On February 9, 1003, a duke got his throne back the medieval way—by calling his cousin, who showed up with an army.

In this episode of Baked Battlefields, we break down the armed restoration of Boleslaus III, who reclaimed power in Bohemia with military backing from Bolesław I the Brave. There was no glorious battlefield clash—but there was an armed intervention, political violence, executions, and one of the fastest betrayals in medieval history.

We talk coups without battles, how legitimacy actually worked in the Middle Ages, why armed “help” always comes with strings attached, and how this power play ended with imprisonment, blinding, and foreign control. Along the way, we get a little high, crack some jokes, and remind ourselves that not all wars happen on battlefields—but they all leave bodies.

Precise history.

Imprecise sobriety.

Hostile takeovers, medieval edition.

On February 2, 880, a Frankish king thought he was chasing Viking raiders.

Instead, he ran straight into a professional war machine.

In this episode of Baked Battlefields, we break down the Battle of Lüneburg Heath, where Louis III underestimated the Great Heathen Army—and paid for it with his life. On open heathland in Saxony, Viking infantry turned, counterattacked, shattered the Frankish army, and proved once again that they weren’t just raiders… they were king-killers.

We talk terrain, experience, casualties, and why chasing enemies across unfamiliar ground is how medieval rulers died. Along the way, we get a little high, crack some jokes, and remind ourselves that confidence without caution gets you humbled fast.

Precise history.

Imprecise sobriety.

Never chase Vikings.

The Battle of Ula (January 26, 1564)

On January 26, 1564, a confident Russian army marched through the winter forests of Eastern Europe—and walked straight into one of the most devastating ambushes of the 16th century.

In this episode of Baked Battlefields, we break down the Battle of Ula, where the Grand Duchy of Lithuania used patience, terrain, and discipline to absolutely dismantle a much larger force from the Tsardom of Russia during the Livonian War. Led by the methodical Mikołaj Radziwiłł the Red, Lithuanian cavalry feigned retreat, stretched the Russian column, and struck at the perfect moment—killing the enemy commander and turning the frozen landscape into a weapon.

We cover the setup, the ambush, the casualties, and why this battle forced Ivan the Terrible to rethink his western ambitions. Along the way, we get a little high, tell some jokes, and remind ourselves that bigger armies don’t win wars—better decisions do.

Precise history. Imprecise sobriety. Winter remains undefeated.

The Conquest of Kucha (January 19, 649 CE)

In 649 CE, far from China’s heartland, a desert city at the crossroads of the Silk Road made a decision that quietly reshaped Eurasian power.

In this episode of Baked Battlefields, we break down the Conquest of Kucha, when Tang dynasty forces under the steppe-born general Ashina She’er laid siege to the oasis kingdom of Kucha for forty days and forced its surrender—bringing the northern Tarim Basin under Tang control. This wasn’t a flashy battlefield slaughter, but a patient, strategic victory built on logistics, pressure, and the understanding that controlling trade routes can matter more than winning battles.

We talk Silk Road politics, why Kucha mattered far beyond its walls, how a Turkic general ended up conquering Central Asia for a Chinese empire, and why sieges are really just aggressive waiting. Along the way, we get a little high, tell some jokes, and explore how empires expand quietly—one choke point at a time.

Precise history. Imprecise sobriety. Trade routes win wars.

The Palermo Rising (January 12, 1848)

On January 12, 1848, the people of Palermo chose violence—as a birthday present.

In this episode of Baked Battlefields, we break down how a popular uprising in Palermo, Sicily exploded into full-scale urban warfare against the Bourbon Kingdom of the Two Sicilies, ruled by Ferdinand II—a man so fond of shelling his own cities that history nicknamed him King Bomb. What began as barricades and street fighting quickly became one of the opening shots of the Revolutions of 1848, a wave of revolutions that set all of Europe on fire.

We cover why Sicily was ready to revolt, how civilians held off professional troops in brutal city combat, the casualties and destruction that followed, and why even a “failed” revolution can permanently change history. Along the way, we get a little high, tell some jokes, and talk about what happens when authoritarian power meets long-simmering resentment.

Precise history. Imprecise sobriety. Revolutions don’t ask permission.

On January 5, 1477, the fate of Burgundy—and the future shape of France—was decided in the snow outside the city of Nancy.

In this episode of Baked Battlefields, we break down how Charles the Bold, one of the richest and most aggressive rulers in late medieval Europe, ignored advice, refused retreat, and bet everything on a winter siege he couldn’t win. Opposing him was René II, backed by Swiss pikemen, smart alliances, and the most reliable force in military history: winter.

We cover the full story—why Burgundy mattered, how the battle unfolded, the casualties, and why Charles’s death in the chaos didn’t just end a campaign, but erased an entire state from the map. Along the way, we get a little high, tell some jokes, and remind ourselves that confidence is not the same thing as leadership.

Precise history. Imprecise sobriety. Bad decisions with permanent consequences.