I went out to score some tickets
but my getting them was wicked
after camping out all night
in a pup tent that was frigid
it left my body frozen rigid
standing in a line that had no end
with another storm
coming ‘round the bend.
But just when I had truly thought
that I had reached my limit
the store selling the precious seats
would finally let me in it
it opened its doors right at eight
where in just 3 more hours
I was finally finished with my wait
baptized in wet, snow showers...
So when I got back home I plunked
myself right in a hot tub
to thaw out my numb digits
every one a frozen nub
Then I slept for 24 hours
and I woke up quite revived.
Just another ticket holder who’d
hung tough and then survived
and If you’ve ever been in my shoes
you’ll know I’m not talking Jive
for two tickets to the greatest show
ever scheduled to play
at a massive coliseum that
was sold out in one day.
and not regretting the $800
dollars I had payed
It was said to be their final show
and their mega hits defined me
And sadly in just ten more years
they’d all be pushing ninety....
All the classic were Jurassic
soon enough they would pass on
leaving nothing new to savor
instrumentals would be gone
So I smoked a couple doobies
Just let their good vibes sooth me
and went hunting for my blue jeans
to see my tickets just once more
but they were not laying where
I’d left them fall the night before
And I could not find them anywhere
even on the bathroom floor!
I was going Bat shit crazy
my doped brain it couldn’t save me
my buzz kill it came on quickly
I was sure that fate had tricked me
as my panic cranked to overdrive.
my heart jack hammered, my brain fried
I searched everywhere but was denied
I never knew that jeans could hide
giving new meaning to the word: “Leave-I
then I heard the dryer running
and my frantic feet went stumbling
tripping over my huge quandary
down the basement to the laundry.
opening that dryer door with care
Praying it was my girl’s underwear
I almost broke my elbow
snatching them out
from the spinning drum
But my search of every pocket
Had my eyes popping
out of their sockets
cause those tickets
tucked down way inside
were gone…I sat right down and sighed...
I had most of my day immersed
In a maddened rush and a frantic search
till a sudden thought in my brain it burst
so I leapt up with a sudden lurch
to call my girl who’d gone to work
and she’d never heard me rant and curse
over tickets lost and plans reversed
but she calmed me with the sweetest words
she said “When I washed your sweaty jeans
I made sure the pockets they held nothing
I took out both of those tickets
and then I put them in my purse.
and though I felt like
a mental midget
Hey Man I’ve still got my tickets!
Hey Man I’ve still got my tickets!
and as I thanked her
and turned off my cell
I knew my gal was beautiful
and very smart as well
cause she had saved me
from the depth of my worst ticket Hel