Audio Tidbits

If you do not expect much, you will not be disappointed. That may be what people have in mind when they talk about meaningless relationships. It would seem to follow that high expectations come with meaningful relationships. You and your significant other each have expectations for the other and for your relationship. The question is, then, "What do you expect and are your expectations compatible?"

It will be useful to take time to consider what you expect from each other. You are only interested here in whether the expectations are compatible. Whether either of you wishes to meet a specific expectation is another discussion. The issue now is whether any of the expectations conflict.

For example, if you expect your significant other to be ready to drop everything and go with you at a moment's notice, there is a potential conflict, especially if you also expect everything completed on schedule, every time. Neither of you can reasonably expect the other to do the impossible.

There are a lot of potential compatibility problems for each of you with what you expect. My thought here is a little less obvious though. It is getting at the point where expectations either blend or conflict. For example, if there is an area of responsibility where each of you expects the other person to take care of it, there is a compatibility problem. If you do not agree about how to deal with a problem, compatibility is an issue. …

How is your child getting along? Does he or she seem to be getting along well or do you see behavior or other

problems that concern you? Trust your good judgement and experience. Think about your child and answer "Yes," or

"No," to these questions. The questions that you answer "No," focus your attention on the problems and issues

needing your attention. (If your child is too young for the question to apply, simply skip that question.)

Is your child;

In good health and not often ill?

Usually energetic and interested in what is going on in his world?

Normally relaxed and comfortable with himself?

Self-confident in most situations? …

How is your child getting along? Does he or she seem to be getting along well or do you see behavior or other

problems that concern you? Trust your good judgement and experience. Think about your child and answer "Yes," or

"No," to these questions. The questions that you answer "No," focus your attention on the problems and issues

needing your attention. (If your child is too young for the question to apply, simply skip that question.)

Is your child;

In good health and not often ill?

Usually energetic and interested in what is going on in his world?

Normally relaxed and comfortable with himself?

Self-confident in most situations? …

Maryanne Mitchell is the office manager for the Koch, James and Hightower law firm. She is meeting with Martin Koch. It is not unusual for Martin to ask her to stop by, but still she gets up tight and nervous whenever he does.

 

"I am just a born pessimist," she frets to herself, waiting for Martin to start.

 

He gets immediately down to business. "We seem to have some problems, Maryanne. Generally, things are going smoothly. The snag seems to be with some of the typing and some of the filing along with the billing. What do you think you can do to clean things up a little?"

 

Maryanne sighs but does not respond.

 

"What do you think? Is there any hope for it, Maryanne?" Martin asks, trying to relax the discussion.

 

Finally, the office manager says, "I'm worn out from trying. It is exhausting, trying everything there is to try and people are still not satisfied. I will try to straighten it out, but don't have much hope."

 

Martin leans toward Maryanne and says, "Maryanne, to tell you the truth, I'm beginning to get some heat about you, about your performance. There is some question about whether you can handle things anymore with the computers and all. I don't know. I think you can do it, but you need to tell me what has to happen to get things straightened up."

 

Maryanne sits motionless, not saying anything until Martin settles back to outwait her. In a small voice, she reluctantly says, "You'll have to decide for yourself about me. I am working as hard as I can. I've given this firm all I have. Things are a mess around here. I'm a nervous wreck from trying to straighten out everything that goes wrong. Everyone thinks it's all my fault. I'm just one person and can't do it all. Even you think it is all me, now."

 

Maryanne plays bummed out to perfection. Her main strategy is to get Martin to feel sorry for her.

 

●"I am worn out from trying"

 

●"It is exhausting, trying everything there is to try and people are still not satisfied"

 

●"I have given this firm all I have"

 

●"I am just one person"

 

●"Even you think it is all me, now"

 

Let Martin get tough with Maryanne and then give him a guilt check. On a scale from one to ten, he will register at least eight or nine. Maryanne is counting on it.

 

As an aside, you occasionally see an interesting variation on the theme. The bummed out player makes an alliance with several other players. As a bummed out diad or triad or whatever, the crew supports each other's bummed out patterns. People who play together survive together. They usually describe their shared condition as being burned-out or perhaps demoralized.

 

Managing Bummed Out Players:

 

When bummed out is the game, the player neither values nor expects job success. Should it come, it is only serendipity. His personal priority is being protected and being forgiven - in advance - if things go badly. It is this guarantee of immunity that the player works for.

 

Going at it with a skilled bummed out player is exhausting but is not particularly difficult. Consider first what the dynamics of the play are. The bummed out player is using the technique to avoid responsibility, to get others to back off, and to avoid work or pressure. In a child, the pattern would be called pouting.

 

It will do little good to talk with the bummed out player about his behavior, but it cannot hurt. At least talking about the problem puts the player on notice that he will not be successf...

Traditionally, we understand management as a set of functions along the right side of the Helping Triangle. The agency Board functions as the bridge between the agency and the authorizing entity or more typically, the Board and its CEO share this function. In turn, the CEO is responsible for the agency's internal structure and connects the agency with the Board and authorizing entity. Within the agency, the CEO is in charge of and accountable for all internal activities and functions. He or she may delegate most of those functions and activities to subordinate staff members; but the CEO is the internal governing authority.

Let me clarify three terms I use in this and later chapters. The terms are accountability, responsibility, and authority. All accountability, responsibility, and authority within a human services agency are vested in the agency Board. The Board is accountable to the Authorizers. This means the Board is answerable to the Authorizers for whatever the agency does or does not do. The Board is obligated to do that for which it has been authorized and to refrain from any actions or activities for which it has not been authorized or that violate law or other generally accepted conventions for human services agencies. Its accountability is explicit or at least implicit in its agreements with its Authorizers. It is accountable. "Accountability refers to the obligation that is created when a person accepts duties and responsibilities from higher management. The delegate is responsible to the next higher level to carry them out effectively. Accountability flows upward in an organization." Mosley, Megginson, & Pietri, 2007, page 128

Responsibilities are that for which the Board is accountable. They are the tasks and associated outcomes reasonably expected of the agency. The job of the agency is to…. The tasks and activities completing the statement are the Board's responsibilities. Authority is, then, the right or ability to access resources, organize and manage the agency eco system, and to take whatever additional, reasonable actions necessary to carry out the Board's responsibilities. We discuss these concepts later in relation to delegation and policy development; but suffice it to say accountability, responsibility, and authority collectively represent the auspices delegated to the Board by the Authorizers. – Note human services agencies typically have multiple Authorizers to which they are accountable, including the primary authorizing entity as well as governmental, oversight, and regulatory entities. …

In this episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast, the podcasting team has a speed round of little tips for you. Along with the quick insights, you get to enjoy a lively musical interlude to provide a chance to consider the tips. I think you will find one or two little gems that may be just what you are looking for today.

Please enjoy.

How is your child getting along? Does he or she seem to be getting along well or do you see behavior or other

problems that concern you? Trust your good judgement and experience. Think about your child and answer "Yes," or

"No," to these questions. The questions that you answer "No," focus your attention on the problems and issues

needing your attention. (If your child is too young for the question to apply, simply skip that question.)

Is your child;

In good health and not often ill?

Usually energetic and interested in what is going on in his world?

Normally relaxed and comfortable with himself?

Self-confident in most situations? …

In this episode, we explore the value of sharing less, along with the importance of not adding to the chaos. These tips are followed by a brief musical interlude to give you a couple of minutes to ponder the suggestions and whether they may be useful for you.

You are known by the company you keep but "So what?" You say, "I don't care what people think about me." Well, good for you. If that is equally true for your significant other, you can skip this little gem. But you surely jest. Just spending a few minutes to get to know you is enough to let everyone know you care what people think, at least what some people think. My point is that your significant other cares too.

Within quality, serious relationships, the opinions and perceptions of other people matter and what they think about each of you makes an important difference. What may be easily overlooked is that people think of the two of you together. Their feelings and judgments about each of you are applied to both of you. For this reason, your reputation is important for you and for your significant other. I am saying that, just as you carefully attend to your reputation for your sake, you need to attend to it for your significant other's sake as well.

Great news! You need only keep your focus on striving to do the right things right, the first time, on time, every time. If you do, your reputation will take care of itself and so will the part you play in the reputation of your significant other.

It is important for you to actively and thoughtfully Participate on the management team. An important element of your participation is to assure that you See how your duties and responsibilities relate to other areas of your organization.