She kneeled, put her head down, and prayed. Ya Allah, I am what you created, and I am what you knew the world needed. I am the proof that you exist. I am proof that the bottom is only a place that the most powerful go to become. To mold in the grace of your presence. You pick a few people to hit rock bottom, and I am honored that I am one of them. You created me, and I am ready. The hardship and hits were all a way to break the old me and release the ultimate me. I grieve the old me more than anything else. She was misplaced yet naïve. I love her, and it’s the thing that was holding me back. I was loyal to the old version of me. I can't be her and go where I want to go. I prayed to you and you answered with hardship. I prayed that I could become 1 percent of what I am today, and you gave me so much more than I asked for. I live to bring your words back. I live to remind the world that you are the most powerful. I live with your guidance in my heart, and your will through my lips. Speak through me.
She rose and looked around an empty room, and she opened the door. The knob turned, and she smiled. The air hit her face, and she felt the answer. She heard the screams, and it was her name. The vision she prayed for. The dream of a Rose. As she heard the screams, she felt a tug. The voice. “ you think they love you, you will never measure up, you are not what they think, you think they can save you, you are worthless, you are going to fail because that’s all you will ever do, you live because of me, you are not worth it, you will stutter, you will fall, and you will never make it.” She felt defeated. She ran back to the room and locked the door. With tears in her eyes, she looked in the mirror, and the tears flowed down her face. You can't do this she said. You are not ready. They know what happened to you. They will think you're weak. Run away. She started packing her things. In a rush, she tripped over a pair of shoes. When she fell, she screamed. She felt the breeze from an open window, and she walked towards it. When she looked outside, she saw children playing in a park, and their laughter made her smile. She saw the sun hit the water, and it glistened, and then she saw her. The little girl with the braid. She was on the swing, and she looked at her and smiled. I smiled back and blew her a kiss. The swing is a memory that always brings me back to myself. I walked to the mirror and looked at her and said “how dare you doubt yourself, you didn’t come this far to give up, you came here to leave a mark, you came here to renew, you came here to build, you came here to live, you are ready, you are here to shake the ground, you are her to spark, you are here to reflect what they could be, you are here to dream, you are here to demolish doubt, you are fearful, and what do we do when we are fearful? WE DO IT…….. Get your shit together and open the door.” She walked back to the door and turned the knob. The feeling was heavy, and she said, its Just do it. She opened the door and walked out. The feeling in her chest was unbearable; she fell to her knees and said, Ya Allah. The breeze came, and she found the strength to get up. Just get up she screamed, and while her legs were shaking, she got up Every breath felt like she was dying, but she kept walking while holding onto the railing. She kept going. The voice came back, and it said How dare you think you can go? You are not strong enough. You will never make it. You are just a little girl. You are worthless.” She said out loud, It's just fear, keep going, just do it. She walked and pushed through, and after a while, she let go of the railing, and she walked taller. The walk got easier. She kept going. She got stronger. She smiled. She stood up. She followed the fear, and she overcame the grief. The shaking was gone. She grew. She looked back and said I Made It. That was the last time she looked back. Grief was gone, and Freedom arose. I am free.