So as official, I think this might now officially be the longest. I've managed to stay out of the psych ward over eight months. Yet at the same time, today, I've been having some signs that I might want to Abort mission, meaning my brain seems to be going into further reaches of its growth that seemed too far outside. Even the context that I'm wanting to create right now. And the other day I talked about, well, maybe I will share some of the weird stuff too. And oddly enough, since I've said that some of the weird stuff has been coming through me. And I might share some of it just to give examples of things that I don't necessarily want to go further along the lines of their thoughts and perceptions that may or may not be true. They might be true in some other context. But if I go into that, then I'm alienating myself too much from the context that I'm creating, which is already beyond how consensus reality would would program us to see things and think about things. So Abort mission would equate to taking Seroquel PRN, when I was showering today, I felt a little bit fearful. And it's not because I was showering. It's just I was fearful. But one of my clues is, if I'm feeling fearful while I'm showering, while I'm kind of cornered, and then it's a clue that I could dissociate and disconnect and go into a terrified state where all I can do is sit there and wait for help. That's happened numerous times. So I don't want to get to that point, because that would likely mean I need to call for help. And then I would be hospitalized. And that's the very thing I'm trying to avoid. And I'm wrapping up some things with working in mental health, and I'm finding it difficult, some writing a few things. And I'm writing from the vantage point I've created for myself through self dialog and not through the vantage point of me and my mental illness. Which, before I never really believed, but I still humor that kind of language. So it's it feels difficult in a way because I feel alone in this context. And then I don't want my brain to start creating context that is just so out there. For example, I had something come to me around the whole Ascended Masters thing, and I don't even think about that. But it was like, Oh, the Ascended Masters can kind of take us over when we get to a certain level of consciousness because we're no longer our ego. So then what are we? Well, maybe we're the Ascended Masters, whatever that means. So, you know, well, that's lovely. But at the same time, I still I still would like to have some semblance of ego self for myself, because if I obviously didn't identify with being some kind of Ascended Master, then I might not even speak as myself and then my family will be confused, and probably scared. And then that's of no value because then I'll likely be pathologized as as as not feeling well or something. So I don't know if so, Some of those things are like these little clues. But then you just walk around and smile and nod at that sort of thing. And it also told me something like, I donated my body to science as in the science that I'm engaged in, in terms of seeing and the science of the heart. So it's almost like at a certain point, I'm no longer me. And some other aspect of consciousness takes me over. And then it's like, well, I've donated my body to science, which can be interpreted in a scary way, like being afraid of death, or it can be interpreted as some other element of consciousness is taking me over. Like I'm being erased, or almost, I'm erasing myself through this context creation. So it could even be the ego fearing that, because the ego fears its own death, but my ego has died several times. And it's always terrifying. But then there's some semblance of it left, when I get medicated back to reality. So if I don't want to totally lose contact with who I was, perhaps I need to take a Seroquel to slow the process down. Like I said, it likely slows down this brain growth it, it creates a state of hypoxia in the brain, and perhaps allows the oxygen to be diverted back to the ego process. Because I feel like when the ego feels like it's dying, it's because those dopamine circuits are being starved of blood and oxygen. So it's not actually dying, but it feels like we're dying, because that's what happens when we die is that that ego thing dies first. So we feel like, Oh, I'm dying. But that can happen during life, because that's the thing that dies, it can die numerous times during life. And each time it does. Part of it is sort of molded from us. It's like the ego is something that we're supposed to mold. Continuously, the old skin and the old thoughts and the old ways in in favor of new perception. So my new perceptual process has gotten a little bit out there, which happens, it does happen. And now I'm wondering, am I able to consciously stop that from happening? Or can I consciously do it through taking medication. Because if I end up in the psych ward, I'm going to get medicated anyway, extra medicated. So these next couple of days, I have to be extra watchful. And I just wanted to talk about it to myself, because this is part of the process. This is part of the learning process. part of the learning process could be learning to prune one's own insights. Because that very first time in manic consciousness, there were tons of them. And a good portion were definitely nonsensical. So right now, I'm in a state of learning where I'm able to speak to myself to process some of it. But I'm getting to a point where some of them are maybe things I want to prune out. Maybe they have some element of truth, 100 years in the future, or for 10,000 years in the past, who knows where it's coming from. So it might just be something that I want to consciously prune and not put any energy into that. Because if I decided to go with that possibility, I'm devote my energy towards that. Assuming that Ascended Master consciousness is going to take over my body. That is going to be very alienating if I actually take that as a belief. So why do we take anything as a belief, there's no real difference of taking that as a belief or taking. I am ugly as a belief, it's the same thing. So again, the importance of not believing anything that I say, or any insights that come to me, they're just ponderings and wonderings, and musings. And that's part of what the brain can Do and to be able to laugh at that, instead of taking seriously could be important. I have no idea I've gotten to this point right now where I'm just like, I don't know, no clue. And that's part of the Abort mission is if I dug myself out through medication, just sort of forgetting most of what I said, and starting back from the ego again, which is the starting point. How do you make the butterfly back into a caterpillar? reverse metamorphosis. I went ice skating yesterday. And I was sort of struck by watching a woman try to skate with one of those little helper things that you hang on to. And she couldn't skate at all. Never skated before, probably. And I've skated for quite a few years, so I can skate quite well. And I was thinking about how she's learning to travel on a new medium, the ice surface with skates on. And now if we saw that person, and we thought they were walking on the ground, we might actually think they were disabled in some way. But really, it's just about learning to walk on a new medium, or learning to skate. Just like in map consciousness is learning to walk with a different consciousness, learning to walk with a different medium in a different medium. And so when one falls flat on their face, we think that they're disabled, which just means they fell, because they're learning to walk in that medium. And a person can get up again, with a smile on their face, and, and try again, or one can get frustrated and give up and never try again. And to me, falling out of that higher consciousness is, like falling, if you're learning to ice skate. It's about how we choose to learn. After that, do we choose to learn with a smile on our face and, and wonder and try and celebrate the small gains that we make? Or do we put up a fuss and give up and being medicated and told that we're disabled for life is the equivalent of somebody else telling us to give up and to stop learning, and to not learn about what it was that we just experienced. And it's one thing to try and learn about it. So if I was learning to ice skate, and I fell on my face, I could go read a book on how to ice skate. Or I could try, keep trying to escape. And I could take lessons with somebody who knows. So I think the universe is trying to teach us something else to walk in a different way to move about space and time in a different way. And just like that woman trying to skate, she doesn't have the neural pathways for that balance. She doesn't have the neural pathways to move effortlessly. On that medium, just like we don't have the neural pathways to move effortlessly in that consciousness. But we have to practice and, and I feel like me, doing this self dialogue is the equivalent of what they talk about with visualization, how they say if somebody's shooting hoops for basketball, or, or just visualizing shooting hoops. When they get together after practicing either in their mind or for real. They both do just as well. So for me talking to myself about all this, I feel like it's the equivalent of shooting hoops in my mind. I'm practicing shooting hoops with the universe. In my mind, I'm talking with myself about a different context than the ego context. If I was just talking about the ego context, I will be talking about my past and I'll be talking about my patterns and I'd be talking about different aspects of personality and things like that. And would only be interesting to a very limited extent. And it's not actually going to grow my brain cells, it's just going to be accessing old memory files that are stored in my brain that are just clogging up my brain that every time I reactivate them, they're just continuing to clog up my brain, it'd be more useful to see that that has no value. Or at least that has very limited value. And might actually be valuable in terms of self dialog to remember some memories from the past in order to stay anchored as this person that I think that I am. Because if I started to think I'm not me, that's just gonna get me in trouble. And they're gonna be life while you have to be you. So we're going to medicate you so you think you're you again. And that might have some kind of validity, I really don't know. So point being. When I've learned enough about my own brain, it's possible that I don't need to go to the psych ward because I can do to myself, what they would do in the psych ward was just just give Seroquel quick release for 10 days. If I'm aware and imagine if all of us could get to this point, we wouldn't need psych wards. I think this is sort of the stage that Tom Wooten talks about when he talks about getting to the freedom stage of bipolar, having bipolar in order and being in the freedom stage where we can really be aware of our states and and modify them if need be, or remain in them and remain in order mainly in order to not alert the public and family that something's up because their interventions are going to be worse than the interventions we can give to ourselves if we're at that phase of awareness. I don't know if that's what his ideas behind it are but not just that but it does prevent a lot of unnecessary suffering of of the person in question as well as family members to see a person in a state and feeling like they're out of control and and needing other Whoa. I just got really dizzy and I've never had that happen before. total head rush man self dialog grows my brain. I don't know if I've grown it too much right now. did take some extra niacin and Thea Nene and glycine just to keep me calm. I have been taking more vitamin C and the one EMP every day so it could be something with the EMP too I guess the main point is to not get freaked out about it. Maybe it was the Ascended Masters One thing I know for sure is I don't like the smell of my pants. I did a load of laundry and I think I put too much in it, and and so it didn't really rinse properly, I don't think. So that might have caused it to smell kind of funny when I dried it. I don't know if that's the case, but I might have to change them before I go out. I could be dizzy too, because I've been eating a bit less food lately, because I haven't been as hungry. This is me trying to find some kind of logical explanation for that, that might have been one of the weirdest things I've ever experienced. After skating yesterday, to my friends, and I were looking at this mural, and it was his carved mural, and it was kind of strange. And then one of them's had can't figure out what that is and the top left corner. And it was this weird looking thing. And I said, it's a rock with a wave crashing on it. It's an ogopogo wearing a costume, I came up with like 10 guesses really quick. And then we kind of laughed it off. And then we're looking at the mural more, and then I looked back. And then I noticed right below this weird blob that we were trying to decipher was a train. And so it was actually the smoke of the train. And I laughed, and I was thinking about how it's funny because if we don't look at the whole picture, we can really wonder what something is about. But then when we look at the whole picture makes sense. have to look at the whole picture. Not just that bits of information. If we don't look at the whole picture of what we're talking about doesn't make any sense. So that could be the thing about consciousness as well as we're talking about stuff, we're not really making sense, because we haven't yet seen the whole picture. And sometimes when we get to the end, where we can see the whole picture we realize we don't want to see at all. And I guess that's what the ego is for us, blocking us from seeing what's really happening. Here's another here's another extrapolation I'd rather not entertain, though it could be entertaining, it could make a good movie, I had the sense that we were here as human beings on planet Earth, as animals as human animals, and then aliens, sent thoughts through the universe to infect our brains. And then through that, we're able to build the society as we have. But really, we're actually building this society and all these structures for the aliens. So then they eventually come here and just kill us all. And they live in everything that we built. Sort of like how some insects do that. They just, they're parasitic. And they, they, they use whatever in order to build something for them. And then they just take it over. Again, good movie script, not something that I want to devote my life to. And it's not just that we play the notes of the saxophone. It's how we play them. So I could say, the world is unconditional love. Or I can say the world is unconditional love. I feel like I'm having a growth spurt into the mind. And the mind is using the brain to create itself. The mind is using the brain to create the mind. So it has to create the brain cells in order for that to happen. So it's brain cell growth. I feel like lithium might provide some kind of capacitance for this because it's positively charged and the energy going through the brain in terms of electricity is electrons are negative charge. And I've read that lithium causes the brain to grow, the gray matter to grow and I had a weird insight about that, that likely the people who are taking lithium, who they study, their brains are already growing. So they study them, and they say it's the lithium. But in my theory, the brain growth process has been initiated by the Universe by consciousness, by natural selection by the universe needing people to actually use the rest of their brains besides their ego, prefrontal cortex. And so their brains already growing. And then they're diagnosed with bipolar or something. And given lithium, then their brains are studied and said, to grow, because lithium made it grow. Now, they might have done some kind of controls to prove that, by maybe other people's brains were growing, as well. But maybe they were on different medication that suppress the brain growth. So I don't really care to look into the studies because that's, that would take too much time. I just sort of thought of reversing what they say, lithium causes the brain to grow. People who get put on lithium, likely had this brain growth process initiated. And that's why they went into my consciousness and then were diagnosed as defective. How can they be defective when their brains are growing, but it's attributed to the lithium? Oh, what a miracle. I don't know about that. Because the truehope product, the EMP, their studies have shown that that their product helps the brain to grow to so maybe again, their products being taken by people who, who their brains are growing, but they did on rats, actually. So it's hard to say with that, maybe their product actually does make the brain grow and lithium. Maybe it does, too, who knows. But it could also be that the brain wants to grow. So if it's given some kind of positive charge mineral, whether it's lithium, or whether it's all the spectrum of minerals and the truehope product, it's going to grow because it needs that, that charge in order to grow those brain cells. And it needs the charge to be distributed through the whole brain. So that stuff probably goes to other areas of the brain, which then can divert electricity there plus negatively charged oxygen, and actually get those brain cells to grow. And I was thinking about how creating lots of new brain cells through the vibration of one's voice talking to oneself. seeing something new, and giving it a voice could almost be a buffer in a way to some of the other stuff. So I've had a few weird thoughts lately. But since I've created so much other context, it's difficult for my brain to go off on that tangent without having the buffer of other brain cells with lots of other contexts. So if I had a few weird thoughts, and I didn't have the context that I've created for myself, I might think, oh, what's my mental illness, oh, and then I get scared. And then that would make it worse. And then the next fearful thought would come in the next and the next and the next. But I've been able to sort of be like, Oh, that's not actually something that I want to go down the path of, just like, I wouldn't want to go down the path of being medicated, or pathologized again. And so the context helps with that again, too, because it doesn't allow my brain to get caught in that story that I've been told about myself. And just like, right now, here, there's a lot of snow on the ground. So what actually stops the sound, it's not so noisy from the traffic because it's buffering that the buffer of all the context of brain cells that I might have created for myself, prevents the noise of other people's stories and interpretations coming in to infect my brain. It's buffered with probably a lot more glial cells. And so I can't get stuck in any other neuronal tracks of thought patterns that society would infect me with. And if I don't have the buffer of all that extra sound cells in my brain of all these other things that I've talked to myself about, if some other thought comes in, it's going to sound a lot louder, because it's like this hollow brain with nothing and if something comes in hangs around, it's like, Whoa, that's so disturbing. Whereas if I have all this other context, it'll just be a slight whisper. And it'll just be like, oh, whatever. So I feel like the brain is trying to grow out of the ego, and is trying to grow out of fear as well. I feel like that could be why people have loud voices in their head. Because it's just one thought coming from somewhere else, apparently, and it's just bouncing around in the brain. And we've never been taught to engage ourselves in really wondering what that's all about. And some people have started to do that. And as they do, and as they develop more and more understanding for themselves about how they choose to understand it, or how other people have helped them to understand it. Those voices aren't as loud. I don't know if that means not as loud in volume, or they're just not taken as seriously. Because there's other understanding and context to hold those painful bits or disturbing bits. It's not like there's never going to be anything disturbing. But it'll be less disturbing if one has really engaged one's own brain around it. And it wants us to pay attention to something other than our ego voice, whether it's a voice as somebody else's voice, or just seeing something and having an insight. It's a different voice than the ego. And it can be just showing us that we're not our ego because if we were, we wouldn't be able to have thoughts and someone else's voice or things like that in our head. The mind is bigger than the brain, the mind is the entire field of what's available, and we can't see all of it. So the mind is helping us to move into seeing more of the mind...

brain, consciousness, anti psychotics, process, labeled, mental illness, heart, sudden, ego, abstracting, blind spot, life, pattern, perceive, glimpse, order, person, bipolar disorder, feel, wondering

extrapolation, brain, anti psychotics, creating, feel, people, happening, antipsychotics, joke, brain cells, wisdom, talking, voice, listening, picture, blind spot, mania, part, meaning, person

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