Audio Tidbits

In the last episode of Blind How, I talked with you about BATS: "Best Alternative To Seeing." I'm thinking that we should dig into that a little more before just moving on to how to do this or that without seeing. There is a major issue that we need to think through very carefully.

With few exceptions, one alternative to seeing is to get someone who can see to do whatever we want done. If inclination and resources permit, we could simply have someone drive us wherever we want to go, read whatever needs read, cook whatever needs cooked, clean whatever needs cleaned and on and on. As the saying goes, we could just have someone wait on us hand and foot.

You think this sounds silly? On the one hand, good for you. But on the other hand, many people who can't see, quite easily and without much thought, get into the habit of being waited on. To a significant extent, much of the time and in most situations, having others do things for them becomes their preferred alternative to not being able to see.

Should we always do things for ourselves, without any help from someone who can see? Of course not, especially if there is someone nearby who can and wants to help. Note that I said, "wants to help," and not simply "willing to help." To always refuse help would be as silly as always expecting help.

This is quite a bit more complicated than it may seem at first. I'm not sure I fully understand its complexity, since I struggle some with the issue myself. Even so, there are a few points that pop out for me. Perhaps mentioning those here will help you think about the issues from your perspective. I suspect that the help versus do-it-yourself question is personal and doesn't have the same answer or set of answers for all of us who can't see.

Let's start with something that I think is important or at least of interest to me. That could include a hot cup of coffee or clean clothes, reading my mail or a movie on TV, dinner or using my cell phone, a walk around the block or a visit to my doctor, brushing my guide dog or visiting with friends, doing my banking or ordering a pizza, going out for lunch or making a podcast. I could easily put a hundred items on my list without much thought. I'm sure you could put at least as many on your list, although they wouldn't all be the same as those on my list. We all have things to do, places to go and people to see. Let's call the things on our lists "activities."

Here's the thing. It's far too easy for many of us to play our blind card. We either wait for someone who can see to help us with the activity or do the task for us, or we simply avoid the activity. Can't or at least won't wins. The outcome is cumulative: we gradually do less and less, avoiding more and more.

Please note that I'm not talking about situations where people live or work together, situations where work and other activities are divided up – I'll do this and you do that. Rather, I'm focusing on situations where a person who can't see comes to be dependent on others doing most things for him or her, or perhaps he or she just avoids whatever the activity is.

I am simply struggling to describe what can happen to many, if not most of us who can't see, if we don't actively resist. Sure, I'm talking about me, but may also be talking about you. Fortunately, knowing the best, and likely only way to prevent drifting down the slippery slope to dependence and non-participation turns out to be simple. But knowing and doing can be far apart at times.

Here it is in the proverbial nutshell. The best alternative to not seeing is to figure out how to do whatever you want done, by yourself, without depending on sighted assistance, unless necessary. Here's the good news. Most everything you want to do is being done somewhere and being done independently, by a person who can't see. For those times when sighted assistance is necessary,

In the last episode of Blind How, I talked with you about BATS: "Best Alternative To Seeing." I'm thinking that we should dig into that a little more before just moving on to how to do this or that without seeing. There is a major issue that we need to think through very carefully.

With few exceptions, one alternative to seeing is to get someone who can see to do whatever we want done. If inclination and resources permit, we could simply have someone drive us wherever we want to go, read whatever needs read, cook whatever needs cooked, clean whatever needs cleaned and on and on. As the saying goes, we could just have someone wait on us hand and foot.

You think this sounds silly? On the one hand, good for you. But on the other hand, many people who can't see, quite easily and without much thought, get into the habit of being waited on. To a significant extent, much of the time and in most situations, having others do things for them becomes their preferred alternative to not being able to see.

Should we always do things for ourselves, without any help from someone who can see? Of course not, especially if there is someone nearby who can and wants to help. Note that I said, "wants to help," and not simply "willing to help." To always refuse help would be as silly as always expecting help.

This is quite a bit more complicated than it may seem at first. I'm not sure I fully understand its complexity, since I struggle some with the issue myself. Even so, there are a few points that pop out for me. Perhaps mentioning those here will help you think about the issues from your perspective. I suspect that the help versus do-it-yourself question is personal and doesn't have the same answer or set of answers for all of us who can't see.

Let's start with something that I think is important or at least of interest to me. That could include a hot cup of coffee or clean clothes, reading my mail or a movie on TV, dinner or using my cell phone, a walk around the block or a visit to my doctor, brushing my guide dog or visiting with friends, doing my banking or ordering a pizza, going out for lunch or making a podcast. I could easily put a hundred items on my list without much thought. I'm sure you could put at least as many on your list, although they wouldn't all be the same as those on my list. We all have things to do, places to go and people to see. Let's call the things on our lists "activities."

Here's the thing. It's far too easy for many of us to play our blind card. We either wait for someone who can see to help us with the activity or do the task for us, or we simply avoid the activity. Can't or at least won't wins. The outcome is cumulative: we gradually do less and less, avoiding more and more.

Please note that I'm not talking about situations where people live or work together, situations where work and other activities are divided up – I'll do this and you do that. Rather, I'm focusing on situations where a person who can't see comes to be dependent on others doing most things for him or her, or perhaps he or she just avoids whatever the activity is.

I am simply struggling to describe what can happen to many, if not most of us who can't see, if we don't actively resist. Sure, I'm talking about me, but may also be talking about you. Fortunately, knowing the best, and likely only way to prevent drifting down the slippery slope to dependence and non-participation turns out to be simple. But knowing and doing can be far apart at times.

Here it is in the proverbial nutshell. The best alternative to not seeing is to figure out how to do whatever you want done, by yourself, without depending on sighted assistance, unless necessary. Here's the good news. Most everything you want to do is being done somewhere and being done independently, by a person who can't see. For those times when sighted assistance is necessary, anonymous help is usually there, on your phone. The bad news is that developing the needed skills and accessing ...

There is a critical difference between can't and haven't yet figured out how. This is true for most everyone, but especially true if we can't see. Sure, there are some things that depend on seeing, with no way of getting around that. Picking a few of the obvious: driving, playing professional baseball, visually appreciating a spectacular sunset and looking around the room to see who came to the party are currently not in the cards for us if we can't see. Even so, the list of things that require seeing is a lot shorter than most people think. And even for those things we can't do, we still have options.

Driving is out for me, but I still can get to wherever I need to go. Playing baseball is out for me, but I still can be a baseball fan and enjoy the games. Watching a spectacular sunset is out for me, but I still can appreciate the joy others have when they describe what they are seeing. Visually scanning the room is out for me, but I still can listen and have conversations, gradually figuring out who all is there.

Let me suggest that you think about BATS whenever you are frustrated or annoyed by not being able to see, when you want to do something and think you can't because you can't see. What do BATS have to do with it, you ask?

Thanks for asking. BATS stands for "Best Alternative To Seeing."

When we put BATS first, "I can't see" is never the end of it. Any time there is something we need to do or just want to do, the challenge is to figure out what our best alternative to seeing is, while still being able to do whatever it is we need or want.

Step one is to remind ourselves that we are only blind in so far as we can't see. Others may at times relate to us as if our limitations are more extensive, but we know that is not the case. Can't see is where it starts and ends.

I do understand that any of us might have more than one limitation, but even so, each limitation is what it is, no more, no less. Our challenge is to figure out how to do what we need or want to do, in spite of our specific limitation.

Of course the alternatives to seeing depend on exactly what we want to do. The available alternatives when we want to go to school are not the same as when we want to go shopping, not the same when we want to go for a walk in the park as when we want to see what's happening on Facebook. Our needs and wants range from little things to really big things, from the fairly easy to the complex and difficult.

Sure, we need to know what those alternatives are and how to access them. That's the easier part of the success equation. The harder part is deciding just how much we really want whatever we have identified for ourselves. The issue is that it is always easier and simpler to just stay at home and do nothing. Let me share a very brief story from my past. I think you will get the point.

I was a Freshman at Ohio University and sitting in the office of my academic counceler. I was frustrated and generally feeling sorry for myself. He said, "Here's what you need to know. No one, with the possible exception of your mother, cares much one way or the other about whether you graduate or not. All the caring is up to you. This time next year, only you will really understand how much you did or did not care."

The point indeed relates to big wants, but it applies to those little wants that come up every day; but I'll bet you get the point, don't you?

There is a critical difference between can't and haven't yet figured out how. This is true for most everyone, but especially true if we can't see. Sure, there are some things that depend on seeing, with no way of getting around that. Picking a few of the obvious: driving, playing professional baseball, visually appreciating a spectacular sunset and looking around the room to see who came to the party are currently not in the cards for us if we can't see. Even so, the list of things that require seeing is a lot shorter than most people think. And even for those things we can't do, we still have options.

Driving is out for me, but I still can get to wherever I need to go. Playing baseball is out for me, but I still can be a baseball fan and enjoy the games. Watching a spectacular sunset is out for me, but I still can appreciate the joy others have when they describe what they are seeing. Visually scanning the room is out for me, but I still can listen and have conversations, gradually figuring out who all is there.

Let me suggest that you think about BATS whenever you are frustrated or annoyed by not being able to see, when you want to do something and think you can't because you can't see. What do BATS have to do with it, you ask?

Thanks for asking. BATS stands for "Best Alternative To Seeing."

When we put BATS first, "I can't see" is never the end of it. Any time there is something we need to do or just want to do, the challenge is to figure out what our best alternative to seeing is, while still being able to do whatever it is we need or want.

Step one is to remind ourselves that we are only blind in so far as we can't see. Others may at times relate to us as if our limitations are more extensive, but we know that is not the case. Can't see is where it starts and ends.

I do understand that any of us might have more than one limitation, but even so, each limitation is what it is, no more, no less. Our challenge is to figure out how to do what we need or want to do, in spite of our specific limitation.

Of course the alternatives to seeing depend on exactly what we want to do. The available alternatives when we want to go to school are not the same as when we want to go shopping, not the same when we want to go for a walk in the park as when we want to see what's happening on Facebook. Our needs and wants range from little things to really big things, from the fairly easy to the complex and difficult.

Sure, we need to know what those alternatives are and how to access them. That's the easier part of the success equation. The harder part is deciding just how much we really want whatever we have identified for ourselves. The issue is that it is always easier and simpler to just stay at home and do nothing. Let me share a very brief story from my past. I think you will get the point.

I was a Freshman at Ohio University and sitting in the office of my academic counceler. I was frustrated and generally feeling sorry for myself. He said, "Here's what you need to know. No one, with the possible exception of your mother, cares much one way or the other about whether you graduate or not. All the caring is up to you. This time next year, only you will really understand how much you did or did not care."

The point indeed relates to big wants, but it applies to those little wants that come up every day; but I'll bet you get the point, don't you?

There is a critical difference between can't and haven't yet figured out how. This is true for most everyone, but especially true if we can't see. Sure, there are some things that depend on seeing, with no way of getting around that. Picking a few of the obvious: driving, playing professional baseball, visually appreciating a spectacular sunset and looking around the room to see who came to the party are currently not in the cards for us if we can't see. Even so, the list of things that require seeing is a lot shorter than most people think. And even for those things we can't do, we still have options.

Driving is out for me, but I still can get to wherever I need to go. Playing baseball is out for me, but I still can be a baseball fan and enjoy the games. Watching a spectacular sunset is out for me, but I still can appreciate the joy others have when they describe what they are seeing. Visually scanning the room is out for me, but I still can listen and have conversations, gradually figuring out who all is there.

Let me suggest that you think about BATS whenever you are frustrated or annoyed by not being able to see, when you want to do something and think you can't because you can't see. What do BATS have to do with it, you ask?

Thanks for asking. BATS stands for "Best Alternative To Seeing."

When we put BATS first, "I can't see" is never the end of it. Any time there is something we need to do or just want to do, the challenge is to figure out what our best alternative to seeing is, while still being able to do whatever it is we need or want.

Step one is to remind ourselves that we are only blind in so far as we can't see. Others may at times relate to us as if our limitations are more extensive, but we know that is not the case. Can't see is where it starts and ends.

I do understand that any of us might have more than one limitation, but even so, each limitation is what it is, no more, no less. Our challenge is to figure out how to do what we need or want to do, in spite of our specific limitation.

Of course the alternatives to seeing depend on exactly what we want to do. The available alternatives when we want to go to school are not the same as when we want to go shopping, not the same when we want to go for a walk in the park as when we want to see what's happening on Facebook. Our needs and wants range from little things to really big things, from the fairly easy to the complex and difficult.

Sure, we need to know what those alternatives are and how to access them. That's the easier part of the success equation. The harder part is deciding just how much we really want whatever we have identified for ourselves. The issue is that it is always easier and simpler to just stay at home and do nothing. Let me share a very brief story from my past. I think you will get the point.

I was a Freshman at Ohio University and sitting in the office of my academic counceler. I was frustrated and generally feeling sorry for myself. He said, "Here's what you need to know. No one, with the possible exception of your mother, cares much one way or the other about whether you graduate or not. All the caring is up to you. This time next year, only you will really understand how much you did or did not care."

The point indeed relates to big wants, but it applies to those little wants that come up every day; but I'll bet you get the point, don't you?

If you've been listening to the earlier episodes of Blind How, you know to focus on the 3 ups: Stand or sit up straight, look up at others when you or they are talking and speak up so others can hear you without needing to make any special effort. This is useful advice for anyone, but it's particularly important for those of us who can't see. Why? Because some of us who can't see, if not most of us, tend not to look at people with whom we are talking, are apt to not talk loudly enough and clearly enough to be heard easily and may get a little lazy and not sit or stand up straight.

Why does it matter? We want to be taken seriously and may not be if we neglect the 3 Ups. It's no more complicated than that.

There is a fourth element for effective communication that I'd like to tuck in as the fourth up, but I can't figure out any way to make it an up. Even so, it's pretty important, important enough to label it as the key to effective communication. Without it, the 3 ups still matter, but even if you look up, sit up and speak up, it is still hard to be taken seriously or to let others know that you are taking them seriously.

It goes back to that blind thing. Certainly not everyone who can see, but many who can, make assumptions about blind people that are generally not true. Ask someone who can see to finish the sentence, "Blind people…." The likelihood is that they will finish the sentence with things that they assume blind people cannot do.

The additional issue is that they likely don't personally know anyone who is blind. They probably know of a blind ccelebrity but still think of him or her in terms of what he or she can't do, seeing the celebrity's musical or other special talent as separate from his or her blindness. Blindness is typically not seen as a simple fact but rather as a complex handicap.

Of course the same types of assumptions are made about people with other physical limitations such as not being able to hear or not being able to walk. This is the issue. People who can see, can hear, can walk, reflexively think of what they would not be able to do if they suddenly couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't walk. They then project their perceived inabilities onto those of us who can't see, can't hear or can't walk.

It's worth noting that many people who see fine but then can't see later in life for some reason are apt to do the same thing; but they project their false assumptions onto themselves. They think of themselves as blind and unable to do much of anything. Since they haven't yet learned how to manage without being able to see, it feels like not being able to do much of anything may be permanent.

I'll get back to that in future episodes of Blind How; but here I want to share the key to effective communication, when you can't see.

Listen and learn.

The single best way to be taken seriously in any conversation is to make it clear that you are taking other people and what they say seriously. If you first attend to taking the other person seriously, he or she will be more apt to take you and what you say seriously. The more seriously they take you and what you say, the more your not seeing moves into the background. You know you are being taken seriously when someone tells you that they forget that you can't see.

I know. You were expecting something a little more profound. Here's the thing. Being seen as blind can lead to people projecting a lot of their own feelings about what they couldn't do onto you. The result is that they may tend not to take you and what you say as seriously as you deserve. They don't get past blind.

Listen and learn is not a magic solution to the blind prejudice of some people,

If you've been listening to the earlier episodes of Blind How, you know to focus on the 3 ups: Stand or sit up straight, look up at others when you or they are talking and speak up so others can hear you without needing to make any special effort. This is useful advice for anyone, but it's particularly important for those of us who can't see. Why? Because some of us who can't see, if not most of us, tend not to look at people with whom we are talking, are apt to not talk loudly enough and clearly enough to be heard easily and may get a little lazy and not sit or stand up straight.

Why does it matter? We want to be taken seriously and may not be if we neglect the 3 Ups. It's no more complicated than that.

There is a fourth element for effective communication that I'd like to tuck in as the fourth up, but I can't figure out any way to make it an up. Even so, it's pretty important, important enough to label it as the key to effective communication. Without it, the 3 ups still matter, but even if you look up, sit up and speak up, it is still hard to be taken seriously or to let others know that you are taking them seriously.

It goes back to that blind thing. Certainly not everyone who can see, but many who can, make assumptions about blind people that are generally not true. Ask someone who can see to finish the sentence, "Blind people…." The likelihood is that they will finish the sentence with things that they assume blind people cannot do.

The additional issue is that they likely don't personally know anyone who is blind. They probably know of a blind ccelebrity but still think of him or her in terms of what he or she can't do, seeing the celebrity's musical or other special talent as separate from his or her blindness. Blindness is typically not seen as a simple fact but rather as a complex handicap.

Of course the same types of assumptions are made about people with other physical limitations such as not being able to hear or not being able to walk. This is the issue. People who can see, can hear, can walk, reflexively think of what they would not be able to do if they suddenly couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't walk. They then project their perceived inabilities onto those of us who can't see, can't hear or can't walk.

It's worth noting that many people who see fine but then can't see later in life for some reason are apt to do the same thing; but they project their false assumptions onto themselves. They think of themselves as blind and unable to do much of anything. Since they haven't yet learned how to manage without being able to see, it feels like not being able to do much of anything may be permanent.

I'll get back to that in future episodes of Blind How; but here I want to share the key to effective communication, when you can't see.

Listen and learn.

The single best way to be taken seriously in any conversation is to make it clear that you are taking other people and what they say seriously. If you first attend to taking the other person seriously, he or she will be more apt to take you and what you say seriously. The more seriously they take you and what you say, the more your not seeing moves into the background. You know you are being taken seriously when someone tells you that they forget that you can't see.

I know. You were expecting something a little more profound. Here's the thing. Being seen as blind can lead to people projecting a lot of their own feelings about what they couldn't do onto you. The result is that they may tend not to take you and what you say as seriously as you deserve. They don't get past blind.

Listen and learn is not a magic solution to the blind prejudice of some people, nor is it a guaranteed path to always being taken seriously. It is rather the best way I know to improve your odds of being taken seriously, especially when you combine that with getting better and better at getting better and better at doing things in spite of not being able to see.

If you missed the last two episodes of Blind How, let me take a minute to catch you up. (By the way, you can subscribe to Blind How wherever you get your podcasts or on your podcast player. That way you won't miss any episodes, along with getting the episodes you may have missed.)

Back to catching you up. When having a conversation, look at the other person, whether you or the other person is talking. When you are talking, speak up, clearly and loudly enough for the other person to hear without any special effort. Look up and speak up.

Sure, that's good advice for anyone, whether or not he or she can see. But for those of us who can't see, it's particularly important, since we may tend not to look at people when in a conversation and may not talk loudly enough or clearly enough to be easily understood. If you can't see but don't have any issues with always looking up and speaking up, way to go. I'm just mentioning it since I sometimes forget and thought reminding you can't hurt.

Now for the third element to remember when talking with other people. Who knew that a simple conversation could be so complicated? Don't slouch. Stand up or sit up straight. Okay, if it's a casual conversation with a friend, not slouching is less important, but still makes a difference. For all other conversations or social situations, standing or sitting up straight and keeping your shoulders back matters a lot. It lets others know that you are interested, are engaged and are someone to be taken seriously. It also lets other people know that you are taking them seriously.

There is one additional element that I'll get to in the next episode of Blind How; but for now, focus on the 3 ups: Stand or sit up straight, look up at others when you or they are talking and speak up so others can hear you without needing to make any special effort.

If you missed the last two episodes of Blind How, let me take a minute to catch you up. (By the way, you can subscribe to Blind How wherever you get your podcasts or on your podcast player. That way you won't miss any episodes, along with getting the episodes you may have missed.)

Back to catching you up. When having a conversation, look at the other person, whether you or the other person is talking. When you are talking, speak up, clearly and loudly enough for the other person to hear without any special effort. Look up and speak up.

Sure, that's good advice for anyone, whether or not he or she can see. But for those of us who can't see, it's particularly important, since we may tend not to look at people when in a conversation and may not talk loudly enough or clearly enough to be easily understood. If you can't see but don't have any issues with always looking up and speaking up, way to go. I'm just mentioning it since I sometimes forget and thought reminding you can't hurt.

Now for the third element to remember when talking with other people. Who knew that a simple conversation could be so complicated? Don't slouch. Stand up or sit up straight. Okay, if it's a casual conversation with a friend, not slouching is less important, but still makes a difference. For all other conversations or social situations, standing or sitting up straight and keeping your shoulders back matters a lot. It lets others know that you are interested, are engaged and are someone to be taken seriously. It also lets other people know that you are taking them seriously.

There is one additional element that I'll get to in the next episode of Blind How; but for now, focus on the 3 ups: Stand or sit up straight, look up at others when you or they are talking and speak up so others can hear you without needing to make any special effort.

Let me just assume that you are looking at me when I'm talking. You are looking, aren't you? If not, you may need to review the tip titled "Look At Me When I’m Talking." If you aren't managing that skill, speaking up will still help, but not so much.

Although this may not be a problem for you, it is for me. If I get a little lazy and don't pay attentionk, I tend to look down and mumble or at least talk too quietly for others to hear without needing to make a special effort to hear. I'll bet you see where my problem starts. Sure, it's tending to look down.

Speaking up definitely hooks up with looking at people when they are talking. It's important to also look at people when you are talking. It's pretty easy for me to slip into not looking up, not looking at the person to whom I'm talking.

People who can see are much more comfortable when they and those with whom they are talking can look at each other. Face-to-Face is most always the preferred mode. If they are having a Zoom call, they want the cameras on. In-person is preferable to telephone calls. But here's the clincher. Those of us who can't see can usually hear when people who are talking to us aren't looking at us. For me, it feels like they aren't interested, are distracted or just not engaged. It feels like we are not communicating.

That's most everything you need to know about speaking up. The only additional requirement is to now speak loudly enough and clearly enough so others can hear and understand. Judge the distance, the ambient noise and then talk, about as loudly as others are talking. If they can't hear you, they will likely let you know. Just look up, speak up and play it by ear from there.