Well Scripted Life

Crutches are necessary, sometimes. You are probably leaning on one now, and it's holding you back; it's keeps you from running.

You might not realize it's a crutch. One of my kids fell and hurt her arm. She needed a brace, and the brace took away most of the pain. Weeks went by, and she insisted she still needed the brace. The arm wasn't getting stronger as we expected. We had to force her to take off the brace, so the arm could strengthen, and she's been fine ever since.

What crutch are you using at work? What's your brace? Do you ever hear anyone say they'd like to act but they don't have permission? Maybe how they'd produce more if they had a bigger budget or more people. Perhaps they blame marketing or dream of a day when they'd have a new brochure. It's easy to spot in others. Can you spot it in yourself?

I'm more curious if you blame others. The proposal was late being delivered to you. The information you requested was incomplete or slow. Maybe you like to blame the client? They just didn't get it, or they didn't even look at all the material you sent.

An old crusty manager I had once told me, "You are responsible for your own income." I thought he was stretching it a bit. My quota was make-believe. The product wasn't the best in the market, and we weren't as good as we said we were. And yes. My leads weren't any good. How did he expect me to own my income?

I'll tell you how he expected it. He expected it because there is simply no other answer. I alone could decide how hard I was going to work. I alone could decide my product was better than most, and a few people would actually love it. I alone could find the few people in our company that were as good as we said they were.

You'll find your crutches when you make the conscious decision to take ownership for your role at work. Drive the truck. Don't let the truck drive you.

Let me tell you a story. I was a child of about 11 years old, and I lived on a farm in Kentucky. As any farm kid, I would drive the truck around on our land to do chores. One day I was driving the truck through a gate and needed to take a sharp left turn. As I inched ever so close to the fence post on my left, I went slower and slower. Much like a passenger on an amusement park ride, I watched in horror as I closer and closer to the fence post. What I missed was a metal spike we used to stop the gate from swing through. The spike caught the truck panel and cause a huge dent in our truck. To be honest, Dad was and probably still is one of the hardest working people I have ever met but kind parenting was unknown to him. I was terrified. One thing I do remember from the whole episode is, "Drive the tuck. Don't let the truck drive you." To my Dad, it was just a comment during our discussion. To me, it was profound.

You own your income. Drive your job, career, pipeline, sales goal, education, health, emotional well-being, love life, parenting style, curiosity, passion, happiness, weight. Don't let it drive you.

How do you know if you are about to hit the fence post? Like playing pool, you need to call your shots. Write down what you intend to do by the end of the week. Check yourself when Friday roles around. Did you accomplish what you intended to get done or did you hit the post? Are you like me and just watch as you hit the post or are you going to adjust course, try something different, ask for help? Learn from my mistake. I did.

Sunday Update Oct 18, 2020

Two numbers to start with 999 and 21. 21 days till my 100 Days are done, and 999 times has someone played a podcast episode. Numbers are numbers and people are people. The numbers just keep track of the events. The numbers don’t tell the story.

I almost skipped out on the exercise yesterday. It was odd since I did the podcast early. I got part of my goal out of the way, and I left what I thought was an easy part till later. Life has a way of getting in the way. I had a few beers and too much to eat for dinner. I wasn’t really looking forward to sit-ups. I got it done, but it wasn’t quality time.

I’ve been out of a full-time job for 109 days. I saw a friend recommend a documentary serious on Netflex, called The Playbook. Doc Rivers, an NBA Coach, said his Dad would often say, “We are not a victim.” While I am concerned about the economy, my resume, and my age, I am not a victim. What does it mean to refuse to be a victim? It’s one thing to say it, and it’s a whole different thing to live it. Eckhart Tolle sums it up nicely “When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”

Before I can leave the situation, I have to know what the situation is. Sounds easy. I’m unemployed. I need to leave unemployment. I’m certainly not going to accept it. I wish it was so simple. Unemployment is a label, a lack of income. It isn’t a situation. The situation might be the type of jobs I’m looking for don’t match the story on my resume or the place where I’m looking. My skill set might need to be freshened up or added to. If leaving is difficult to imagine, maybe it’s because the situation is hard to define. Is it easier to change it? I think it might be.

How can I change the situation? I can add certifications. I can look for different forms of income. I can worry less about the title of employment and get creative. More on the creative idea later.

At age 41, Jack LaLanne swam while handcuffed from Alcatraz Island to Fisherman’s Wharf. He said he want to give the prisoners hope. I’m not Jack Lalanne, but in my own way, I want to give people hope. Hope they can get through their own valley.

Thank you and talk to you next week.

I’m realizing I talk a lot about stories. The only nonfiction is the past. The future is up to us. I don’t mean 100 years from now. I’m talking about the next hour, this afternoon. What’s that story going to read like?  Is it a love story? an adventure? Will it be sad?

Stories are so powerful that I believe we should know a little about them. Maybe you noticed that there are only so many plots available? We experience the same stories over and over in slightly different ways. I heard once that the movie Aliens was pitched as Jaws in space. I like to remind myself of this when I think of my own story.  I don’t have to worry about it being too wildly different from others. We all live in a similar struggle. I know you can see a big difference in money or health or age, but when it comes down to acceptance, love, longing, a sense of purpose, we are all alike. I’ve met plenty of people I consider wealthy that can’t buy peace or friendship.

Characters are important in a story. I know no matter what the circumstances a good character will behave in predictable ways. My daughter is reading about Clara Barton, the founder of the Red Cross. I didn’t even recognize the name before my daughter introduced me to her. Clara Barton sounds like a true hero to me. She was a badass on a mission. She went toward trouble because she knew help was needed.  Her character is going to behave the same no matter if bullets are flying by or not. You and I are more of a character than we are someone who can control the storyline. I mean we can behave in predictable ways no matter what’s happening around us.

What type of character are you? What type of character do you want to be? Peter Drucker’s 5 questions are always on my mind, especially the first one: “What do you want to be remembered for?”  Can you answer that question? Drucker says we should ask the question every 6 months. To be fair, he was talking about companies, but I think it works well for people too.  I’ve tried to answer the question often. I want to be remembered as the guy who led people through the valley. The second question is right behind the first. The second question is,  “Remembered by who?” Who do you want to be remembered by? In business, this is your client. With people, I think this is my loved ones. The ones I care for. Others might remember me the way I want to be remembered also, but that’s not who I’m focused on. If I am a hero in my story and in the journey l lose my family, then what was it for?

Maybe my story doesn't look that exciting from the outside. If I worry about how it looks to strangers, I’m losing sight of who I want to be remembered by. The questions are powerful.  Remember a song from the 80s, maybe early 90s, that said something like, “You’re the type of guy that says my lower back is killing me.”  I still laugh when I think about it. Sometimes I’m that guy too, but I don’t want to be. For my story to work, I need to be the type of guy that’s willing to lose for what he believes in. I’m the type of guy that makes the choice to love no matter what. I’m the type of guy that listens and questions what it is I believe I know. In short, I give a shit.

What do you give a shit about? Keep the list short and know what’s on it. Best of luck.

Have you been to the Chicago Art Institute? It is amazing. An oasis in the Chicago loop. My wife and I took the kids a couple of summers ago, and my 10-year-old spotted this painting. To me, it looked like a 2x4 painted green on one half and read on the other. My son said, "I can do that. That's dumb." Despite my smile, he made me think about our attitude and judgement. If he can do it, it can't be worth much. He makes the judgment that what he sees is all there is.

What if someone was there to sell him like someone obviously sold the art community already? What if someone could explain the backstory, the technique, the message communicated, the history of the artist and maybe the movement this piece is a part of? My son doesn't know the story because no one was there to tell it. No one was there to sell it.

I truly believe we are the story we live out. Art is a story attempting to influence the story of others, and when it works well, our lives are enriched and expanded. "Only emotion endures." as Ezra Pound says. Without art, I'm not sure what life would be.

I also believe sales is the highest form of art. Salespeople are telling a story, and when done well, client’s lives are enriched and expanded. Art without sales is a plain board painted red and green.

Your company has a choice to make. You can be the plain board that my son sees and says, "that's dumb.", or you can tell your story with art which will enrich and expand people's lives.

Where do I begin? You are in a slump, and you want to change. Where do you start? At the end, of course. The ending is the best part of winning story. What’s your story; what’s the ending? How much is the story worth to you?

Let’s talk about a quarter. It’s only a quarter. How much should you pay for it? It depends how much you need it. Let’s say you are at a parking meter. You step out and need to borrow a quarter. The first person says, “Sure. I have a quarter, but can I keep the difference?” How does that make you feel? You need to pay a dollar for a quarter.

Let’s try again. Second try. This person says, “Sure. I don’t have one with me, but if you have a dollar, I’ll run around the corner and get change. My wife works there, and it won’t take me a second. I’ll be right back, and for my trouble, I’d like to keep the difference.” How does that make you feel? Better. In both cases, you paid a dollar for a quarter. Why do you feel better? The only difference is the story.

How much is your ending worth? Is it worth working for? I’d bet it is. Write that story. What would a pro look like, act like, sound like? Sell the quarter. So, you now have the ending. What’s next?

The character in the story is you, the hero. You will need to go through some trials to be the person you need to become. We know this. It’s every story we have ever seen.

Remember, you can’t keep doing what you’ve always done and expect different results. But you don’t need to jump to the end. Play the movie. What’s the next scene? What would you, the hero, do?

Improve your skills?

Ask for help?

Slow down and re-think your approach? Intense focus in one direction will go a long way. Let the story play out.

Half asleep she picked up her very wet baby girl. Now Mom knew why baby was crying so loudly. Her pajamas were soaked. Did the diaper not work? What happened? Mom quickly discovered that Dad had put the diaper on inside out. If you aren’t familiar with disposable diapers, one side is absorbent and the other is covered in plastic to avoid leaks.

If you want help, you have to allow for the occasional inside out diaper. A lot of people would ban the Dad from ever changing a diaper again. The baby would certainly be more comfortable, but Mom would forever do all the diaper changing. Mistakes are the wet baby, and they come with training. What do you do when someone tells you the baby is wet? Do you blow up? Yell?

Feedback is a gift, but it isn’t always pleasant. Without feedback you can’t survive. You must correct course based on feedback. I worked for a good man, and he cared for his people. He was lousy at receiving bad news. He would shoot the messenger. If mistakes were made, his first response was to explode. Shortly after he would regroup and realize what had to be done. He would even thank the person for the feedback, but the damage was done. Feedback seldom came and was only after being filtered to the best possible scenario.

Over time this leader collected only tough-skinned characters that could handle his first explosions. He was fired when the pace of change exposed his lack of feedback, and he couldn’t keep up. Remember the wet baby is a gift.

As a much younger man, I had the privilege of attending one of the military's survival schools. Best training environment I have ever experienced. They spent very little time telling me how to act, and they spent most of our time creating an experience where I could test out my new knowledge. How did I do? Thankfully I failed horribly. There's no lesson in victory.

Another great training environment is IBM. I had some of the best professional training while working for IBM. In one particular event, I got to meet the 2nd women ever hired as a sales rep for the company. I was a little awe struck, and I wanted to impress her so badly. I had to pretend to call on her as if she were a client. After the session, she gave me a review. I knew it wasn’t going to go well when her first statement was, “I really wanted to give you a good grade.” I am grateful she was tough enough to fail me. There’s no lesson in victory.

I used to think some skills were like swimming -- impossible to learn without getting wet. Now I'm more inclined to believe all skills are like swimming. Until you've skinned your knees, you don't know how to ride a bike. Until you bring home a child, you don't know how to parent -- and I still don't really know. Until you've asked for money and lived under a quota, you don't know what it means to be in sales.

Have you heard the term deliberate practice? Turns out it isn't just the amount of time you practice; it's how you practice. I don't expect this is a news flash for anyone trying to learn a new skill. All 6 of my kids play a string instrument, and it's been fascinating to watch the younger kids have faith in practice. They see how the oldest plays today, and they know how she used to sound in 4th grade. They've seen the path. They've also learned if you want to improve, then practice the hard parts. They have tendency to play what's easy - over and over. It's only when they fail that they learn how to play better.

There is a limit to how hard your practice should be of course. The experts say you should practice just outside your comfort zone, think 10%. You can't just attempt to solo on day one of flying lessons. You need to find an instructor and slowly work your way to harder and harder tasks. Don't expect it to be easy and remember ground school is necessary but it's never enough by itself.

One more important concept when tackling anything new and difficult. Expect a sinking feeling early in the process. I’ve heard it called a free fall period. You may get lost in the new info, and you need to hang on. Have faith that you will come out soon and find your way. For me, a new subject must start with the big picture. I feel like I first build the shelves, then put in the book, then fill in the pages. I get deeper into the topic as I go.

Can we play a game? Let's pretend you have a race tomorrow. It's a team event, a relay race. Are there things you could do today that would have a negative impact on the race tomorrow? What could you do to let your teammates and yourself down?

We could make an equal list of the positive actions you can take. You can choose from which list to pick; do you disagree? You might not be the best at racing, but you can make choices to have a great impact on your performance.

Instead of an imaginary race, what if we viewed our day like one leg of a relay race? What you do today will impact your performance tomorrow and tomorrow's behavior will impact the day after. Life is a relay race from day to day, and the series of days is the team you are on. How you choose to run the daily leg of the race will add up, and the choice is your responsibility.

Fast forward a week from now, what is that version of you going to say about what you did today? Are you ready for the feedback? Is the feedback going to be positive if you keep doing what you've always done? What about a year from now? What would the future-you ask you to do today to setup a better chance of winning?

How might you pass the baton to tomorrow?

What are some small positive items to choose from?

· Stop looking at a screen by 9pm

· Go to bed by 10pm

· Read for 30 min

· 10 push-ups

· 10 sit ups

· Clean the kitchen sink

· Throw in a load of laundry

· Clean the car windshield

· Fill the car up with gas

The list is endless, and all the tiny steps will stack up to allow you to reach higher tomorrow.

What do you think?

Sunday Update Oct 11th, 2020

Here I am again, a Sunday update. I’m within 30 days of the end. Day 1 seems so long ago. Today is day 72. The last day is November 8th. I am so grateful for my health during the last 72 days. I haven’t felt ill at all. If I get sick in the 4 weeks left, I’ll roll with it. I wonder how I’ll feel if I don’t make it to 100? I don’t see any reason why I won’t, but I wonder. Will I pout? Complain? Feel less of myself? No. I don’t think so. If I don’t make it, it will be for good reason. I don’t know which day it was, but somewhere along the way I’ve crossed a threshold of self-acceptance. I made it far enough to be content with my effort even though I’ll still value finishing. If I had failed too early, I wouldn’t have counted myself worthy. There was struggle in the early days. I was afraid of enough content. I was afraid of getting tired. There have been days when I mailed in the minimum. I haven’t listed to any of my podcast yet, and I’m sure some are better than others.

What’s the next 100 days? Do I start something on Nov 9th? I think I should. I nervous now that I won’t value the 2nd 100 as much as the 1st, and I’ll won’t have the stick-to-it-ness. I’ll give up and walk away. The fear helps somehow. Saying it loud now gives me a bit of a shot in the arm. My confidence is building already, as I say this. I can make the next 100 because I must.

How do I set it up for success? I’ll balance the effort required with the good it will bring, and I’ll have a minimum where I can win. I’ll focus on a tiny effective habit. I like a set of 3 for some reason. One habit seems too small, but a set of 3 seems must right. I haven’t picked yet, but I’m considering writing for 15 min, getting up early, running up my hill (it’s about 100 yards), or reading in Spanish (starting with pre-school books). The possibilities are endless. The trick is a small dose, a tiny habit. What do you think? Want to join me? You can have your own set of 3.

Does responsibility come with awareness? I looked out the window and noticed the shed was left open. It wasn’t my fault; however, now I know. I could have gone on to bed and blamed the guilty party if something went missing. Whose fault would it have been? Do I share in the guilt since I knew?

Is this why some people avoid finding out?

What if I told you mistakes only happen for 2 reasons?

1. Lack of knowledge

2. Lack of attention

We park our cars outside. The other night someone found the door unlocked and rummaged through the car. Thankfully we didn’t lose anything. I didn’t have anything in the car to take. Whose fault was it that the car was left unlocked? One of the kids had went out to look for something earlier. Maybe it was their fault?

Who’s at fault now if it happens again? I know the cars can be left unlocked. I don’t want petty criminals going through my car at night. So I have the knowledge of the risk, and if I go to bed without checking, is it still the child’s fault? What about responsibility?

It’s one thing to use examples at home, but what about at work? How many mistakes are predictable: running out of inventory, switching too late, or delaying too long? What about personal failure to get the results you want?

What excuse are you probably going to give for not working out this upcoming week? Are you going to be tired? Too busy? Too sore? Have you used these excuses before? Knowing you are going to make the same excuses, can you take steps now to counteract the effect, the impact?

Remember lack of knowledge and lack of attention. Which one is going to trip you up next?

Could you have a kill-murphy meeting? Could you get together and make a list of all the likely things to go wrong? And plan to avoid those early? Are you going to need encouragement when it gets hard? From who? When? Write a note to yourself and put in the mail – or give it to a friend to give back in a few days. Let yourself know that you saw this coming. You had the knowledge, and you are paying attention.

What ruts do you like to use again because it’s easy? Like the shed being left open, take notice. Take action, even small steps. Make it hard for the rut to be taken, for the excuse to be used.