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Click here to support Wedded Wednesday
Buy us a Sweet Tea and a Little Debbie Snack Cake
For more information or booking details, visit www.donmsmith.com
In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle the surprising truth about marriage conflict: most of it isn't about major issues like infidelity or betrayal—it's about the little, petty things. The shoes left on the floor. The garbage that didn't go out. The same old joke told for the thousandth time.
📖 Scripture Focus – Romans 14:19 (NIV)
Don points out that Paul wrote this to early Christians arguing over silly things like whether to eat meat or only vegetables. Sound familiar? In marriage, we often do the same thing—blowing up small frustrations into huge battles.
🥊 The Real Problem: How We Fight Over Petty Things
When a small annoyance pops up, couples often fall into destructive patterns:
- Dismissing – "It's not a big deal. Get over it." (This devalues your spouse's feelings.)
- Name-calling – A form of dishonor that shuts down communication.
- Nitpicking & scorekeeping – Bringing up past wrongs instead of addressing the one current issue.
Lisa nails it: "When you dismiss someone's concern, you naturally bring their fists up in defense. Now they're ready to fight."
🛠️ The Better Way: "I'm Struggling to Get Over It"
Instead of blaming ("You always do this"), try owning your feelings:
"Hey, I'm struggling to let this go. Can we talk about it?"This approach:
- Puts your spouse on receptive ground, not defensive
- Shows you want to get over it, not just win an argument
- Opens the door for mutual edification instead of mutual destruction
🔁 The Five-to-One Ratio (Revisited)
Lisa reminds listeners of their previous tool: before sharing one negative, share five genuine positives. Don admits that early on, he wanted her to "skip all that." Now he understands it helps her heart posture—and makes him willing to listen when the one thing finally comes.
💡 This Week's Challenge
🎧 Tune In
Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms. Don't forget to check the show notes for ways to support the show, send a text, or book Don & Lisa for a marriage seminar.
Support the show
View all episodes
By Don SmithSend us Fan Mail
Click here to support Wedded Wednesday
Buy us a Sweet Tea and a Little Debbie Snack Cake
For more information or booking details, visit www.donmsmith.com
In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle the surprising truth about marriage conflict: most of it isn't about major issues like infidelity or betrayal—it's about the little, petty things. The shoes left on the floor. The garbage that didn't go out. The same old joke told for the thousandth time.
📖 Scripture Focus – Romans 14:19 (NIV)
Don points out that Paul wrote this to early Christians arguing over silly things like whether to eat meat or only vegetables. Sound familiar? In marriage, we often do the same thing—blowing up small frustrations into huge battles.
🥊 The Real Problem: How We Fight Over Petty Things
When a small annoyance pops up, couples often fall into destructive patterns:
- Dismissing – "It's not a big deal. Get over it." (This devalues your spouse's feelings.)
- Name-calling – A form of dishonor that shuts down communication.
- Nitpicking & scorekeeping – Bringing up past wrongs instead of addressing the one current issue.
Lisa nails it: "When you dismiss someone's concern, you naturally bring their fists up in defense. Now they're ready to fight."
🛠️ The Better Way: "I'm Struggling to Get Over It"
Instead of blaming ("You always do this"), try owning your feelings:
"Hey, I'm struggling to let this go. Can we talk about it?"This approach:
- Puts your spouse on receptive ground, not defensive
- Shows you want to get over it, not just win an argument
- Opens the door for mutual edification instead of mutual destruction
🔁 The Five-to-One Ratio (Revisited)
Lisa reminds listeners of their previous tool: before sharing one negative, share five genuine positives. Don admits that early on, he wanted her to "skip all that." Now he understands it helps her heart posture—and makes him willing to listen when the one thing finally comes.
💡 This Week's Challenge
🎧 Tune In
Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms. Don't forget to check the show notes for ways to support the show, send a text, or book Don & Lisa for a marriage seminar.
Support the show