Aunty Treacle

We all recall three kinds of difficult conversations. The ones we regret not having, the ones we remember for the care that went into them, and the ones we still carry the scars from. They come with the role, with leading, and with being part of a team.

Dear Aunty Treacle, how do you approach difficult conversations in a way that’s firm but fair, and stops them feeling so personal or overwhelming?

Anna Keen and Stuart Hughes take this one on between the two of them. Stuart works through his own back catalogue, the ones he had, the ones he avoided and the ones that landed badly, and shares the line he now opens with: “This could be 1,000% unfair, but it’s my observation.” Anna unpacks why we make these conversations hard, why clear is kind, why nobody ever says “I’m so glad I waited”, and whether you need to turn up the care or the clarity.

Where they land: they deserve the information. What they do with it is their choice.

PS: Stuart’s continued confusion with numbers introduces this as episode five. It is episode three. Apologies for the consistent numberwang.

Share your story on this question:
https://auntytreacle.substack.com/p/the-can-opener-s2-q3-difficult-conversations

Full write-up and team practice guide: auntytreacle.substack.com
Got a question? [email protected]

Invest in your momentum. Help others build theirs.

You believe in the change. Leadership backs it. On the ground, nothing moves.

Dear Aunty Treacle, how do you deal with resistance without burning bridges or giving up?

Anna Keen and Stuart Hughes take this one on, no guest. Anna hears it in a coaching session about once a week, and the answer is always the same: we told them again.

In the can: why pushback and quiet ignoring are information, not a verdict, what people lose when you sell them the benefits, Stuart's test of handing your change to someone else to explain, coming out of broadcast mode and into journalistic mode, and why an informal conversation beats every comms plan you've ever written.

Curiosity first. Influence comes after.

Join our community: auntytreacle.substack.com

Got a question? [email protected]

Invest in your momentum. Help others build theirs.

The certificates are done. So what now?

Dear Aunty Treacle, beyond the certificates, what should I be focusing on if I want to be more influential and effective in the business?

Anna Keen and Stuart Hughes take this one on, no guest. The technical foundation is critical. It's just not everything.

In the can: what progress actually means to you (and why sticky floors outnumber glass ceilings), why a certificate is gradable and influence isn't, the ladder from curiosity to impact, and how to run influence experiments at a scale you can afford to get wrong.

Development is infinite, not finite. The certificate gave you permission to operate. Everything after it is earned in the trying.

Share your story on this question:
https://auntytreacle.substack.com/p/season-two-question-01-learning-and

Full write-up and team practice guide: auntytreacle.substack.com

Got a question? [email protected]

Invest in your momentum. Help others build theirs.

• Why Aunty Treacle exists
  The original idea: an agony aunt for safety and work, crowdsourcing wisdom so people don’t feel alone with sticky problems.
• The power of community
  How listener questions and shared advice have fuelled the series – and given Anna and Stuart the energy to keep going through very busy years.
• Owning the room (Episode 1 – Zoe Hayes)
  Introversion as a superpower, preparation, positioning yourself in the room, and building allies in the “back channel.”
• Living with your inner critic (Episode 2 – David Filshie)
  Imposter feelings, naming your inner voice (“Brenda”), and seeing confidence as the outcome of action, not a prerequisite.
• Credit without arrogance (Episode 3 – Ruth Denyer)
  Talking about your work with humility, using “we” not “I,” and why real visibility comes from doing the work with people, not above them.
• Setting up for success (Episode 4 – Gareth Evans)
  “Assume good intent,” connect before you direct, listen first, and shift from doing to thinking and orchestrating.
• Is safety still for me? (Episode 5 – Steph Camm)
  Knowing your worth, realising sometimes it’s the environment not the profession, and treating job moves a bit more like dating.
• The Sticky Middle of leadership (Episode 6 – Oli Sanandres)
  Moving from peer to leader, letting go of being the hero, redefining success through others, and making time to think as part of the job.
• Overwhelm & capacity (Episode 8 – Helen Davitt)
  Normalising overwhelm without accepting it as “forever,” having honest conversations about capacity, and remembering “you can’t fix a secret.”
• “I feel like a filing cabinet” (Episode 9 – Helen Rawlinson)
  Challenging paperwork that doesn’t keep people safe, starting small with micro-experiments, and designing safety around real work, not just systems.
• Change, resistance & self-worth (Episode 10 – Crystal Danbury)
  Conscious vs unconscious change, changing your approach not your purpose, intentional language and metrics, and the big one:
  “Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated.”
• Personal growth behind the mic
  How hosting has stretched both Anna and Stuart, in holding space, listening, and trusting themselves – and why they’re proud simply to have finished a thing.

• Themes & tools revisited from across the season:
  • Confidence as action, not personality
  • “Connect before you direct” & assume good intent
  • Balcony vs dance floor perspectives on work
  • Micro-experiments and “start small, prove it works”
  • Language shifts: from accidents & compliance to harm, care & impact
  • “Go where you’re celebrated, not tolerated”

• Guests from Season 1:
  • Zoe Hayes – being heard as an introvert
  • David Filshie – imposter syndrome & self-belief
  • Ruth Denyer – visibility with humility
  • Gareth Evans – stepping into big leadership roles
  • Steph Camm – purpose and staying (or leaving) safety
  • Oli Sanandres – the sticky middle of people leadership
  • Helen Davitt – overwhelm and prioritisation
  • Helen Rawlinson – paperwork, bureaucracy & real safety
  • Crystal Danbury – influence, change & knowing your worth

• Conscious vs. unconscious change - creating want/need and shifting language, not just launching projects
• Start with their win - link your proposal to the organisation’s mission, metrics and pain points
• Stakeholder conversations that land - ask what success looks like for them and map the change curve
• Change your approach, not your purpose - adapt pace and style without losing who you are   
• From resistance to curiosity - exploring fear, fatigue, timing and trade-offs beneath a “no”
• Micro-experiments - small, low-risk trials (and when to ask forgiveness, not permission)   
• Metrics that matter - brief, human-centred reporting (harm and care over pages of data)
• Go where you’re celebrated (not tolerated) - know when to move on

• How to Be More Pirate – Sam Conniff (principled, practical rebellion)
• Change curve models for leaders and teams
• Stakeholder interview prompts (purpose, success, constraints, timing)
• Language reframes for reporting (harm, care, recoverable vs. life-changing injuries) 

• Remove yourself from the situation to gain perspective
• Like a chess grandmaster observing the board rather than just making the next move
• Brief pauses for reflection (alone or with colleagues) can reset clarity and priorities
• Sometimes doing something isn't the solution—it can reinforce the overwhelm cycle

• Maintain energy-giving activities: Don't stop going to the gym, reading, or other activities that help you perform
• "An empty vessel serves no one": Prioritize self-care to have the resilience for difficult conversations
• Energy management: Protect your energy, especially before busy seasons
• Sleep, exercise, nutrition: These become critical during high-demand periods

• Instead of learning to say no, define what makes something a "yes"
• When you know your "yes" criteria, saying no becomes easier and less awkward
• Powerful reframe: "If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?"

• Focus on what to stop or pause, not just what to start
• Test approach: Don't do something for a month—if nobody notices, it's not a priority
• Pausing is less confrontational than stopping

• Map tasks on urgent vs. important axes
• Focus on high health and safety impact, low effort activities where possible
• Tools mentioned: PARA method, Eisenhower Matrix, Dichotomy of Control

• What's the value? Is it actually making work safer or just making us feel better?
• What's the intended output and impact?
• If it doesn't fit within your organizational strategy, question why you're doing it

• Some things resolve themselves if left alone
• Create space between stimulus and response
• Use rules to manage inbox (filter "for info" emails into folders)

• "Perfect is the enemy of good": Don't let perfection get in the way of better
• "Done is better than perfect": Sometimes action and progress matter more than a perfect finished product
• Experiment, fail fast, iterate, learn, evolve
• Ask: "Is it good enough?" Then get it out and test it

• Block thinking time in your calendar (others just see "meetings")
• Be proactive about organizational cadences (monthly/quarterly reporting)
• Block out predictable busy periods in advance
• Even if you don't finish everything, you make progress

• Study how you actually spend time—it's your rarest resource
• Look back at tasks and assess how they help achieve long-term goals
• Reflect daily: How did I use my time? How did this compare to my plan?
• Fact vs. Story: Video camera facts vs. stories we tell ourselves

• Map activities to people's strengths and preferences
• Don't carry people or make up for deficiencies elsewhere
• Be honest about whether you're being given more work because you're effective

• "You can't fix a secret": If nobody knows you're overwhelmed, nothing will change
• Have honest conversations with managers about capacity and priorities
• Ask for help with reframing priorities
• Sample approach: "I need to prioritize X, Y, Z, so I'm suggesting changing timescales for other deliverables"

• Sometimes work like a lion—put intense energy where it's really needed
• Know when you can take your foot off the gas
• Short bursts of focus on specific areas can create momentum

• Stop and celebrate wins: Look back over 6 months and acknowledge achievements
• Safety professionals are humble—don't be afraid to wave your flag
• Communicate successes to stakeholders
• Counter the hamster wheel: We often don't pause to see how much we've actually accomplished

• Use practical tools: PARA method, Eisenhower Matrix, Dichotomy of Control
• Don't chase every email—sometimes things resolve themselves
• Step away to reset; even a few minutes of breathing space helps

• Talk to your manager—others can help share the load
• Block focused time in your diary
• Use inbox rules to manage information flow

• Sometimes overwhelm links to deeper factors (ADHD, mental health)
• Therapy, coaching, or diagnosis can unlock new management strategies
• We're all human and sometimes need more than productivity hacks

• Gain perspective by stepping away from the immediate situation
• Brief pauses for reflection can reset priorities and clarity

1. Take a breath and step back - Get off the hamster wheel and onto the chess board
2. Analyze your relationship with time - Study how you're actually spending your time
3. Challenge the stories you tell yourself - What might you need to change to take control back?
4. Learn to say no - You might have to drop some balls, but prioritize what's truly important
5. Have the conversation - Talk to your manager, peer, coach, or mentor about your situation
6. Take control of the controllables - Your energy, priorities, and responses are within your control

• Starting with connection and recontracting relationships
• Setting expectations clearly and early
• Giving and receiving feedback with care and clarity
• Creating psychologically safe spaces for team input
• Balancing kindness with accountability
• Using routines and rituals that work for you
• Managing up, down and across the system
• Leading without being the hero or having all the answers
• Holding reflection time to stay grounded and grow
• Building a leadership identity that stays true to you

• Time to Think (TTT) – schedule regular time to pause and plan
• T-Up Play – Oli’s team expectations framework
• Recontracting – reset team dynamics with intention
• Yes, If – a reframing tool to support possibility and safety
• Reflection Rituals – stack feedback and learning with something enjoyable
• Coaching Mindset – support others to solve problems, don’t rescue them

• What’s one thing I can let go of to lead better?
• Am I empowering or heroing?
• How am I showing up for my team and for myself?

• Episode 6 – The Sticky Middle: Part 1
• Episode 4 – Setting Up for Success with Gareth Evans
• How to Lead with Purpose by Liam Black
• Leadership principles and journaling practices

• The compliance-care tension: how to hold both without losing your soul
• Reframing audits, checklists and inspections as opportunities for curiosity
• Spotting green flags in interviews and why language matters
• Navigating gut instinct, red flags, and the emotional signals we ignore
• Exploring the “career equation” aligning values, strengths, impact and environment
• When to stay, when to go, and how to make bold but grounded moves
• Career as a relationship: why your job should meet your needs too
• Coaching, reflection, and finding clarity without waiting for permission
• Courage as a core leadership skill—especially when saying “this isn’t right for me”

• The Career Equation – The Career Equation®
• Risk Savvy by Gerd Gigerenzer – on gut instinct and smart decision-making
• Four Qualities of a Great Career (reverse your way in!):
  1. I’m around fascinating people
  2. I make good money
  3. I’m good at it
  4. I enjoy it

• Reframing tip: Audit your current job for learning and experimentation, not just output
• Interview reflection question: “How does this organisation align with who I am and what I value?”