Audio Tidbits

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I’ll bet you were expecting Gary but he asked me to share a story I was sharing with him yesterday. I hope that works for you since I think this story has a message we can all take to heart. Let me just tell you the story.

1: Who Treats Who Best?

Hannah was thirty-years-old and yet it felt as if she was a million miles away from her dreams and desires. She had a college degree but was stuck in a dead-end job that didn't challenge or stimulate her. She wanted more, and yet she couldn't seem to make it happen.

The one relationship that did make her feel alive and hopeful was her relationship with Jeff – the man she considered to be her soulmate. They met in college, and had been together for the five years since.

Hannah believed that she treated Jeff better than he treated her. She made sure to always show her love and appreciation for him, always putting his needs before her own. She was certain that Jeff knew how much she cared for him and treasured her.

Jeff on the other hand, thought that he treated Hannah better than she treated him. He felt he had done everything he could to prove his love to her, but he felt like she took him for granted and did not value him the way he deserved to be valued.

They each felt they had done their best in the relationship and yet it had to come to this – an argument that neither wanted to have and both wanted to avoid. Hannah believed she deserved more and Jeff felt that he was owed more. Neither of them was willing to concede and give the other what they wanted.

Finally after days of arguing (intermittently, of course), they

decided to take the disagreement to a trusted and impartial third-party – one who could tell them who truly treated who the best. They wanted to confirm whether the respect and appreciation that each had for the other was actually mutual, and it was up to this third-party to provide a definitive answer.

2: Seeking Clarity

Hannah and Jeff sat nervously in the cozy living room of their friend, Sarah. The room was adorned with warm colors and soft lighting, creating an atmosphere of comfort and ease.

Sarah, a close friend to both of them, had agreed to mediate their dispute and provide an unbiased perspective on who treated who better.

As they waited for Sarah to join them, the tension in the room was palpable. Hannah fidgeted with her hands, her mind racing with doubts and insecurities. She couldn't help but wonder if she had been blind to Jeff's efforts all along. Maybe she hadn't been as attentive as she thought. Her heart ached at the thought of losing him.

Jeff, on the other hand, sat with a stoic expression, his mind filled with frustration and confusion. He loved Hannah deeply, but he couldn't shake the feeling that his efforts were going unnoticed. He desperately wanted Sarah to validate his feelings and prove that he had been right all along.

Finally, Sarah entered the room, her warm smile putting them at ease. She sat down across from them, her eyes filled with empathy. "Alright, let's get to the bottom of this," she said, her voice gentle yet firm. "I want both of you to tell me what you believe you bring to the relationship and what you feel is lacking from the other person."

Hannah took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "I believe I bring love, support, and understanding to our relationship," she began. "I always prioritize Jeff's needs and try to make him feel cherished. But sometimes, I feel like he doesn't appreciate my efforts. I want him to show me more affection and acknowledge the little things I do for him."

Jeff nodded, his eyes locked with Sarah's. "I do love Hannah, and I try my best to show it," he admitted. "But sometimes, it feels like she takes me for granted. I want her to recognize my efforts and reciprocate the love and affection I give her. I need her to make me feel valued and appreciated."

Sarah listened intently, her gaze shifting between the two.

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I thought today that I would share a short story about Zeke and his way of relating to his children and then take a closer look. I think we discover that some things don’t just apply to our children. Let’s hear the story and then dig in a little.

Finding Balance:

Zeke had been a father for years, and he felt he had done some things right, but he was starting to struggle now that his children had grown into teenagers. His friend listened intently as Zeke shared stories of his many parenting experiences.

Zeke told of the times his children had pushed the boundaries and how it had mostly resulted in negative outcomes. Of course, he also shared stories of how he had attempted to

address their behavior in the moment. He recalled times he had allowed natural consequences to play out, and also times when he had taken a more punitive approach.

As he continued to talk, Zeke realized that most of the discipline he had used in the past had been ineffective. His friend agreed that a different approach was needed, but he wasn't sure what would be best. After considering the situation carefully, Zeke decided that a balance of rewards and consequences might be the best option.

He figured that rewards would motivate the kids to cooperate with his rules, and that consequences would teach them to take responsibility for their behavior. He also hoped that by taking the time to explain the reasons behind his rules, his children would eventually come to understand why following them was important.

With new strategies in mind, Zeke headed home to give the plan a try. That night, all of his children were on their best behavior and seemed much more willing to cooperate. Zeke was pleased with the outcome and knew that his new approach had been a success.

From then on, Zeke swore by positive reinforcement and

consequences when it came to disciplining his children and raising them to be responsible, respectful young adults.

Stop to Consider

It sure sounds like Zeke is Giving serious thought to his approach to being a parent. It also sounds like he has made some changes that are over-due. But let’s take a closer look.

His old approach had been allowing natural consequences to play out or taking a more punitive approach. That sounds like wait and see or punish to me.

His new approach, rewards and consequences, does add a new element. His former “punitive approach” and the new “consequences” sound like the same approach to me, but “rewards” is new. Along with punishing his children when they take a miss-step, he now rewards them when they behave as he expects -- an over-due improvement for sure.

Of course his new approach is also known as the “carrot and stick” approach. Zeke has upped his game, but not by much. Influencing the behavior of people in general and children in particular is a lot more complex and our options go far beyond carrots and sticks.

Why should children pay attention to anything we say or tell them?

Stop a second to think about what your first reaction was to the question. For most people, "Because I am the parent" or "Because I am the adult" or some variation on the theme comes to mind.

Both of these answers are reasonable and appropriate. What I want to point out here is that there are several reasons why your children should listen to what you say. It will be helpful for you to think about and understand which reason is operating when you want your children to listen, to pay attention, to accept what you are saying to them or telling them.

Your being clear about why you think they should pay attention will help them be clear about why they should pay attention this time. There is an additional payoff for you. When you are at work or in other situations where you want people to pay attention to you, being clear in your own mind about why they should pay attention will make it more likely that they will accept you and what you are saying.

Chapter I: The Change at Work

 

Gus was a forty-year-old manager in a large enterprise. He had worked at the company for twelve years and had just been promoted to manager. With the new title, however, came new responsibilities and expectations. The company had recently gone through some changes, and Gus was charged with helping the employees adjust and succeed in their new roles.

At first, Gus wasn't sure how to approach this. He was a task- oriented manager, and he was used to sticking to the strategies he had employed in the past. But he could see that the same methods weren't working here. He observed the team around him and noticed that they seemed to be operating in a very different style than before.

The team was more empowered, and everyone was more willing to take initiative and try out new ideas. It seemed like the company had begun to trust the employees more and give them more control. That's when Gus had a revelation. Perhaps if he gave the staff more control and autonomy, while still holding them accountable for outcomes, he could achieve the best results.

He was so sure of his idea that he decided to try it. He started by giving his team more ownership over their respective tasks and projects. He introduced regular meetings where everyone had a chance to report their progress and voice their ideas. He also held them accountable for their work and supported them when they faced obstacles.

As the weeks went by, Gus noticed that something was

beginning to change. His employees were more motivated and more productive. They were beginning to take initiative and come up with new ideas for how to move the company forward. Gus was pleased with the results of his experiment and knew that he had found a winning strategy.

Chapter II: The Ripple Effect

Gus was thrilled with the positive changes he had witnessed in his team since implementing his new management strategy.

The increased motivation and productivity had not only benefited the employees but had also begun to have a ripple effect throughout the entire company.

Word of Gus's success spread quickly, and other managers within the enterprise took notice. They were intrigued by the transformation they saw in Gus's team and wanted to learn more about his approach. The company's leadership recognized the potential impact of this new management style and decided to organize a workshop led by Gus to share his insights with other managers.

The workshop, titled "Empowerment and Accountability: A New Paradigm for Success," was met with great enthusiasm. Managers from various departments gathered to hear Gus speak about his experiences and the positive outcomes he had achieved. Gus shared his journey, explaining how he had initially struggled to adapt to the changing dynamics within the company but had ultimately discovered the power of giving control to his team while holding them accountable.

As Gus spoke, the room buzzed with excitement. The managers were captivated by his storytelling and eager to implement his strategies within their own teams. They recognized that the traditional top-down management approach was no longer effective in the evolving business landscape, and they were eager to embrace a new way of leading.

Gus emphasized the importance of building trust and fostering open communication. He encouraged the managers to create an environment where employees felt safe to voice their opinions, share their ideas, and take ownership of their work. He stressed the significance of providing support and guidance while still holding individuals responsible for their outcomes.

The workshop sparked a wave of change within the enterprise. Managers returned to their departments inspired and ready to implement Gus's strategies. They began by holding team meetings, just as Gus had done, where employees were encouraged to share their progress, challenges, and ideas. They empowered their teams by delegating more responsibilit...

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I usually conclude episode posts with "For now, be well, do well and do something nice for someone. He or she will appreciate it and you both will have a better day."

 

Although this is usually true, now and then it isn't. Let's think about that today. What happens if both of you are not having a better day?

 

There are a lot of ways to make the point but a story will work as well as any of the others.

 

One:

 

Julio had been living in a small suburban neighborhood for the past five years. Not too long after college, he decided to settle down and start a family with Teresa, the woman he’d been in love with for more than a decade. She is a teacher and he as an accountant for a local small business. Things were going as expected until Julio got a call from his childhood friend Max who asked to stay with them for a little while.

 

Max told Julio that he had been looking for work and trying to make enough money to get by. He seemed desperate to get himself straightened out. Being the kind-hearted person that he was, Julio couldn’t say no, and so he and Teresa let Max move in for a couple of weeks while looking for work.

 

At first, Max was the perfect guest. He kept his living space tidy, cooked meals for the two of them, and would even help out with some of the odd jobs around the house. However, after a few weeks and then a few months, it became clear that Max wasn’t serious about finding work and had no plan to leave anytime soon. It wasn’t just because he hadn’t found the right job either; he seemed to be in a tailspin of despair, unable or unwilling to make any sort of progress in getting his life back on track.

 

Desperate for an answer, Julio approached Max about his situation. He asked his friend what was causing him so much distress, and Max said it was an inability to find hope and opportunity. He wanted to find something that would make his life worthwhile, but he just couldn’t seem to find it. After hearing Max’s

story, Julio resolved to help him find a job and get his life together.

Pause to Consider:

I'll bet you have the picture. It is a lot easier to see from the outside looking in. It will take a while longer for Julio.

Two:

 

Julio woke up early the next morning, determined to help Max find a job. He knew that finding employment was crucial for Max to regain his sense of purpose and stability. As he sipped his coffee, Julio brainstormed different avenues they could explore.

 

He remembered hearing about a local construction company that was hiring. Julio thought it might be a good fit for Max, given his experience with odd jobs around the house. Excited about the prospect, he quickly finished his coffee and woke Max up.

 

"Max, I've got an idea," Julio said, his voice filled with enthusiasm. "There's a construction company in town that's looking for workers. I think you should give it a shot."

 

Max groggily rubbed his eyes and sat up. "Really? You think I could do that?"

 

Julio nodded. "Absolutely. You've helped me with various projects around the house, and you've always been good with your hands. Plus, it's a steady job with a decent paycheck. I'll drive you there today, and we can see if they're hiring."

 

Max's face brightened, and a glimmer of hope shone in his eyes. "Thank you, Julio. I appreciate your support."

 

They quickly got ready and hopped into Julio's car. As they drove to the construction company, Julio couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement for his friend. He knew that this opportunity could be the turning point Max needed.

 

Upon arriving, they walked into the bustling office. Julio approached the receptionist and inquired about job openings. She directed them to the hiring manager, Mr. Thompson, who was known for his no-nonsense approach.

 

Mr. Thompson, a middle-aged man with a stern expression, listened attentively as Julio explained Max's situation.

Thanks for joining me.

 

In this episode, my associates and I are focusing on friendship. We hope the thoughts and ideas we share serve you well as you consider your friendships and whether they satisfy you along with satisfying your friends.

 

Let's start by considering the role of self-awareness in making and keeping friends.

 

Let me kick things off by asking,

 

"Why is it important for friends to be self-aware?"

 

Self-awareness is a key component of emotional intelligence, and emotional intelligence is essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships. When friends are self-aware, they are better able to understand their own feelings and behaviors, which can help them communicate more effectively with each other and can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. Self-awareness also enables friends to be more empathetic and understanding towards each other, which is vital for developing strong and long-lasting friendships. Overall, friends who are self-aware are better equipped to navigate the complexities of human relationships and are more likely to be supportive and caring towards one another.

 

What happens when friends are not self-aware?

 

When friends are not self-aware, it can lead to a number of issues in their relationship. For example, they may have difficulty understanding their own emotions and behaviors, making it harder for them to communicate effectively with each other. They may also struggle to see things from each other's perspective, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. In some cases, friends who are not self-aware may be insensitive to each other's needs and feelings, straining their relationship and even leading to the breakdown of the friendship.

 

Additionally, they may struggle with personal growth and development. Without a clear understanding of their own strengths and weaknesses, they may have difficulty setting and achieving goals, impacting their overall happiness and success in life.

 

While it's possible for friends who are not self-aware to have a good relationship, the lack of self-awareness can make it more challenging and lead to a range of issues that may negatively impact the friendship.

So how can friends become more self-aware?

 

Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment in a non-judgmental way. It can help friends become more aware of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

 

Engage in self-reflection: Friends can set aside time to reflect on their emotions and behaviors. This can involve journaling, meditating, or simply taking a walk and thinking about how they're feeling.

 

Seek feedback from others: Friends can ask each other for honest feedback on their strengths and weaknesses. This can help them develop a more accurate understanding of themselves.

 

Read self-help books: There are many books and resources available that can help friends develop self-awareness. For example, the book "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves can help friends learn how to improve their emotional intelligence.

 

Consider seeking professional help: If friends are struggling with their relationship, they may benefit from seeing a therapist or counselor who can help them develop more accurate self-awareness.

 

Developing self-awareness and strengthening friendships are continuous processes that require conscious effort and practice. Friends who make an effort to become more self-aware can strengthen their relationship and become more supportive and respectful toward each other.

 

Ok, I get that self-awareness is important, especially when I'm spending time with my good friend. But are there things I can specifically focus on or steps I can take to keep things on a more even keel?

 

before you invest a lot of time and energy in ramping up your personal friendship quotient, you may want to consider whether the other person re...

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I’m having a bad day. I know that you are likely not interested but a bad day it is. It’s time for my podcast and I don’t think I’m up to it. Can you relate?

 

What’s your notion of a bad day?

 

I’m not thinking here about big events that foretell major or lasting consequences. Rather I am thinking about those little annoyances and inconveniences that disrupt our otherwise comfortable and more or less predictable days.

 

You know the kinds of things I am talking about: not being able to find your car keys, dropping your iPhone and cracking the screen, dripping coffee on your clean shirt, getting a phone call that you have to take just as you are leaving the house when you’re already running ten minutes late, remembering as you head out for lunch that you were supposed to be at the dentist two hours ago, realizing that you still haven’t started that report your boss needs this afternoon and you had planned to finish yesterday.

 

It just so happens that I am having one of those bad days. My first discovery is that a bad day for me is always personal. By that I mean that like beauty, bad days are in the eyes of the beholder. I think the key is that a bad day gets us off our game. What gets me off my game might not bother you one way or the other. Conversely, what gets you off your game may be something I would just take in stride. As I said, bad days are always personal.

 

The next thing I have realized is that no one cares about my bad day.

 

Sure, I can tell someone about it and he or she might even have a little sympathy but not much. It’s not his or her bad day and after a small dose of sympathy, I will quickly figure out that I’ll just have to suck it up and move on.

 

My particular bad day started this morning. It was time to work on my podcast and I realized that I didn’t have anything to say. Normally not having anything to say is no reason for a bad day unless you are supposed to be podcasting, unless your significant other says, “We need to talk,” unless you are ten-years-old and your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework, or perhaps unless your boss wants to know why the report you intended to write yesterday isn’t on her desk this afternoon.

Back to my podcast and not having anything to say.

 

I admit it. I am hoping for an inspiration. I know that’s a little like hoping that the coffee stain on my shirt will suddenly disappear or or that the crack in my iPhone screen will magically repair itself. Maybe Teacher will just smile and tell you that you are really smart so for you, homework is optional or perhaps your boss will just chuckle and say, “No problem. When I asked for the report, I was only making a suggestion.”

 

As for that inspiration I am hoping for, Frank Tibolt said, “We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action.” This kind of sounds like that getting the cart before the horse thing.

 

I guess my personal bad day is likely to stay inspiration free so action is my only viable course. The situation calls for action, for doing something instead of just staring at the microphone, waiting for that inspiration. Alfred Adler said, “Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words.” If the point is not sinking in as I sit and stare, I need to remember what Arnold Glasow had to say about this inspiration thing. “An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied.”

 

I may be experiencing a small flicker of motivation, especially given how small a single brain cell probably is. The key now is to see if I can convert that bit of motivation into a modicum of action. I do have a tendency to think that only the great and glorious are worth doing so must latch onto Peter Marshall’s perspective. He said, “Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned.”

Thanks for joining me.

 

In this episode, I will be sharing some thoughts and ideas about being a successful parent. At the heart of it, Parenting, like other interpersonal responsibilities, starts with self-awareness. Yes, it is important to focus on our children but it is equally important to focus on us. How we relate, behave and interact with our children is the essence of parenting and how successful we are as parents.

 

I have asked a few of my associates to join me to share their perspectives on being parents and the role of self-awareness.

 

So, let's get started by asking,

 

Why is self-awareness important for parents?

 

Self-awareness is important for parents because it helps them understand their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, which in turn helps them better understand and respond to their children's needs. When parents are self-aware, they are able to regulate their own emotions and behavior, creating a more positive and supportive environment for their children. Additionally, self-awareness allows parents to recognize and acknowledge their own weaknesses and limitations, which can help them seek out resources and support when needed. By being self-aware, parents model healthy coping skills and emotional regulation for their children, in turn promoting their children's own emotional intelligence and resilience.

 

But what happens if parents are not self-aware?

 

If parents are not self-aware, it can have negative consequences for both themselves and their children.

 

For example, if a parent is not aware of their own emotional triggers or patterns of behavior, they may react in ways that are harmful or damaging to their child, such as yelling, hitting, or saying hurtful things. This can not only harm the child's emotional well-being, but also damage the parent-child relationship over time.

 

Additionally, parents who lack self-awareness may struggle with understanding and meeting their child's needs, leading to feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction for both the parent and the child. They may also struggle with setting appropriate boundaries or providing consistent discipline, which can lead to confusion and insecurity for their children.

 

Finally, if parents are not self-aware, they may not seek out support or resources when they need them, leading to feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. This can impact their ability to be present and engaged with their children, which can negatively impact their overall well-being and development.

 

Ok, I understand that self-awareness matters. But how does this play out within the family?

Your child is special, a unique individual, the only one of him (or her) there will ever be. If you do not embrace this simple truth with reverence and enthusiasm, your child will know and will never completely get over it.

 

He or she began life's journey with boundless potential but also with limitations. With your help, your child can be extraordinarily successful. Still, there are mountains he can never climb, rivers he can never cross, races he can never run. He comes to you on an "as is" basis. He can only be who he is, can only become the best him there ever was or ever will be.

 

Hello world, it's your child!

 

Your journey into your child's future is exciting and challenging, rewarding and disappointing, filled with pleasure and pain for you and for him. At the same time, it is the most important adventure you will ever experience. Your successful excursion into your child's tomorrow begins with your assurance he grows up in a loving home.

 

Leo Tolstoy said, "All happy families resemble one another; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

 

Buddha said, "A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another, the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another it's like a storm t...

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My podcasting friends and I could not get together in-person so they just uploaded their clips for me to include in this episode. The downside is that I do not have text versions of their clips to share. Please enjoy the audio podcast; and I hope you don't miss the text too much.

Thanks for joining me. For this episode, I have invited a few of my associates to share their perspectives on leadership.

 

of course, I have included the leader's perspective but have also asked for input from the follower's perspective. I think we too often limit our thoughts about leadership to the leader and leave the followers somewhere in the background. Here, I hope to bring the followers out so they can share what good leadership means from where they are in the leadership equation.

 

Let's start by asking,

 

Why is self-awareness important for leaders?

 

Self-awareness is important for leaders because it allows them to understand their own strengths, weaknesses, values, and biases. This knowledge helps leaders to better understand how they are perceived by others, which in turn allows them to interact more effectively with their team members and make better decisions. With self-awareness, leaders are able to recognize their limitations and seek help or delegate responsibilities to others who may be better suited for certain tasks. Additionally, self-awareness allows leaders to regulate their emotions and behaviors, leading to improved communication, more effective problem-solving, and greater emotional intelligence overall. Therefore, self-awareness is a key component of successful leadership.

 

But what happens if the leader is not self-aware?

 

If a leader is not self-aware, they may not fully understand their own strengths, weaknesses, biases, or the impact they have on others. This lack of awareness can make it difficult to communicate effectively with team members, make sound decisions, or empathize with others. Without self-awareness, a leader may be perceived as arrogant, insensitive, or even abusive, and this can create a toxic work environment that can negatively impact productivity, morale, and employee retention.

 

In addition, a leader who lacks self-awareness may also struggle to learn from their mistakes or recognize when they need to make changes to their leadership style. This can lead to a lack of growth or development in both the leader and their team, which can ultimately limit success and result in missed opportunities.

 

Overall, self-awareness is crucial for effective leadership and without it, a leader may struggle to build strong relationships, make informed decisions, and achieve their full potential as a leader.

 

Now, let's shift to the follower perspective.

If you are serious about wanting our relationship to work well for both of us:

 

Help me get what I want and need, help me succeed.

 

Assume I am trying to do well, trying to succeed.

 

Do not assume you are a better judge of how things are for me than I am.

 

Do not use yourself as the standard for how I should think, feel, or behave.

 

Hold me responsible only for what I can actually do and can control.

 

Value who I am, my style and personality.

 

Assume I believe what I say and do not intentionally misrepresent anything.

 

Respect my feelings and opinions.

 

Be sensitive to my motivations and interests.

 

Give me the benefit of the doubt when things are not clear or certain.

 

If you value me and our relationship:

 

Make time for me.

 

Accept me as is without trying to change me.

 

Respect my ideas and opinions.

 

If you want me to be comfortable with you and with our relationship:

 

Be someone I can depend on.

 

Do not expect me to think, feel and behave just like you.

 

Spend more time telling me what you think I am doing right than what you think I am doing wrong.

 

Do not take your problems and bad mood out on me.

 

If you want me to cooperate with you:

 

Help me understand your goals and motivations.

 

Give me reasons and explanations when I ask for them.

 

Let me try to help solve your problems instead of expecting me to accept your solutions.

Gary:

Thanks for joining me.

Let’s suppose that we are screening someone for an important role. It could be anything from fixing our computer to becoming a regular date. What all do we take into consideration? Sure, there are many factors that may be important but two stand out. Let’s explore can and did.

It was Henry Wadsworth Longfellow who said, "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done."

Although Longfellow’s pronouncement has superficial plausibility, it’s merely an example of polar logic. One pole is what you feel capable of doing and the other is what you have already done. The judgment reduces to can and did. You judge yourself based on “can” and others judge you based on “did” according to Longfellow. The reality is that such judgments rarely reduce to either can ... or ... did, for you or for others who judge you.

Let’s look first at can. If this is a judgment you make about yourself, is it reasonable to make it without considering “did?”

Relying exclusively on what you think you can do, without considering what you have done, places no value on prior experience. It also acknowledges an inability to learn. Alternatively, if you consider did to the exclusion of can, your behavior is simply repetitive; and you will need to take Albert Einstein’s observation to heart, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Look next at “did.” If others are expecting change, improvement, innovation, or new approaches and strategies, you aren’t the person they need. They can only expect you to do again what you did before. Unless “can” is considered, nothing new or different ever happens.

The conclusion is that can ... and ... did aren’t separable. They are the head and tail of the coin of progress.

Marc:

Hey Gary, May I take a shot at this to see if I’m getting your point?

Gary:

Sure, have at it.

Marc:

Ok, here I go.

How then should one approach success? What is the best strategy for blending did and can? Arthur Schopenhauer pointed out, “a man can do as he will, but not will as he will.” The message is that you can’t simply “will” things to happen. You have a wide range of options for doing but no magical powers. Alexander Graham Bell said, “The most successful men in the end are those whose success is the result of steady accretion … It is the man who carefully advances step by step, with his mind becoming wider and wider - and progressively better able to grasp any theme or situation, persevering in what he knows to be practical, and concentrating his thought upon it, who is bound to succeed in the greatest degree.”

Gary:

You make a strong point. It really is true that the best clue to how well any of us will do with anything we undertake is how we have dealt with things in the past. As someone wise once said, “Success begets success.”

The basis for judging ourselves or anyone else is now clearer. You and those who judge you focus on both did and can. Success is a blending of the two sides of the coin; and if your goal is to get a thumbs-up from you and from others, you need to get high marks on this short quiz. – Good luck!

Marc:

Let me play teacher and ask the questions.

Gary:

You have the microphone.

Marc:

Are you carefully advancing, step by step?

Is your mind becoming wider and wider?

Are you persevering in what you know to be practical?

Are you concentrating on succeeding?

Gary:

You may have missed your calling.

Let’s move on.

It’s simply a variation on the old story, “Nothing succeeds like success.”

As we imagine our future successes, this is just a warning to take care to be sure that the view behind us is as exemplary as we hope the view forward will be.

Susan:

If I can also join in, let me share a perspective that may at first seem to have nothing to do with can and did. On the surface, it doesn’t.