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Ask Christa! How to Give Feedback to a Defensive Team Member?? (S2E15)
Summary
In this episode, Christa Dhimo addresses the challenges of giving feedback to defensive coworkers. She explores the reasons behind defensive behavior (including low self-esteem and past criticism), the importance of understanding it, and offers strategies for effectively providing feedback. Christa emphasizes the need for self-care, resetting conversations, and seeking support when dealing with defensiveness in the workplace. She also provides resources for further understanding and managing defensive behavior in the workplace.
Key Takeaways
· Defensive behavior often stems from past criticism or low self-esteem.
· It's essential to separate the feedback from the defensive behavior.
· Self-care is crucial when dealing with defensive co-workers.
· Resetting the conversation can help in addressing issues constructively.
· It's crucial to manage your own reactions to defensiveness.
· Consider the urgency of the feedback when addressing defensive behavior—you may need time.
· Private and direct approaches may not always be effective.
· Seek support when needed.
· Resources are available for further guidance on managing defensiveness in the workplace.
Additional Resources
Bailey, E. (2023, July 7). Ways to manage defensive behavior. Training. https://trainingmag.com/ways-to-manage-defensive-behavior/
Davey, L. (2025, April 29). Understanding defensive behavior in the workplace. Liane Davey. https://lianedavey.com/understanding-defensive-behavior-in-the-workplace/
How managers should respond to defensiveness after feedback - Jacob Kaplan-Moss. (n.d.). https://jacobian.org/2021/mar/23/addressing-defensiveness/
PsyD, E. D. (2023, November 13). Five tips for coaching Defensive Employees. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbescoachescouncil/2023/11/13/five-tips-for-coaching-defensive-employees/
Qi, F., & Ramayah, T. (2022). Defensive silence, defensive voice, knowledge hiding, and counterproductive work behavior through the lens of Stimulus-Organism-Response. Frontiers in Psychology, 13. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.822008
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Ask Christa! Business Questions, Straight Answers, Real Impact
© 2025 Christa Dhimo in partnership with Impono LLC and 21st Century Strategies. Ask Christa! has a pending Trademark. All Rights Reserved.
I record and produce my podcasts using Riverside and their music library for subscribers.
Links:
Follow the Ask Christa! Podcast: https://www.askchrista.com/
Sign up for my newsletter https://www.askchrista.com/newsletter/ for a copy of “The Survivor’s Guide to Business Challenges & Workplace Issues”
To book Christa Dhimo for Public Speaking and Workshops: https://christadhimo.com/
Join Christa’s professional community! https://www.linkedin.com/in/christadhimo/
View all episodes
By Christa Dhimo, Dr.B.A, M.B.A., M.Sc.MSummary
In this episode, Christa Dhimo addresses the challenges of giving feedback to defensive coworkers. She explores the reasons behind defensive behavior (including low self-esteem and past criticism), the importance of understanding it, and offers strategies for effectively providing feedback. Christa emphasizes the need for self-care, resetting conversations, and seeking support when dealing with defensiveness in the workplace. She also provides resources for further understanding and managing defensive behavior in the workplace.
Key Takeaways
· Defensive behavior often stems from past criticism or low self-esteem.
· It's essential to separate the feedback from the defensive behavior.
· Self-care is crucial when dealing with defensive co-workers.
· Resetting the conversation can help in addressing issues constructively.
· It's crucial to manage your own reactions to defensiveness.
· Consider the urgency of the feedback when addressing defensive behavior—you may need time.
· Private and direct approaches may not always be effective.
· Seek support when needed.
· Resources are available for further guidance on managing defensiveness in the workplace.
Additional Resources
Bailey, E. (2023, July 7). Ways to manage defensive behavior. Training. https://trainingmag.com/ways-to-manage-defensive-behavior/
Davey, L. (2025, April 29). Understanding defensive behavior in the workplace. Liane Davey. https://lianedavey.com/understanding-defensive-behavior-in-the-workplace/
How managers should respond to defensiveness after feedback - Jacob Kaplan-Moss. (n.d.). https://jacobian.org/2021/mar/23/addressing-defensiveness/
PsyD, E. D. (2023, November 13). Five tips for coaching Defensive Employees. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbescoachescouncil/2023/11/13/five-tips-for-coaching-defensive-employees/
Qi, F., & Ramayah, T. (2022). Defensive silence, defensive voice, knowledge hiding, and counterproductive work behavior through the lens of Stimulus-Organism-Response. Frontiers in Psychology, 13. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.822008
---------------------
Ask Christa! Business Questions, Straight Answers, Real Impact
© 2025 Christa Dhimo in partnership with Impono LLC and 21st Century Strategies. Ask Christa! has a pending Trademark. All Rights Reserved.
I record and produce my podcasts using Riverside and their music library for subscribers.
Links:
Follow the Ask Christa! Podcast: https://www.askchrista.com/
Sign up for my newsletter https://www.askchrista.com/newsletter/ for a copy of “The Survivor’s Guide to Business Challenges & Workplace Issues”
To book Christa Dhimo for Public Speaking and Workshops: https://christadhimo.com/
Join Christa’s professional community! https://www.linkedin.com/in/christadhimo/