In this honest Q&A episode, Mike and Alicia answer real questions from listeners about the struggles every couple faces – feeling distant, managing conflict, and staying united when life gets stressful. They talk about what to do when your marriage feels dry or disconnected, how to rebuild emotional intimacy, and how humility, forgiveness, and shared prayer can bring healing. With humor and wisdom from decades of marriage and mentoring, they offer hope for couples who want to grow together, not just stay together.

Couples Discussion Questions

What should I do when my spouse seems emotionally distant? How can we reconnect after a big argument? How do we stay close when life feels overwhelming? What if I'm the only one trying to fix our marriage?

Whether you're newly married or in the thick of family life, this episode will remind you: every marriage has hard seasons, but grace makes growth possible.

We'd love your feedback! Take our 2025 Listener Survey and help us serve families better: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MFP-2025

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Families need to disconnect from the world's pace, be present to one another and break bread together. - Bishop Thomas Olmstead

Why are family dinners so hard — and so important? In our latest Messy Family Podcast episode, we get real about the chaos of mealtime: the cooking, the planning, the juggling schedules, picky eaters, and the endless cleanup. But we also share the good news — it doesn't have to be perfect to matter. Family meals aren't just about food. They're a time to build identity, teach traditions, and give your kids a sense of belonging. Research shows that sharing meals boosts kids' grades, strengthens communication, and protects against depression and risky behaviors. We'll give you practical tips to make family meals doable — even joyful — in the middle of everyday mess. From simple routines to conversation starters and kid-friendly chores, this episode will help you make mealtime your family's "north star." Listen now and rediscover the power of your dinner table!

• Close with: "Those 20 minutes around your table might be the most important minutes of your child's day."

• Recap: Family meals strengthen minds, hearts, and homes

1. Make it a priority

2. Have a routine

3. Use the time to connect

4. Include the kids to make it happen!

• How often does your family sit down together?

• What is one thing we can do to improve our time together?

In this re-release of Episode MFP191, we open up about one of the biggest challenges every couple faces—finding time for each other in the midst of busy family life. After 31 years of marriage, we've learned that love doesn't just grow on its own; it takes intention and effort because although our marriages are always Important, they are rarely Urgent. In this episode, we share our own stories, some laughs, and practical ways to stay connected—whether through daily check-ins, regular date nights, or an occasional weekend away. We also talk about how to make this happen and what to do when you are together to use your time well. When we invest time in our marriage, our whole family benefits. So take a moment, grab your spouse, and listen with us. Let's strengthen our marriages together—because your relationship is worth every minute.

• Marriage is never Urgent, but it is always Important. That means you have to intentionally take time for your spouse

• Marriage is good for people and their mental, emotional, and even physical health.

• We need to give our spouse our time - daily connections, date nights, and extended time away.

• Lack of time together leads to decreased "love tank". A full "love tank" smooths out the rough spots in marriage and makes it easier to ignore the little things.

• You have to be together without the children to renew your marriage and make strong the "couple love" between you which is essential for them.

• You need a community around you to give inspiration and support for your marriage.

• Make boundaries and goals for your time together. Use it wisely!

• When is our daily connection and regular date night?

• What is the best way for us to spend that time together?

"Being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person,

which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction." - Pope Benedict XVI

Every one of us is on a journey towards eternity. Our life here on earth, our vocation, our careers, our relationships are all just ways that we can grow in our knowledge of ourselves and of God. But many of us struggle to learn how we can stretch ourselves and prioritize our own spiritual growth. In this podcast, we share our own stories of conversation moments and how our spiritual practices have changed and matured over the years. We hope this will give you some inspiration and ideas of how you can come closer to God our Loving Father and see that none of us are ever "done". We are all on a journey towards our eternal home.

• To be a good mother or father you must first know who you are as a beloved son or daughter.

• Do things that put yourself in that place to receive from God such as mass, regular confession, and staying in a state of grace.

• Be honest about where you are in your season of life. Adopt spiritual practices accordingly

• Our perception of God is colored by our experience of our parents. Do we see God as having high or low expectations of us? Do we see God giving us high or low support to achieve those expectations? The most healthy relationship has high expectations and high support to achieve them.

• Recognize that we are constantly growing and maturing in our relationship with God and others. Growth takes time!

• What is our perception of God and the Church? Where are we right now in our relationship with Him?

• How can we as spouses help each other grow in our relationship with both?

Go here to purchase these books! https://amzn.to/3O6ce8V

Why are today's kids more anxious than ever before? Mike and Alicia dive into the growing epidemic of anxiety among children and teens – and how modern parenting, technology, and culture all play a role. Drawing insights from Jonathan Haidt's The Anxious Generation, they explore what happens when we overprotect kids in the real world but underprotect them online.

From overscheduled lives and endless screen time to lack of sleep, nutrition, and authentic relationships, today's children are under tremendous pressure. But there's hope. The Hernons share concrete, faith-filled ways parents can lead with confidence, slow down family life, and raise children who are resilient, humble, and rooted in reality – not comparison.

If you've ever wondered how to calm the chaos and restore peace to your home, this episode offers clarity, conviction, and encouragement for every Catholic parent.

• Slow down, do less, accept your child for who they are

• Have a Consistent bedtime and eat together

• Lead your family with confidence

• Indoctrinate your children with your philosophy

• Teach them humility. Humble kids become content adults

• Put them in healthy social environments and enjoy true leisure

1. Look at your schedule and ask yourself WHY - examine each activity and make sure you are intentional about it

2. Do we think our children are anxious? Why and what can we change?

Take our 2025 Listener Survey!

Everything we do here at the Messy Family Project is for couples and families! We work hard to support and encourage moms and dads as they do the hard work of raising children, managing homes and forming a solid, Catholic family culture.

In our survey this year, we are asking for you to share with us some of your greatest challenges and what resources will help you the most. If you have done our survey in the past, please do it again! The more people we have take it, the more effective the information is.

So will you take a few minutes to click on the link below and fill out our survey?

This survey helps us create new products, target our podcasts to serve your needs better, and gives us a deeper insight into the lives of parents today. Will you help us out?

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MXKQLYW

Check out our Amazon Storefront for the Anxious Generation! https://www.amazon.com/shop/messyfamilyproject?ref_=cm_sw_r_cp_ud_aipsfshop_BS8NWGQYFJSSV1CQ6XBY

Take your calling seriously and yourself lightly

Are you taking parenting a little too seriously? In this episode, we dive into why families need to throw off the burden of "psychological correctness" and rediscover the gift of humor. Parenting isn't a project—it's a wild, messy adventure! We'll share why secure parents can laugh at their mistakes, how to set healthy limits at your table, and how to teach kids the difference between fun teasing and disrespect. Most of all, we'll remind you that your children are a never-ending source of laugh-worthy moments. This week we're joined by the always witty and wise Dr. Ray Guarendi, who brings his trademark humor and insight to help parents embrace joy, laughter, and freedom in family life.

• Throw off "psychological correctness"! The gift of humor has been taken away from modern parents because most parents are now overly worried about every word they say.

• Parents need to take themselves lightly and stop making parenting into a psychological project.

• Those parents who are insecure can't laugh at themselves. You know you are secure when you can laugh at your mistakes and find humor in the craziness of family life.

• You decide the limits are your table and teach the difference between good-natured teasing and disrespect.

• Remember and celebrate that kids are natural sources of laugh-worthy material for life!

• Are we able to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes even with our kids?

• What are some of the funny things that have happened in our family? How can we remember these?

Dr Ray website: https://www.drray.com/

Take our 2025 Listener Survey!

Everything we do here at the Messy Family Project is for couples and families! We work hard to support and encourage moms and dads as they do the hard work of raising children, managing homes and forming a solid, Catholic family culture.

In our survey this year, we are asking for you to share with us some of your greatest challenges and what resources will help you the most. If you have done our survey in the past, please do it again! The more people we have take it, the more effective the information is.

So will you take a few minutes to click on the link below and fill out our survey?

This survey helps us create new products, target our podcasts to serve your needs better, and gives us a deeper insight into the lives of parents today. Will you help us out?

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MXKQLYW

Parenting isn't just about being present—it's about leading with purpose because children need guidance, not just companionship. In this episode, we start by looking at some quotes from celebrity parents to examine how they are misguided. The reality is that parents are called to protect, not simply please. And we each have different roles: fathers embodying hope and authority, mothers offering love and intuition. Both are crucial, and when either dominates too much, imbalance follows—leading to fragility or rigidity. We need to recognize our children's gifts and desires and direct them by setting limits and giving formation. Where do we get these limits? By seeking the wisdom that is from above. We can't figure out life without God's wisdom and kids can't figure life without us. Parents need to hold a vision of who their child can become and make tough calls for their good. Simply "accompanying" isn't enough. Instead, loving leadership is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give.

• Parenting is leadership, not passive companionship.

• Fathers and mothers offer distinct but complementary strengths—hope and authority vs. love and intuition.

• Children need structure, like a river needs banks—boundaries guide them safely.

• Wisdom is essential—parents must seek it and model it as they lead.

• In what ways do we each naturally lead our children—where do we shine, and where do we fall short?

• Are we setting strong enough "banks" for our kids, or are we just going with the flow?

• How can we invite God's wisdom into our parenting decisions, especially when we're unsure or disagree?

Earthen Vessels book: https://matthewleeanderson.com/book/earthen-vessels/

"The devil is afraid of a united husband and wife." —St. John Chrysostom

The family is Satan's top target because it reflects God's very nature and holds the foundation of civilization. Marriage isn't just a social contract—it's a sacrament with spiritual power, which makes it a threat to evil. The enemy's strategy is subtle: sow disunity between spouses, confuse gender roles, exhaust parents, and replace faith formation with screens and busyness. By silencing prayer and fracturing family time, he slowly erodes the family's ability to thrive spiritually. But families aren't powerless. The fight starts with unity in marriage, sacrificial love, anchoring in prayer and the sacraments, and surrounding ourselves with like-minded families. The attack is real, but so is the remedy. A faithful, united, praying family is Satan's worst nightmare. As St. John Paul II said, "The future of the world and of the Church passes through the family." The path forward is clear—lead your family with faith, courage, and love.

• The family mirrors the Trinity, which is why Satan targets it relentlessly.

• Marriage is a spiritual battleground, not just a relationship.

• Disunity, distraction, and distorted roles are key tools the enemy uses.

• Prayer, unity, sacrifice, and community are how families fight back.

• Where do we feel the biggest spiritual attacks or distractions in our family life right now?

• Are we modeling unity for our kids—or are we forgetting that our witness is just as important as our teaching?

• What's one practical change we can make this week to reclaim prayer or family time in our home?

"I think that bringing children into the world is like bringing holiness into the world." - Catherine Pakaluk

In this episode, Mike and Alicia sit down with Catherine Pakaluk, economist and author of Hannah's Children, to challenge common cultural myths about large families. Secular researchers often assume religious women have many children because they are oppressed, but Catherine explains why this is far from true. Instead, faith gives parents the conviction that children are a blessing and the true good of marriage. Struggles, dysfunction, or finances exist in every family, regardless of size—yet joy comes from embracing life, not avoiding it. Mothers discover their fullest potential through their children, and their joy isn't tied to public opinion or material resources. Parenthood is priceless, a long-term collaboration with God, who always gives grace when we say yes to Him.

• Secular researchers assume that religious women have many children because they are oppressed. This is a myth.

• A conviction formed by faith that children are a good of marriage is not irrational.

• Religious women often are more open to children because they see children as a blessing and their "yes" is an assent to receiving those blessings from God.

• Many people use their dysfunctions and struggles as an excuse to not have more children, but the reality is that those issues are present regardless of the number of children you have.

• Mothers achieve their full potential through their children.

• Most mothers of large families don't care what people say because their joy doesn't come from that anyway.

• Financial incentives to have children don't work because most parents don't need more material resources to have more children. Parenting is so valuable that money can't buy it. It is priceless.

• Mothers should never focus on "being done". Embrace your fertility and God will give you the grace when you need it. This is a long-term collaboration with the Lord.

• Do we talk about "being done"? Or do we talk about "getting started"?

• Do we see children as a blessing? Do we want more blessings in our lives right now?

Buy the book on Amazon: https://a.co/d/gEGkjEy

Summary

Every family inherits a legacy, both the blessings and the struggles, yet God calls us to build something new with Him. In this episode, Mike and Alicia reflect on the importance of having a dream for your family that goes beyond survival mode and day-to-day busyness. Drawing inspiration from the film Field of Dreams, they explore how couples can discern God's vision for their home, create a legacy of love, and take bold, countercultural steps together. Whether you're just starting out or sending kids off to college, this conversation will encourage you to pray, dream, and act with faith that "if you build it, HE will come."

Key Takeaways

Legacy Matters: We inherit patterns from our families of origin, but we can choose what to keep, redeem, or leave behind.

Dream Beyond Today: God calls us to think not just about survival, but about a vision that shapes generations.

Unity in Marriage: A shared dream unites spouses, strengthens families, and becomes a witness to others.

God Provides the Tools: He uses the gifts, circumstances, and desires already present in your life to shape His vision for your family.

Practical Step: Pray together, journal your inspirations, and start with simple habits that align with your family's God-given dream.

Couple Discussion Questions

What legacies from your families of origin do you want to keep—and which ones do you want to leave behind? If you looked five or ten years into the future, what would you want your children (or future children) to say about your family? Where do you see God already giving you the "building blocks" for His dream for your family? What small, concrete step can we take this week to begin living into that dream together?

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/