Ask A Therapist

What happens when therapy changes the way one person sees their childhood—but their parent remembers it completely differently?

This week, we respond to a letter from a mom who feels like she's losing her relationship with her adult daughter. Since her daughter started therapy, conversations have become filled with words like trauma, emotional neglect, and abandonment. The mom insists she did the best she could as a single parent, but every attempt to explain her perspective is met with accusations of being defensive or dismissive.

Is there a way to validate someone's pain without accepting the role of the villain? Can two people have different memories of the same experience and still repair their relationship?

Whether you're an adult child trying to explain your experience or a parent struggling to reconcile your intentions with your child's reality, this conversation offers a compassionate, research-informed perspective on healing family relationships without reducing anyone to hero or villain.

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Find Kenzie at therapy-with-kenzie.com or @therapywithkenzie

Find Carli at carlikingtherapy.com or @carlikinglmft

Can a relationship ever feel "normal" again after infidelity?

This week, we're responding to a listener who's trying to rebuild trust after cheating on their partner. They've done the work—ended the affair, gone to therapy, embraced transparency, and remained accountable—but they're wondering when, if ever, they'll stop feeling like they're under constant suspicion.

We unpack one of the biggest misconceptions about affair recovery: that rebuilding trust is simply a matter of time. Drawing from the work of Esther Perel and Shirley Glass, we explore why betrayal disrupts more than trust, how hypervigilance functions after infidelity, and the difference between transparency that fosters healing and surveillance that keeps couples stuck.

Whether you've experienced infidelity yourself or are interested in understanding how couples heal after deep relational wounds, this conversation offers a nuanced look at what it really takes to rebuild a relationship after betrayal.

Resources mentioned:

• The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
• Not "Just Friends" by Shirley P. Glass

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Find Kenzie at therapy-with-kenzie.com or @therapywithkenzie

Find Carli at carlikingtherapy.com or @carlikinglmft

What happens when the place that taught you about God also becomes a source of pain and shame?

In this episode, we respond to a listener who's wrestling with whether her experiences in church qualify as religious trauma. After growing up deeply involved in her church community, she has found herself avoiding places of worship altogether—not because she has abandoned her faith, but because her body seems to react before her mind has a chance to. She wonders whether she's protecting herself or simply letting fear keep her from something meaningful.

Together, we explore what religious trauma actually is and how chronic experiences of shame, fear, and betrayal can shape the nervous system. We also discuss the difference between healthy caution and trauma-driven avoidance, why healing isn't about forcing yourself back into triggering environments, and how to rebuild trust in yourself after experiences that taught you to question your own instincts.

Whether you've experienced church hurt firsthand, are trying to reconcile your faith with painful experiences, or simply want to better understand religious trauma, this conversation offers a compassionate, clinically informed perspective on what healing can look like.

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Find Kenzie at therapy-with-kenzie.com or @therapywithkenzie

Find Carli at carlikingtherapy.com or @carlikinglmft

What happens when a therapist's personal life collides with a client's?

In this episode, we respond to a letter from a clinical intern whose client is navigating a painful breakup—just as she's unexpectedly experiencing one of her own. As the sessions become increasingly activating, she begins to question her competence, wrestle with feelings of imposter syndrome, and wonder whether she's too emotionally close to be an effective therapist.

We explore the difference between empathy and countertransference, how to recognize when your own experiences are enriching the therapeutic relationship versus interfering with it, and why therapists don't have to be free from pain to provide meaningful care.

Along the way, we discuss practical strategies for managing emotionally charged cases, making good use of supervision and personal therapy, and assessing when it's appropriate to continue working with a client—or when a referral may be the most ethical choice.

Whether you're a therapist in training, a seasoned clinician, or simply curious about what happens behind the therapy room door, this conversation offers an honest look at the complexity of holding space for someone else while navigating your own healing.

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Find Kenzie at therapy-with-kenzie.com or @therapywithkenzie

Find Carli at carlikingtherapy.com or @carlikinglmft

When co-parenting works well, it can still hurt.

In this episode, we respond to a letter from a mom navigating one of the most emotionally complicated parts of post-divorce parenting. 

Her ex-husband and his new wife have proposed a new school-year schedule that makes practical sense—but would mean seeing her kids less often. As she wrestles with fears of being replaced, she asks: Am I protecting my relationship with my kids, or am I letting my emotions get in the way?

Together, we explore the difference between reacting from fear and advocating for your relationship with your children, how to communicate concerns without creating unnecessary conflict, why everyday moments—not just special occasions—matter for parent-child attachment, whether children should have a say in custody and parenting schedules, and how to approach difficult conversations with your co-parent while keeping your children's well-being at the center.

If you've ever worried about losing your place in your child's life after divorce, or struggled to balance practical decisions with emotional realities, this episode offers thoughtful reflections on how to sort through complicated emotions and feel grounded in your decision-making. 

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Find Kenzie at therapy-with-kenzie.com or @therapywithkenzie

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This week, we respond to someone caught between wanting to help their mom and feeling like they're unintentionally supporting their stepdad's gambling addiction.

We explore one of the most difficult questions families face: How do you support someone you love without enabling the addiction that's hurting them?

We discuss why gambling addiction is a family issue—not just an individual one, the difference between helping and enabling, why financial boundaries are an act of care, not punishment, and how to navigate guilt when saying "no" feels like abandoning someone you love.

Whether your family has been affected by gambling or another compulsive behavior, this conversation offers practical guidance and a compassionate framework for offering help without adding to the problem.  

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Find Kenzie at therapy-with-kenzie.com or @therapywithkenzie

Find Carli at carlikingtherapy.com or @carlikinglmft

Today's listener letter comes from a woman who recently lost weight and feels healthier, more confident, and genuinely happy with the changes to her body. But there's one unexpected side effect she never anticipated: the way the world treats her now.

From friendlier strangers to more attention while dating, she's experiencing a level of warmth and interest that was largely absent when she lived in a larger body. At first, it felt validating. Now it feels unsettling. She's left wondering whether people are seeing her or simply responding to a body that more closely fits society's standards of attractiveness.

In this episode, we explore the emotional aftermath of a major physical transformation, the reality of weight stigma, why grief and gratitude can coexist, and how to navigate dating when you're questioning what attraction really means. We also discuss how to acknowledge the unfairness of the world without allowing it to harden into cynicism.

If you've ever experienced a dramatic change in how others perceive you—or wrestled with the complicated relationship between appearance, identity, and self-worth—this conversation is for you.

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Find Kenzie at therapy-with-kenzie.com or @therapywithkenzie

Find Carli at carlikingtherapy.com or @carlikinglmft

What do you do when your boss makes you question yourself?

This week, we hear from a listener who can't tell whether she's dealing with a difficult manager, subtle workplace bias, or the effects of a year spent walking on eggshells. She describes being publicly corrected, assigned work outside her role, and feeling singled out in ways that are hard to prove—but impossible to ignore. Now she's wondering how to advocate for herself professionally, when to involve HR, and how to know when it's time to leave.

In this episode, we explore the difference between a challenging boss and an unhealthy work environment, the cumulative impact of repeated criticism, how self-doubt can develop in the workplace, and practical strategies for assertive communication. We also discuss the role of unconscious bias, why your nervous system may recognize a problem before your mind does, and how to decide whether staying is helping you grow—or simply teaching you to tolerate chronic stress.

If you've ever dreaded Monday mornings, questioned your own perceptions at work, or wondered whether it's time to move on, this conversation offers practical tools and compassionate perspective.

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Find Kenzie at therapy-with-kenzie.com or @therapywithkenzie

Find Carli at carlikingtherapy.com or @carlikinglmft

How do you know if you're truly ready to ask one of the biggest questions of your life?

In this episode, we respond to a listener who's wondering if he's ready to propose and questioning if his uncertainty is a red flag. We explore the difference between excitement and certainty, discuss the conversations every couple should have before getting engaged, and unpack the emotional, practical, and relational factors that can help guide such an important decision.

Whether you're considering taking the next step in your relationship or simply curious about what makes a strong foundation for marriage, this thoughtful conversation offers insight, encouragement, and plenty of questions to consider before saying "yes" to forever.

Books referenced:

• Eight Dates by John Gottman, PhD & Julie Gottman, PhD
• The Hard Questions by Susan Piver 
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, PhD & Nan Silver
• Sex Talks by Vanessa Marin, LMFT & Xander Marin
• What Makes Love Last by John Gottman, PhD & Nan Silver

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Find Kenzie at therapy-with-kenzie.com or @therapywithkenzie

Find Carli at carlikingtherapy.com or @carlikinglmft

We're back for season 4! 

What do you do when someone you love keeps lying—but you don't think they're a bad person?

In this episode, we respond to a listener whose close friend has developed a pattern of telling stories that don't quite add up. The lies aren't always big, but they've become frequent enough that the entire friend group has started noticing. Now, some friends want to stage an intervention, while our listener worries that confronting her too directly could damage the friendship—or push her friend further into denial.

Together, we explore why people lie, the role shame, insecurity, and self-protection can play in habitual dishonesty, and how to balance compassion with accountability. We also discuss the difference between supporting a friend and enabling behavior that erodes trust, how to have difficult conversations without humiliating someone, and what healthy boundaries look like when your own credibility is on the line.

Whether you've been the person struggling to tell the truth or the friend trying to navigate repeated dishonesty with grace, this conversation offers practical guidance for addressing difficult patterns while preserving dignity and connection.

Have a question? Email us at [email protected], use the link below, or DM us on IG or TikTok at @askatherapist_pod

Submit Your Question Here!

Find Kenzie at therapy-with-kenzie.com or @therapywithkenzie

Find Carli at carlikingtherapy.com or @carlikinglmft