Awake at the Wheel

What if grief is not something you “get over,” complete, or bring to closure?

Applied philosopher and grief scholar Thomas Attig joins Malini Ondrovcik and Dr. Oren Amitay to challenge some of our most common assumptions about death, bereavement, and healing.

Attig argues that the familiar five stages of grief were never designed to explain the experience of grieving after someone has died. Grief is not simply a sequence of emotions that eventually ends in acceptance. It is the active and deeply personal work of relearning how to live in a world permanently changed by loss.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why the five stages of grief often fail grieving people
• The difference between reacting to loss and responding to it
• Why “closure” may be an unrealistic and harmful goal
• How love can continue after someone dies
• Whether moving forward dishonours the person you lost
• How to hold love, anger, guilt, resentment, and forgiveness at the same time
• What to say to someone who is grieving
• Why clichés and attempts to “fix” grief often make things worse
• How hope and meaning can coexist with sorrow

Thomas Attig is the author of How We Grieve: Relearning the World, The Heart of Grief: Death and the Search for Lasting Love, and Seeking Wisdom in Death’s Shadow. His work has helped reshape contemporary thinking about grief, bereavement, continuing bonds, and the human experience of loss.

This episode includes discussion of death, suicide, bereavement, trauma, and the loss of a child. Viewer discretion is advised.

Awake at the Wheel explores psychology, mental health, relationships, culture, and the difficult realities that shape how we live.

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CHAPTERS

00:00 Introduction
00:40 Thomas Attig’s background in philosophy
02:16 Teaching death, dying, and grief
03:13 What grieving people actually experience
05:34 Grief means relearning the world
06:44 Seeking Wisdom in Death’s Shadow
08:06 Why grief is so difficult to discuss
08:46 What the five stages were actually designed to explain
11:10 Why the five stages do not describe grief
14:05 What traditional grief models miss
16:07 Reacting to loss versus responding to it
18:10 Finding hope within grief
21:17 Can love continue after death?
24:49 The finality of death and the myth of closure
27:35 Loving someone without idealizing the relationship
30:36 Holding conflicting emotions after a loss
32:51 Does moving forward dishonour the person who died?
35:02 Loving someone despite what they did
35:21 A father grieving his son’s suicide
38:53 Spirituality, forgiveness, and grief
40:48 The wrong ways to support someone who is grieving
41:45 What not to say after the death of a child
43:12 A meaningful way to offer support
44:03 What to say when you have no words
45:21 Where to find Thomas Attig’s work
48:15 Final thoughts on trauma and healing

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In this episode, Malini and Dr. Amitay delve into the alarming rise of the "flip the camera" trend, a form of online bullying that blends in-person humiliation with digital permanence. They explore how this behavior dehumanizes victims, amplifies cruelty, and the societal and developmental implications behind it.

Main Topics:
-The mechanics and evolution of the "flip the camera" bullying trend
-The psychological impact on victims and the role of social media algorithms
-The societal and developmental factors fueling this behavior
-Legal and parental responsibilities in preventing cyberbullying
-Strategies for parents, schools, and communities to address and mitigate online cruelty

Timestamps:
00:00 - Introduction to the "flip the camera" trend and its connection to traditional bullying
1:48 - The problematic nature of the trend and its embedding in social hierarchy and public humiliation
2:42 - Dehumanization and desensitization of bullies and viewers
3:11 - The permanence and 24/7 nature of online bullying and its effects on victims
4:11 - Personal anecdotes and societal observations about the trend’s influence
4:59 - How viewing cruelty as entertainment dehumanizes others in real life
5:21 - Incidents escalating to violence, including cases where victims have shot their tormentors
6:29 - The role of demand and supply in the proliferation of harmful behavior online
7:13 - The normalization of humiliating pranks and their long-term impacts
8:30 - Media influence and the normalization of antisocial behavior through advertising
9:03 - Developmental aspects, particularly how social status drives teenage participation in bullying
10:13 - Parenting and educational responsibilities to curb this trend and enforce accountability
11:22 - The role of social media algorithms and legal frameworks in addressing online bullying
12:30 - The sociopathic nature of this behavior and the importance of accountability
13:45 - The normalization and escalation of cruelty fueled by social rewards and fame
14:39 - The harmful long-term consequences, including suicide, and societal responsibility
16:43 - Potential legal reform and the importance of teaching empathy and morality in schools
18:22 - The influence of social media on empathy development and social norms
19:33 - Early bullying behaviors and how technology exacerbates and amplifies them
20:22 - The importance of parental monitoring and setting examples for responsible online behavior
22:19 - Practical advice for parents on how children can avoid escalating or participating in online cruelty
23:16 - The importance of detachment and not engaging in bullying, lessons for parents and children
23:54 - Encouraging audience reflection on the trend's popularity and societal impact
24:09 - Closing remarks and final thoughts on responsible social media use and community action

Note: The episode emphasizes the importance of societal, parental, and educational efforts in combatting online cruelty and fostering empathy among youth.

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Awake at the Wheel | Ep 103

In this episode, Malini Ondrovcik and Dr. Oren Amitay unpack the confusing and often damaging messages men receive about masculinity, sexuality, hygiene, and emotional expression. From online shame and cultural stereotypes to bias in therapy and mental health training, this conversation explores how young men are being shaped by fear-based narratives rather than nuance, confidence, and self-awareness.

The discussion examines how social stigma around men’s bodies, sexuality, and even basic hygiene reflects a deeper crisis in how masculinity is understood. Malini and Oren challenge simplistic labels, question the influence of toxic messaging, and make the case for more emotionally intelligent, gender-sensitive approaches in both therapy and public discourse.

This episode is a candid look at the pressures men face, the myths that distort male identity, and the importance of creating spaces where men can explore who they are without shame.

In this episode:

-The stigma around men’s hygiene, body awareness, and sexuality
-How masculinity myths affect self-esteem and help-seeking
-The role of shame, stereotypes, and online narratives in shaping male identity
-Why bias against men in mental health spaces creates real clinical harm
-The limits of rigid, manualized therapy when deeper emotional work is needed
-Why therapists need self-awareness, nuance, and emotional regulation
-How to support men in exploring identity, emotion, and masculinity without judgment
-The importance of authentic therapeutic relationships in helping men heal

Timestamps:
00:00 - Are men okay? Confusing messages about masculinity and hygiene
01:20 - The online debate around touching your body and being perceived as gay
02:19 - How toxic masculinity myths shape young men’s behavior
03:10 - The history of terms like cuckold and pegging and their psychological impact
04:09 - How stereotypes undermine male self-esteem and hygiene
05:08 - Shame, stigma, and why men avoid asking for help
06:48 - Bidets, masculinity, and cultural discomfort
08:05 - Anal health, shame, and gender norms
09:35 - Propaganda, simplistic narratives, and mental health discourse
10:21 - The decline of nuance in guidance for men
11:42 - “Not washing the booty” as a distorted symbol of masculinity
12:22 - Social media narratives and male identity formation
13:19 - Why therapists need stronger critical thinking
14:04 - Systemic problems in mental health training and practice
15:28 - How anti-male bias affects therapy
16:50 - The impact of cultural messaging on treatment outcomes for men
17:28 - Confidence, authenticity, and sexual identity
18:28 - Emotional regulation and therapist self-awareness
19:11 - Online groupthink and professional echo chambers
20:36 - The need for trauma-informed, gender-sensitive therapy
22:10 - Why men hide their struggles and emotions
23:41 - Building strong therapeutic alliances through empathy
24:38 - How to spot propaganda in gender and mental health research
26:02 - Fostering resilience and nuance in therapy training
27:50 - Helping men challenge harmful norms
29:20 - Creating safe spaces for men to explore masculinity
31:13 - Practical strategies for therapists working with men
33:18 - Rigid treatment models vs. emotion-focused work
35:01 - The limits of CBT and manualized approaches
36:49 - Therapist self-awareness and ongoing development
38:28 - Why authentic therapist-client relationships matter
40:31 - Moving beyond simplistic narratives around men and mental health
42:24 - Final thoughts on healthy masculinity and supportive environments

Note:
This conversation emphasizes nuance, critical thinking, and the importance of genuine therapeutic relationships in helping men navigate masculinity, identity, and mental health in a culture full of shame and contradicti

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Awake at the Wheel | Ep 102

In this episode of Awake at the Wheel, Dr. Oren Amitay and Malini Ondrovcik are joined by Dr. Dina McMillan—social psychologist, author, and expert on abuse dynamics—to discuss an issue that is rarely talked about: domestic violence against men.

While public conversations about intimate partner violence often focus on female victims, research suggests that male victims of domestic abuse are far more common than many people realize. In this episode, Dr. McMillan shares insights from decades of research and international experience examining abuse dynamics, societal bias, and the barriers men face when seeking help.

The discussion explores why male victims of domestic violence are often overlooked, how stigma and cultural narratives discourage men from reporting abuse, and how bias within legal systems, academia, and social services can shape how cases are interpreted and handled.

Dr. McMillan also explains how patterns of manipulation, psychological abuse, and coercive control operate in relationships, and why recognizing these patterns—regardless of gender—is critical for protecting victims and creating a more just system.

This episode challenges common assumptions and encourages a more nuanced understanding of domestic violence, men's mental health, and intimate partner abuse.

Heart and Mind with Dr. Dina McMillan - https://www.youtube.com/@HeartandMindwithDrDinaMcMillan

https://www.drdinamcmillan.com

Canadian Centre for Men and Families - https://canadianmenandfamilies.org/

Earl Silverman Shelter for Men - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earl_Silverman_Shelter_for_Men

 https://www.drdinamcmillan.com


Chapters

00:00 Introduction to the topic of domestic violence against men
00:53 Dr. Dina McMillan's background and recent move to the US
02:28 Lack of Canadian statistics and misconceptions about male domestic violence
02:57 Common misconceptions and societal biases
03:53 Statistics from Australia and the US on male victims
05:41 Dynamics of abuse involving large men and petite women
07:59 Mental health risks and societal neglect of male victims
09:30 Statistics and reporting biases in Canada and the US
12:18 Court system biases and the manipulation by abusers
15:26 Impact of media and societal perceptions on bias
19:17 Bias in family courts and judicial decision-making
24:00 Gender biases in legal and social systems
28:23 The need for anti-bias training in judiciary and law enforcement
32:56 Shelters for men and the systemic neglect
35:57 Recognizing patterns of abuse in high-profile cases
37:40 Men's self-perception and societal influence
39:52 Statistics on bidirectional abuse and societal myths
43:49 Bias in law enforcement and court decisions
46:30 Possibility of relationship recovery and the importance of skills
49:19 What individuals can do to address domestic violence issues
53:48 The importance of speaking out and societal change
57:46 Resources and how to find Dr. McMillan
58:47 Closing remarks and next steps for awareness



If you enjoy discussions about psychology, relationships, mental health, and social issues, make sure to subscribe to Awake at the Wheel for more thoughtful conversations with experts and practitioners.

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Are you curious about why Canada's youth are reporting unprecedented levels of unhappiness? In this episode, we explore the societal, economic, and cultural factors influencing mental well-being, and discuss practical ways to build resilience and fulfillment in today’s complex world.

Key topics:

-The shift in happiness among Canadian youth from 2011 to 2025, and why it matters
-Economic pressures: rising housing costs, high student debt, and employment challenges
-The impact of social media, social comparison, and media narratives on mental health
-The role of societal values: wokeness, victim mentality, and cultural divides
-The importance of instilling resilience, purpose, and mastery in young people
-How different generations have faced crises yet maintained hope and agency
-Practical advice for parents and youth: focusing on actionable behaviors, long-term mindset, and intrinsic motivation
-The importance of social connections, purpose, and values for true fulfillment
-The influence of social media envy and unrealistic lifestyle portrayals


00:01 - Why Canada's youth have become the unhappiest generation 
00:38 - Demographic shift in happiness: from 2011 to 2025 
1:07 - Countries with similar happiness declines: Jordan, Venezuela, Lebanon, Afghanistan 
1:21 - Economic factors: housing prices, job market, student debt 
1:50 - Social media impact and the social comparison trap 
2:05 - The role of delayed milestones and cultural expectations 
3:00 - The influence of social and cultural narratives on youth mental health 
3:11 - The divisive effects of wokeism and societal polarization 
4:36 - Comparing past crises with today's challenges, and maintaining hope 
5:33 - How modeling resilience and perseverance can help youth 
6:28 - The privilege and resources available in Canada versus global realities 
8:01 - Gratitude and perspective for maintaining mental health 
9:13 - The importance of intrinsic motivation and internal values 
10:22 - Happiness versus fulfillment: deeper social connections and purpose 
11:09 - Role of parents and society in shaping mindset and resilience 
12:04 - Financial hardships and shifting metrics of success 
13:01 - Realities of housing affordability and delaying adulthood 
14:15 - Navigating home life and financial independence 
16:52 - The dangers of social media-driven superficial priorities 
18:08 - Lessons from delayed gratification and the marshmallow test 
19:04 - The impact of societal messaging on children's mindset 
19:42 - Fostering mastery, purpose, and resilience in young people 
20:10 - How focusing on skills and internal motivation leads to true success 
20:44 - The importance of helping children develop a sustainable mindset 
21:35 - Practical advice for parents and young adults: values, effort, and perspective 
22:24 - Final thoughts: resilience, long-term thinking, and keeping focus

We want your questions! Send your questions to [email protected], tweet us @awakepod, send us a message at facebook.com/awakepod, or leave a comment on this video!

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Awake at the Wheel | Ep 100

In this episode, Malini Ondrovcik and Doc Amitay discuss the challenges faced by the sandwich generation, who are balancing caregiving for both their children and aging parents. They explore cultural expectations, the emotional toll of guilt and resentment, family dynamics, and the importance of self-care. The conversation also highlights practical solutions and resources available for caregivers, emphasizing the need for open communication and support systems.


Takeaways

The sandwich generation is increasingly common due to an aging population.
Cultural expectations can create significant pressure on caregivers.
Guilt often arises from feeling obligated to care for parents regardless of past relationships.
Family dynamics play a crucial role in caregiving responsibilities.
Self-care is essential for caregivers to avoid burnout.
Resources and support systems are often underutilized by caregivers.
Open communication with siblings can alleviate some caregiving burdens.
Recognizing and addressing feelings of resentment is important for mental health.
Caregiving can be emotionally draining, requiring awareness of one's own needs.
Finding balance in caregiving is crucial for maintaining personal well-being.


Sound bites

"What happens when your parents need care?"
"More than one thing can be true at once."
"What are you doing wrong?"
"You're a saint for doing this."
"The system is completely messed up."


Chapters

00:00 Navigating the Sandwich Generation
03:01 Cultural Expectations and Obligations
05:46 The Weight of Guilt and Resentment
09:00 Family Dynamics and Sibling Responsibilities
12:03 Finding Balance in Caregiving
14:51 The Importance of Self-Care
18:09 Practical Solutions and Resources
21:11 The Emotional Toll of Caregiving

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Awake at the Wheel | Ep 99

In this episode, Malini Ondrovcik and Doc Amitay explore how perspective shapes our experience of the world — and why black-and-white thinking can intensify stress, conflict, and anxiety. They discuss empathy, critical thinking, the impact of parenting, and how strengthening personal agency helps us navigate complexity without getting pulled into extremes.

Takeaways

-People interpret events based on their personal perspectives.
-Black and white thinking leads to division and misunderstanding.
-Empathy is crucial for understanding differing viewpoints.
-Parenting plays a significant role in shaping critical thinking.
-Recognizing one's own agency can empower individuals.
-Societal issues often stem from emotional processing.
-It's important to focus on what one can control.
-Nuance is often lost in societal discussions.
-Understanding hierarchy is essential in relationships.
-Critical thinking is necessary for navigating complex issues.





Sound bites

"We're losing nuance in our discussions."
"It's either all good or all evil."
"Focus on what you can control."


Chapters

00:00 Navigating Societal Concerns
03:39 The Impact of Perspective on Interpretation
07:24 The Dangers of Black and White Thinking
11:10 Empathy and Understanding in Divisive Times
15:07 The Role of Parenting in Shaping Perspectives
19:09 Focusing on Personal Agency
22:50 Empowerment Through Perspective Shift

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Awake at the Wheel | Ep 98

In this episode, Malini Ondrovcik and Dr. Oren Amitay dive into the rise of “FAFO” (F*ck Around and Find Out) parenting and how it stacks up against gentle parenting. We talk about when kids actually need to feel natural consequences, why accountability and resilience matter more than ever, and how to hold the line—especially with teenagers—without becoming a drill sergeant. We also get honest about what it looks like to stay in charge, earn respect, and still be a human who messes up sometimes.

Takeaways

FAFO parenting emphasizes natural consequences for children.
Gentle parenting may lead to a lack of accountability in children.
Parents should guide children while allowing them to learn from mistakes.
Teaching resilience is crucial for children's development.
It's important to maintain a strong parent-child relationship.
Parents need to present a united front in discipline.
Changing parenting styles can be challenging but is possible.
Authority in parenting should not equate to fear or shame.
Self-respect in children is fostered through respect for parents.
Parenting methods may evolve as children grow.

Sound Bites

"F around and find out parenting."
"Let them learn the lessons when they're younger."
"It's never too late to change."
"You have to slowly work it in."
"It's about self-agency and regulating behavior."
"It's not about creating shame or fear in the kid."

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to FAFO Parenting
01:26 The Importance of Natural Consequences
04:26 Navigating Parenting Styles
07:45 Teaching Accountability and Resilience
11:46 The Shift from Gentle to FAFO Parenting
17:57 Implementing Changes with Teenagers
22:18 Maintaining Authority and Respect
28:32 Conclusion: Embracing Imperfection in Parenting

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Awake at the Wheel | Ep 97

In this episode of Awake at the Wheel, we dive into the messy, fascinating question: Can AI ever really replace a human therapist? Using tools like ChatGPT as a jumping-off point, we unpack where AI can be helpful—and where it becomes downright dangerous. We explore why real healing depends on human connection, empathy, and a genuine therapeutic relationship that no algorithm can truly mimic. We also look at the risks of vulnerable people turning to chatbots for support, the ethical and clinical pitfalls of treating AI like a therapist, and why accessible, high-quality mental health care is more crucial now than ever.

Takeaways

-ChatGPT isn't a viable replacement for real-life therapists.
-Humans are emotional and selective in interactions with chatbots.
-Parents should monitor children's online engagement with chatbots.
-AI can provide psychoeducational support but not replace therapy.
-Therapeutic rapport is crucial for effective therapy.
-AI lacks the ability to pick up on non-verbal cues.
-Chatbots can reinforce maladaptive beliefs if not used cautiously.
-AI should be an adjunct, not a replacement, for therapy.
-Proper mental health care access is essential to prevent reliance on AI.
-Human therapists provide empathy and insight that AI cannot.

Chapters

00:00:53 Introduction to AI in Therapy
00:01:19 The Role of AI in Mental Health
00:01:44 Case Study: Risks of AI in Therapy
00:03:33 Limitations of Chatbots
00:05:13 The Importance of Human Connection
00:10:02 AI as an Adjunct, Not Replacement
00:15:00 Future of AI in Therapy

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Awake at the Wheel | Ep 96

Ontario is considering cutting back training and supervision for psychologists. That may open doors, but at what cost? Dr. Oren Amitay and Malini Ondrovcik examine the data logic and clinical realities behind the proposal, separating “more providers” from “better care.” We explore why rigorous standards exist, where supervision truly improves outcomes, and how to expand access without lowering the bar. It’s an honest conversation about public safety, professional integrity, and what evidence-based reform could look like. Tell us your perspective, have you seen standards shift in your setting?

Takeaways:

-Good intentions executed poorly lead to terrible outcomes.
-The mandate is to protect the public, not psychologists.
-Changes in regulation may reduce training requirements.
-Supervision and training are crucial for public safety.
-The importance of maintaining rigorous professional standards.
-The tension between accessibility and professional standards.
-Personal experiences highlight the impact of regulation changes.
-The role of supervision in professional development.
-Concerns about dumbing down the field of psychology.
-Public engagement is crucial in regulatory changes.

Chapters:

00:00:00 Introduction to Regulation Changes
00:00:41 Background on Psychology Training
00:01:35 Discussion on Regulation Changes
00:03:01 Personal Experiences and Insights
00:05:00 The Role of Supervision
00:09:50 Public Safety and Professional Standards
00:17:03 Historical Context and Future Implications

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