CW: Abortion, Transphobia

Susan is up for an award for an article she wrote before we met her. Brandon is going to be her date, but so is Johnothon. One is a significantly better date than the other. Clare and Steve also went to the awards dinner and that's a whole different story. Elsewhere, Kelly is still deep in her drug feelings, but slowly remembering that she had a life before cocaine

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Kelly is spending too much money and doing too much coke on a "don't think about my abandonment issues" binge. Joe refuses to listen to medical professionals who suggest he could have serious problems if he doesn't take care of himself. Clare and Steve go to comedy traffic school. Yes, all of these things are real.

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Some things never change - Steve fails upwards, Brandon and Susan are a bit jealous, and 90s dads are not Riverdale daddies. Other topics of conversation - very specific memory loss, how much cocaine is too much cocaine, and NOT jokes

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It’s January 2. Wonder what happened between New Year’s Eve and now? Don’t worry, the gang will tell you.

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This Christmas is full of surprises! Cindy shows up unannounced, and is thinking of leaving Jim. Colin hasn’t given up his bad habits and he hasn’t told Kelly about it. And Joe wants to give Donna as good of a birthday present as he got (spoiler alert: he doesn’t).

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Donna is doing one day of work at a convenient store and Joe is less than thrilled about it. She ends up protecting a boy who steals a teddy bear and then inserts herself completely into his life. Meanwhile the Alphas are having a casino night at the PPAD and remember when Brandon had a gambling addiction? We do!

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Joe is in court for his assault charges, Donna is in the final moments of the Rose Court, and the gang is there to support them through it all. That may not sound like much but this. episode. has. everything.

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Brandon and Kelly are left on their own over Thanksgiving weekend, which we can all agree is the sexiest holiday. And speaking of sex, Donna has decided that waiting until marriage may not be for her anymore.

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Brandon and the gang are trying to process their feelings after Dylan’s wedding last week. Or at least Brandon is, everyone else is busy with Homecoming week and protecting Corny the Condor from SCU. And the Martins reveal some major secrets to each other in some strong family moments.

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What happened this week? Doesn't matter. There are only four rules you need to remember: make the plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan.

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