Ask Christopher West

This episode of ACW is sponsored by Ascension’s Alto!

1. I'm wondering if you have advice on how to handle a situation where kindness is interpreted as romantic interest. I want to treat others with dignity and view them the way God sees them. However, I've been in situations where a male friend will interpret this as romantic interest. Even when I politely decline and express that I only desire to be friends, I wonder if their agreement to remain friends is truly uncomplicated. I get the sense that they may still be hoping I'll change my mind. How can I navigate opposite-sex friendships in a warm and charitable way, while not unintentionally giving someone false hope or causing greater hurt?
2. In the 1860s, there was a dialogue amongst Calvinists that referred to the Holy Spirit as possessing womanly attributes. The thought was, since both man and woman are created in the image of God, and two members of the Trinity are decidedly masculine, there must naturally be a member who bequeathed the feminine nature of woman, leaving the Holy Spirit as the natural conclusion. I sense that this line of thought is deeply flawed, but I would love a definitive counterargument. This is purely for academic purposes and not a question of urgency or crisis of faith.
3. I am a Catholic man in his mid-twenties, and am engaged to be married in the spring. I'm increasingly afraid that I'm blurring the lines between chaste desire and attraction, and lust. Shortly after we got engaged, I had a setback with masturbation, and I'm afraid it's becoming a pattern. I try to be honest with her, and she's so patient and gracious. I feel like my sin recently hasn't been so much a sin of lust, but of impatience. How do I go deeper in my healing now that sexual intimacy is close, and communicate that healing with my fiancée?I am a Catholic man in his mid-twenties, and am engaged to be married in the spring. I'm increasingly afraid that I'm blurring the lines between chaste desire and attraction, and lust. Shortly after we got engaged, I had a setback with masturbation, and I'm afraid it's becoming a pattern. I try to be honest with her, and she's so patient and gracious. I feel like my sin recently hasn't been so much a sin of lust, but of impatience. How do I go deeper in my healing now that sexual intimacy is close, and communicate that healing with my fiancée?

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Course Schedule UTAH Ski Trip with Christopher West April 5-9, 2026

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Animation by Joshua Masterson, the Catholic Cartoonist. Check him out:

Joshua's website: https://www.the-catholic-cartoon.com/

📸 Joshua Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_catholic_cartoonist/?hl=en

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*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

This episode of ACW is sponsored by Ascension’s Alto!

Questions answered this episode:

1. When I was 11, I was in a horrible car wreck. My mother and two younger brothers were killed, and I was critically injured. I learned to swallow the pain from my trauma for years. Six years ago, after having my first child, I got help and healing began. Becoming Catholic started my spiritual healing. A priest talked about joy in bearing our cross. I did not choose this cross, but I started thinking about inviting Jesus into my trauma. Your podcast opened a place in my soul I had closed off. I want to connect my cross to Jesus. Any tips on how I can enter into that journey?
2. I've been dating my girlfriend for two and a half years and thinking of proposing, but now I'm not so sure. We talked about marriage and agree on waiting a year before having kids. However, when I mentioned practicing natural family planning, she had never heard of it and felt scared and at risk. She doesn't think it's fair for a man to deposit his seed every time and suggested pulling out. Now I'm wondering whether to continue pursuing her. How can I have a better conversation with her, or handle making that difficult call? My heart is aching for an answer.
3. I'm a cradle Catholic, married this summer to a faithful Catholic man, and we are navigating communication challenges. While he focuses on the meaning behind words, I am sensitive to their delivery. I struggle to look past a raised or dismissive tone, partly because I witnessed my father speak harshly to my mother. Harsh words or a raised voice affect me deeply and bring me to tears. Am I being overly sensitive in wanting to be spoken to gently by my spouse? How can I become more emotionally resilient, and how much should tone and manner of communication matter within a marriage?

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Animation by Joshua Masterson, the Catholic Cartoonist. Check him out:

Joshua's website: https://www.the-catholic-cartoon.com/

📸 Joshua Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_catholic_cartoonist/?hl=en

---

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⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

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🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:

1. I have four kids, ages 10 and under. We as humans are made body and soul, and our bodies are made to express loving connections to one another. I lean towards gentle parenting—hugging my kids often and holding their hands when they fall asleep. Sometimes I feel guilty because there isn't enough of me to go around. I feel like the older ones should need less physical touch as they grow up, yet they still yearn for it. I don't want to baby my kids, but I don't want to shun them. How can I parent in a way that balances how we are made, body and soul?
2. In the last two years, I've had a deep crisis trying to return to Christ after living in sin. I struggle with same-sex attraction. I believe in Catholic Church teachings and marriage, but I feel stripped away from this beauty. This thorn in my flesh forbids me from waiting for someone God will send. Priests choose celibacy, but my other choice feels like hell. Can you understand my pain? It brings anger toward God and difficulty trusting Him. Hearing about the theology of the body feels like a knife crossing my heart. What answer exists for pain so big and misunderstood as disobedience?
3. I've embraced being single as a gift from God for years. After recent events in my life, I thought I would be called to single life for another few years and was very excited. However, I've just met someone I feel a strong pull to and peace about dating. I love being single and have trouble giving it up. I believe this man is a gift from God, but am I allowed to remain single if I wish? How do you have the courage to say yes to dating for marriage? What are some benefits of marriage?

Marian Mystery Course November 2026

Course Schedule UTAH Ski Trip with Christopher West April 5-9, 2026

[Desert Stream Ministries](https://www.desertstream.org/)

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

---

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⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

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🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:

1. My mom is going to design the glass windows of a church dedicated to the Sacred Heart. Can you explain the theology of the Sacred Heart of Jesus?
2. I'm in my late 20s, married with two young kids, and grew up with 10 siblings. My mom was very worn out, their marriage suffered, and they were not able to be there for me. I've forgiven my parents and appreciate their generosity, but my own births and pregnancies have been hard. Isn't it better for my family and community if I'm thriving as a person and present to others? I would really like one or two more babies, but to see a loose end date for this intense, demanding period of my life. Is that okay, or is it selfish to put my health and well-being over potential children?
3. I am older than my boyfriend, 1.4 years to be exact, and we're taking discernment seriously, having been dating almost two years. My being older has caused tension. My boyfriend's parents did not have a healthy Catholic marriage, and his mother is older than his father; I feel like he's projecting that relationship on ours. Though I am in engineering, my dream is to be a full-time homeschool mom should we get married. A priest recently asked my boyfriend, "How can you expect her to submit to your leadership when she's older than you?" Now that comment is causing my boyfriend reluctance and doubt.

Marian Mystery Course November 2026

Truth & the Lie October 9 Launch

Learn more about Become: the TOBI Community

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

---

📩 Submit your question here!

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

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🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:

1. Learning to see the world through TOB lenses has given me such clarity and rest. My question today is about holiness. Could you explain what holiness actually is? I come from a Protestant background, and growing up, the word holy was reserved for God alone. It seemed using that word to describe other people, like Mary and the saints, in some way was an attempt to put them on the same level as God. Could you help me understand what it means to call someone holy and how that differs from God's holiness?
2. I'm a 35-year-old woman. I'm single and really have no prospects for dating. I have a fear that I'm running out of time to have children. This makes me very sad. Any advice for having trust in the Lord's plan for my life?
3. How does one separate a priest from Christ and from the graces we receive through the priest? When I have received a grace through a priest, I've found something in me grasping. I am happily married and love the priesthood, but on one level, it moves me to a greater love for our Eucharistic Lord, while on the other hand, there's perhaps something disordered in me that clings to the priest. This is further complicated by an experience where I wounded a priest due to lack of discretion. Now, when I have experiences of grace linked to a priest, I spend too much time examining my motivations and fearing self-deception, hoping you might shine some light.

Truth & the Lie October 9 Launch

Course Schedule UTAH Ski Trip with Christopher West April 5-9, 2026

Ignite Hope Discerning Marriage Retreat Info

Litanies of the Heart by Dr. Gerry Crete

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

---

📩 Submit your question here!

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

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🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:

1. I have a little girl, about 5 months old, and I was visiting a friend with a baby boy the same age. While visiting and playing with our babies, we both at one point pretended to eat our babies' feet, cheeks, and legs, and were talking about how we just wanted to eat them. And we really meant it! Obviously, we don't want to do our babies harm, but there is something in us that just wants to eat them. What is that desire?
2. I'm a devout practicing Catholic, conflicted over contraception in marriage. We have three children already, yet the idea to continue to have more children because church teaching is contraception is not allowed makes me feel like there's a gun to my head. I despise the idea of sinning against God using contraception, yet to continue to have children would leave us in financial ruin and reduce how much time my wife and I can spend with each child. Simple abstinence doesn't make sense to me within marriage, and natural family planning doesn't necessarily work without a regular period. Clearly, most Catholics must be using contraception. I am so conflicted. Please help.
3. How do marital union and climax give us a glimpse of heaven and eternal ecstasy with God? How do single people experience this foretaste of the feast to come? Are we SOL?

Truth & the Lie October 9 Launch

Course Schedule UTAH Ski Trip with Christopher West April 5-9, 2026

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

---

📩 Submit your question here!

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

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🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:

1. I'm a single woman trying to discern if I'm called to marriage, but I'm not sure it would be responsible for me to have kids. I manage my depression, anxiety, and OCD well now because of downtime, sleep, and control over my day-to-day. However, I'm really bad at sleep deprivation and fear the stress, isolation, and lack of routines in early motherhood would cause my mental health to take a serious downturn into another depressive episode. As a Catholic, I know my marriage would need to be open to life. Is it fair for me to date while I'm unsure whether I should have children—now, or maybe ever?
2. Can you explain the logo of the Theology of the Body Institute? What is the meaning, the symbolism of its design, and who came up with the design?
3.   My question relates to my engagement and relationships before marriage. How can I know the difference between lust and love outside of marriage? I find my fiancé absolutely beautiful and love her in all of her aspects, both body and soul. However, I often find myself wondering if I can be too attracted to her, or desire too much from her before its proper time. We've never acted on it physically, but I worry my desires and thoughts can be turning into adultery within my heart. I want to avoid sinful thoughts while appreciating her beauty. A point in the right direction would be appreciated.

Truth & the Lie October 9 Launch

Our Logo

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

---

📩 Submit your question here!

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

---

🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:

1. My question is regarding modesty for moms, particularly. Growing up and in dating and marriage, I was always careful to dress modestly. However, now that I'm a mom and breastfeeding especially, I find it a lot easier and more comfortable to wear shirts that are a little bit more low cut. It makes breastfeeding a lot easier. Part of me feels like my stretched out boobs aren't going to tempt anyone. I'm not trying to be self-deprecating—I know my husband finds me beautiful, but I'm not the shape most men find conventionally attractive. If the whole point of modesty is to keep from leading men astray, and my mom body isn't going to be distracting anyone, does it really matter if I dress modestly or not? Especially when it comes to comfort and ease of breastfeeding, is it a big deal if it shows a little bit of cleavage? My aim isn't to lead anyone astray, but I feel like I'm not turning any heads no matter what I wear. What are your thoughts?
2. I was called into the world of healing, and God provided the funds for me to enter massage school. I'm a licensed massage therapist doing specialty bodywork, and I've witnessed incredible healing on my table. Many times, bodywork turns into talk therapy with my female clients, where the Holy Spirit moves me to reveal truths about our bodies and how we are organically connected to our creator. For the last year, I keep sensing I need to study the Theology of the Body. I'm looking into coming to a course in Pennsylvania. What course will be most applicable to my work?
3. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a gift. I feel like I'm at the beginning of my journey, but it is difficult because of my past, marked by periods where I lived far from God's love. I carry wounds I've caused to myself and others through sin. I have confessed them, but often hid them from myself without facing the damage left behind. I now understand that not only the acts, but their consequences need God's mercy. I know it's necessary to allow these wounds to heal, but I'm afraid. How can I look at these wounds without fear, without the desire to run away overwhelming me?

Truth & the Lie October 9 Launch

Course Schedule

Hope’s Garden

Souls & Hearts

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

---

📩 Submit your question here!

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

---

🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:

1. I was listening to an episode in which you were asked whether Jesus and Mary had sexual desires. And you said they had natural sexual desires, but not lustful desires. The distinction between these two concepts is not obvious to me. I'm wondering if you can elaborate more on what Jesus and Mary experienced in more concrete terms related to sexual desire.
2. My daughter is 29 and identifies as transgender. We are a devout Catholic family, and after an emotionally turbulent time, we now have a relationship with this adult child. Although she no longer practices our faith, she supports our family. My most religious friends and family have been most distant—ignoring birthdays and excluding her—while our secular family and friends have been welcoming and supportive. This contradiction hurts, since I believe God is working in each of our lives. Recently, my daughter told me she stopped taking testosterone, giving me hope that no one's journey is worth giving up on. How come my brothers and sisters in Christ can cut and run so easily? The loss of my daughter's breasts, ovaries, and womb is a deep sadness. It is the body that I washed, diapered, fed, and cuddled. The idea that a doctor had a more fitting design is a lie and a ruse. How come this is considered mutilation, but other cosmetic surgery is not? Someone has a body part they don't like and they change it to a "better look"? Please help me understand this.
3. I'm engaged to a wonderful man and we're getting married soon. I am a virgin; he's not. We have saved sex for marriage throughout our relationship, thanks be to God. I enjoy being affectionate with him by cuddling and kissing, but I am nervous about sex. In fact, I'm a little bit afraid. Is it because this is new to me, or because I grew up in a household where we never talked about these topics except 'don't do it'? Is this something you've come across in your work before? Any advice would be appreciated.

Truth & the Lie October 9 Launch

Course Schedule

📩 Submit your question here!

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

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🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:

1. Last year, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years, whom I really believed I was going to marry. One of our struggles was his porn addiction, which sadly led him to abuse his sister. Devastated, I chose to forgive and love him, reasoning that if God forgives us, I should do the same. He even introduced me to TOB. But now I wonder: how can he and his sister heal when she acts like he doesn't exist? How can TOB apply here? I'm angry because I was willing to carry this cross with him, but he didn't fight for us.
2. I went to high school with a woman who I became friends with senior year. At no point in high school were we ever interested in the other. After high school I went to seminary for two years before discerning to leave seminary. I left about 10 months ago, and about one month ago started dating this woman from high school. We both value our friendship, have similar goals and dreams for the future, and take our faith very seriously. I asked her out to see if God could be doing something here, and we're giving it time to see if physical attraction for each other grows through the process. Before asking her out, I found a lot of fear in wondering what others, especially friends from high school who really aren't true friends, would think. Do you have any advice for me?
3. I struggle with feeling like I need to look "physically perfect" in order for a man to like me and to want to enter into a relationship with me. Part of this comes from messages that I've received from my parents since a young age, such as receiving comments when something is out of place or pointing out when something is less than desirable, such as a pimple on my face. In addition to hearing negative comments about other people's weight and physical appearance, a big part of it also stems from hearing that men are more influenced by the physical than women are. Now that I'm pushing 30 and I'm getting more gray hairs, I'm left feeling like no man will desire me now and enter into a relationship with me. On the flip side, I also feel at a loss since there have been men in my life who seek me out for my physical appearance, but then lose interest once they get to know me, leaving me feeling like my personality is lacking. As I age, I'm left feeling like I will have nothing left to attract the husband I so desire, even though some part of me knows cognitively that's not true. Do you have any insight or advice about this from a TOB perspective?

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

---

📩 Submit your question here!

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

---

🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠