i say all these things to myself in private but i dont know who knows. 

there are two types of people in america. descendants of slaves and not descendants of slaves.  i am not a descendant of slaves. my grand parents are not from america.   there are only 150 million descendants of slaves worldwide according to a google search.  

anyway freakti common wealth

i went to music school that is how people actually talk , i also grew up doing things with music  , so ive been around the vibes but so has everyone else everyone has been around the vibes  

i definitely was never able to catch up on the religion thing its like being pushed into the deep end without being able to swim. that is what is it like to me 

i stayed quiet about religion but i am not renouncing anything its just that to me with religion being a matter of faith and things its like that we are all walking around with faith about things but there is very little historical or archeological evidence for a lot of the faith things 

speaking of religious authority, i have visited many churches in my life , you know, and only one of them wound up sticking around in some wierd way after i left.  if churchs have authority over people i should have had several churches chasing me around throughout my life but it wasnt that way.

i kind of feel that i am in a tough situation because i dont see myself as the same kind of person who was going to church ten years ago.  i once met someone a long time ago who considered themselves as someone who had more questions than answers about religion. i kind of resonate with that person. i think people should make their own opinion about religion. i remained silent about the religion situation and i dont have an answer for everyone.  i do not feel that i am under anyones religious authority from what happened ten years ago.   it seems like in the church situation they get an idea that they can hold you accountable in ways but it is beyond the law the way they are doing that i think. that is why it seems like if they can follow you around its like trying to escape a cult. i feel sorry for people i have heard about who get excommunicated from a church and its like they have no where to go.  i have heard church staff making fun of people who once were members of their church who were sort of shamed out of the church for some reason.  i dont remember the exact situation but i remember the staff member being like, "yea i know where that guy is and i know what kind of terrible life he has or something like that and he deserves it because of what he did"  it was something to that effect.  

i understand why people are looking for other places to live. where is the anonymity? its like highschool and you can never escape.  the country was freer in the 2000's supposedly in 2025 its only that there are 60 million more people  its like people are breathing down each others necks.  what happened. same amount of people, same amount of land, less space. what happened.

thats why i wonder if i was drugged or something    or if it was just what was going to happen due to conditions of upbringing