The Autism Mums Podcast

In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're talking about the mistakes schools and professionals make that might seem small to them but can be enormous for autistic children and SEND families.

We share our own experiences of placements that worked and placements that broke down, including in specialist schools and alternative provisions where you'd expect staff to know better. We talk about what happens when promises aren't kept, when communication breaks down and when timelines drift, and why for some children, once trust is gone, there's no easy way back.

We also talk about why parents raise concerns early, why that isn't being overprotective, and what schools can do that same week when a parent says their child is close to not coming in.

• Knowing the child before they arrive matters. Reading the EHCP and asking parents about likes, dislikes and triggers can make or break a placement
• The first session counts. For many autistic children, one bad experience can lead straight to refusal
• Keeping promises is essential to a child's sense of safety, and broken promises are rarely forgotten
• You can ignore the behaviour, but you should never ignore the child. A child left alone in a shutdown can feel abandoned
• Whatever caused a meltdown or shutdown needs addressing quickly, not days later
• Ignoring requests for meetings or a child's anxieties is one of the fastest routes to placement breakdown
• Clear timelines help anxious children. "Later" needs to mean a specific day and time
• Schools don't get endless chances. With some autistic children it can be one strike, not three
• Once a child says they're done, there's often no way back, so needs must be met much earlier
• Children who mask or comply at school may be holding it together until they get home, so parents often see the full picture when staff don't
• Parents aren't trying to be difficult. They're trying to stop the placement they fought for from breaking down
• Placement breakdown is rarely sudden. It usually follows weeks, months or years of anxiety, broken trust and missed opportunities

• Acknowledge the concern quickly
• Believe the parent
• Speak to the child in a way they can manage
• Give a clear plan and follow up when promised
• Avoid making promises they can't keep
• Repair broken trust directly
• Review things in days or weeks, not months
• Understand that attendance problems are often a sign of distress, not defiance

• Education, Health and Care Plans (EHCPs)
• The National Autistic Society's EarlyBird programme

Website: https://theautismmums.com/

Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums

Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums

Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums

Greer Jones, host of The Unfinished Idea podcast is back on the show. Since we last spoke she's launched the Beautifully Wired Summit, a free three-day online event for mums raising girls with ADHD and autism, and her first book, So, Now What? is out in November. We talk about:

• The moment Greer realised she had ADHD herself
• Why she wrote her book and decided to run a summit
• And the benefits of breathwork

If you're at the start of this journey and feeling completely on your own, this one's for you.

Greer Jones is a speaker, writer and podcast host who is passionate about building understanding and connection in the neurodiverse world. As a mum raising an autistic and ADHD child, and part of a neurodivergent couple herself, she brings honesty, empathy and lived experience to her work. She is the creator of The Unfinished Idea podcast and online community, where she offers encouragement, practical tools and a reminder that no one has to walk this journey alone. Her story has been featured in podcasts, conferences and publications, inspiring families to embrace their unique path with hope and courage.

• Girls and women with ADHD and autism are still being missed, and many mums only recognise their own neurodivergence after their child is diagnosed.
• A diagnosis can bring relief as well as questions. For Greer, it was proof she wasn't "crazy", just wired differently.
• Getting one answer about your child often leaves you with a hundred more questions. A broad overview can help before you go deep on any one topic.
• "They're having a hard time, they're not trying to give me a hard time" helps parents respond rather than react during meltdowns.
• Deep pressure, like a firm squeeze, can help some children regulate during a meltdown.
• Breathwork is free, always available and backed by science on calming the nervous system.
• Support packages often focus on the child and forget the parent. Mums need to be in the equation too.
• Isolation is one of the hardest parts of raising a neurodivergent child, and community is what brings the light back in.
• Celebrating wins, big or small, matters for children and parents alike.

• The Beautifully Wired Summit (5 to 7 October), a free three-day online summit for mums raising girls with ADHD and autism
• So, Now What? by Greer Jones, out 11 November
• It All Makes Sense Now by Meredith Carder
• @ReWildBreathwork, the breathwork account Greer mentions learning from
• Greer's first episode with us: Essential Advocacy Tips for Parents of Neurodivergent Children (Episode 31)

• Website: theunfinishedidea.com
• Instagram: @theunfinishedidea
• Podcast: Neurodivergent Conversations, available on all podcast platforms

• Website: theautismmums.com
• Instagram: @autismmumspodcast
• Facebook: @autismmumspodcast
• TikTok: @autismmumspodcast

In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're joined by autistic author, speaker and former teacher Pete Wharmby. We first saw Pete speak at the SEND protest in London, and we knew straight away we wanted him on the show.

Pete's latest book, Different Minds: How We Can Help Our Autistic School Children Thrive, looks at what school is really like for autistic children, and why so many of them are struggling. Drawing on his years in the classroom, his own school days and his experience as a parent of an autistic daughter, Pete talks about the inflexibility of mainstream school, from strict uniform rules to stationery checks, and why the problem lies with the system rather than with our children.

We also talk about masking, the signs that a child may be holding it together at school and paying for it at home, how masking can tip into burnout, and how Pete recognises burnout in himself as an adult. Pete shares his thoughts on lunchtimes and break times, why lockdown "broke the spell" of school for so many families, and the one idea he'd love every teacher to understand: the double empathy problem.

Pete Wharmby is an autistic author and speaker who was diagnosed as autistic at 34, and later with ADHD. He spent many years working as a teacher before turning his focus to autism and neurodiversity awareness and acceptance, after being shocked by the statistics around depression, anxiety and life expectancy for autistic people.

Pete now delivers talks, keynotes and training for schools, workplaces and organisations across education, health and justice. He is the author of What I Want to Talk About, Untypical and his latest book, Different Minds. He's also a parent to an autistic daughter.

• Autistic children's struggles at school are not their fault, and school refusal is far more likely the less flexible the school environment is.
• Mainstream school has become more rigid over the last 15 years, at the same time as awareness of neurodivergence has grown, creating a real clash for families.
• Autistic children need flexibility around uniform, lunchtimes, homework and timetables, because every child's needs are different.
• Meltdowns after school rarely come from nowhere; they're often the result of a day full of sensory and social stress.
• Masking at school often carries on at home, so look for exhaustion, irritability, "blank positivity" about the day and a lack of detail.
• Encouraging a child to stop masking completely at school can put them at risk, so the priority is giving them real downtime at home.
• Masking can eventually give way to burnout, which can then lead to depression if it isn't recognised and supported.
• Break times and lunchtimes are unstructured and can be the hardest part of the day for some autistic children.
• Talking openly with children about autism helps them understand their own brains and make their own choices, such as when to socialise and when to rest.
• For many autistic children, lockdown showed that school as we know it isn't inevitable, and many families have since chosen home education.
• A child's enthusiasm for school is fragile, and once broken it is very hard to rebuild.
• Autistic children respond to teachers who show humanity and can admit when they've got something wrong.
• The double empathy problem means autistic and non-autistic people can misunderstand each other, and teachers, as the adults, should help bridge that gap.
• A lack of eye contact or a direct way of speaking is not rudeness; it's often simply an autistic way of communicating.

• Different Minds: How We Can Help Our Autistic Schoolchildren Thrive by Pete Wharmby
• Pete's other books, What I Want to Talk About and Untypical
• Cothú parent training programme with AUsome Training

• Website: https://petewharmby.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pete_wharmby_books
• Facebook: Pete Wharmby - Autistic Author
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pete-wharmby-58a2131b2

• Website: https://theautismmums.com/
• Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
• Follow us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
• Follow us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums

In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're talking about EBSA: emotionally based school avoidance, sometimes called school distress or school anxiety. It's a term most parents only come across once things are already really difficult, when mornings have become impossible, your child is melting down before school, or they're holding it together in the classroom and falling apart the moment they get home.

We share our own experiences of watching our children struggle to go in, the things we tried that didn't work (including being told, more than once, that maybe we were the problem), and what we've learned about supporting a child through it without forcing them over the threshold. We talk about why "school refusal" is the wrong way to think about it, what's really going on underneath, how to spot the signs before things reach crisis point, and what to do when mainstream school just isn't the right fit anymore.

If you're in the middle of that fog right now, wondering whether this is normal, whether you should be pushing them to go in, or whether you're somehow making it worse, this episode is for you.

• EBSA stands for emotionally based school avoidance, also known as school distress or school anxiety
• It's "can't", not "won't": a child avoiding school is communicating that something feels unsafe, not being defiant
• Warning signs include meltdowns, shutdowns, physical complaints like headaches or stomach aches, and gradually increasing absences
• Many autistic children mask at school and hold it together, then collapse once they're home, so "they seem fine once they're through the door" doesn't tell the full story
• School can overwhelm autistic children through sensory overload, unpredictable transitions, and constant social demands
• Physically pushing a reluctant child through the school gates can get them through the door, but it can damage trust without solving what's actually going on
• Keeping a detailed log of patterns, symptoms and school communication helps build the evidence families need for meetings and referrals
• Working with the school on genuine adjustments, and asking what's making school hard rather than how to get attendance up, changes the whole conversation
• When mainstream school isn't right, alternatives like specialist provision, home education, online provision or EOTAS can be legitimate paths forward

• National Autistic Society
• IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice)
• Not Fine in School
• PDA Society
• Neuroinclusive Education Network (formerly the Autism Education Trust)
• YoungMinds
• Cerebra
• Your local SENDIASS service and local parent carer forum (search "SENDIASS" or "parent carer forum" plus your council area to find yours)

Another school year, another round of settling in, and if the excitement wore off around day two, you are not alone.

In this episode we get honest about what settling in to school really looks like for autistic children and their parents. Not the picture-book version, where everyone skips happily through the gates, but the version most of us actually live: the good days, the wobbly days, and the moments when the school says everything's fine and then your child falls apart the second they're back in the car.

We talk about masking, restraint collapse, and why settling in isn't a straight line, a supply teacher or a change to the timetable can undo weeks of progress. We also share the practical things that have helped in our own homes, from visual timetables and countdown timers to low-demand afternoons and communication books with school, plus how to know when it's time to ask for more support.

• Settling in rarely looks like the picture-book version, and that's normal, not a sign you're doing something wrong
• Settling can go backwards, a supply teacher, a change to the timetable, or a break like Christmas can undo weeks of progress
• A school saying "they're fine" doesn't cancel out what you see at home, restraint collapse is real and often shows up with the people your child feels safest with
• Visual supports, like timetables and countdown timers, remove uncertainty and can calm anxiety even for children who read and talk well
• Low-demand afternoons matter more than a big welcome-home activity, most children just need space to decompress after school
• Keeping a written record of what you're seeing, however small it feels at the time, builds the evidence you may need later for referrals or support
• If home behaviours aren't shifting despite the visual supports and low-demand time, it's worth raising it properly with the teacher and the SENCo together
• Don't forget your own wellbeing in all of this, you can't pour from an empty cup, and it's okay to lean on other parents going through the same thing

• Pete Wharmby's book, Different Minds: How we can help our autistic school children thrive
• Countdown/colour-change timers used for transitions
• Visual timetables and Velcro picture schedules
• Weighted blankets
• Nesti compression pod

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums

Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums

Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums

In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome Alex Richardson, ambassador for the National Autistic Society.

Alex Richardson is an ambassador for the National Autistic Society, a role he has held since 2018. Diagnosed with autism at five, Alex has become a passionate voice for autism awareness, sharing his life online.

• Alex's parents trusted he would get there 'in his own way and his own time', and he credits this approach for his confidence today
• When Alex first started going to watch the football his dad took him two hours early, to a quiet stand, to let the noise build up slowly around him, and now, years later, he no longer arrives early and doesn't sit in a quiet stand.
• College was a really positive experience for Alex because he was accepted as 'just Alex.'
• The shop Alex was too anxious to walk to as a child became his first part-time job
• Alex has experienced festivals and venues becoming more accessible. Sensory tents and quiet camping are increasingly available, and Alex's own feedback helped bring quiet camping to a major festival

The National Autistic Society - https://www.autism.org.uk

Alex's film, My Autism Journey - https://youtu.be/7QMi9lEySEk

The sunflower lanyard scheme (Hidden Disabilities Sunflower) - https://hdsunflower.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexrichardsonautism

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@alexrautism

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@alexrichardsonautism

Threads: https://www.threads.com/@alexrichardsonautism

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Substack - https://theautismmums.substack.com/

Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums

Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums

Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums

In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're talking about the new school year and everything that comes with it — for our children and for us.

We share where we both are right now: one of us with a youngest starting mainstream school for the very first time, the other with one child going back to specialist school for what could be a final year and another moving into an EOTAS package that nobody can yet describe. We talk honestly about the anxiety that starts building in mid-August, the dread of going back to the phone calls and the meetings, and the guilt that can come with feeling relieved that term is finally starting again.

We also get practical. We cover uniform and sensory sensitivities, easing sleep and routine back into place, social stories and settling-in visits, what decompression can look like after school, and how to prepare for those first conversations with school.

Whatever this time of year brings up for you, we hope this one helps you feel a little less alone.

• Back to school can bring anxiety, dread, relief and guilt all at once, and every one of those feelings is valid
• Feeling relieved that term is starting again doesn't make you a bad parent — it means you're human
• The lack of routine and support over the holidays can be as hard on families as term time is
• For some children, losing routine affects their eating and sleeping, and getting back to school is exactly what they need
• Going back is rarely just going back — new classrooms, new teachers and new timetables all add to the load
• Sending timetables or changes home at the end of term can backfire if there's nobody available to talk them through
• Uniform can be a significant sensory barrier, and seamless socks, softer fabrics and cutting out labels can all help
• Wearing new uniform and shoes at home before term starts spreads the change out instead of landing it all on day one
• You can ask for reasonable adjustments to uniform if it's a genuine barrier to your child's education
• Shifting bedtimes gradually in the weeks before term makes the first morning less of a shock
• Social stories, settling-in visits and using the school site over the holidays can make a new school feel familiar
• Decompression after school matters, and it looks different for every child — movement and noise for some, quiet and solitude for others
• “How was your day?” can be too big a question, and smaller, specific ones asked at the right moment often work better
• Emailing school just before term starts can get meetings and support in place early, while staff are less stretched
• Preparing for school meetings with notes, logs and specific examples makes it much easier to be heard
• Leaving a meeting with clear next steps — who is doing what, by when, and when it will be reviewed — stops things drifting
• You are doing your best under very difficult circumstances

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums

Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums

Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums

We're re-releasing another episode from the archives this week where we talk about the practical ways we can help our autistic children with daily life.

We’re sharing some of the things that have helped us make daily life a bit easier with our autistic children. From using timers and visual timetables to experimenting with tooth brushes and finding softer clothing.

These are ideas that have worked for us, they might help you too, or simply offer reassurance that you’re not alone on this journey.

Timers and visual supports can help ease transitions by giving your child a sense of control and predictability.

Choosing soft, seamless clothing may make a difference for children who find layers uncomfortable.

Toothbrushing challenges might be eased by trying different tools like U-shaped or triple-angled toothbrushes.

Flexibility is key - what works one day might not work the next, and that’s okay.

Planning days out in advance with visual itineraries can reduce anxiety about what's coming next.

Noise sensitivity might be supported by using ear defenders, earbuds, or listening to favourite music.

Strong smells can sometimes be managed with things like balaclavas or carrying scents like orange oil to mask overwhelming smells.

Having a sensory kit (with familiar snacks, toys, and calming tools) may offer comfort when you're out and about.

Here are some of the tools and resources discussed in this episode:

• Visual timers
• Laminated visual timetables
• Seamless/sensory-friendly clothing
• U-shaped toothbrush and triple-angled toothbrush
• Ear defenders
• Bach's Rescue Remedy
• Orange Essential Oil
• Tiger balm
• The Early Birds course by the National Autistic Society
• Stretchy resistance bands for calming sensory feedback

https://theautismmums.com/

Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums

Follow us on Facebook @theautismmums

In the next of our Summer Series of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're returning to our episode where we're talking about the journey to getting an EHCP - what it is, why it matters, and what the process looked like for our families.

We’ll share the lessons we learned along the way with the hope that it helps you navigate the process and feel a little more prepared.

An EHCP can provide vital, legally binding support

You don't need a formal diagnosis to apply for an EHCP

Schools may not always initiate an EHCP request. If they don't parents can.

Timelines and deadlines are crucial - keep a track of key dates.

Support groups, SENDIASS and organisations like IPSEA can provide guidance and practical help.

The right provision can make a huge difference to your child's wellbeing.

SENDIASS (Special Educational Needs and Disability Information Advice and Support Services)

IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice) — ipsea.org.uk

EarlyBird course (National Autistic Society support programme for parents)

https://theautismmums.com/

Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums

Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums

In the next of our Summer Series of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're returning to our episode where we're tackling a small daily chore that can become a huge battleground — teeth, toothpaste and trips to the dentist.

Using our own stories, we explore why toothbrushing can be so difficult for autistic children: the sensory overload, the disruption of routine, strong reactions to flavors and textures, and how a wobbly tooth or a filling can turn a familiar ritual upside down.

• Sensory and routine issues can be at the root of toothbrushing struggles — a wobbly tooth, change in texture, or a disrupted order of brushing can cause significant anxiety.
• We've found it helpful to experiment with alternative toothbrushes (U‑shaped, three‑sided, or electric brushes) and different toothpaste flavours.
• Small, staged steps and backward chaining (parent starts, child finishes) can rebuild confidence when a routine is interrupted; it may be necessary to take steps back to move forwards.
• Dental professionals who slow down, explain steps, and ask permission can make appointments far less traumatic — specialist services or hospital dentists may be necessary and very helpful.

Dr Barman Toothbrushes

U-Shaped Toothbrushes

Hi-Smile Toothpastes

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums

Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums