I’ll be real with you: this week’s podcast is just the sounds of sobbing for forty-four minutes and thirty-five seconds straight. Penny is dead, Team RWBY has fallen into The Void, and Atlas and Mantle are under water. I blame you, Ironwood. Join Artemis, Blue, Daft, and Joe as they mourn. Let’s all be sad together!

Dammit Cinder! Episode 12 was so happy. Why couldn’t you have just let Ruby’s plan succeed? This week, Tyler, John and Joe discuss the ways in which Cinder, Watts, and Neo screw everybody over. Ironwood goes on a Schnee shooting spree, and Harriet continues to be the character that enrages Joe the most.

This week, Daft, Joe, John, and Tyler discuss the staff of creation, untangle the logistical Christmas lights that made up Ruby’s wish, and insult Ironwood and Harriet a bunch (god I can’t stand her).

And just a quick PSA: Do. Not. Fall.

This week, Grant, Tyler, John, and Joe discuss how IRONWOOD ALMOST FREAKING SHOT MARROW! In more feels-y news, Ruby and Yang talk about the Grimm details about Summer Rose, Ren and Nora are back together (but not together together), and Emerald begrudgingly admits to being good. Also, people say the word “risk” a lot.

We find ourselves in a dark room lit only by a single spotlight. In it stands a figure. Is he man? Is he machine? I don’t know, but he’s certainly riding that villain train all the way to dic(k)tator station. This week, Daft, Joe, John, and Tyler watch in horror as Ironwood really commits to his career as an asshole and threatens to destroy Mantle for funsies, while the gang finally reunites, Watts is a badass, and Neo trolls Cinder.

This week, we’re discussing chapters 8 and 9. Blake and Ruby bond, Whitley and Willow do a good, and Penny fights Penny. Also, Hazel and Emerald leave Salem, Oscar and Ozpin grow closer, and the Atlas military plans to blow up a whale.

Your unpaid radio interns this week are Joe, Tyler, and John.

Welcome back everybody! In case you forgot, here’s what happened last time on RWBY: Ren calls the Ace-Ops out on gasp having emotions, Oscar makes a play to swing Hazel, Penny crashes (get it? Cuz she’s a computer), and Joe sniffles into the microphone a bunch. Sorry about that last part.

This week on RWBY, we unlock Cinder’s tragic backstory; the Ace Ops arrest children during the apocalypse; Oscar plans a very difficult series of negotiations; and the Grimm create a drill that will PIERCE THE HEAVENS—uh, I mean, Atlas’s hard-light shields.

Working on their admissions reels to Beacon Academy in-flashback are John, Tyler, and DaftProdigy.

This week, our van is hanging over a cliff Italian Job style. While we cower at the front of the van, we have nothing better to do than discuss the new RWBY. This week, Cinder fights Penny and loses (again), Ironwood demonstrates staggering stupidity (again), and Maria shows she doesn’t give a damn (again).

John, Tyler, and Joe also dare each other to throw stuff into/drink from the River Grimm… y’know, for science.

This week, Ruby’s crew takes Nora to Schnee Manor to get help and boss Whitley around, Ren turns himself into a brood-cicle, and Harriet almost falls for the old “unlock my prison cell and fight me” trick. John thinks Harriet’s gonna flip the general. Joe thinks she’s gonna go down with the SS Ironwood (it’s Atlas, so would it be the ASS?). Who is right? Tell us now, Kerry!

Your unpaid radio interns for this week are Tyler, John, and Joe.