from a place of gratitude and power, not complaining and weakness.

If you can't sell yourself on what you are doing, let me know. We can think about it together. Remember today's the only day you get!

Col. Chris Hadfield is an amazing guy, and in his book, An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth, he describes getting ready. He's always getting ready. He started getting ready to be an astronaut at 9 years old after seeing the moon landing. What I found so interesting is Canada didn't even have a space program.

Col. Hadfield lived the life an astronaut would have lived and put himself in the best possible position for success. If he didn't make it, he still lived a great life. Enjoying the journey is key (actually his wife enabled his journey all the way).

Col. Hadfield is a guy who prepares, who gets ready. That's who he really is.  Who are you?

I'm a big believer in identity. Who we think we are determines how we live, and how authentic we feel, and dare I say how happy we can be? Some labels are static, like "I'm the boss." or "I'm a top performer." or "I'm a vegan."  Some labels are unspoken, like "I always win." or simply "I'm not that type of guy." When these static labels break, we suddenly find out we aren't who we've always thought we were. This cognitive dissidence, this break in who we are causes a lot of stress and confusion. We can become bitter or desperate.  On the mild end, we are distraught when we receive criticism or find ourselves in a slump - unable to fight our way out.

Jane McGonigal, in her book Superbetter, introduced me to the idea of fixed versus growth mindsets. A fixed mindset is like my kid thinking they are smart and always know the answer. When she got to a question that was tough, she'd fall apart and struggle because that's not who she is. Now we use a growth mindset and talk about how hard she works and how she's the one that asks for help early and keeps going until she finds the answer. You'd be shocked in the difference this had made in her life.

Again, I wonder, who am I? I am a learner. I am someone who is always looking for a solution. I have a deep willingness to prepare. Faith in who I am has come from years of experience. The labels can’t break. The labels get stronger as I continue to seek and find.

What about you? Are you trying to live up to a fixed label that can break?

Sunday Update

Today is 44. It’s Sunday, and it’s time for an update. Sundays are more of a free-flowing report on my progress to date. It’s meant to give me a break without stopping.

Sept 19th, Saturday, is day 50!!! The halfway point.

What am I learning? I’m not seeking a lesson, but I’m learning, nonetheless. Remember the saying more is caught than taught. Life is also tossing us lessons.

1. I am not a quitter. This might seem odd, but I’m feeling a sense of confidence in finishing 44 days out of 100. I’m just working on today, perpetually. Each day is today. I’m not worried about day 45, 50, or 99. I’m just focused on today. That has helped a ton. As each day goes by, I gain steam. I am realizing I am not a quitter.

2. Juggling opposing agendas is not easy, but it is possible. I am using an iPhone app timer. I don’t think there is anything special about one app versus another, but this one is easy to use. It’s called Time Timer. It’s a red disc that vanishes as time goes by. I get a quick, visual sense of how much time is left. I do short, 25-minute sprints on one topic and then switch to a new pressing subject. I rest at ease knowing I’ll return soon. This has given me the freedom to make progress on a few different fronts, stay focused, and get a sense of accomplishment multiple times throughout the day.

3. “When” matters. The 100 Day Challenge is not my fulltime job. I’m teaching, studying a new technical topic, searching for a new job, and being a Dad and Husband. The Challenge comes last in priority, and I always get it done. The earlier I find room to fit it in the better. I can get up before the day begins. I can scratch some notes while waiting to pick up a kid. Whatever I can do early, helps me later to get it done.

I’m excited to discover what lessons lie ahead. I’m sure I’ve missed more than I’ve caught, but I’m grateful for what has stuck so far. I often wonder why I started and why am I sticking to it? I think I started because I sensed I needed something to keep me going. Like a river that hits a flat, wide spot, my flow was slowing down. I needed something to work on that was free, challenging and rewarding. Why am I sticking to it? I think mainly it’s consensus that I’ve been doing it this long, and I don’t want to throw it away for nothing. Plus, I want the good feeling to continue.

If you think you need something to chew on and see what happens, reach out. Let’s find a challenge for you.

Each day is full of little signals. Like Pavlov's dogs we are trained to react and often we don't even realize it. Peter Bregman wrote a book called 18 Minutes. He has a clever idea to manage your day. It's built around getting back on track when you drift off, and one trick is to have a trigger. In his case, it's the hourly chime on a wristwatch. When the chime sounds, it's your trigger to examine your day. Are you working on what needs to get done, on what you planned to get done?

I learned a trigger of my own, the hard way. In 2007, I was having a good time selling technology. I was doing well, but I wasn't satisfied. I wanted a different role in our company. I had to quit to get it (different story), and I did get the new role. I was determined to do it right. I sent 20 hand-written cards each day to prospective clients explaining how different I was going to be and warning them that I'd be calling in a week's time. It was a perfect plan. No pushy sales tactics for me. I worked very hard and after three months I had exactly zero to show for my efforts. Three months is key because the accounts receivable I had built up in my old role was gone. I was at zero.

The nice thing about having your back against the wall is you've only got to worry about one direction. Following the advice of my first sales manager, I got a haircut and decided something had to change. I purchased a large paper, fold-out map of Nebraska and circled every town with a hospital. I was selling to all the small hospitals in the state. The next day I rented a car and hit the road. I pulled up to the first hospital and sat in the parking lot. It was tough to get out of the car. That was my signal. That obstacle is the path I had to choose.

Ryan Holiday wrote a book called The Obstacle is the Way, and I found out my idea is very old. It happens to be a Stoic philosophy. I didn't know it at the time. I still use it every day. Whenever I feel the resistance, I know it's the direction to go. I know I need to act.

So that's why I had to give my name as Batman when Starbucks asked -- I felt resistance to the idea.

By the way, I met 7 people out of 9 attempts on my first day of no-notice visits. I was completely transparent. I'd simply walk in, find the receptionist, and say, "I'm a vendor from Omaha. I don't have an appointment, and if the IT manager isn't busy, I'd like to say hello." It worked nearly every time. But first I had to act.

When you wrestle with a commitment, who are you arguing with? Let’s say you made a plan to get in shape. You download a workout schedule, buy some shoes, and a watch. You are ready. The alarm goes off the next morning. You debate the rewards of sleeping a bit more vs. going for a jog. You decide to roll over. You wake with a heavy guilt for not running. Does it seem like two characters in the play here? Why are you guilty? It’s you that decided to roll over.

You had an idea of yourself running. This idea is lost when you roll over. Are you grieving the loss? Can you grieve something you never had in the first place?

I was once a German linguist. I studied German intensely while in the Air Force for about 9 months at the best language school in the country. I lived in Germany. I didn’t practice, and like running, the ability will pass. The fluency will fade into oblivion. People will console you that it’s like riding a bike. Maybe. But I did lose what I had. I grieve this stupid mistake. I should have kept at it, even a little. This grief seems real to me. I did have the skill once. I don’t have it now. That’s different than grieving something you never had like the ability to run, being in shape, or slim. The New Year’s resolution is almost comical. Does anyone stick to it just because of a date?

I think the grieving is the loss of your story. You started a story when you bought the shoes, downloaded the app and told your friends, “I’m a runner.” You lost the story when you rolled over to sleep instead of getting up. Did you have to lose the story?

Maybe if you could hold on to some version of the story then you could keep going? Maybe, just maybe you need a better story to tell? I’m not sure I have an exact answer, but I do feel like I have a clue. I’m on the right trail.

Some stories have a fixed date and strict boundaries. These stories are fixed in time. When it comes to our life’s story, you have some flexibility. One problem with your story telling is you can trick yourself into thinking it will never end. You know you are going to die, but you think it won’t be soon. Your story doesn’t need to progress. You have time.

I’ll let you in on a secret. Any good story is what we call a page turner. What’s at the bottom of each page that’s going to get you to keep reading, keep turning the page? The story can be a 1000-page saga, and if it doesn’t hook your early and often, you’ll put it down.

Here’s some guidelines to keep you story going.

#1 Know, believe it will be okay. You are worth it. You do matter, and it will be okay. Few things you do can’t be undone or improved upon. Give yourself a break.

#2 Forgive yourself. You are going to make mistakes. Count on it. No matter how sincere your commitment, you are going to slip, so have a plan. What are you going to do? First forgive yourself. When I was in POW training, we were taught when someone makes a mistake, bring them in closer. The alienation will only cause them to fail further. In this case, you are your own team. Forgive yourself. Bring yourself in when you mess up. Be honest. Regroup.

#3 You’ll be right back. You aren’t going anywhere for long. If you roll over, know you’ll be back in two minutes or tomorrow morning, but you aren’t going away. The story continues.

#4 Realize it is your story. We have enough of everyone else. The world doesn’t need one more author, athlete, singer, or business phenom. The world does need you. Your unique approach. Your signature style. Embrace the differences and enhance the flavor.

When do you declare a disaster?

I’m not worried about anything extreme and sudden. We are good at those. I’m talking about the frog in slowly heating water type of problem. You’ve heard the story about how to boil a frog. I’m not sure why this would ever be tested, but it rings true. If you put a frog in boiling water, the frog will jump out. If you place it in warm water, it will stay put, and you can slowly heat the water to boiling. I hope this isn’t actually true, but the metaphor gets the point across.

When should the frog have declared an emergency and jumped out?

In history class as a teen, the teacher asked, “When we would fight for our rights?” None of us knew exactly what our rights were and if they were being threatened or not. We were a frog in warm water.

A missionary friend of mine was shot at while living in Ethiopia. She turned and covered her daughter, and she has buckshot in her back to this day, some 50 years later. She told me the list of what to take a bullet for is very, very short, and everything else doesn’t really matter. I think she knows when to pull the alarm.

If you are driving, you should know a solid warning light on your dash isn’t as important as a blinking warning light. You should pull over and call for help if the light is blinking.

My point is we have better systems in some places than others. Think of smoke alarms, motion sensors, or doorbells. We have triggers and alarms built-in for some occasions. What if we have missed a place? Like the intersection that only gets a stop sign after someone has died. Or the reinforced cockpit door on Sept 12th.

In our own lives, our day-to-day living, where do we need an extra stop sign or a reinforced cockpit door? It starts with awareness. Awareness begins from failure. Set goals, let it be known what you intend to do. Don’t do this for bragging rights or record keeping. Write down your intentions so you see where you struggle. I promise you it will be where the water is warm, and you don’t jump in time. You could have done more if you would have started earlier. Problems are always smaller in the beginning. Course corrections are easy when they are frequent and slight, but you can get lost if you wait too long.

If you have noticed, now what? Sound the alarm, break the glass? Well, maybe. The correction should fit the crime. A common stall is from overwhelming goals or agendas or to-dos. Have a remedy ready before needed. Don’t wait and figure out what to do. It will happen, so be prepared.

1. Commit to working on something of relative importance for a minimum amount of time before worrying about alternatives. Have a when-in-doubt list of projects. What’s a minimum amount of time? It varies, but I’d say about 15 min. Bring it down to 5 if you need. The trick is to have it achievable. Something you can always do when feeling overwhelmed. What’s relatively important? I’m sure you have one or two projects that are burning for progress. The key is to decide and act; don’t freeze, so forgive yourself if you pick #3 or #5 instead of #1. You did the time, progress will be made (no matter how small), and you’ll have a new perspective in a few minutes.

2. Keep lots of notes. You will forget your place, and it takes too long to refresh each time. Reduce the switching cost by taking lots of notes. Scan your notes before beginning.

3. Have a list. And then put the list away. Choose 1 thing from the list and get to work. Don’t stare at the list.

All of this is for when you get stuck, feel overwhelmed, and can’t be where you need to be, mentally. If you are at work, be at work. If you are home, be at home. Don’t live in-between in the land of half-ass commitment. That’s the warm water for the frog.

Best of luck. Let me know what works for you. Greg