Happy April everyone!

Oh Arlington, Texas — the shimmering crown jewel of American urban planning, where the concept of “public transit” strikes fear and loathing into the very soul of its leaders. Truly, a masterclass in how not to move people around.

Let’s start with the obvious: no buses. No trains. Not even a lonely streetcar to pretend someone cared. But hey, they do have a microtransit experiment, in the form of VIA, which is basically Uber with a city-branded logo. Revolutionary! Nothing says “world-class public transit” like handing people a voucher code and hoping they figure it out. With the 2026 FIFA World Cup fast approaching, this host city is really going to FAFO. 

Want to walk? Adorable. Arlington sidewalks are optional—just like their commitment to multimodal transportation. And biking? Sure, if you enjoy the thrill of dodging pickup trucks moving at 85 mph on roads designed exclusively for vehicular domination.

But don’t worry, you can get to the Cowboys game as long as you drive. Or teleport. Or rent a camel. Because even when there’s a football game and thousands of cars crawling toward JerryWorld like a scene from Mad Max, mobility is a DIY project.

In conclusion, Arlington’s transit system is a bold experiment in pretending transit doesn’t exist. A true pioneer in the field of "Let’s Just Not." Five stars — for comedy value. Zero stars for everything else.

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