Be VicTORIEus with Dr. Torie

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You don't have to parent the way you were parented. Dr. Torie sits down with Olivia Bergeron of Mommy Groove, a psychotherapist, parent coach and author with over 20 years in practice, to talk about adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and the choice every parent has to break the cycle. Olivia shares the hot summer day with three babies that made her realize "this is not the parent I want to be." She also teaches her Stop, Soften, See method for the moments you feel yourself about to explode, and explains the "loyalty bind" that keeps parents repeating what they grew up with. 

Your ACE score is a starting point, not your destiny.

This conversation is for education and awareness and is not a substitute for therapy or professional care. If you or a child you know is being hurt, contact the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1 800 422 4453. In a crisis, call or text 988


You can follow her on IG @mommygroove.nyc

Olivia's site: mommygroove.com

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0:00Dr. Torie's New Book and Intro
1:00Why We Need to Talk About ACEs
1:45Growing Up in a Family of Divorce
2:4520 Years and 10,000 Sessions With Parents
4:05The Day She Chose to Break the Cycle
5:45It Is a Choice: Coping Ahead
7:00Transitions, Agendas and Staying the Captain
8:05The Red Dress: Dr. Torie on Whoopings
9:00Discipline Means to Teach
10:10Your ACE Score Is Not Your Destiny
11:50Understanding Your Own Parents
13:15Stop, Soften, See
15:10See Their Point of View and Problem Solve
16:45Modeling Repair and Apologizing
17:25A Good Kid Having a Hard Time
18:20Connection, Hierarchy and Kids Who Get Sneaky
19:30The Loyalty Bind
21:15Passing the Baton
22:50Gifts of Pain and Letting Go of Perfect
24:40Kids Today: Gun Violence and Heavy Burdens
26:40100 Episodes and a Global Community
28:30Inside Special Education
30:00Breaking the Stigma Around Therapy
30:35Self Care Is Not Selfish
32:35Grief, Wills and Life Insurance
34:10The Conference and Cycle Breaker Gala
35:15Where to Find Mommy Groove and Outro


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#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador
#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador

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What do you call it when you are caring for someone and grieving them at the same time? Coach C has a word for it.

On this episode of Be VicTORIEus, Dr. Torie sits down with longtime friend Charita  ⁨@charitahenderson5265⁩   known as Coach C. She is a faith-based grief coach, author, speaker and founder of Visions Made Manifest. Her new book, Grieve Me Alone, shows that grief doesn't only start when someone dies, and Dr. Torie wrote the book's foreword. Coach C shares how grief entered her life at age 8, when her mother became addicted to crack cocaine. She talks about becoming a generational cycle breaker, and about the word she created, Care Grieving , for caring for someone you are watching slip away.

Whether you are grieving a person, a relationship, a season or the version of yourself you used to be, this conversation is for you.

You can follow her on IG @charitahenderson1

You can buy her book here:

https://www.amazon.it/dp/B0HMFDYWN3


Buy Dr. Torie's  Book Today!

https://www.bevictorieus.com/event-details/pre-order-your-book-today

Make sure you share this show!

https://youtu.be/kTOM1e9zNEQ

0:00Dr. Torie's book is outPromo for Dr. Torie's ACEs book; order at BeVicTORIEus.com
0:35Welcome + meet Coach CGuest introduction: grief coach, author, creator of "caregrieving"
2:20What it means to be a cycle breakerFaith, "it ends with me," Kansas City roots
5:30Grief started long before deathHer relationship with grief began in childhood
6:45The therapy timeline exerciseWriting her life timeline and only getting to age 9 in an hour
7:40Ambiguous grief at age 8Losing her mother to crack cocaine addiction while she was still alive
10:20Acknowledgment is freedom"Naming it is the beginning of your freedom"
11:30Becoming a grief coachHer therapist and grief coach pushed her into it
12:30Navigating the Waves of GriefGrief "rearranged the furniture"; you move with grief, not past it
13:40Don't fight the waveTriggers like perfume or a song, and why resisting knocks you down
15:00Where "caregrieving" came fromA client caring for a husband with a trach asked for a new word
16:40What caregrieving meansCaring for someone while watching them die
18:10Clarity breeds transformationGiving people language for their grief
19:00ACEs and griefThe CDC's 1998 ACEs study and the grief inside every category
20:05What the world needs nowHer calling: language for grief
20:50Mom, grandparents and DadSuccessive losses, and now caregiving for her father
22:00"I'm the evidence"Proof that healing is possible
22:45Forgive the process"Your pain has a purpose"
23:40Dr. Torie's testimonyHow the book carried her through losses since July
25:15The foreword + where to find Coach CEditor's reaction, contact info, free sessions
26:40ClosingThey'll return together live


Make sure you follow Dr. Torie everywhere.  @dr.victorieus

#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador
#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador

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This episode discusses domestic abuse and coercive control.
US National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Free, confidential, 24/7.

Ama K. Karikari had the plan. Harvard undergrad. An MBA and a JD. Senior counsel at Citibank, twentieth floor, writing bond disclosure. Married to a Yale man whose family came from the same part of Ghana as hers.

On her honeymoon, her husband stopped speaking to her. It lasted hours. Over the next fifteen years it would last between two weeks and three months at a time, every time she failed to submit.

She Googled domestic violence. She Googled abuse. What she was living wasn't in the definitions. So she went to marriage counseling, individual counseling, EMDR, Reiki, wife coaching, two sex coaches, and read every book she could find — for fifteen years — before she understood that nothing was broken. It was working exactly as designed.

She's now a lawyer campaigning to have the silent treatment recognized as coercive control. This is her conversation with Dr. Torie.

You can follow her on IG @amakkarikari

Buy Dr. Torie's  Book Today!

https://www.bevictorieus.com/event-details/pre-order-your-book-today

Make sure you share this show!

https://youtu.be/xNkpIyybRq0

00:00 The episode starts here
00:30 Caught at Meet the Teacher night
01:30 Lawyer by training, and the 9% bond due in 2045
03:30 Following somebody else's plan
05:30 The first awakening
07:00 The marriage that looked perfect on paper
09:00 The honeymoon
11:00 Googling for a word that wasn't there
13:00 Fifteen years of trying everything
15:00 The fifteenth anniversary
16:30 "Uh-oh. You've had enough."
18:00 Why domestic abuse is the blueprint
19:30 Why Dr. Torie won't tell her own story
22:00 The gap in the ACEs framework
23:30 A screamer, a beater, and the man who never raised his voice
24:30 The father hierarchy
26:30 The welfare queen, and the fear that boxed her in
28:00 The download
29:30 Imago theory, and five coincidences from Ghana
32:30 Inside the workbook
35:00 Victim accountability, not victim blaming
36:30 Learning how to trust again
38:00 Soaring Sister Circles
40:00 Worship no one but God
41:30 Close


Make sure you follow Dr. Torie everywhere.  @dr.victorieus

#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador
#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador

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This episode includes discussion of addiction, family abuse and gang violence.

Dr. Torie went to a performing arts high school. Almost nobody knows she can sing. Four minutes into this episode, Maximus Leroy stops the interview and asks her whose voice told her not to.

That's the whole episode, really. Maximus is a certified psychotherapist and EQ practitioner who wrote a book called "Mental Health Is a Lie" — not because mental health isn't real, but because he thinks we're arguing about 30% of the problem and ignoring the other 70%.

What follows is less an interview than a session. Two practitioners in the same field, taking turns putting each other on the couch.

You can follow him on IG @maximuslerois

Buy Dr. Torie's  Book Today!

https://www.bevictorieus.com/event-details/pre-order-your-book-today

Make sure you share this show!

https://youtu.be/t3NFkgYiRrY

00:00 The episode starts here
00:30 "Maximus, where are you?"
01:30 Wait — you can sing?
04:00 Whose voice told you not to?
06:00 Cycle breakers, and the author of your own script
09:00 When singing was the therapy
11:30 Awareness + Community = Empowerment
13:00 You don't have time. You don't make time.
15:30 Why boundaries are hardest for the first one out
18:00 "I don't keep score"
19:30 Do you see me? Do you love me?
21:30 Forgive the version of you that needed it
24:00 The Ninth Child, and an audiobook in someone else's voice
25:30 The room where nobody is alone anymore
27:00 "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" — I've got sandals on
28:30 South LA, and the brother who wouldn't let him come
30:30 Becoming the father who could give better answers
33:00 Trauma bonds, and the difference between loving and liking
34:30 His father, still using, and the line before that
36:30 The trauma Olympics: I'm not running this race
38:30 Entrepreneurship, and what your kids are actually watching
40:00 "You're so strong" — and why that's not a compliment
41:00 The imposter syndrome tool
42:30 Mental Health Is a Lie: the 70/30 split
43:30 Be it so you can see it
44:30 Where to find Maximus


Make sure you follow Dr. Torie everywhere.  @dr.victorieus

#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador
#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador

Got a question? Send us a text!

This episode discusses suicide, childhood abuse and sexual assault.
If you're struggling, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, US)
or text HOME to 741741. You are not the only one.

Melanie Cox thought she had thyroid cancer. Sitting at a window working out what she'd actually built, she realized she had left her children everything worldly and almost nothing spiritual. So she wrote a book — five copies, just for her kids. The publicist refused to print five. It became a number one.

In this conversation with Dr. Torie, Melanie talks about being raised by a
mother who spent her life trying to die, about lying on the floor by her
mother's bed as a small child with a stuffed animal and a joke to keep her alive one more night, and about what it took to stop that inheritance from moving one more generation.

It is also, unexpectedly, a very funny conversation about forgiveness.

You can follow her on IG @itsmelaniecox — DM your email for a FREE digital copy of the book

Buy Dr. Torie's  Book Today!

https://www.bevictorieus.com/event-details/pre-order-your-book-today

Make sure you share this show!

https://youtu.be/5DWF9ggm-u0

00:00 The episode starts here
00:30 Welcome, and the grandest entrance we've had
01:45 Melanie: California CEO, and the diagnosis that changed the plan
04:00 What ACEs actually are, and why this show exists
06:00 Inside the book: "Kids, you have to know"
09:00 Her mother's illness, and the decision to break the cycle
11:30 "The bill has to be paid"
14:00 Taking thoughts captive, and the gratitude reset
17:00 She never meant to publish it
19:30 Awareness + Community = Empowerment
22:00 Legacy, and the potter's wheel
25:00 What it means to operate in purpose
27:00 Abandonment, dementia, and the woman she met too late
30:30 "Honor your mother and father is for the ones they leave behind"
32:30 Forgive and release — but don't invite them to Christmas
34:00 Suicide Prevention Awareness Month
34:45 Where to start, if you're at the beginning
35:30 Watch your mouth
36:00 Where to find Melanie


Make sure you follow Dr. Torie everywhere.  @dr.victorieus

#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador
#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador

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This conversation discusses childhood abuse, bullying, and mental health struggles. Resources are listed at the bottom of this description. Please take care of yourself while listening.

Lawrence C. Harris was severely bullied as a kid. At 12, his father became abusive toward him and his younger siblings. He was eventually put out of the house, and then the pandemic hit. At 15, he started filming himself talking about what he was learning in therapy and posting it for an audience of two subscribers.

He is 20 now, and this is the conversation about what actually happened in between.

Dr. Torie sits down with Lawrence to talk about what cycle breaking really requires, how adverse childhood experiences shape adult relationships people cannot explain, and what a 12-year-old in a bad house can practically do today. This one gets specific, including a full list of healing strategies for people who cannot afford therapy.

If you need support right now 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453 Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741

You can follow him on IG @lawrencec.empowers

Buy Dr. Torie's  Book Today!

https://www.bevictorieus.com/event-details/pre-order-your-book-today

Make sure you share this show!

https://youtu.be/THlT_NvNHWo

00:00 Cold Open: The ACEs Book
00:45 Welcome and a Season of Grief
03:00 Who Checks On the Helpers?
05:00 Meet Lawrence Harris
06:30 Bullied, Then Abused at 12
09:30 Talking to Two YouTube Subscribers
11:00 What Cycle Breaking Actually Requires
14:30 If You Don't Deal With It, Your Kids Will
17:00 Finding Out About ACEs in Therapy
19:00 Why Your Relationships Keep Looking the Same
22:00 "It Stays in the Family"
26:00 Why the Cops Conversation Is Complicated
28:30 Bullying Is a Mental Health Issue
31:30 Emotional Regulation and Young Black Men
34:30 Healing Without a Therapy Budget
38:00 Why Men End Up in the Gym
40:00 Cutting People, Places, and Things
42:00 You Might Save Somebody at the Drive-Thru
44:30 You Cannot Blame the Child
47:30 What You See Before You're Old Enough to Filter It
50:00 Advice for the 12-Year-Old Going Through It Now
52:30 Faith, Higher Power, and an ACEs Score of 6
53:30 Where to Find Lawrence
54:00 Outro


Make sure you follow Dr. Torie everywhere.  @dr.victorieus

#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador
#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador

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On this episode of Be Victorious, Dr. Torie sits down talks with David Deane Haskell, author of Wounded Angels, about losing his mother to suicide, surviving childhood violence, breaking a cycle of addiction and codependency, and the inner child healing work that got him here.


You can follow him on IG @daviddeanehaskell

Buy Dr. Torie's  Book Today!

https://www.bevictorieus.com/event-details/pre-order-your-book-today

Make sure you share this show!

https://youtu.be/kEsbwpPME2c

00:00 It's Time to Talk About ACEs
00:40 Welcome to Be Victorious + Meet David Dean Haskell
03:30 Why He Wrote Wounded Angels
06:00 ACE Score: 9/11 — The Trauma He Almost Didn't Count
09:30 Spanking vs. Abuse: Where's the Line?
12:30 Publishing the Book His Father Would Read
17:00 Generational Trauma: His Parents' Own Childhoods
20:30 Vulnerable, Not Humiliating: The Inner Child Work
23:30 Codependency & the Family Scapegoat Role
27:00 "Go Where You're Celebrated, Not Tolerated"
30:30 Rock Bottom & Codependency with His Grandmother
34:00 Why Toxic Positivity Does Real Harm
37:30 The TED Talk That Gave His Trauma a Name
40:00 Healing a Trigger in Real Time
44:00 Suicide, Stigma & Trigger Warnings
46:00 A Spiritual Awakening on the Beach in Japan
48:00 Hearing About ACEs for the First Time
51:00 Closing Thoughts & Where to Find David


Make sure you follow Dr. Torie everywhere.  @dr.victorieus

#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador
#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador

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On this episode of Be Victorious, Dr. Torie sits down with sits down with  ⁨@JasonABenefield⁩   to unpack his childhood, his ACE score, and the framework he built — Commodity Consciousness — to help others do the same healing work.


You can follow him on IG @jasonabenefield

Buy Dr. Torie's  Book Today!

https://www.bevictorieus.com/event-details/pre-order-your-book-today

Make sure you share this show!

https://youtu.be/pxiovs3eruk

00:00 It's Time to Talk About ACEs
00:40 Welcome to Be Victorious + Meeting Doc Benefield
03:00 Who Is Jason Ojudu-Benefield?
05:30 Feeling Unworthy in a Family of Faith
08:30 Taking the Seat: This Is a Safe Space
09:30 The Seizure at Church They Called Demonic
13:00 Labeled "Bad": The Birth of a People Pleaser
15:30 The Zoo School Diagnosis
18:00 The Masquerade of Always Looking Healed
20:30 Writing an ACEs Book Without Knowing It
23:00 Mentorship, His ACE Score (5) & PTSD
27:00 The Second Largest Study in the U.S.
30:30 Inspired by Les Brown
33:30 Building Commodity Consciousness
38:30 20 Years in the Making
40:30 A New Book on Mother Figures
44:30 Dr. Tori as a Mother Figure
46:30 Face the Pain to Find Freedom


Make sure you follow Dr. Torie everywhere.  @dr.victorieus

#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador
#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador

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On this episode of Be Victorious, Dr. Torie sits down with  ⁨@rodneyjahan⁩   to talk about cycle breaking, adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), the mentorship that changed his life, and the healing habits that keep him grounded — from the gym to skincare to literature.


You can follow him on IG @rodneyjahan 

Buy Dr. Torie's  Book Today!

https://www.bevictorieus.com/event-details/pre-order-your-book-today

Make sure you share this show!

https://youtu.be/X-PaGx9x7iY

0:00It's Time to Talk About ACEs (book intro)
0:45Welcome to Be Victorious + Meet R. Jahan
3:00Who Is R. Jahan? (Stage Name Story)
4:30What Is a Cycle Breaker?
6:30The Childhood Calling to New York
10:00Life as Activity Director & Losing TJ Shirley
15:00Naming ACEs: CDC Update & His ACE Score (7/11)
18:30The Leap to New York: Culture Shock & Grit
23:30The Mentor Who Changed Everything: Yvonne Nesbitt
28:00Healing Strategies: Gym, Shakespeare & Skincare
35:00James Baldwin, Literature & Black Archaeology of ACEs
40:00Full Circle: The Thermos Story
43:00Advice for the Next Generation of Cycle Breakers
46:30The Baldwin Play Update & Closing Thoughts


Make sure you follow Dr. Torie everywhere.  @dr.victorieus

#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador
#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador

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On this episode of Be Victorious, Dr. Torie sits down with Julianna Burmesch, former school principal, speech pathologist, early brain development trainer, and author of Life with Less of Me, to talk about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and their lifelong impact on physical and mental health.

Grab Julianna's book, Life with Less of Me, wherever books are sold, and visit juliannaburmesch.com to connect with her directly.

Learn more about ACEs education and join the Be Victorious community at BeVictorious.com.

Buy Dr. Torie's  Book Today!

https://www.bevictorieus.com/event-details/pre-order-your-book-today

Make sure you share this show!

https://youtu.be/inzF26zdLrE

00:00 – Cold open: Dr. Torie on her book & ACEs 
01:15 – Welcome to Be Victorious + guest introduction 
03:00 – Meet Juliana: principal, speech pathologist, author 
05:15 – What's your ACEs score? 
07:30 – Why ACEs categories weren't taught in depth 
10:00 – Leaving public education for social-emotional learning 
12:15 – Why Juliana wrote Life with Less of Me 
14:30 – Childhood neglect, infections & long-term health effects 
17:00 – Necrotizing fasciitis and unresolved trauma 
19:15 – Realizing her childhood wasn't normal 
21:30 – Struggling to ask for help, even as a principal 
24:00 – Starting 6 years of trauma therapy 
26:30 – How trauma rewires the developing brain 
29:00 – Fight, flight, freeze, fawn — explained 
31:15 – Family reactions to the book 
33:30 – Health scares: shingles, cancer & the mind-body link 
36:00 – Coping tools: pottery, music & grounding 
38:30 – Advice for people starting their healing journey 
40:45 – Where to find Juliana + closing thoughts


Make sure you follow Dr. Torie everywhere.  @dr.victorieus

#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador
#aces #bevictorieus #adversechildhoodexperiences #cyclebreakers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #aceambassador