Avoiding My Anxiously Attached Boyfriend

In this episode, we’re joined by Palestinian-Jordanian queer activist and writer Hasan Kilani for an honest and open conversation about growing up gay in Jordan, LGBTQ+ life in the Middle East, Palestine, Israeli pinkwashing and the complicated relationship between sexuality, identity and political liberation.

Hasan challenges the narratives often pushed about queer people in Arab and Muslim communities, particularly the argument that LGBTQ+ people shouldn't support Palestine because of homophobia in the region. Drawing on his experiences growing up between Jordan and Palestine, he explains how Israel's promotion of LGBTQ+ rights can be used to distract from the realities of occupation and why queer Palestinians often find themselves fighting for their rights while having their experiences used against their own communities.

We also get into Hasan's upbringing in Jordan, where his experience of being gay was very different from the stereotypes often associated with the Middle East. From growing up in an accepting family and experimenting with femininity to discovering Amman's gay bars, queer spaces and LGBTQ+ activism, Hasan reflects on the queer Arab communities that have existed for decades but rarely receive recognition. 

The conversation also explores Western hypocrisy, racism, Islamophobia and the assumptions made about Arab and Muslim men. Hasan discusses why he approaches conversations about homophobia differently in Arabic and English, the contradictions he has experienced living in Britain compared with Jordan and how colonial attitudes continue to shape perceptions of the SWANA region. 

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In this episode, we’re joined by sociologist, writer and researcher Dr Chantelle Lewis for a wide-ranging conversation about mixed-race identity, Blackness, whiteness, family, colourism and the complicated realities of growing up between different racial worlds.

Chantelle takes us into her PhD research on Black mixed-race families who moved from multicultural cities into predominantly white suburban areas. She reflects on speaking to different generations within the same families and hearing children describe racism, bullying and isolation that their parents often didn’t realise they were experiencing. We unpack the idea of being “torn between two identities” and why Chantelle believes the conversation around mixed-race identity needs to move beyond simply feeling rejected by both sides.

We also get into the relationship between mixedness, desirability and privilege. Chantelle discusses the fetishisation of mixed-race people, why mixed-race men in particular can be hypersexualised, the desire some people have to “have mixed babies” and how proximity to whiteness can shape the way mixed-race people understand themselves. We also explore why saying “I don’t see race” can be damaging within interracial families and what happens when children feel unable to talk to their parents about racism.

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In this episode, we’re joined by artist, filmmaker and activist Topher Campbell for a wide-ranging conversation about Black queer history, race, sexuality, masculinity, fetishisation and the experiences that shaped his understanding of identity.

Topher takes us back to growing up in care before moving in with his Jamaican mother as a teenager, navigating religion, sexuality and eventually finding his way into London’s Black queer scene. He reflects on coming of age in the 80s and 90s, a time when Black queer people were rarely visible in mainstream culture and how those experiences later influenced his work documenting and preserving Black LGBTQ+ history through the Rukus! archive.

We also get into the complicated relationship between race, masculinity and desire. Topher opens up about being fetishised by white gay men from a young age, the expectations placed on Black men and how his appearance and the way he spoke could simultaneously give him access to certain spaces while still leaving him boxed in by racial stereotypes. He also reflects on racism within theatre and the arts and the feeling of being wanted sexually while still being denied professional opportunities.

Later, we unpack Topher’s complicated relationship with the word “gay”, why he believes mainstream gay culture can centre a white male experience and why he prefers the openness of “queer”. We also get into the history behind top and bottom labels, their links to BDSM culture and how the internet helped turn sexual preferences into identities and categories.

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In this episode, we’re joined by actor Laquarn Lewis, known for *What It Feels Like for a Girl* and *Jamie Johnson*, for an honest conversation about growing up Black and gay, code-switching, masculinity and finding your place in a queer community that doesn’t always reflect your own experiences.

Laquarn opens up about the reality of being a Black queer actor and why opportunities can still feel limited for people who don’t fit what the industry is looking for. We get into playing Lady Die in *What It Feels Like for a Girl*, how stepping into the role introduced him to a side of queer culture he’d never experienced before and why he was warned that taking the part could lead to him being typecast.

We also explore Laquarn’s relationship with masculinity and femininity, growing up pretending to be straight and becoming so good at code-switching that he felt like he had “100 personalities”. He reflects on entering queer spaces for the first time, feeling disconnected from parts of gay culture and learning that being queer doesn’t mean having to fit into one particular version of what a gay man should be.

From his parents’ reactions to his sexuality to learning to stop editing himself depending on who was around him, Laquarn reflects on what it took to finally become comfortable with every side of himself and the advice he would give to the younger version of himself who was terrified of being found out.

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In this episode, we’re joined by therapist Dhiren Doshi-Smith for an honest conversation about therapy, queer identity, race, culture, sex and the shame so many gay men carry without even realising it. Dhiren specialises in working with queer, neurodiverse people of colour and explains why traditional approaches to therapy don’t always account for people whose identities are shaped by family, religion, culture and community.

We get into the idea of decolonising therapy, why setting boundaries can look completely different when you come from a collectivist culture and the loneliness that can come from feeling othered by your family, wider society and even within queer spaces.

We also have a frank conversation about gay sex and why Dhiren believes it needs to have a place in the therapy room. From the shame around bottoming and the idea that being a bottom makes someone less masculine, to racial stereotypes around who is expected to top or bottom, we explore how misogyny, internalised homophobia and cultural expectations can shape the way gay men understand their own sexuality. 

Dhiren opens up about his own journey as a queer Indian man, balancing a culture he deeply loves with a sexuality that hasn’t always felt accepted within it. 

From once carrying shame around being brown, queer and neurodiverse to appearing in a Pride in London campaign and becoming visibly, publicly gay, Dhiren shares how he reached a place where he can say he genuinely loves his queerness and why helping other queer people get there has become such an important part of his work.

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In this episode, we’re joined by Saad Zain for an honest and at times provocative conversation about growing up gay across Pakistan, Kazakhstan, Dubai and London and what queer life can really look like in cultures where sexuality is rarely spoken about openly.

Saad opens up about knowing he was gay from an early age, growing up surrounded by shame around his sexuality and why he believes there’s a huge difference between what happens behind closed doors and what people are willing to accept publicly. We get into his now infamous claim that “everyone in Pakistan is gay”, the contradictions around gay sex and masculinity across Pakistan and the Middle East and the darker reality behind practices like Bacha Bazi and dancing boys.

We also explore Pakistan’s complicated relationship with gender and sexuality, including the history and visibility of the Khwaja Sara community and the impact British colonial rule had on attitudes towards gender diversity. Saad reflects on growing up gay in Kazakhstan, sneaking into gay clubs at just 13 and later navigating a London gay scene where he says being openly gay once felt like a “white privilege”.

From racism and fetishisation in gay spaces to feeling pressure to assimilate, reconnecting with his Pakistani identity and questioning how inclusive queer spaces really are, Saad shares how his relationship with both his culture and sexuality has changed as he’s got older.

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In this episode, we’re joined by Tyrell Trey for an honest conversation about modelling, sexuality, mixed-race identity, music, dating and the long process of figuring out who you actually are when you’ve spent years becoming what other people expect from you.

Tyrell opens up about entering the modelling industry at just 16, going from feeling like the “ugly” kid growing up in a predominantly white area to being signed, modelling in Milan and suddenly having his appearance become his career.

We then get into sexuality and identity. Tyrell talks about growing up mixed-race and gay, learning to become a “chameleon” depending on the space he was in and why being perceived as masculine or “straight passing” comes with its own expectations.

Music has become a way for Tyrell to move away from those expectations and back towards himself. He takes us inside his writing process, explains how he uses phonetic singing to find melodies before lyrics and talks about finally releasing music that’s been sitting unheard for years, alongside what’s coming next.


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In this episode, we're joined by Andrew Akuruka, author of The Gay Blueprint, for an honest and at times challenging conversation about gay identity, masculinity, race, sex and the expectations we place on ourselves and each other.

Andrew opens up about knowing he was gay from a young age, but only coming out to his Nigerian mum decades later. He reflects on growing up around religion, fearing that his mum’s love might be conditional and the unexpectedly emotional moment that followed when he finally told her he was gay.

We also unpack Andrew’s complicated relationship with masculinity and what it means to be both Black and gay. From feeling like he didn't fit traditional stereotypes of gay men, to questioning whether he was performing masculinity to protect himself, Andrew explains how becoming a father and confronting his own ideas around gender helped him start unlearning some of those expectations.

The conversation then turns to dating and fetishisation within the gay community. Andrew talks about being desired as a masculine Black man, the stereotypes attached to Black men sexually and the moment he realised there was a difference between being wanted and actually being known.

Finally, things get a little more heated as we debate hookup culture, sex positivity, self-love, accountability and whether the gay community needs to rethink some of the behaviours we've normalised. 

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After months of back-to-back guests, we're finally back with a solo episode... and there's a lot to catch up on.

From sneaking into Tyla's exclusive A*POP listening party in London and sharing our first impressions of her new album, to debating Beyoncé, Jay-Z and celebrity culture.

We also dive into one of the biggest debates in the LGBTQ+ community: is there really a "top shortage", or are gay men simply conditioned to associate masculinity with attraction? We unpack why DL men are so desired, the stereotypes surrounding tops and bottoms, masculinity, femininity, Heartstopper, queer identity and the expectations placed on gay men.

Whether you're here for Tyla, LGBTQ+ culture, queer dating, pop culture, masculinity, Heartstopper or simply a chaotic catch-up with us, we hope you enjoy this episode.

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In this exclusive episode, we're joined by I Kissed A Girl season two's Blessing, one of the breakout personalities from the series. Known for her confidence, warmth and unapologetic masculinity, Blessing opens up about her journey on the show, finding community with other masc lesbians and why I Kissed A Girl became far more than just a dating experience.

From navigating life inside the Masseria and challenging stereotypes around masculine-presenting lesbians, to reflecting on the support she found from the other contestants, Blessing shares what it was really like representing a side of the LGBTQ+ community that is still rarely seen on mainstream television. She also reveals the emotional impact of seeing her Nigerian mum join her on the show and why that moment became one of the most healing experiences of her life.

The conversation then becomes deeply personal as Blessing opens up about growing up Black, queer and masculine, learning to embrace every part of her identity and rejecting the idea that masculinity belongs to men. We discuss race, representation, Black masculinity, African families, queer visibility, vulnerability, healing your inner child and why seeing yourself reflected on screen can change everything.

If you enjoyed I Kissed A Girl, are interested in LGBTQ+ stories, identity, representation and honest conversations about race, masculinity and family, make sure you subscribe and check out the rest of our I Kissed A Girl special this week.

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