Pastor Brent looks at what the writers of the New Testament teach about hospitality and how through hospitality we can tear down the fences between us and those around us in the world.

 

Fences: Tearing Down Fences Through Hospitality

Romans 12:13, 1 Peter 4:9

Introduction

I am fascinated by social media. Not so much by what everyone is posting, rather I am fascinated by what social media has done to our culture. Specifically, how someone can have 792 friends and still be so isolated and alone.

Where technology should make us more connected, it seems to have done the opposite. A study in 2017 actually found that even though social media allows us to be connected to our loved ones 24/7, it’s actually making us feel lonelier. The report suggests that if you spend over two hours a day on social networks, your chances of feeling socially isolated are twice as high.

Another aspect of social media I find interesting and also disturbing is how it has changed the way we communicate. And while some of the changes have been positive, like being able to see first-hand, in real time, events that are happening half-way around the world, it has also had some devastating effects. Increasingly, it seems like people are more concerned about making comments than having conversation. If they can come up with a comment, and it doesn’t matter if the comment is true or not or if it hurts someone, as long as I can post it, then I am satisfied.

Back and forth, all day on Facebook and Twitter people lob these electronic hand grenades with little care or concern to the casualties or devastation to themselves or others. They rationalize, as long as I get to hide behind my social media account and say what was really on my mind, nothing else matters. And to compound the issue, we gravitate towards those groups of people just like us, who think just like us, talk just like us, and we exist online in an echo chamber of insignificance.

Don’t get me wrong. I like social media. I don’t often post but I like keeping track of things going on in your lives when the Facebook algorithm chooses to let me know. More and more, I am convinced that social media creates pseudo-connections, a false sense of community, and as we think about our relationships, in order to get to a place of healthier relationships, it may be time to tear down a few fences.

How do we do that? Does that mean we need to get off of social media? It probably wouldn’t hurt and it would probably make many of you happier if you did. But that’s not the ultimate solution.

Social media really isn’t the problem. It just brings the problem to the forefront. Because the issue isn’t whether it is right or wrong to post a picture of your lunch for the world to see. The issue is do we really see people and do we really want to be seen? Or are we more concerned about the facade or the fantasy others and we portray? Do we really love and care for others, their thoughts, ideas, and beliefs? Do we care about what they’re going through? Do we want to hear what they have to say?

How do we combat isolationism and loneliness that seems to be increasing? How can we push against this natural desire that tells us we don’t need anyone else? The solution is hospitality.

The Pursuit of Hospitality

Pastor Amy did a message on the Lost Art of Hospitality back in February. In that message, she addressed what we often think of when we talk about hospitality. After all, we know businesses in the “hospitality industry” – hotels, restaurants, theme parks, cruise ships.

We also have countless magazines and television shows dedicated to entertaining and hosting. I know that when we say the word hospitality, we all have an image that comes to mind. I would like us to set that aside today. I want to challenge us to think beyond the Martha Stewart hospitality and the American idea of what this means to broaden our understanding and seeing what most of the world already knows about this.

At its core, hospitality is about answering on

Pastor Ryan Lenerz looks at Joshua 22 and shows how we can hear something, tell ourselves a story, and jump to assuming the worst when assuming the bets can actually help us mend fences in our relationships.

SERMON MANUSCRIPT

FENCES: Stop Assuming the Worst

Joshua 22

In the previous message we looked at how we are to resolve conflict with others rather than let it fester.  In this follow-up message, I will be focussing on what I think is the #1 cause of our conflict with others, assuming the worst.

If any of you are like me, you have been in countless situations where you were arguing about something with someone and you weren’t even sure how you got into the argument in the first place.  Likely it was a minor issue, but somebody made an assumption about the other person. Suddenly, one person felt offended, they became defensive, and the fight was on. It’s amazing to me how quickly we can go from smooth waters to rough seas in our relationships with others.

Just a few weeks ago this happened to me with a church member.  I asked a friend of mine here, somebody I know well, joke with, and have no reason to doubt, to help me in a ministry. I gave some ideas of what I wanted done and how she could move forward.  The next day, that person replied to my email with what she thought would work best, and it deviated from what I asked for in several regards. And my immediate response – TRAITOR! How could she do this to me?  Doesn’t she trust my leadership? Does she think she knows better than me on my own area of expertise? I was making all these terrible assumptions about her intentions. And in my frustration I was venting to my wife about how people NEVER do this and ALWAYS do that and my wife in her infinite wisdom said, “Ryan, just call her.”  But not wanting to deal with the conflict, because like you, I hate dealing with it, I said “No.” So my wife called me a big baby and told me to just deal with it! 

So I made the call that night, and guess what?  I had told myself a story about this person’s motives and feelings about me that were completely untrue.  I jumped to thinking the worst about this person’s intentions, and this is a good friends of mine, no less.  And after that call, when everything was cleared up, I felt SO MUCH BETTER. And this little story exemplifies both Part 1 and 2 of this message on Mending Fences.

We need to have the humility, maturity, and love to deal with our conflict rather than let it fester

Often our conflict is the result of us assuming the worst about someone, more than actual disagreement

And the thing is, I know I’m not the only one who makes these crazy jumps in our mind about our friends, our spouses, our co-workers, people we serve at church with, our pastors, the list goes on and on.  It’s as though in the moment of miscommunication we forget all the goodwill this person has shown us and we make them out to be our opponent. Our spouse of dozens of years can come home, have a bad day at work, snap at something we say, and BOOM, “There he goes again, he’s ALWAYS like this.  I can’t believe he doesn’t trust/care/love me.”

Assuming the Worst Almost Leads to War

And the reason I know I’m not the only one to experience this is because it’s part of the human condition.  It’s part of being in relationship with others in this broken, sin infested world. We see it all the way back in Genesis 3 when Adam and Eve, the first people on this earth sin.  And I can guarantee you that they made a lot of assumptions about what God was going to do to them for eating that apple and that’s why they hid. They didn’t want to go address the conflict with God, they wanted to run from it because of what they thought he would do.

The best example of assuming the worst about someone that drives a wedge in a relationship and how to deal with the mess it creates can be found in Joshua 22.  And I have to tell you, I love that I can take a message about relational conflict and use a little-known Old Testament story to dri

Pastor Brent looks at the relationships in our lives that need to be mended and how we should approach conflict resolution with others.

Sermon Manuscript

Fences: Mending Fences Conflict Resolution

Matthew 5:23, Romans 12:18, Colossians 3:12-13

In our relationships, there are some words that we find very difficult to say. With that crush you’ve been carrying for some time, maybe it’s just me, but I remember, my hands getting all sweaty, my mouth getting all dry, my heart racing, and then finally getting up the nerve to say those six terrifying words, “Will you go out with me?” And what is fascinating about this is that if they say yes, there is elation and excitement. But even if they say no, even though in the beginning there is disappointment, it brings closure and eventually we can move on.

Do you remember the difficulty in uttering those three little words for the first time to that special someone, “I love you.” We wonder, will they say it back? Will this scare them away? Will they say thank you?

At school or in your job, we can find it incredibly difficult to utter the words, “I need your help.” It is very hard to admit sometimes that we can’t do everything on our own and that we might actually need another human being in our lives.

And while the words I’ve mentioned can be hard to get out of our mouths, there are still two words that seem to be the hardest for us to say. In fact, a quick google search of the hardest words to say in a relationship reveals scores of articles about two little words. “I’m sorry.” Now we can make it even harder by adding a few of more words. Because sometimes we can follow up the ‘I’m sorry” with “I made a mistake” or “I was wrong.” 

But maybe you aren’t the one saying those words. Maybe you are on the receiving end of those words. Someone is standing before you saying those words to you and then you have to decide if you are going to utter three more extremely difficult words to say, “I forgive you.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if in our relationships we never had to worry about offending someone or being offended, never having to apologize. In 1970, there was an extremely popular movie called “Love Story.” In it was a line that has become what the American Film Institute ranks as the 13th most popular movie line. Less popular than lines like, “Frankly my dear…” and “Go ahead, make my day” and even “May the force be with you” is this gem all bout resolving relational conflict. 

After the main couple have a fight, the guy searches for the girl to apologize for his anger. He’s running around trying to find her. When he returns home, he sees her sitting on the steps of the porch. There are tears and sappy music playing in the background. He looks at her and says, “Jenny, I’m sorry.” With tears running down her face and shaking her head she says, “Don’t. Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

That’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Love means never having to say you’re sorry? Obviously the person who thought up this line wasn’t married! Instead, it should have been love means being willing to to say I’m sorry first! It would be nice if there was no conflict to resolve or if we never had to ask for or offer forgiveness. But we all know the world we live in just doesn’t work that way.

Last week we started this new series called “Fences: Maintaining Healthy Relationships.” We did this because we understand that relationships take work. Very few, if any of the relationships in our lives get to sit on cruise control. And it seems that the most important relationships often require the most effort. We have to pay attention to them. 

Pastor Amy did an amazing job kicking this off and helping us understand that there will be times in our lives that we need to build some fences. In the message last week, we heard that we need boundaries in our relationships. Even Jesus had boundaries in his relationships and it isn’t wrong for us to say no to people at times and for us to distinguish between helping c

Pastor Amy looks at how sometimes we need to build fences in our lives to create healthy boundaries. By saying no to some things, we are able to say yes to better things.

SERMON MANUSCRIPT

How many of you feel perpetually tired? Overwhelmed? Overworked? In hard or taxing relationships? Stretched too thin?

You’re not alone. Many Americans are oversheduled, overinvolved, overextended… we are exhausted and we are BOUNDARY-LESS.

But WE NEED BOUNDARIES. I’m talking about emotional, spiritual, and physical boundaries.

Did you know that boundaries are actually Biblical?  Even Jesus had boundaries. Often we think of Jesus as giving everything he had to everyone at all times—but when he ministered on earth he was fully divine AND fully human! He had limitations and because of that he established boundaries. Below are 3 ways we see Jesus establish boundaries while he walked the earth.

1) Relationship with Himself

Jesus made sure his basic needs were met. He rested, ate, slept, spent time alone, and spent time with his close friends. He only had 3 years on earth to establish His kingdom and bring healing and salvation to people yet he spent some of that time SLEEPING?! Being alone!

Jesus knew that in order to pour out, he had to be filled up. He could not do ministry and serve and love people if he was depleted. Unfortunately we often attempt to pour out when we haven’t rested or taken care of some of our own needs. Jesus gives us permission, by his example, to set boundaries that allow us to withdraw for rest, time with dear friends, and time to pray and listen to our Father.

2) Relationship with Others

Do you ever feel like you’re at relational capacity? Between co-workers, friends, neighbors, church, your kids friends and their parents, extended family members, and the people you interact with in the many circles you’re in—we are often overwhelmed in relationships!

Jesus met, touched, healed, and taught thousands of people during his time of ministry on earth but he only invested in 12 people, and even within the 12, there were 3 disciples He was especially close to. Jesus was fully divine AND fully human in his ministry on earth and he had limitations! One of those limitations was the number of people with whom He could have significant relationship. We have the same limitations. Who are we to think we can keep up with so many friendships, family, work and church relationships when even Jesus couldn’t? Jesus gives us permission, by example, to have boundaries in the number of relationships we have.

Not only do we have limitations in the number of relationships we can maintain, but we also have limitations in the kind of relationships we are to handle. Dr. Henry Cloud, explains in his book, Boundaries, that at the center of unhealthy relationships there is always an element of control. Either we are being controlled and manipulated by someone else or we are attempting to control and manipulate someone ourselves. Jesus refused to have these kinds of dynamics in His relationships. The Pharisees attempted to control and manipulate Jesus with baiting questions, making him look foolish in front of others, and questioning his methods of ministry. He did not allow them to change the way he ministered to people or stop Him from establishing His kingdom on earth. We, too, should not engage in controlling relationships where people would like to change our behavior through manipulation and control.

Jesus also never controlled people and still does not. If anyone had the ability to control, manipulate, and coerce people—it would be God. But He does not! Instead we see that Jesus always led in relationship with invitation. He didn’t demand that people follow Him, or try to convince them that He was God – He simply invited people to follow Him and in doing so experience life in the Kingdom of God. We, too, should not be involved in relationships where we attempt to change other people’s behavior through control and manipulation.

3) Relationship wi

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