Why are today’s kids more anxious than ever before? Mike and Alicia dive into the growing epidemic of anxiety among children and teens – and how modern parenting, technology, and culture all play a role. Drawing insights from Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation, they explore what happens when we overprotect kids in the real world but underprotect them online.

From overscheduled lives and endless screen time to lack of sleep, nutrition, and authentic relationships, today’s children are under tremendous pressure. But there’s hope. The Hernons share concrete, faith-filled ways parents can lead with confidence, slow down family life, and raise children who are resilient, humble, and rooted in reality – not comparison.

If you’ve ever wondered how to calm the chaos and restore peace to your home, this episode offers clarity, conviction, and encouragement for every Catholic parent.

• Slow down, do less, accept your child for who they are

• Have a Consistent bedtime and eat together

• Lead your family with confidence

• Indoctrinate your children with your philosophy

• Teach them humility.  Humble kids become content adults

• Put them in healthy social environments and enjoy true leisure

1. Look at your schedule and ask yourself WHY - examine each activity and make sure you are intentional about it 

2. Do we think our children are anxious?  Why and what can we change? 

Take our 2025 Listener Survey! 

Everything we do here at the Messy Family Project is for couples and families! We work hard to support and encourage moms and dads as they do the hard work of raising children, managing homes and forming a solid, Catholic family culture.

In our survey this year, we are asking for you to share with us some of your greatest challenges and what resources will help you the most. If you have done our survey in the past, please do it again! The more people we have take it, the more effective the information is. 

So will you take a few minutes to click on the link below and fill out our survey?

This survey helps us create new products, target our podcasts to serve your needs better, and gives us a deeper insight into the lives of parents today. Will you help us out?

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MXKQLYW

Check out our Amazon Storefront for the Anxious Generation!  https://www.amazon.com/shop/messyfamilyproject?ref_=cm_sw_r_cp_ud_aipsfshop_BS8NWGQYFJSSV1CQ6XBY

Take your calling seriously and yourself lightly

Are you taking parenting a little too seriously? In this episode, we dive into why families need to throw off the burden of “psychological correctness” and rediscover the gift of humor. Parenting isn’t a project—it’s a wild, messy adventure! We’ll share why secure parents can laugh at their mistakes, how to set healthy limits at your table, and how to teach kids the difference between fun teasing and disrespect. Most of all, we’ll remind you that your children are a never-ending source of laugh-worthy moments.  This week we’re joined by the always witty and wise Dr. Ray Guarendi, who brings his trademark humor and insight to help parents embrace joy, laughter, and freedom in family life.

• Throw off “psychological correctness”! The gift of humor has been taken away from modern parents because most parents are now overly worried about every word they say.  

• Parents need to take themselves lightly and stop making parenting into a psychological project. 

• Those parents who are insecure can’t laugh at themselves.  You know you are secure when you can laugh at your mistakes and find humor in the craziness of family life. 

• You decide the limits are your table and teach the difference between good-natured teasing and disrespect. 

• Remember and celebrate that kids are natural sources of laugh-worthy material for life! 

• Are we able to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes even with our kids? 

• What are some of the funny things that have happened in our family?  How can we remember these? 

Dr Ray website:  https://www.drray.com/

Take our 2025 Listener Survey! 

Everything we do here at the Messy Family Project is for couples and families! We work hard to support and encourage moms and dads as they do the hard work of raising children, managing homes and forming a solid, Catholic family culture.

In our survey this year, we are asking for you to share with us some of your greatest challenges and what resources will help you the most. If you have done our survey in the past, please do it again! The more people we have take it, the more effective the information is. 

So will you take a few minutes to click on the link below and fill out our survey?

This survey helps us create new products, target our podcasts to serve your needs better, and gives us a deeper insight into the lives of parents today. Will you help us out?

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MXKQLYW

Parenting isn't just about being present—it's about leading with purpose because children need guidance, not just companionship. In this episode, we start by looking at some quotes from celebrity parents to examine how they are misguided. The reality is that parents are called to protect, not simply please. And we each have different roles:  fathers embodying hope and authority, mothers offering love and intuition. Both are crucial, and when either dominates too much, imbalance follows—leading to fragility or rigidity. We need to recognize our children’s gifts and desires and direct them by setting limits and giving formation.  Where do we get these limits?  By seeking the wisdom that is from above.  We can’t figure out life without God’s wisdom and kids can’t figure life without us. Parents need to hold a vision of who their child can become and make tough calls for their good. Simply “accompanying” isn’t enough. Instead, loving leadership is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give.

• Parenting is leadership, not passive companionship.

• Fathers and mothers offer distinct but complementary strengths—hope and authority vs. love and intuition.

• Children need structure, like a river needs banks—boundaries guide them safely.

• Wisdom is essential—parents must seek it and model it as they lead.

• In what ways do we each naturally lead our children—where do we shine, and where do we fall short?

• Are we setting strong enough “banks” for our kids, or are we just going with the flow?

• How can we invite God's wisdom into our parenting decisions, especially when we're unsure or disagree?

Earthen Vessels book: https://matthewleeanderson.com/book/earthen-vessels/

“The devil is afraid of a united husband and wife.” —St. John Chrysostom

The family is Satan’s top target because it reflects God’s very nature and holds the foundation of civilization. Marriage isn’t just a social contract—it’s a sacrament with spiritual power, which makes it a threat to evil. The enemy’s strategy is subtle: sow disunity between spouses, confuse gender roles, exhaust parents, and replace faith formation with screens and busyness. By silencing prayer and fracturing family time, he slowly erodes the family’s ability to thrive spiritually. But families aren’t powerless. The fight starts with unity in marriage, sacrificial love, anchoring in prayer and the sacraments, and surrounding ourselves with like-minded families. The attack is real, but so is the remedy. A faithful, united, praying family is Satan’s worst nightmare. As St. John Paul II said, “The future of the world and of the Church passes through the family.” The path forward is clear—lead your family with faith, courage, and love.

• The family mirrors the Trinity, which is why Satan targets it relentlessly.

• Marriage is a spiritual battleground, not just a relationship.

• Disunity, distraction, and distorted roles are key tools the enemy uses.

• Prayer, unity, sacrifice, and community are how families fight back.

• Where do we feel the biggest spiritual attacks or distractions in our family life right now?

• Are we modeling unity for our kids—or are we forgetting that our witness is just as important as our teaching? 

• What’s one practical change we can make this week to reclaim prayer or family time in our home?

“I think that bringing children into the world is like bringing holiness into the world.” - Catherine Pakaluk

In this episode, Mike and Alicia sit down with Catherine Pakaluk, economist and author of Hannah’s Children, to challenge common cultural myths about large families. Secular researchers often assume religious women have many children because they are oppressed, but Catherine explains why this is far from true. Instead, faith gives parents the conviction that children are a blessing and the true good of marriage. Struggles, dysfunction, or finances exist in every family, regardless of size—yet joy comes from embracing life, not avoiding it. Mothers discover their fullest potential through their children, and their joy isn’t tied to public opinion or material resources. Parenthood is priceless, a long-term collaboration with God, who always gives grace when we say yes to Him.

• Secular researchers assume that religious women have many children because they are oppressed.  This is a myth. 

• A conviction formed by faith that children are a good of marriage is not irrational. 

• Religious women often are more open to children because they see children as a blessing and their “yes” is an assent to receiving those blessings from God.

• Many people use their dysfunctions and struggles as an excuse to not have more children, but the reality is that those issues are present regardless of the number of children you have. 

• Mothers achieve their full potential through their children. 

• Most mothers of large families don’t care what people say because their joy doesn’t come from that anyway. 

• Financial incentives to have children don’t work because most parents don’t need more material resources to have more children. Parenting is so valuable that money can’t buy it.  It is priceless. 

• Mothers should never focus on “being done”.  Embrace your fertility and God will give you the grace when you need it. This is a long-term collaboration with the Lord. 

• Do we talk about “being done”?  Or do we talk about “getting started”?  

• Do we see children as a blessing?  Do we want more blessings in our lives right now? 

Buy the book on Amazon:  https://a.co/d/gEGkjEy

Summary

Every family inherits a legacy, both the blessings and the struggles, yet God calls us to build something new with Him. In this episode, Mike and Alicia reflect on the importance of having a dream for your family that goes beyond survival mode and day-to-day busyness. Drawing inspiration from the film Field of Dreams, they explore how couples can discern God’s vision for their home, create a legacy of love, and take bold, countercultural steps together. Whether you’re just starting out or sending kids off to college, this conversation will encourage you to pray, dream, and act with faith that “if you build it, HE will come.” 

Key Takeaways

Legacy Matters: We inherit patterns from our families of origin, but we can choose what to keep, redeem, or leave behind.

Dream Beyond Today: God calls us to think not just about survival, but about a vision that shapes generations. 

Unity in Marriage: A shared dream unites spouses, strengthens families, and becomes a witness to others.

God Provides the Tools: He uses the gifts, circumstances, and desires already present in your life to shape His vision for your family.

Practical Step: Pray together, journal your inspirations, and start with simple habits that align with your family’s God-given dream. 

Couple Discussion Questions

What legacies from your families of origin do you want to keep—and which ones do you want to leave behind? If you looked five or ten years into the future, what would you want your children (or future children) to say about your family? Where do you see God already giving you the “building blocks” for His dream for your family? What small, concrete step can we take this week to begin living into that dream together?

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

The family is where children discover how to be human. - Archbishop Charles Chaput

In this episode, Mike and Alicia tackle some of the toughest family challenges with honesty, humor, and hope. These questions were submitted to us at the Midwest Family Conference, but we never got to them! We talk about things like how to respond to a loved one with a temper or a dysfunctional family that seems to fight constantly. What practical steps can parents take to guard their family culture when outside influences pull in the opposite direction? Mike emphasizes the irreplaceable role of fathers—especially in having honest conversations with teenage sons about life’s toughest issues. Alicia offers encouragement for wives supporting their husbands as spiritual leaders, even in the messiness of daily life. Together, they share practical strategies for cultivating virtue—reminding parents that even when kids bring out our weaknesses, God uses family life to make us holy.

• We always need to start with ourselves when we come up against difficult relationships in the family. 

• All of us are to work on helping other family members - spouse and children - to grow in holiness. 

• Your family culture needs to be strong to inoculate your children against the culture of the world.

• Parents’ love for each other and joy in their relationship is essential in bringing peace and positivity to the home. 

• The father’s role in the life of his teen son and in the spiritual leadership of the home is irreplaceable. 

• It is not your job to make your kids into saints - its their job to make you into a saint! 

• What do we need to work on in our marriage to bring more love and joy into our home?  How can we be a better example for our kids? 

• Are there issues with our kids that we need to discuss?  What do we need to improve in our family culture? 

• Anger in Parenting https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-076-anger-in-parenting/

• Preparing for Adolescence: https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-005-preparing-your-tween-and-yourself-for-adolescence/

• Women Wonderfully Made Webinar

Catholiccouplesgetaway.com

"Discipleship isn’t about perfection—it’s about intimacy with Jesus. He is drawn to our weakness, not our strength." - Jake Khym

In this deeply insightful episode, Jake and Heather Khym explore one of the greatest challenges facing Catholics today: true discipleship. They share how the heart of a disciple embraces God as a good Father who desires intimacy over perfection. You'll hear powerful wisdom on parenting—letting go of the lie that we must “save” our children—and embracing our need for God. The Khyms also unpack how to navigate emotional overwhelm by slowing down and seeing ourselves through God’s eyes. Learn practical tools to build empathy and connection in marriage, like listening without judgment, advice, or blame. Finally, discover why we all need spiritual community throughout every stage of life. This episode is packed with grace, truth, and encouragement—don’t miss it!

• The most significant challenge among Catholics today is discipleship. The heart of a disciple believes that God is a good Father.

• Jesus is not looking for us to be perfect or do everything right; instead, He desires intimacy with us.  He is drawn to our weakness. 

• Parents need to be aware of the heresy that we are our children’s saviors.  We are not. They need God more than they need us. 

• When we are overwhelmed by our emotions, we need first to slow down.  Then see ourselves as God sees us. 

• In building connection and empathy with our spouses, ask them to share with us their story, and then we need to hear that story without JAB - no judgment, advice, or blame. 

• We all tend to be self-reliant, and that is why we need community at every stage, every season in our lives. 

• On your next date night, take some time to hear the story of your spouse. This may be something that you think about ahead of time and prepare for.  Sharing hearts and vulnerability in this way is key to a deeper relationship. 

• How can we work at seeing ourselves and each other with the eyes of the Father?  How can we see as God sees?  

“If we want our children to be happy and successful, if we want them to reach their highest potential in self-transcendence, then the most important thing we can do is replace screens with activities that turn their focus outward.” —Clare Morell

It’s no secret that addictive digital technologies like smartphones and social media apps are harming a generation of kids socially, mentally, and even physically. But a workable solution seems elusive. After all, don’t kids need phones, and won’t they be vulnerable or socially isolated without them? In this interview with Clare Morell, author of The Tech Exit, we discuss the lies parents have been sold about parental controls, screen-time limits, and even the effectiveness of screens in the classroom. There is another way!  If you need a shot in the arm to make the break from tech, listen in and see how digital technology is anything but necessary for children to live happy, healthy, and socially full lives.  

• Putting limits on something immediately implies harm. Why are we choosing to expose our children to something that is harmful? 

• Dopamine that is released when a child uses screens affects the brain like a drug and produces cravings, not satisfaction.  

• Since screens have been in our schools, math and reading scores have hit an all time low.  

• Replace screen time with responsibilities and tasks, as well as hobbies and play. 

• Screens make us all feel like we don’t need other people.  It decreases community inherently, 

• Life is not about being constantly amused and entertained.  We all need time for reflection, activity, and boredom.  

• Are we happy with the screen time use in our home right now?  Are we happy with our own screen time?  How can we be better? 

• How have screens affected our family life?  What do we want to change about this? 

Resources

• thetechexit.com 

• clare.morell.substack.com

• Messy Family Guide to Tech:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/screens-your-child/

Parenting teens can feel like navigating a storm. Emotions run high and mistakes are inevitable. In this updated reflection on our original 2017 episode, we dive into the art of disciplining teenagers not just to manage behavior, but to raise mature disciples of Christ.

We share what we've learned from parenting our ten kids, what it means to move from control to connection, and how to maintain strong relationships during the most challenging years. Whether you're in the thick of adolescence or preparing for it, this episode offers encouragement, clarity, and practical tools.

Topics include: • Building trust and fostering independence • Avoiding the trap of control or punishment • Communicating values in a way teens can hear • Creating rules that actually work

In what ways do we tend to default to control instead of connection when our teens challenge us?

How can we help each other start with our own hearts before reacting to difficult teen behavior?

What opportunities can we create this week to invest in one-on-one connection with our teen(s)?

Are there any household rules we need to revisit or simplify to better serve our teens’ growth?

What does it mean to us to parent for Christian maturity rather than just obedience?