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In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle a subtle but dangerous marriage killer: getting lost in the crowd. Not the bad crowds—but the good ones. The things that aren't wrong, but can still push your spouse to the sidelines.
📖 Scripture Focus – Matthew 9:36
"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."Jesus saw the crowd and had compassion. But here's the tension: the crowd is never going away.And if you're not careful, even good things—ministry, children, work, hobbies, friends—can become the "crowd" that leaves your spouse feeling invisible.
😳 The Story That Started It All
Don shares a painfully honest personal story. One Sunday morning, he was greeting people at church—doing his job, being a good pastor—and walked right past Lisa without acknowledging her. He greeted the person on her left, skipped her entirely, and greeted the person on her right.
Lisa's response? "I'm tired of getting lost in the crowd."
Don didn't do it intentionally. But intention doesn't erase impact. Lisa felt unseen, and that's what matters.
🧠 Why This Happens
It's not always about bad behavior. The crowd can be:
- Children – (Blessings from the Lord, but they can consume all your attention)
- Work – (Providing for your family, but leaving your spouse alone)
- Ministry – (Serving God, but neglecting your first ministry—your spouse)
- Hobbies & friends – (Good things, but not when they come before your marriage)
Lisa nails it: "It's easier to be kind to a stranger than it is to our own spouse." Why? Because we get so comfortable that we let our guard down—and often, our tone and manners go with it.
🛠️ How to Keep Your Spouse from Getting Lost
Acknowledge your spouse – Especially in public. Don't assume they know you see them. Showthem.
- Ask the hard question – "What is the crowd in our marriage? And how do we keep each other from getting lost in it?"
- Be sensitive to needs – When your spouse says they feel lost, don't dismiss it. Don't say, "That's not how you should feel." It doesn't matter. That's how they do feel.
- Be intentional – As Lisa says, "Being intentional is all the more important when there's a crowd."
- Watch your tone – Lisa jokes that when she's upset, she gets "really polite." Don notices immediately. Tone speaks louder than words.
💡 This Week's Challenge
*Sit down with your spouse, look them in the eye, and ask:
"What is the crowd in our marriage? And how do we keep each other from getting lost in it?" *
Then listen. Don't defend. Just hear them.
💬 The Bottom Line
The crowd will always be there. You'll never meet every need in the crowd. But you can meet the need of your spouse. When they say they feel lost, they're not criticizing you—they're declaring a need that only you can meet.
🎧 Tune In
Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms. Don't forget to like, share, subscribe, and check the show notes for ways to support the show!
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