In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we welcome back Carl Draper for part two of our conversation.

In the first part, Carl shares his personal experiences as a parent, how his understanding of behaviour has changed over time, and why unmet needs and stress responses are so often misunderstood.

In this second part, Carl reflects on the challenges we can’t always predict or prevent, the importance of support systems and environment, and what helps parents regulate their own emotions when things feel overwhelming.

Biography

Carl Draper was born in a North Nottinghamshire mining village and moved to Bournemouth at 19, where he served as a beach lifeguard and discovered his love for surfing. Accepted into the Royal Marines, his plans changed after a serious leg injury during a heroic rescue, an event that earned him a Local Hero Award and a feature on BBC’s 999 Rescue. He later became RNLI head trainer for lifeguards across Dorset, then served over a decade with Dorset Ambulance Service. Shifting to education, he trained firefighters and police nationwide before retraining as a mental health nurse. Carl is currently studying at Bournemouth University. In 2015, he founded Waveslider, winning the Bournemouth Tourism Award in 2017, and began documenting life with his son Bodhi in 2020.

Key Takeaways

1. Not everything can be planned for, and learning to cope with the unexpected is an essential life skill
2. Avoiding triggers completely can increase anxiety over time rather than reduce it
3. The right support system — at home, at school, or beyond — can be life-changing for families
4. Routine provides security but can also create vulnerability during periods of change
5. Parents need their own ways to regulate stress and should seek support without guilt

Connect with Carl Draper

Follow Carl’s journey with his son Bodhi on the Waverslider Photography Facebook Page

Follow Carl on Instagram

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums

Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums

Transcript

Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] Hello and welcome back. This is part two

of our conversation with Carl Draper. Carl is currently training to be a mental

health nurse and he's the founder of Wave Slider, where he shares his brilliant

photos and documents life with his son Bodhi.

Victoria Bennion:

Frank Bodi's Assistance Dog is also a regular on Wave slider. If you haven't

listened to part one yet, we'd really recommend going back first because Carl

shares some powerful context about what challenging behavior can look like and

how much can change when we start meeting a child's stress response with calm.

Victoria Bennion: In

today's episode, we pick up the conversation by talking about the things we

can't always predict or control. Those sudden changes, those moments where a

plan falls apart and the ways that it can trigger big feelings for our children

and for us too. So let's jump back in.

Victoria Bennion: Are

there any steps that you can take, do you think, to prevent the behaviors

before they escalate, [00:01:00] before they

reach that peak?

Carl Draper: That's

really hard question. Because a lot of the times where we're getting to the

stage with the things we're speaking about now. What you are now asking is what

do we do about the things we can't control?

Victoria Bennion:

true.

Carl Draper: What you

can't see coming? For example, there's a plane coming at three 30 this

afternoon.

Carl Draper: Fine,

we'll go after school, mate, pick you up. You get down to the airport at three

15 and the fog rolls in

Victoria Bennion: Oh,

that's so true.

Carl Draper: and now

the plane's diverted and he can see it on the tracker going the opposite

direction.

Carl Draper: Are

things out of your control. So a good one I've had a, a lot of stick on wave

slider recently because we've had the fireworks, you know, the bonfire period,

bonfire night, where a lot of animals get distressed.

Carl Draper: A lot of

people get distressed, which I'm very well aware of. However, Frank is trained,

calm, uncomfortable to go and watch the fireworks because he's, he goes where [00:02:00] Bodhi goes. So we went to see a fireworks

display. He had a great time. We went to Ringwood one weekend and the following

weekend we went to Little down

Carl Draper: and I

wasn't gonna take Frank because it's really busy there, and Bodhi wants to go

on the rides. With your autistic people, you tend to get two types of autistic

people, even though. All autistic people have different traits and severities

and you know, varying degrees of, you tend to get a sensitive.

Carl Draper: Autistic

type want quietness, you know, earphones, that sort of thing. And then you get

your sensory seeker, that's Bodhi. I want it loud, I want fast, I want more, I

want adrenaline. So he wants to go on the rides. So I said, well, we won't take

Frank, and then we can go on the rides. And then I spoke to my youngest

daughter, ki.

Carl Draper: Who's

also got an autistic son and she said, oh, we're gonna go to little Dan. Are

you taking Frank? And I explained why. And she said, well, [00:03:00] how about Zach? My fella goes on the rides

with Bodhi. You hold Frank so Zach Kiers fellow, he'd more than happy to go on

the rides. So we thought, yeah, brilliant. So I took, Frank, took Bodhi, we

went down there, it was absolutely jam packed, shoulder to shoulder with

people. We went an hour early because Bodhi was impatient, and I thought, fine.

Carl Draper: We

walked around, he made a list of all the rides he wanted to go on, which was

basically all of them. um, unfortunately, Kiir and Zach got into the queue and

they sold out tickets.

Natalie Tealdi: Oh

Natalie Tealdi: no.

Carl Draper: Couldn't

get in. Not her fault You know, Just, it just happened to be that busy that

time. Her bless the Keer phones and she's like, I'm really sorry dad.

Carl Draper: We're

almost at the front of the queue and they've just sold out a tickets and like

this just pit of despair starts to come into me. 'cause I'm like, I've now

gotta tell Bodhi it can't go any rides. And we're standing in front of them. So

I had half an hour of hell. I was literally pinned up against the wall and it

was bad for me because I had no [00:04:00]

escape route.

Carl Draper: you

know, I got there in the end, but yeah, it was really difficult. It's a good

opportunity to teach him how to have a strategy and cope with. These situations

that are out of our control.

Carl Draper: you

know, As bad as it was it it turned out really good.

Carl Draper: So you

can't plan for the unseen.

Victoria Bennion: no.

Victoria Bennion: I think that's true. As much as we can try and do everything that we think you're right. These things come up. We had, a day this week where it was raining. I

dunno if you had rain. You probably did. You're not

Victoria Bennion:

that far from

Carl Draper: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion:

Rain and rain and my son's timetable said outdoor learning on one of his slots

in his timetable that he refers to before he goes in

Victoria Bennion: so

he then didn't know what that session would be because it says outdoor

learning, but it can't be outdoor learning because it's rain and then it

spirals into, I can't possibly get outta the car. I can't do this day because

it's raining and it's, it's affected everything. And there's nothing you can do

about the rain, as you say.

Carl Draper: I'm

actually learning to not avoid it. 'cause actually you, I found a [00:05:00] little while ago, it's really unhealthy

because you find yourself trying to work out what can go wrong and then

avoiding it, and then it makes you more stressed.

Victoria Bennion:

true.

Carl Draper: Whereas

now I'm at the point of, well, we just deal with it if and when it happens

because he, he's gotta learn to become independent one day.

Carl Draper: And that

involves negotiating, you know, the letdowns in the, the changes in structure.

if, if we don't teach him how to cope with that, he's not gonna learn how to

cope with that. He is only gonna get worse, So

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

that's

Natalie Tealdi: a

really good

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, Yeah, you're right.

Natalie Tealdi: How

important is it to have a support system in place?

Carl Draper: Yeah,

it's everything, isn't it I mean, Charlie and I we're just the best team I

first met Charlie when I was on the ambulances at Paul, and she was a nurse at

a and e. We'd very often work together, when I'm bringing in really poorly or

injured people and children and babies, and we are working together in

resource, and [00:06:00] you've got that

teamwork, that communication, that structured approach.

Carl Draper: Then we

became parents to Bodhi then we've, you know, we've been through all this

learning process, but Charlie's. She's pretty much my support network, you

know? and then on, on top of that, in today's world, where we are now, Frank, a

lot of children. I'm not just saying autistic children or neurodivergent

children, I'm just saying a lot of children you know, having an animal in their

life.

Carl Draper: Frank's

a better parent than we are. He never gets tired of Bodhi. He never gets

grumpy. He never judges, he never tells him off, never shouts at him. He's

always got time for him. Always happy. And he is the most loyal, protective

person. Like I couldn't protect Bodhi as well as Frank can. Frank will deal

with anything far before I get to it, but then I understand some people are

allergic to dogs.

Carl Draper: Some

people can't afford a dog. Some people haven't got the [00:07:00]

space for a dog. Some people haven't got room for a dog in their sort of daily

lives, you know, support wise, on top of that, the school, Bodhi School, when

we have problems, we go to a school, they looked at it, they introduced

something into his timetable.

Carl Draper: To help

deal with And then we all sing off the same page if you like, and they start

implementing things and then we're all using the same language, doing the same

things. Like they can help prepare him for something weeks on the buildup to it

or if the school helped me learning to relearn my behaviors and parenting

styles.

Carl Draper: So

support network is everything, isn't it?

Natalie Tealdi: Oh

Carl Draper: Even

back when I was on the ambulances, you know, there's nothing worse than going

to see someone who's died and they're all alone. But when you go and see people

at the end of life and they've got a family and a support network around them,

you see the difference it makes.

Carl Draper: [00:08:00] And that's just in everyday life. We're a

good team and we got Frank and we've got the school and Bodhi School is the

best school out there without a doubt.

Victoria Bennion:

Sounds really

Victoria Bennion:

good.

Carl Draper: Yeah.

He's got amazing school. We went we went from two extremes. We went from when

he was non-verbal to being kicked out of that autistic school for climbing

offense and being accused of threatening to bite teachers, which was amazing.

Carl Draper: I'm

like, brilliant. Somebody's heard his voice. 'cause we haven't. You know, In

all that crap, fight in the system and local authorities and what have you to

being at the school we're at now where they're just everything you'd ever dream

of them being as a parent. They're supportive, they're helpful, bodie's

thriving.

Carl Draper: We're

thriving, we're learning.

Victoria Bennion:

That's great. How did you find the score? Was that one that was suggested to

you or were you aware of

Victoria Bennion: it?

Carl Draper: No. So

we, when he was kicked out of school, he was at home for, I don't remember

exactly, 14 months. And during that time, we were fighting the, his old school

and the local authority through the courts. [00:09:00]

And as part of the deal or the win, if you like, at the end, we got Bodhi into

this school.

Victoria Bennion:

Excellent.

Carl Draper: It came

as part of that and they've just been uh, amazing.

Carl Draper: Bo's

nothing but thrive since he's got there.

Victoria Bennion:

That's really good. It's so important to have them in the right place.

Carl Draper: At the

same time I'm saying this, I'm thinking about all those shoes left outside the

council offices and you know, how many parents and families out there might be

listening to me now you know, well that's not the case for us. And I'm well

aware of that. I'm well aware of the amount of children and families being left

behind on a daily basis because of the lack of funding and the system I just

wish every parent out there with a kid like Bode, if they're listening. I wish

you all had a school like Bodie's got, but you know, we had 14 months of hell

fighting the school and the local authority and it was a dirty fight. But

luckily we had a specialist send solicitor [00:10:00]

and we did a GoFundMe through Wave slider, so we had a lot of support.

Carl Draper: Without

that, we never would've been able to use that solicitor, which is another thing

that really annoys me on that subject is why parents of send can't get legal

aid.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

Carl Draper: mean The

the SEND solicitor to the. We used, he's got a big presence online, on social

media, but the reality is to have him in your life, you need a lot of money.

you know, with, without that support, we'd have been left behind.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, there's a lot that needs changing about the system, isn't there? There

aren't enough schools. At all, either the right schools

Carl Draper: it was

very profound seeing those pictures of those

Carl Draper: shoes

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah.

Carl Draper: I didn't

see any pictures of the local mps that support disabilities there though.

Natalie Tealdi: No,

Natalie Tealdi: Me

No, I knew.

Carl Draper: I knew

full well they wouldn't be there either. 'cause we went to our. Local MP who

apparently is passionate in disabilities

Carl Draper: and when

we went to this particular mp we got zero help.

Carl Draper: Zero.

Natalie Tealdi: [00:11:00] It can be patchy, can't it?

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, I think it's So Depends who you've got.

Carl Draper: We went

to four mps in the local area and we got the same response from all of them.

I'm sorry, you don't live in our postcode, we can't help you.

Natalie Tealdi: Hmm.

Carl Draper: But this

goes all the way to the top, doesn't it? With funding. If the funding issue was

fixed, it would probably alleviate all the other problems that follow on

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah.

Carl Draper: from

that.

Carl Draper: And if

funding wasn't an issue, we probably never would've gone through what we went

through in the first place.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah.

Carl Draper: A lot,

you know, the bigger picture,

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, a hundred percent. So much comes down to money, doesn't it?

Carl Draper: doesn't

change the reality that so many kids and families are currently being failed

and left behind.

Victoria Bennion: I

think when you see those shoes and then you think that each pair represents a

child that is being failed, that's quite shocking and quite sad.

Carl Draper: It hit

me hard because of what we went through with Bodhi. And when I saw all those

shoes, I just thought, oh my God, all those people are going through the same

thing, but they're all in different [00:12:00]

circumstances. Some of them might be single parents.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

Carl Draper: Yeah,

just, it's, it's heartbreaking. It should never happen.

Carl Draper: There's

no excuse for

Natalie Tealdi:...