Audio Tidbits

Thanks for joining me.

We hear presidential candidates talking about the greatness of America. They seem to reflect a range of beliefs from America is great to America used to be great but is not great anymore; they will make America great to they will make America great again.

I thought it might be interesting to ask ourselves what action we think might lead to a great America or to sustaining America's greatness. To that end, I have collected seven reasons to believe America is as great or greater than it ever was and seven reasons to believe that America is not great and in need of action to make it great.

There are thus fourteen aspects of American life that need attention. Of course there are others but Let's limit ourselves to these fourteen for purposes of this exercise. For each of the fourteen, answer two questions.

First, what needs to happen to keep the element great; or if it is currently deficient, what needs to happen to make the element great?

Second, what action will the President have to take to sustain the elements greatness; or if the element is currently deficient, what will the President need to do to assure that the element becomes great?

Let's keep America great or make it great again, depending on perspective.

Here are seven reasons people often give for believing that America is as great as it ever was:

Innovation and Technology: Many point to America's history of technological advancements and innovation as evidence of its continued greatness.

(Note) Be sure to answer the two questions for this element before moving on.

Cultural Diversity: The nation's rich cultural diversity and the opportunities it provides for different perspectives and experiences.

Economic Prosperity: Highlighting the country's strong economy, job opportunities, and entrepreneurial spirit as indicators of its greatness.

Freedom and Democracy: Emphasizing the values of freedom, democracy, and the protection of individual rights that are seen as integral to America's greatness.

Global Leadership: The role that the U.S. plays in international affairs, including its military strength and diplomatic influence.

Higher Education: The presence of world-renowned universities and research institutions that contribute to global knowledge and innovation.

Social Progress: Noting advancements in civil rights, LGBTQ+ rights, and other areas as signs of America's ongoing progress.

Here are seven reasons people often give for believing that America is not as great as it used to be:

Economic Inequality: Many argue that increasing income inequality has led to a decline in the overall well-being of the population.

(Note) Be sure to answer the two questions for this element before moving on.

Political Divisiveness: Concerns about heightened political polarization and inability to find common ground on important issues.

Healthcare System: Criticisms about the complexity and cost of healthcare, leaving some citizens without adequate access to medical services.

Infrastructure: Aging infrastructure, like roads and bridges, is seen as a sign of neglect in some areas.

Education System: Worries about the quality of education and access to affordable, high-quality schooling for all.

Gun Violence: Concerns about the prevalence of gun violence and perceived lack of effective gun control measures.

Climate Change: The perceived insufficient response to environmental issues, including climate change and pollution.

Debate: Is America as Great as it Used to Be?

In the heart of a bustling cafe, two friends, Jack and John, engage in a spirited debate over a topic that has long fueled discussions across the nation: the current state of America's greatness.

Jack, his eyes sparkling with enthusiasm, leans forward and begins, "John, my friend, I firmly believe that America is as great as it ever was. Just look at the incredible innovations we've witnessed,

The Surface Story

In a world teeming with mysteries, the possibility of extraterrestrial life has long fascinated and captivated the human imagination. Recently, a group of individuals, including both humans and two undercover aliens, gathered to engage in a thought-provoking focus group discussion. The primary objective was to gauge human awareness of the presence of aliens among us and explore their potential intentions. The ensuing dialogue was marked by diverse opinions and varying levels of concern, ultimately yielding inconclusive results.

Within the focus group, differing levels of concern emerged regarding the potential intentions of these supposed alien beings. Some participants harbored fears of malicious intent, envisioning scenarios of invasion or domination. They highlighted historical accounts of alleged abductions and unexplained disappearances as cautionary tales. In contrast, a faction of individuals maintained a more optimistic outlook, postulating that extraterrestrial life might be benevolent and possess advanced knowledge that could benefit humanity.

In an age of advanced technology and medical breakthroughs, there was still a lingering fear of that which humans cannot see. People around the world claimed they saw UFOs in the skies, heard strange creatures in the night, and sensed something lurking in the shadows.

As the rumors and speculation began to spread, a secret organization was formed that focused on researching and studying possible alien life forms. This group, known as the Alien Interactions Committee, assembled the focus group of humans and aliens alike to determine how accurate these fears were.

The goals of the focus group were twofold. First, they sought to determine whether or not humans had a heightened awareness of aliens in their midst, and second, they wanted to know what those aliens’ intentions were, should they exist.

Taking place in a secret location, the focus group was comprised of fourteen humans and two undercover aliens. Facilitated by an experienced alien-interactions researcher, the group was divided into four round tables and instructed to discuss a series of questions in an effort to push the limits of perception.

Questions such as “Do you think aliens are among us?” and “If aliens were here, what would be their intention,” quickly filled the room with passionate energy. After some spirited debate, it was clear that the participants’ opinions of the possibility of aliens being among humans varied significantly.

The two aliens concealed their presence and allowed the conversation to continue while watching carefully for any subtle signs of suspicion from the group. At the end of the day, the results of the focus group were inconclusive. While none of the humans had identified them, it was clear that the possibility was close. Without any clear idea as to what steps to take next, the committee decided to continue the focus group meetings and keep a watchful eye.

There Is More to This Story

As the participants gathered for their second meeting, the atmosphere in the room was charged with anticipation. The previous session had left them with more questions than answers, and they were eager to continue their discussions. The facilitator, Dr. Elizabeth Reynolds, welcomed everyone and reminded them of the importance of their contributions.

The focus group reconvened at their respective tables, each one buzzing with excitement. The two undercover aliens, Zara and Xander, took their seats, their human disguises flawlessly concealing their extraterrestrial identities. They observed the humans closely, searching for any signs of suspicion or unease.

Dr. Reynolds began the session by posing a thought- provoking question: "If aliens were among us, how do you think they would communicate with each other?" The room fell silent as the participants pondered this intriguing possibility.

Some suggested that aliens might possess advanced telepathic abilities...

Thanks for joining me.

I’m pretty sure that you are not driving anyone up the wall but you likely have at least one coworker who has you pulling out your hair. I have a few suggestions but no good solutions to getting other people to behave more to your liking.

With that disclaimer, let’s first take a look at a work area where people are definitely driving each other nuts. Following that, I have a set of actions and behaviors that I think we can all agree are deal brakers if our goal is workplace harmony. None of us wants to be guilty of these interpersonal blunders. Finally, I do have some suggestions for managing those coworkers who are far less fun to be around than us.

Chaos at Work

Jared was the first to arrive at the office. Every day, he would come in early and get right to work. He had a lot of enthusiasm, and he was eager to make his mark on the company. However, many of his coworkers had taken a disliking to him.

They called Jared a jerk, claiming that he was too competitive

and wouldn’t settle for less than the best. He could also be quite cocky and was always trying to prove his intellect.

Roaming around the office, Jared would look down on those who weren’t working as hard as him, and the mere sound of his voice would make most of his coworkers recoil.

Little did Jared know, his attitude was actually having an adverse effect on the team. He was extremely loud and it made it difficult for everyone else to focus. He definitely had his strengths, but his attitude was making it hard for others to appreciate them. This created tension among the team, and it was becoming a problem.

Caroline was the polar opposite of Jared. While everyone else was hustling, she was loitering around. Management had no idea what she was even doing, because she had no intention of getting anything done. She was your typical ‘coast when you can’ type of worker. Everyone on the team talked behind her back, but to her face, they were civil.

Emma was the team’s gossip queen. She had her finger on the pulse of the business, and she knew everything that was going on. She was always trying to stir up drama, gossiping about her coworkers behind their backs and in the office. The whole team felt uncomfortable around her and openly wished

she would find something better to do with her time.

Clyde was the newest addition to the team. He was fiercely opinionated, and his coworkers found him intimidating.

Nobody wanted to admit it, but they were actually scared of him. He had a way of bulldozing through conversations, and he regularly spoke over the top of anyone who dared to disagree with him.

Dave was the team’s resident worrier. He was constantly worrying about his performance and how he looked to others. He was always late getting things done and was always making excuses for his tardiness. His indecisiveness meant that he frequently had to ask his teammates for help, and this made everyone on the team resent him a little bit.

Victoria was the team’s party girl. While everyone else was hard at work, she would be chatting with friends, checking her phone, or even playing online games. She hadn’t been that productive since she joined the team, and everyone was starting to feel that she was taking advantage of her colleagues.

Finally, there was Jason. He was always rude and inconsiderate to his teammates, and he regularly disregarded

their feelings and opinions. Whenever his coworkers needed a little help, he was nowhere to be found. He had no intention of helping them, and the rest of the team felt betrayed by him.

As time went on, the issues between the team members began to worsen. They increasingly felt disconnected from each other, and all of their differences were coming to the forefront. The work environment was getting more and more hostile, and it was obvious that something had to give.

Something Has to Give

The tension in the office had reached its breaking point.

The Discovery

It was a warm spring day and our playground was bustling with activity. My friends and I were running around the playground, shouting and playing at recess. Madison was chacing her friends, her pig tail braids bouncing behind her when suddenly, Madison spotted something unusual under a bush by the fence.

"Hey, what's that?" she shouted, pointing. Everyone stopped and stared at what she had found. Under the bush was a big box. It was painted dark blue and decorated with multicolored shapes and swirls.

Madison cautiously approached the box, but before she could touch it, Tate blurted out, "Let's open it!" Everyone agreed and they eagerly gathered around the box. Everyone was excited at once, anxiously trying to guess what could be inside the mysterious box.

Mason was the first to reach out and touch the box. He grasped it firmly but carefully and lifted it up only to find a tiny piece of paper stuck to its side. Madison quickly pulled it off the box and everyone gathered around her as she slowly unfolded it.

It said, "For a special purpose, only to be opened by a creative and curious mind."

Tate was the first to react. "So, do we have to find out what the purpose is? Or should we just open it and see what's inside?" Everyone started bickering about what to do. Mason argued that we should open it, while Madison argued that we should tell our teacher and have her decide.

In the end, we decided that we were too scared to open it so agreed to tell Mrs. Butterworth. Madison ran off to get our teacher, leaving the box behind.

We all followed Madison, crowding around Mrs. B and asking her all sorts of questions. We quickly told her what had happened and nervously waited to see what she was going to do. She thought for a while and then finally decided, "We should open the box. We never know what surprises might be inside."

When we all got back to the box, we crowded around as Mrs. B opened the box. We were pushing and shoving some to see inside. Before anyone else could make a comment, Madison shouted with glee, "It's a purple basketball!"

The Magic Game

We all stared at the purple basketball in awe. It glistened under the sunlight, its vibrant color captivating our attention.

Madison couldn't contain her excitement as she reached into the box and grabbed the ball. She held it up for everyone to see, a wide grin spreading across her face.

"Wow, it's so cool!" Tate exclaimed, his eyes widening with wonder.

Mason, always the practical one, furrowed his brow. "But what's so special about a purple basketball?"

Madison shrugged, her excitement still bubbling inside her. "I don't know, but let's try it out!"

We all quickly made our way to the basketball court, our sneakers squeaking against the pavement. We gathered around the hoop, anticipation building in the air.

Madison took a step back, her small hands gripping the ball tightly. With a swift motion, she tossed it towards the hoop.

To our amazement, the ball twisted and turned in mid-air, defying gravity. It soared through the hoop with a satisfying swish. We gasped in astonishment, our eyes widening with disbelief.

"Whoa! Did you see that?" Mason exclaimed, his voice filled with excitement.

Tate's face lit up with a mischievous grin. "Let me try!" he said, snatching the ball from Madison's hands.

He threw the ball with all his might, and once again, it twisted and turned, finding its way into the hoop. We all erupted into cheers and laughter, our joy and amazement filling the playground.

For a while, we took turns, each experiencing the magical power of the purple basketball. No matter how we threw it, the ball always found its mark with a perfect swish. We all laughed and cheered, our competitive spirits ignited by the purple basketball.

But sooner than you might expect, we started to feel a sense of monotony. The magic of the purple basketball, while thrilling, had taken away the challenge we craved.

On The Road -- Finally

It was a balmy summer night, and after a long day of work, Cindy's dad had finally decided to give his daughter the driving lesson she had been asking for. It was so nice outside, and the sun had just started to set over the horizon. She had been so excited for this day, and now it was finally here.

Cindy gripped the steering wheel firmly, excited to finally put those classes she'd taken to the test. She slowly backed the car out of the driveway and onto the street, being careful to make sure all the lights were on and that she kept to the speed limit.

Dad felt a bit apprehensive in the passenger seat. He kept peeking over to her every so often, making sure she was keeping a close eye on the road. Unfortunately, it seemed every time he looked, she was getting distracted and drifting off the lane. He knew he had to jump in and take control, but that made him feel guilty. He didn't want to make her feel like he didn't have faith in her.

On top of all that, Dad felt like he was stepping into the shoes of his own father. It made him think of all the times when he was just a kid and his parents took turns taking him out for a spin behind the wheel. He remembered all the conversations they would have, the tips his Dad would give him, and the

funny stories they'd share as they drove. He couldn't help but to wonder how he'd fare with his own daughter.

He let his worries go, and gave Cindy a few gentle reminders and corrections as she drove. He laughed when he saw her stressing out over the speed limit, joking around that driving too slow was nearly as bad as driving too fast. After a while, they'd parked in the lot of a grocery store for Cindy to practice her parking skills and to give her a little break from the intense concentration she'd been putting in.

When Cindy thought she had practiced enough, Dad agreed and thought a little treat was in order; so they stopped at their neighborhood Dairy Queen for a snack and to laugh about their experiences, both good and bad. Dad gave her a big hug when they returned to the car, feeling proud of the progress she was making. With a few minor pointers, they got back to their driving lesson, this time deciding to head up to Grandpa's house. He knew Grandpa would get a kick out of seeing Cindy driving.

Navigating the Storm

It was a stormy afternoon, and dark clouds loomed overhead as Cindy prepared for her next driving lesson with her mom this time. The rain was pouring down, creating a symphony of pitter-patter on the roof of the car. Despite the less-than-ideal conditions, Cindy was determined to continue her journey towards becoming a skilled driver.

As they sat in the car, Mom adjusted the mirrors and reminded Cindy to be extra cautious due to the slippery roads. The windshield wipers swished back and forth, struggling to keep up with the heavy rain. Cindy took a deep breath, her hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"Remember Cindy, always keep a safe distance from the car in front of you," Mom advised, her voice calm and reassuring. "And be sure to use your signals when changing lanes, especially in this weather."

Cindy nodded, her eyes focused on the road ahead. She cautiously merged onto the highway, feeling the car slightly skid on the wet surface. Her heart raced, but she reminded

herself to stay calm and composed.

As they drove, the rain intensified, making visibility increasingly challenging. The sound of thunder echoed through the car, causing Cindy to jump in her seat. Mom reached over and patted her hand, offering words of encouragement.

"You're doing great, sweetheart. Just remember to stay focused and trust your instincts," Mom said, her voice unwavering.

Cindy's grip on the steering wheel tightened as she navigated through the storm. The rain seemed relentless, blurring her vision and making it difficult to see the road markings. She relied heavily on her instincts,

A Gift Few Can Comprehend

Who is the nicest?

The story begins with Jack and Jill arguing over a young rescue Labrador that they have just adopted. They both assumed that the pup had not been named yet and it was up to them to name him.

For days, the couple had been debating the right name for their pup. Jack was keen on bestowing upon him a brave

name such as Max while Jill preferred something softer, such as Angel. The arguments seemed pointless as neither of them seemed to be willing to compromise.

Finally, on a rainy Saturday afternoon, Jack and Jill were surprised to find the active pup snoozing in a chair in the sitting room. It was then that they noticed the small ID tattoo from which, with a little additional research, they learned that the pup had already been given a name: Quincy. The couple looked at each other and sighed.

Of course, neither of them had known ahead of time that such a beautiful name had already been bestowed upon the pup.

Quincy was the perfect name - a balance of strength and softness that Jack and Jill had been arguing about for weeks.

Quincy stirred and looked up at the couple with his big brown eyes. His name was now cemented. At that moment, Jack saw the pup's intelligence and declared Quincy was the nicest amongst.the three of them. Jill disagreed, and thus, the debate for the nicest began.

Little did Jack and Jill know that this silly debate would lead to a mystery of the greatest proportions.

The Mysterious Disappearance

Weeks had passed since the naming incident, and Quincy had settled into his new home with Jack and Jill. The couple had put their argument about who was the nicest on hold, focusing instead on their adorable Labrador retriever. Quincy had quickly become the center of their world, bringing joy and laughter into their lives.

One sunny afternoon, Jack and Jill decided to take Quincy for a walk in the nearby park. As they strolled along the winding path, Quincy's tail wagged with excitement, his nose sniffing the air for new scents. The park was bustling with families and their pets, creating a lively atmosphere.

Suddenly, Quincy's ears perked up, and he pulled on his leash, leading Jack and Jill towards a secluded area of the park.

They followed curiously, wondering what had caught Quincy's attention. As they reached a small clearing, they noticed a peculiar sight.

A leather collar lay abandoned on the ground, its metal tag glinting in the sunlight. Jack bent down to examine

it, his curiosity piqued. The tag read, "Max - Beloved Companion." Jack's heart skipped a beat. Max was the name he had initially wanted to give Quincy.

Jill's eyes widened with surprise. "Do you think this collar belongs to one of Quincy's former mates?" she asked, her voice filled with wonder.

Jack nodded, his mind racing with possibilities. "It's certainly possible. But why would someone leave it here?"

As they pondered the mystery, Quincy began to sniff around the collar, his tail wagging furiously. He seemed to be urging them to investigate further. Intrigued, Jack and Jill decided to follow Quincy's lead.

They ventured deeper into the park, Quincy leading the way with his nose to the ground. The path grew narrower, and the trees loomed overhead, casting long shadows. The atmosphere became eerily quiet, as if the park itself held its breath, waiting for the truth to be revealed.

After what felt like an eternity, Quincy abruptly stopped in front of an old, dilapidated shed. The door creaked open, revealing a dimly lit interior. Jack and Jill exchanged nervous

glances but pressed on, their determination fueled by Quincy's unwavering confidence.

As they cautiously stepped inside, their eyes adjusted to the dim light. The shed was filled with dusty crates and forgotten belongings. But what caught their attention was a faded photograph hanging on the wall. It depicted a Labrador retriever, identical to Quincy,

Alien Discovery

Roger Applegate had always been a skeptic. He thought that aliens were a myth pushed by conspiracy theorists, and that anything extra terrestrial was impossible. Until one day when he was walking home from work. As he took his usual shortcut, he noticed someone watching him. He peered up the alley, and discovered that it was an alien.

The alien was an imposing figure, standing tall with a slight green hue to its skin; it had an alien nature to its features that Roger simply couldn't deny. Roger had to take a second look when he noticed that the alien was speaking in English. The alien addressed him and asked how he was doing.

Roger was stunned. He couldn't believe what was happening. He couldn't find his words, giving the alien time to start a conversation. The alien introduced itself as Jeff, and told Roger that he had been sent from planet Babidi to colonize earth. Jeff told him that he was one of many aliens on earth that looked and talked like humans, and that their mission had been going on for years without much attention.

Roger was in shock. He could hardly believe what Jeff was telling him, yet he felt strangely drawn to Jeff's story. He felt a connection. Jeff told Roger that he could help the aliens in their plan, and that they wanted Roger to help spread awareness of their presence.

Roger was amazed by Jeff's story and startled by his request. He reluctantly agreed to help the aliens, feeling a strange duty to help them in their quest but still skeptical. From that day onwards, Roger was cautious but on a mission to spread awareness and help the aliens in their plan.

He had discovered them, and he was determined to help them overcome the obstacles that were in their way, if what he was told was a true report of their mission.

Unveiling

News of Roger's encounter with the alien named Jeff spread like wildfire. People were both intrigued and skeptical, unsure of whether to believe the claims of extraterrestrial beings living among them. The media caught wind of the story, and soon, Roger found himself in the spotlight.

Reporters hounded him day and night, eager for an exclusive interview. Roger, however, remained committed in his mission to help the aliens. He agreed to a few select interviews, carefully choosing those he believed would present his story in a fair and unbiased manner.

One of the journalists he trusted was Sarah Thompson, an investigative reporter known for her integrity and dedication to uncovering the truth. Sarah had a reputation for digging deep into stories, and Roger believed she would be the perfect person to help him verify the aliens' mission and expose their presence.

They met in a small café on a quiet street, away from the prying eyes of the media. Sarah listened intently as Roger recounted his encounter with Jeff and the aliens' assurance of their peaceful intentions. She asked probing questions, trying to understand the extent of their infiltration into human society and gradually exposing their real intentions.

"Roger, do you have any proof of their existence?" Sarah asked, her pen poised over her notepad.

Roger hesitated for a moment, realizing that he had nothing concrete to offer as evidence. "I don't have any physical proof, Sarah. But you have helped me see that they are here and have infiltrated high-ranking positions in politics and the economy. They are slowly gaining control, and if we don't act, I am afraid that they will succeed in their mission."

Sarah furrowed her brow, deep in thought. "How can we expose them without any evidence? We need something substantial to convince the public of the danger, of the extreme risk."

Roger nodded, better understanding the gravity of the situation. "I know it's a challenge, but we have to find a way. I believe there are others out there who have encountered the aliens, just like me. We need to gather their stories, their experiences, and present a united front."

Thanks for joining me.

I am reluctantly considering the conclusion that much of what I have believed for as long as I have believed anything may represent far more hope than truth. Sure, I admit to taking it for granted that things actually are the way I have always thought they are, that my reality is valid and based on the true and factual, and that my sense of what's real is correct and axiomatic. Naive? Simple-minded? Perhaps dangerous? Indeed. But nonetheless, I believed.

I take some comfort in knowing that a preference for belief over thoughtful consideration didn't just start with me. The Roman philosopher Seneca observed that "Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment." It's likely that the "exercise" part of exercising judgment is the showstopper for many, if not most of us. For me at least, it has been easier to relax and believe.

Let me share a story that struggles with knowing truth from opinion, fact from belief. It gets at something important, I think.

1: A Discussion of Ideas

George had been retired for many years and was, by all accounts, set in his ways and beliefs. His daughters had asked him to discuss his views and outlook with them, hoping to gain a better understanding of him as a person and the experiences that had formed him. Youngsters, they argued, may not know what life was like when their father was in his prime, and they argued it was worthwhile for him to impart his wisdom.

The conversation began with George sharing his thoughts on a range of topics, from money management and world politics, to hard work and the purpose of life. He had very strong opinions and was keen for his daughters to take them on board and learn from them. However, the girls didn't always agree and often challenged him, proposing their own ideas which didn't always match up with his.

The discussion continued, with the subject matter becoming increasingly complex. However, one thing was becoming increasingly clear: George and his daughters were getting tangled up in trying to identify which elements of their respective beliefs and outlooks were true verses those which were not. They both seemed unable to distinguish fact from opinion and thus the conversation began to deadlock.

It was at this point someone made an interesting suggestion: why not agree to a way of telling true ideas from false ones? By finding a way to distinguish between belief and fact, hope was the conversation could begin to progress. Immediately, a spark of curiosity was kindled, as it dawned on all of them that this could be a fantastic experiment.

George and his daughters agreed to sit down at a later date to devise a way of identifying which ideas and notions were true and those which were not.

If I may interrupt,

Robert Brault got it right when he pointed out that "An old belief is like an old shoe. We so value its comfort that we fail to notice the hole in it." To my surprise and disappointment, I am starting to notice cracks if not actual holes in some of my most trusted beliefs. The cause and solution may be as simple as E D Martin suggests, "It is easier to believe than to doubt."

Laziness? Indifference? Bertrand Russell says it's our inherent credulity. "Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones." Perhaps I should add gullibility to lazy and naive. The picture is not looking good.

The pragmatist in me is calling out for attention. He or perhaps she is arguing that belief is not the issue. The issue is whether my unique collection of notions and ideas about how things are and how they work are serving me, furthering my interests. Admittedly, this is a rather pedestrian perspective; but if it works for me, I see little need to reason otherwise. If I may lean on Robert Brault again, "Sometimes you believe a thing that isn't true because in the world you wish to live in, it would be true.

Thanks for joining me.

I’ll bet you were expecting Gary but he asked me to share a story I was sharing with him yesterday. I hope that works for you since I think this story has a message we can all take to heart. Let me just tell you the story.

1: Who Treats Who Best?

Hannah was thirty-years-old and yet it felt as if she was a million miles away from her dreams and desires. She had a college degree but was stuck in a dead-end job that didn't challenge or stimulate her. She wanted more, and yet she couldn't seem to make it happen.

The one relationship that did make her feel alive and hopeful was her relationship with Jeff – the man she considered to be her soulmate. They met in college, and had been together for the five years since.

Hannah believed that she treated Jeff better than he treated her. She made sure to always show her love and appreciation for him, always putting his needs before her own. She was certain that Jeff knew how much she cared for him and treasured her.

Jeff on the other hand, thought that he treated Hannah better than she treated him. He felt he had done everything he could to prove his love to her, but he felt like she took him for granted and did not value him the way he deserved to be valued.

They each felt they had done their best in the relationship and yet it had to come to this – an argument that neither wanted to have and both wanted to avoid. Hannah believed she deserved more and Jeff felt that he was owed more. Neither of them was willing to concede and give the other what they wanted.

Finally after days of arguing (intermittently, of course), they

decided to take the disagreement to a trusted and impartial third-party – one who could tell them who truly treated who the best. They wanted to confirm whether the respect and appreciation that each had for the other was actually mutual, and it was up to this third-party to provide a definitive answer.

2: Seeking Clarity

Hannah and Jeff sat nervously in the cozy living room of their friend, Sarah. The room was adorned with warm colors and soft lighting, creating an atmosphere of comfort and ease.

Sarah, a close friend to both of them, had agreed to mediate their dispute and provide an unbiased perspective on who treated who better.

As they waited for Sarah to join them, the tension in the room was palpable. Hannah fidgeted with her hands, her mind racing with doubts and insecurities. She couldn't help but wonder if she had been blind to Jeff's efforts all along. Maybe she hadn't been as attentive as she thought. Her heart ached at the thought of losing him.

Jeff, on the other hand, sat with a stoic expression, his mind filled with frustration and confusion. He loved Hannah deeply, but he couldn't shake the feeling that his efforts were going unnoticed. He desperately wanted Sarah to validate his feelings and prove that he had been right all along.

Finally, Sarah entered the room, her warm smile putting them at ease. She sat down across from them, her eyes filled with empathy. "Alright, let's get to the bottom of this," she said, her voice gentle yet firm. "I want both of you to tell me what you believe you bring to the relationship and what you feel is lacking from the other person."

Hannah took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "I believe I bring love, support, and understanding to our relationship," she began. "I always prioritize Jeff's needs and try to make him feel cherished. But sometimes, I feel like he doesn't appreciate my efforts. I want him to show me more affection and acknowledge the little things I do for him."

Jeff nodded, his eyes locked with Sarah's. "I do love Hannah, and I try my best to show it," he admitted. "But sometimes, it feels like she takes me for granted. I want her to recognize my efforts and reciprocate the love and affection I give her. I need her to make me feel valued and appreciated."

Sarah listened intently, her gaze shifting between the two.

Thanks for joining me.

I thought today that I would share a short story about Zeke and his way of relating to his children and then take a closer look. I think we discover that some things don’t just apply to our children. Let’s hear the story and then dig in a little.

Finding Balance:

Zeke had been a father for years, and he felt he had done some things right, but he was starting to struggle now that his children had grown into teenagers. His friend listened intently as Zeke shared stories of his many parenting experiences.

Zeke told of the times his children had pushed the boundaries and how it had mostly resulted in negative outcomes. Of course, he also shared stories of how he had attempted to

address their behavior in the moment. He recalled times he had allowed natural consequences to play out, and also times when he had taken a more punitive approach.

As he continued to talk, Zeke realized that most of the discipline he had used in the past had been ineffective. His friend agreed that a different approach was needed, but he wasn't sure what would be best. After considering the situation carefully, Zeke decided that a balance of rewards and consequences might be the best option.

He figured that rewards would motivate the kids to cooperate with his rules, and that consequences would teach them to take responsibility for their behavior. He also hoped that by taking the time to explain the reasons behind his rules, his children would eventually come to understand why following them was important.

With new strategies in mind, Zeke headed home to give the plan a try. That night, all of his children were on their best behavior and seemed much more willing to cooperate. Zeke was pleased with the outcome and knew that his new approach had been a success.

From then on, Zeke swore by positive reinforcement and

consequences when it came to disciplining his children and raising them to be responsible, respectful young adults.

Stop to Consider

It sure sounds like Zeke is Giving serious thought to his approach to being a parent. It also sounds like he has made some changes that are over-due. But let’s take a closer look.

His old approach had been allowing natural consequences to play out or taking a more punitive approach. That sounds like wait and see or punish to me.

His new approach, rewards and consequences, does add a new element. His former “punitive approach” and the new “consequences” sound like the same approach to me, but “rewards” is new. Along with punishing his children when they take a miss-step, he now rewards them when they behave as he expects -- an over-due improvement for sure.

Of course his new approach is also known as the “carrot and stick” approach. Zeke has upped his game, but not by much. Influencing the behavior of people in general and children in particular is a lot more complex and our options go far beyond carrots and sticks.

Why should children pay attention to anything we say or tell them?

Stop a second to think about what your first reaction was to the question. For most people, "Because I am the parent" or "Because I am the adult" or some variation on the theme comes to mind.

Both of these answers are reasonable and appropriate. What I want to point out here is that there are several reasons why your children should listen to what you say. It will be helpful for you to think about and understand which reason is operating when you want your children to listen, to pay attention, to accept what you are saying to them or telling them.

Your being clear about why you think they should pay attention will help them be clear about why they should pay attention this time. There is an additional payoff for you. When you are at work or in other situations where you want people to pay attention to you, being clear in your own mind about why they should pay attention will make it more likely that they will accept you and what you are saying.