3 to 1 Principle

I want to share a principle that I learned years ago from a sports psychologist named Craig Manning that became very helpful to me. I actually learned this principle years before I put it into concrete action, and I will explain why.

I call this the 3-to-1 principle, and it is very simple. When you evaluate your performance, intentionally think of three things that you did well, believe them, and then think of one thing that you can try to improve.

That’s it. It’s very simple, yet it took me years to figure out a way to actually use this.

I learned this during a time where I was teaching music at a high school, and I thought the idea sounded great. I thought, “I should implement that and it would help my students gain confidence.”

In practice, however, I quickly turned to my habit of jumping right to the things that needed improvements. This practice sometimes corrects flaws, but it can be detrimental in developing confidence in the performers.

Believe it or not, my teaching career progressed and eventually I was teaching at BYU in the School of Music. While there, I got a wake up call from a brave student that shared her feedback with me through teacher evaluations. She said that she sometimes left her lessons feeling like she never did anything right.

I realized this student needed some positive encouragement, and I began to implement the 3-to-1 principle in all of my lessons with all my students. Because I am a moron, I had to force myself to remember by creating new weekly lesson sheets with specific places for me to fill in three things that went well and 1 thing to improve. The result was all of my students began to show more confidence throughout their lessons. This was a small and simple thing that brought about a major change in my students’ experiences.

So, here is a tip: avoid the mistake of just thinking, “Yeah, I will try that,” only to quickly forget it. Rather, get some paper, and start writing down some things that you are doing well in a 3-to-1 ratio to things you want to improve. It can also be used with how we see our kids or others.

Alma 37:6-7 says

6 Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

7 And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.

I invite you to think about this in the context of being or becoming an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, proceeding forward on the covenant path. What are three things you are currently doing well, and one thing that you would like to improve.

Have you ever felt like you have fallen short? Have you ever thought, “What have I done? How could I have done this? How could I have sunk so far” Regret and remorse can be some of the most painful feelings we experience.

My heart goes out to each of us when we feel our hearts drift away from the gospel. I believe we all have our moments.

I read about the Apostle Peter this morning. The Rock. Peter was the chief Apostle and the leader of the Twelve, yet in the last moments of Christ’s life, Peter did something I think we can all relate to: he denied the Christ.

Now some have speculated that perhaps Christ told Peter to deny Him. That may be. Regardless, the act was still a painful thing for Peter to do.

I feel a deep love for Peter when I read this story. I just ask myself, “Would I have done any better?” Christ predicted that the cock would crow after Peter denied him three times, and when that happened, Peter wept bitterly.

I picture Peter in agony. He denied his Savior only hours after he declared he would never do that.

Peter’s story does not end here. It took time. Even after the Christ was resurrected, Peter chose to go fishing rather than live up to what Christ wanted. Christ had to come and ask him, “Lovest thou me more than these?” Christ then told him to feed His sheep.

Peter changed and grew and became one of the greatest disciples to walk the earth. He went through agony and lived and died for Jesus Christ. His denial of Christ does not define him.

Just like with Peter, God wants us to become active members of the Church, proceeding forward on the covenant path. He wants us to move forward and leave the past behind. We do not have to be defined by how we have fallen short. 

President Oaks gave us four suggestions to overcome our doubts and struggles that hold us back:

1. First, strengthen our faith in Jesus Christ.
2. Second, increase our humility.
3. Third, seek help from others.
4. Fourth, be patient.

I believe we all have our Peter moments, and those moments might last for years. If you are struggling to be active in the church for whatever reason, know that Jesus Christ loves you. He loved Peter. He provided a way back. He can do that for you. Please don’t give up.

President Dallin H. Oaks told us what Heavenly Father wants for each of us: “That is to be or become active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, proceeding forward on the covenant path into the eternities.”

Today I am going to talk about being an active member of the church, what that means, and different ways we can go about it.

There are many directions I could take this discussion and I recognize that what I say are my opinions and experiences. Please feel free to join the discussion by leaving a comment or question.

Being active could have a range of meanings anywhere from attending church every once in a while to being extremely involved in many church activities at home and at church and in other ways. Here is a possible list of things an active member might do:

1. Attend church
2. Attend classes
3. Read Scriptures daily
4. Temple service
5. Ministering
6. Serve in callings
7. Do missionary work
8. Research family history
9. Pray for one another
10. Strive to live and teach the gospel in the home.
11. Pay tithes and fast offerings.
12. Clean the church when assigned.
13. Volunteer for service assignments.
14. The list can go on.

When these things are put into a list like this, I think it can start to feel unauthentic and even forced by peer pressure. A person might even start to feel resentment that they may not be as good at all of these things as the person next door. There could even be some comparison and pride that you are perhaps more active than someone else.

I want to get away from any of those feelings and think about a more personal perspective of being active in the church. Maybe we could ask ourselves, “How is my activity in the church blessing me?”

In my own experience, a lot depends on where my heart is. When I am actively seeking Jesus Christ and the influence of the Holy Ghost, church activity has been a huge blessing for me.

Here are some encouraging words from Nephi: 

Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life. (2 Nephi 31:20)

How does church activity bless you?

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave a wonderful talk in 2014 about gratitude called Grateful in Any Circumstances. The talk is loaded with perspective and teaching about gratitude, and how we can have it in any circumstance. Please go listen to this talk.

I am going to share only one small insight from this talk, and I feel almost disrespectful in sharing only this small portion. There is so much more in the talk. Today I will focus on this quote:

“We sometimes think that being grateful is what we do after our problems are solved, but how terribly shortsighted that is. How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?

“Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges.

“This is not a gratitude of the lips but of the soul. It is a gratitude that heals the heart and expands the mind.”

I want to share a story of gratitude that really impressed me. Many years ago, when I was an adjunct faculty at Utah Valley University, I had a spontaneous interaction with our Dean, Newell Dayley. Newell is one of the most kind-hearted individuals I know, and to me he is a contradiction. On one hand he is soft-spoken, thoughtful, kind, receptive, and friendly. On the other hand, I don’t know if I have ever met a person so influential and powerful. He singlehandedly changed the UVU School of the Arts while he was there.

As I said, one day I ran into Newell and we started to chat at we walked somewhere together. At some point, I remember asking him for a little help with some situation. I don’t even remember the details of the situation, but at the end of our talk together, he looked me dead in the eye, smiled, and kindly said, “Thank you for this opportunity.”

I was blown away. Here I thought I was adding to his plate. I was a lowly adjunct faculty member, and he was the Dean of the School of the Arts. He had so many things to do, yet he was grateful I had asked for some help on probably something that was not very significant at the time.

Well, this taught me something about gratitude. Newell Dayley was literally grateful I handed him one more problem or task to deal with. To this day I am amazed at him, and I am grateful for his example of gratitude. Thanks Newell.

In the book of Abraham, we learn that Abraham desired to be a minister, to have priesthood authority, and to bless the lives of others. Chapter 1 verse 2 speaks of his desires:

“And, finding there was greater happiness and peace and rest for me, I sought for the blessings of the fathers, and the right whereunto I should be ordained to administer the same; having been myself a follower of righteousness, desiring also to be one who possessed great knowledge, and to be a greater follower of righteousness, and to possess a greater knowledge, and to be a father of many nations, a prince of peace, and desiring to receive instructions, and to keep the commandments of God, I became a rightful heir, a High Priest, holding the right belonging to the fathers.”

Wow. Look at Abraham’s desires. We know that Abraham faced struggles in his family. His father was a wicked man, and Abraham had to leave and become a stranger in a strange land. Abraham and Sarah were childless for many years, but they had faith that God would give them posterity. After Isaac was born, Abraham’s faith was tried when he was commanded to offer Isaac as a sacrifice. These were tests Abraham faced, yet he prevailed in faith.

The promises God made to Abraham can apply to us. I feel like Abraham’s desires were things that we can strive for. We can strive to be greater followers of righteousness, to possess greater knowledge, and to have a righteous posterity that will bless the world.

Today I read Doctrine and Covenants Section 52 and I counted 8 times that it said some version of the phrase, “preach by the way.” Sometimes it says, “preaching my word by the way,” and sometimes just, “preach by the way.”

This phrase really stuck out to me and I thought about this content that I am creating. My goal is to share some spiritual insight each day that comes from my scripture study and hopefully helps lead people to Jesus Christ. So, there is a process each day in preparing for this content. I have to study the scriptures and decide what I want to share.

When I read the words “preach by the way,” I thought maybe I could do some kind of live stream of my scripture study. It would be even more informal than this, and perhaps more interactive, but I thought maybe it would be worth a try. So, I may just try that in the next few days. If so, it will probably be on the Twitch platform, and I will still post a daily message on my youtube and podcast channels.

I first learned about the phrase, “Preach by the Way,” when I was a full-time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I served in the Spain, Barcelona Mission from 1998 to 2000. As missionaries, we were encouraged to preach by the way. We did a lot of traveling on busses and trains, and we also did a lot of walking. We had a lot of opportunities to preach by the way, and we did our best to do so. I can think of at least two people that I contacted on the streets that eventually got baptized.

So here is my invitation for members of the church. Consider preaching by the way. Who has the Lord put in your path today or recently. Can you minister to them? Think about Jesus Christ and how He preached by the way. Many of the wonderful stories of Jesus Christ occurred while He was traveling, or while others asked Him questions. I believe God will put people in our paths and give us opportunities to preach by the way. 

If you are not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has there been someone put in your path that has perhaps ministered to you? Ask God to send you people in your life that can lead you closer to Jesus Christ. He will guide your paths. Increase your faith in Christ, be humble, accept help from others, and be patient. God will guide you and lead you to the truth.

During the Last Supper, Jesus told His apostles to love one another:

“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.”

This is a hard commandment. It is not only hard to love one another, but it is also hard to fully learn to love as Christ loved. He said, “As I have loved you.” How has He loved us?

Does Jesus love unconditionally? I would say yes and no. He loves the sinners, you and me, but He does not love the sins. Can He disapprove of our sins and still love us? Of course He can. He perfectly showed us how to love all sinners and tolerate no sin at all. This is a challenging thing to emulate, at least for me.

What about loving actions? I am a dad, and I have also been a teacher or coach in various settings. I will say that treating those you teach with love can be challenging. Real teaching pushes the pupil to be uncomfortable and do hard things, just like God expects of us. 

But, God is also infinitely merciful and patient. He lovingly invites us back to Him. Sometimes His Spirit is offended by what we do and it takes time to recover from that. In the end, though, God is much more merciful to us than we could ever deserve.

So I invite you today to think about how you can love one another as Jesus did. Wrestle with this concept, and do your best. What is one action you can take today to try to love as Jesus loved.

In the Book of Mormon, the young prophet Nephi was in a situation where he needed to hunt for food, but he broke his bow. When this happened, Nephi’s brothers and even his parents complained and were upset. They all complained to God, but Nephi got to work and built a new bow out of wood. He went to his dad, Lehi, and asked where to go to get food.

In answer to his prayers, Nephi was directed to the top of the mountain to get food. Think about that. Going to the top of the mountain is not an easy place to go. Nephi had to do this hard thing to obtain food. 

What can we learn from this? When we have difficult trials, sometimes God’s answer to us is, “Do this hard thing.” When we start to do this hard thing, we can start to have hope and see change. When we look back on these trials and what God required of us, we can feel grateful for how Jesus Christ enabled us to do these hard things.

God does not always give us the easy way out, but He does give us what is best for us.

Please leave a comment or question about the gospel. Thanks for watching/listening.

President Dallin H. Oaks, the newly ordained Prophet for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, gave his first address at a recent BYU Devotional. In this devotional, he spoke about learning about what the Lord wanted him to do now. He said this:

“As your leader, I pray for what our Heavenly Father wants for each of us—and that is to be or become active members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, proceeding forward on the covenant path into the eternities.”

This podcast will discuss the topic of being or becoming an active member of the church, and what that might mean for each of us.

This is a brand new podcast, and I welcome questions and comments. Thanks for listening.