We’re a few weeks into summer, and you might be starting to feel like you’re in the doldrums. If you’ve been feeling frustrated, disappointed or sad that your summer isn’t going quite the way you hoped it would, this is the episode for you. 

You’ll Learn:

• Common challenges with kids in the summer
• 4 strategies to do a summer reset and get things back on track
• Some thoughts you can borrow to create the feelings you want this summer

In this encore episode, I’m talking about how to do a summer reset and get things back on track.

You can read the full show notes here.

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Want to binge all of our best summer parenting tips? 

Grab the free summer toolkit here and get a link to the full Calm Mama Summer playlist on Spotify, plus lots of other great resources!

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

Connect With Darlynn: 

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips 
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

Welcome back to another Confessions episode!

NOTE: This episode is a doozy. It might even need a trigger warning (sexual abuse trauma). But I KNOW it’s going to be really helpful on your healing journey. Listen when you feel ready.

My friend, Kristin LaFontaine is back on the podcast, and I'm confessing some of my deepest fears and how I spent years and years in what I call the fix it/fuck it cycle.

→ Fix it =  hyper-rigidity, super productivity, high control behaviors

→ Fuck it = who cares, no rules, give up/give in behaviors

In this episode, I’m sharing all about my experiences in the fix it /fuck it cycle and how I got out of it. Hint - it’s all about self-love and self-trust.

Resources:

Click here to learn more about Internal Family Systems (IFS)

The thing about dinner is that it happens every. single. day. And it’s typically the worst time of day for kids, especially littles. Plus, you might have sports or other evening activities in the mix. Today, Madison Wetherill of Cook At Home Mom is here to help you make preparing meals for your family easier and more joyful. 

You’ll Learn:

• Why preparing meals feels so hard
• The most impactful thing you can do to cut mealtime overwhelm
• Ways to involve kids in the kitchen without creating more stress for yourself
• My strategy for handling meal prep when my kids were little

Listen in as we talk about the overwhelm and resentment that can come along with cooking and practical tips and tools to overcome those obstacles and even involve your kids in the process. 

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Madison Wetherill is the woman behind Cook at Home Mom, where she inspires busy families to embrace wholesome, delicious cooking. Based in sunny Arizona, Madison juggles life as a wife and homeschooling mom to three energetic boys (ages 2, 7, and 9), blending the chaos of family life with her passion for creating meals that nourish the body and soul.

Madison’s culinary journey began after her college years when cooking shifted from a necessity to a passion. Whether she's experimenting with new ingredients or hosting family dinners, her mission is simple: to make cooking at home easy, enjoyable, and always full of flavor.

Madison says that while her dream Saturday is hours of alone time in her kitchen, she realizes that this is not the case for most people. For a lot of moms, cooking is a chore and definitely does NOT top the list of ways they want to spend their free time. Listen in to hear some of her best tips for simplifying family meals.

 

End Mealtime Overwhelm 

Madison recognizes that just the basics of cooking for a family can be overwhelming. There are so many moments between the beginning of planning and the finish line of sitting down to eat a meal. It’s a much more complicated process than we often give ourselves credit for.

She adds, “Then when you add in picky eaters or dietary needs or preferences or requirements for time or equipment, there are so many complexities to it, it's no wonder that it's overwhelming.” And, of course, meals are just one of many, many things you’re managing as a mom. 

The first step is to get curious about what exactly makes mealtimes feel stressful or exhausting to you. Is it the planning part (or lack of a plan)? Time? Budget? Not knowing what to make? 

She says, “There are different avenues and solutions for all of each of these problems. But I think so often we're quick to dismiss it and think, ‘That's just how it is. And it's never going to get any easier.’”

The biggest pain point Madison sees in moms is planning meals, which includes a few different pieces. First is having the time to plan. Next is figuring out what to eat, which brings in factors like picky eating, dietary needs, what’s healthy, what your family will like, affordability, etc. There’s certainly no shortage of recipes out there. The challenge is deciding which ones fit your needs and your family will enjoy. 

 

💡Tip: Create a Meal Planning Routine

We can think about meal planning the same way we use intention in parenting. For example, if you want to feel less stressed about meals during the week, create a routine around meal planning. When you take the time to plan your meals on Monday, imagine how you will feel on Thursday night when you know exactly what to cook and your ingredients are ready to go.  

Madison says, “Many practical problems you might have within the realm of cooking can usually be solved by planning ahead.” Think of things like dinners on busy nights, avoiding last-minute grocery runs, etc. 

1. Choose a day each week to make your meal plan.
2. Look through your fridge, freezer, and cabinets to see what you already have that you could use this week.
3. Check your calendar for any nights that might be busy or you’ll be out of the house. You’ll want to plan super quick, easy dinners for these nights and prep ahead of time if you can. 
4. Make a list of meals for the week that matches your schedule.

Madison adds that if planning for an entire week feels like too much at first, start by planning for just one or two nights a week and build the habit from there. Dinners are where planning tends to be the most helpful. Add in other meals or snacks later if you want to. 

 

💡Tip: Keep Your Meals Simple

It’s okay if you make the same meals over and over. Your dinners don’t have to be fancy. As you practice this, you’ll find recipes that are easy for you to make, meals your family likes. Lean on these, especially during busy weeks. 

I found it helpful for a long time to have categories or themes for our weekly meals (e.g. Monday chicken, Tuesday beans or rice, Wednesday pasta, Thursday soup, etc.). There is so much variety you can bring in just by making small changes, like adding a different protein or sauce. 

And yes, you’re even allowed to serve eggs, cereal, or sandwiches for dinner sometimes. 

➡️ Bonus: Keep an ongoing list of your family’s favorite meals that you can pull from.

 

Handle Picky Eating

It’s important to remember that picky eating isn’t about kids being disrespectful or rude. Madison says it’s actually a safety thing. For whatever reason, the child doesn’t feel safe and comfortable with that food - because it’s new, has a funny texture, or for many other reasons. 

Getting kids over picky eating is a long-term process, and safe exposure is key. 

Madison says, “There are so many different touch points kids can have with food that have nothing to do with eating.” For example, shopping, washing vegetables, chopping, mixing, etc. Even just seeing the food on the table is a type of exposure. This lets kids experience new or different foods in ways that feel safe to them. It makes the whole thing less emotionally charged and allows us to let go of some of our expectations around our kids’ eating habits.

Another helpful strategy is “plattering” rather than “plating” meals. Instead of putting your kid’s food on their plate for them, allow them to serve themself. This gives kids a little more agency over what they eat and how much. It doesn’t have to be set out in fancy serving dishes (which means more washing). Just put out the pan you cooked it in. 

 

Involve Kids in Meal Prep

Cooking together teaches valuable skills and can become a time for family connection. Involving kids in the planning process (within boundaries) can help you deal with picky eating when they get to choose meals they actually like. 

Madison shares that she grew up with fond memories around food. Her family ate dinner together most nights. However, she also saw the way her mom detested cooking. 

Cooking is one of those skills that’s really easy to not teach our kids, but it has major long-term benefits.

• Kids learn cooking skills, so they can actually be helpful to you in the kitchen.
• It brings the whole family into the process of meal planning and cooking. It’s not just “mom’s thing” (which leads to less resentment on your end).
• It creates a way to give kids responsibility, which in turn builds self-concept and self-belief.
• They learn practical skills that they’ll need as adults.

Madison says that bringing the family into meal prep is something that can happen slowly, over time. She talks about how her boys have learned some basic skills over the years, so now she can assign them specific tasks, like starting some rice or chopping veggies. Inviting them in during lower-stress moments in the past now allows her to actually have help when she wants it. 

 

While this approach pays off in the long run, it can be challenging in the beginning and requires a lot of patience. 

So, how do you involve kids when you don’t even really want to be cooking in the first place?

Cooking isn’t the only way to involve kids. Things like choosing meals for the meal plan, helping you at the grocery store, plating food, and clearing the table all involve kids in the process, too.

Madison says that exposure and repetition are really the key. Watching you do something, helping with different parts of the process, and seeing it over and over again goes a long way toward learning new skills or recipes in the kitchen. 

It’s also okay to choose your moments. If you can’t handle the idea of cooking with kids at the end of a long day, involve them in the planning process earlier in the week, or have them help you plate the food before sitting down at the table. It doesn’t need to be an all-or-nothing thing. 

 

Even nearly 30 years after cooking my first chicken at the age of 23, I feel a little amazed when I put a meal on the table for my family. I think to myself, “Wow. You did it, girl. You made that happen.”

Start with one shift you want to try this week, and give yourself some grace along the way. This all gets easier the more you do it. You get better at planning. You let go of some expectations. Your kids get better at helping. And it feels good. 

 

Connect with Madison:

• Check out Madison’s website (and lots of free recipes) at https://cookathomemom.com/
• Get your free mini meal plan
• Follow her on Instagram @cookathomemom
• Visit her Cook at Home Mom Facebook page

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

Connect With Darlynn: 

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips 
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

Have you ever seen your kid do something and think, “They should know better”? I think we all have at one time or another. But here’s the thing - maybe they don’t. 

Today, I’m talking about what kids don’t know so that you can adjust your expectations, feel less annoyed by their behavior, and help them learn the skills they’re missing.

You’ll Learn:

• Why our kids don’t actually “know better” a lot of the time
• How to balance social norms with a strong sense of self
• 6 ways to help your child learn important social skills 
• How teaching social norms fits into the 4 steps of the Calm Mama Process

Parenting is a constant process of resetting limits and teaching new skills and behaviors. Listen to learn how.

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Reminder: When you’re teaching your kids something (like how you want them to behave), once isn’t enough. You’ll have to tell them many, many times. And every time they go through a new developmental stage, their brain grows and changes, so they end up needing to learn things again. 

 

What Kids Don’t Know

Let’s face it: There are a LOT of things our kids don’t know yet. Some of these are practical, like how weather, time, and money work. How to do specific tasks. 

Today, I’m focusing more on social and behavioral skills, as these are the ones that tend to cause us the most frustration and can be really challenging to understand. 

Every society has social norms - unwritten rules that govern behavior and dictate what's considered acceptable or unacceptable. These kinds of norms might be related to a country, religion, cultural group, or even smaller subgroups like a school environment or sports team. 

And they can be helpful because they create predictable and harmonious interactions within our society.

When our kids do things that go outside of these acceptable behaviors, we get annoyed or embarrassed. We think they’re being rude. 

But often, kids don’t actually know what is rude (and they just have no filter). They aren’t born understanding these social norms, and a lot of them are complicated and nuanced. 

So we have to teach them how to behave so that we don't have chaos and confusion. Your job as a parent is to give your child the awareness, skills, and tools to know what behavior is accepted so that they can be successful in our society and culture. 

It’s a lot of work to learn how to be a person in society - to understand which behaviors are okay in which settings, and a lot of mistakes are going to be made. 

 

Society and Sense of Self

Kids learn to understand and follow social norms through socialization. Interacting with people in different types of situations gives them a basic understanding of what works in the world, and teaches them tools to manage themselves. 

But we don’t just want our kids to follow the crowd. We also want to parent them in a way that preserves a positive sense of self. At times, it can feel like these two goals are at odds with each other. 

On the one hand, we have social norms - Be nice, be smart, be athletic, be attractive, be helpful, be likable, care about others, don't hurt others.

Then we have social and personal values that might be things like be unique, be creative, be yourself, be authentic, take care of yourself, express your needs, express your feelings.

So, what if you have a child who is expressing their authentic thought that you have stinky breath? They’re being honest and using their words, and this also has an impact on the other person that might cause a social problem. 

 

Teaching Social Norms

Teaching the nuance of socializing while being yourself is no easy task. We want to give our kids ways to express themselves that don’t hurt others. Here are some strategies that will help you and your kids through this process.

 

Be okay with your kid’s immaturity

Our kids are immature - literally. They’re children. They’re young, and they have a lot to learn and understand. The more comfortable you are with this fact, the more patient and compassionate you can be with them. 

In order to learn, they have to make mistakes. They have to try things to see what works and what doesn’t. That means that sometimes they’ll do or say things that hurt someone else. And then, you’ll give them an opportunity to correct their mistake. 

 

Lean on your community

It can be really helpful if other people in your social group are also giving some feedback to your kids. We've moved away from this in parenting quite a bit, because we're afraid our kids will feel shame, but think of it this way…

Imagine that you and your friends are all together at your house, and one of their kids is jumping off of the furniture. It can be helpful (and also a little bit of a relief) for the other parent if you go over and say, “Hey, you know what? In our family, we don't jump on the furniture. Would you be willing to not jump on the couch, please?” Or, “Oh, that's really, really loud. Can you use an inside voice, please?” 

Having other adults correct behavior with love, kindness, and respect helps kids to learn social norms at a faster rate. And it helps for them to hear it from different adults with different perspectives.

Other kids can also be good teachers. If your kid is a ball hog on the basketball court, and their friends call them out on it and don’t want to play with them anymore, that is a valuable lesson. It gives your kid the choice of whether they’d rather play by themself or figure out a way not to hog the ball so they can play with their friends. 

 

Avoid shame, comparison & fear

Remember - your child is not their behavior. We don’t want to tell our kids that they are bad or rude or mean, assigning those judgments to their character. You also want to avoid comparing (e.g. “I don’t think Jacob would ever talk to his Mommy like that.”) and using fear to change kids’ behavior. 

A common fear-based approach is telling a child that they won’t be accepted if they don’t change their behavior. But using rejection and ostracization as tools to change behavior are very damaging to your kid’s emotions and self-concept. This leads to the belief that they are only lovable when they are “good”, which often shows up as perfectionism and people-pleasing. 

We want our kids to believe that they are lovable, good enough, and worthy of attention and acceptance…even if they’re acting out. 

So instead, let them know that the behavior is not working. Say something like, “I understand that you didn't know that. It’s okay to make mistakes. It's okay to not know how rules work in different families. You're little, you're growing, you're learning.”

 

Validate their emotions

Help your kid understand why they’re behaving the way that they are. What emotional need are they trying to get met? Or what feeling are they communicating or trying to cope with? It makes their need or desire seem more human. 

 

Set boundaries

This is where you let them know that their behavior isn’t working and help them find other ways to get their needs met. 

 

Parent the kid in front of you

As a parent, it’s normal to feel tension when your kid isn’t following a social norm. There is a true risk in society when people behave in ways that we’ve deemed unacceptable. We all worry sometimes that our child will be rejected, left out, or they won’t be socialized in a way that allows them to be successful. 

The best way to get out of that fear is to not make this moment in time mean anything about the future or our kids' character. This is just something that is happening right now. There is a skill gap, something they don’t understand yet. 

 

What I want you to know, Mama, is that you're good even when you're bad. And so is your kid. Parenting is a constant process of resetting limits and teaching new skills. You’ve got this!

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

Connect With Darlynn: 

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips 
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

We’ve all been there. You make a plan to do something that you think is going to be really fun for you and your kids. But then, it turns out to not be as much fun as you thought. Your kids aren’t into it, they’re complaining, and you end up feeling disappointed, frustrated, and annoyed. 

You’ll Learn:

• Real-life examples of shifting plans and expectations
• One of the guiding principles I follow to help with parenting pivots
• How planning and flexibility work together to create more peace and connection
• 5 steps to pivot when things are going the way you hoped

I’m talking about parenting pivots and flexibility when you’re dealing with grumpy moods, “I don’t wanna”s, and plans that get off track. 

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Let’s start with a little story…

Years ago, my family was in Yosemite for a vacation, and we were all going bike riding. It was getting really, really hot, and we stopped along the trail so that we could go into the river and cool off. And one of my sons did NOT want to go in the river. 

I was really stuck on this idea that we were all going to cool down in the river. We were cajoling him, trying to convince him to get into the water. 

Finally, I realized that I could pivot from my expectation or my need for him to go in. I just let it go. I decided to enjoy myself in the water and let him enjoy whatever he was doing. 

With that pivot, the whole energy shifted between the four of us because I settled down as the emotional leader in my family. My other family members settled down, and we were all at peace. We started to include my son in a different way that allowed him to participate. He would go to the backpack to get us some water or chips or take a towel back to the bikes. 

He loved it, and it ended up being a really fun experience for us all. Because I was able to detach and pivot and shift into acceptance. To allow for people to be people. To allow for my own feelings and desires to be met. I trusted that it was going to be okay. 

When you can detach from the desire for your child to participate in a certain way, you’ll be fine with whatever happens. Maybe they join you in the activity, maybe they don’t. Funny thing is, when you detach, kids often come back around and want to be involved. But if they don’t, you’re still okay. 

 

Structure Submits to Spirit

This was a core principle of a church that I went to for a long time. The idea is that we have some basis of structure - a routine, plan, event, etc. But then something happens that you have to submit to. Maybe it’s a big feeling cycle, an illness, bad weather, or a new opportunity. And you have to adjust your expectations. 

Being flexible and pivoting our plans was a huge struggle for me for a long time. Maybe you can relate. 

Childhood trauma had me using hypervigilance and overplanning as a way to cope. And as a mom, I was really scared that if I didn’t overplan, my kids would act out, I would not stay calm, I would lose my crap on them, and I’d be a bad mom. I thought that by being really organized, I would keep myself and my kids safe. 

But this isn’t an all-or-nothing. Having a plan is a really good idea. And we can be flexible in the way we respond when things don’t go the way we expect.

Every family needs an adult with some idea of how things are going to go. You need some kind of structure for when people are going to eat, what activities are coming up, how dinner, bedtime, and cleanup will go. Most families work well when there is some kind of rhythm and flow to your days and weeks. 

But we also need to be able to submit to the spirit. In parenting, I think of this as attunement - connecting with the kids that are in front of us right now. The activity you planned might not be aligned with the energy your kids are bringing. 

For example, maybe you want a quiet afternoon at home, but you have two kids that have a lot of loud, big-body energy. You might need to shift to something outdoors or more active. On the other hand, if you’re planning a big beach day, but your kids are overly tired or overstimulated, you may need to shift to a quieter activity. 

 

Parenting Pivots

We’ve all been there. You make a plan to do something that you think is going to be really fun for you and your kids. But then, it turns out to not be as much fun as you thought. Your kids aren’t into it, they’re complaining, and you end up feeling disappointed, frustrated, and annoyed. 

If a moment doesn't feel like it's aligned, you're struggling to stay calm, and you're getting resistance (from your kids or from within yourself)...you might just need to pivot away. 

Here’s how:

 

#1 Let yourself off the hook. You know that thing you think you’re “supposed to” do as a mom, but you really don’t want to? Maybe it’s playing trains or dress up, teaching your kids to drive, or baking cookies as a family. Don’t do it. You don’t actually have to.

Even if you’re already doing it, it’s okay to change your mind and say, “You know what? This isn’t working for me. I don’t want to do this anymore.” It’s okay for your kids (or other people) to be disappointed. They will move through those temporary feelings. 

 

#2 Pause. When you’re excited about something you want to do with your kids, and they aren’t into it, it’s normal to feel disappointed. Give yourself some compassion and allow for those feelings (without judgment). Take a break and reset.

Name what you’re feeling, validate the emotion, and reflect. “Hmm, I feel a little disappointed and sad. This isn’t really working out.” 

 

#3 Give yourself (and your kids) some compassion. Parents often judge themselves as being a failure or thinking something is wrong with their kid when they can’t follow the plan. When you do this, you're judging that moment and making it mean a bunch of stuff about the future, about the past, about you, about your character, about your skills, about your children.

When you’re judging yourself, it’s hard to get creative (which is HUGE in the next step). Have acceptance and compassion for yourself. Things happen. Plans change. It’s okay.

 

#4 Come up with a new plan. Being present, being in the moment is a kind of perpetual creative response to whatever is happening. Life is uncertain, so we’re always pivoting and figuring out how to deal with what’s in front of us. 

Remind yourself, “I’m entitled to my feelings, but I am the leader. I do need to figure out what is best for everybody, and I might need to pivot.”

It can be hard to go back to someone and say, “I know we said we were going to meet at the pool, but we can’t today,” or “I love you to pieces, but I can’t make it to your event.” Own your story. If others judge you for it, that’s on them. 

 

#5 Trust that it will be okay. What I've learned over and over and over again, with my family and with the hundreds of families that I've coached, is that as we allow, accept, and validate emotion and we trust that that person is going to figure out how to deal with the circumstance, then things work themselves out. 

You can trust your instinct and that things will settle down. This is how you get more peace. 

Most of the time, the thing that we want isn't the experience itself. It's the feelings that come with that experience. If you want to have fun and feel connected to your kids, but it isn’t working, pivot toward something else where you can still chase fun and connection. 

Think of your plans like a reed that sways in the wind. It isn’t solid and unmoving, like a tree. It isn’t a tumbleweed that blows around aimlessly. It stays where it is, but it bends to go with the flow. 

Stay flexible, Mama. You’ve got this!

Free Resources:

• Episode 157: Practicing Attunement to Create Emotional Health
• Episode 13: Dealing with a Grumpy Mood

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

Connect With Darlynn: 

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips 
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

Let’s face it.  Summer is great.  And it’s a lot.

A lot of time with kids. Traveling. Extra meal prep. Day trips with snack bags. Feeling like there’s not enough time to get work done. Long days. Late nights. Sibling fights. Loneliness. 

You’re going to need a plan to enjoy the season - and avoid burnout.

You’ll Learn:

• Why burnout happens
• Signs that you are approaching burnout
• The benefits of taking a break
• How to plan your Calm Mama Break 

When you decide that taking care of yourself this summer and avoiding burnout is a PRIORITY - you will be creative and find a way to make it happen!  And I’m here to help you do it.

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Want to binge all of our best summer parenting tips? 

Grab the free summer toolkit here and get a link to the full Calm Mama Summer playlist on Spotify, plus lots of other great resources!

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

Connect With Darlynn: 

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips 
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

On today’s episode of Become A Calm Mama, I have 2 guests - Angie and Megan - co-founders of Front Row Moms. We’re talking about what it means to be a working mom, as well as the benefits and obstacles to being a working parent. 

You’ll Learn:

• What “having it all” actually means
• Mindset shifts to relieve mom guilt
• 4 strategies for managing overwhelm as a working mom
• Why empowerment is better than perfection

Whether you are a working mom out of choice or necessity, I know you’ll get some helpful tips and lots of encouragement from our conversation. 

(And if you’re not a working mom, stick around anyway, because there are some great life management and mindset tips in here for you, too.)

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Meet the Front Row Moms

Angie Macdougall and Megan Corey are the powerhouse duo behind Front Row Moms, a dynamic community redefining what it means for women to “have it all” — with heart, health, and high impact.

Angie, a mom of two teens, ages 16 and 19,, thrives on being active year-round in the beautiful Okanagan Valley, British Columbia. With over 28 years of leadership at Vector Marketing/Cutco Cutlery, she has recruited and trained thousands, becoming the first woman in the company’s history to balance an executive role with motherhood. 

Megan Corey is a mom of two boys, ages 10 and 11, and the CEO of 4CORE. As she moved up the chain and was being groomed for a senior leadership role in her previous job, she realized that it didn’t feel right. She didn’t want the burnt out, stressed out, work-first-and-forget-about-family kind of life. So she started her own consulting company where she’s known for simplifying complexity, fostering strategic alliances, and building impactful communities. 

Angie shares that her biggest fear used to be that she’d have to quit a job she loved in order to be a mom. At that time, she didn’t have an example in her company to look up to. Her journey of navigating career and family inspired her to seek and create a community of women who support one another in embracing life’s challenges and opportunities. 

Together, Megan and Angie created Front Row Moms to be the kind of community they craved — one where women could grow without guilt, connect deeply, and support one another in every season of life.

 

The Myth of Work Life Balance

Lots of working moms feel the pressure to “balance it all”. Balance isn’t an end point you reach, it’s a constant process of shifting priorities and time. 

Megan says, “We don’t have to be doing all the things all the time 100%.” She and Angie are redefining what “having it all” actually looks like. 

Angie believes that one solution is looking at results over how long it takes to get something done. You may not be able to fit into the traditional 9-5 schedule, but you can still be counted on to complete tasks and projects. 

Working from home adds in some unique challenges, as well. When Mom is at home but not available, it can be confusing to kids. In this case, setting clear expectations and boundaries ahead of time is so important. And sometimes, going into the office actually allows you to be more present with whatever it is you're focused on at the time. 

Each woman has to define “balance” for herself. What does “having it all” look like for YOU, in this stage of life? It’s not always going to be the same. And it probably won’t look like your favorite Instagram feed or your friend’s idea of balance. 

 

Dealing with Mom Guilt

There can be so much guilt that comes with being a working mom, whether it’s missing school pickup, after school conversations, or sports. But it’s okay for your kids to wish you were with them, for you not to be at every single game. You get to prioritize your professional achievement and success.

There is no one right way to be a mom or a woman. You don’t have to fit into the stereotypical image of mother, wife, homemaker (unless that’s what feels fulfilling to you). We’re all just people. 

In fact, kids with working parents tend to be more resilient. They learn to overcome obstacles and deal with disappointment.

Megan says to start with what’s important to you right now. Do you really want to be able to volunteer in your kid’s class or chaperone a field trip? Do you want to be able to pick them up most days? When you figure out what you’re working toward, you can look for ways to adjust your schedule and make it happen. 

The truth is, you probably won’t be able to be there all the times you want to be. Megan goes on to say that when she can’t pick her kids up from school she tells them, “Hey, I'm not gonna be able to pick you up today, so at 5:00 (or whatever time you choose), I'd love to make sure that we sit down and talk about your day.” Then, during that time, you are completely present with them. 

Angie says it’s “better to be present for a short period of time than kinda there for a long period of time.” As her kids got older, she learned that car rides were the best for connecting and talking to each other. 

It can also be really beneficial for your kids to understand, “I love you so much, but look at what else Mommy is doing. I am working hard. And look at all the things that we can have and do together because of that.”

When our people see us working toward our goals and ambitions, it gives them permission to do the same. This can apply to your kids, your partner, or other moms in your life. If you can sell yourself on the idea that your working life is valuable (not just a giant negative for your kids), it can help relieve some guilt.

What if we made the goal empowerment over perfection? Megan says, “That's okay that you're not doing it all well. Maybe it doesn't look great, and we're gonna be failing at some of it. But you tried, and that gives you that sense of confidence and just empowers you.”

 

What Working Moms Need

Megan says that a lot of companies are bringing in programs now to support physical and mental health, as well as more support for mothers. These new levels of support for maternity leave, breastfeeding, etc. are wonderful, but it only goes so far. 

Moms still need a community where they can get resources and encouragement to work on their values and relationships. 

 

Self-worth

The first step is seeing your value and what you bring to the workplace and to your home. As women in our society, it can feel like a big shift to see that not only are we worthy, we actually bring an incredibly valuable perspective because we see life, problems, and solutions through a different lens.

 

A village

Balancing work and family often comes down to learning how to delegate effectively, ask for help, and set boundaries. 

There will be seasons of overwhelm. Times when work is busy, you’re in survival mode, and you can’t support as much with your family. How can you plan ahead and prep for that? What kind of help will you need?

Especially if you have multiple kids and they're going to different places and activities, you might need to ask for help in getting everyone where they need to go. You might need extra childcare when your partner is out of town.

Angie sees this as a benefit to our kids. “I think the more people that my kids can get exposed to, the better. Because there's not just one way and they're not gonna be me. And if they're only seeing the way I'm doing it, I'm probably not serving them the best for them to tap into their gifts too.”

 

Time for yourself

Megan says, “I think we need to normalize it being okay for us to take time for ourselves, knowing when we need it and not getting too far into it where we can't pull ourselves out.” 

Maybe that looks like taking a few hours of PTO to grab groceries or rest before the kids come home when you’re in a busy season. Or hiring a babysitter a few afternoons a week to keep your kids busy while you work.

 

Lower standards

When you’re overwhelmed and feel like you’re drowning, it’s easy to think that everything has gone wrong. That there is nothing right here. Megan suggests taking a step back and asking…

• What do I have control over right now? Is it my schedule? Is it with work? Is it with kids?
• How can I manage that right now?
• Where can I pull back to give myself a little breathing room?

Even one small change can help you feel better. 

 

The Power of Community

Angie and Megan like to think of the women in their communities as “ambitious moms.” Megan says that they may not all be working in corporate careers, but they have some interest in entrepreneurship or leadership and are doing something that they really care about. 

The power of community is in seeing solutions that you may never have thought of before. It’s seeing that other moms are doing things differently…and their kids are okay.

Angie gave the example of hearing someone talk about having a live-in nanny and what a great experience it was for their family. It was a lightbulb moment for her, and she loves seeing these exchanges between other Front Row Moms.

In the Front Row Moms membership, women get positive feedback, accountability, and support in small 4-6 person pods, in addition to virtual events and discounts on in-person retreats. Their programs are all based on the 6 pillars of vibrant health, purposeful parenting, thriving relationships, business evolution, emotional intelligence, and financial empowerment.

Find ways to connect and learn more about their programs below. And be on the lookout for details about their upcoming Peaceful Parenting summit! 

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

Connect with Front Row Moms:

• www.frontrowmoms.com
• Join the free Facebook group
• Follow Angie and Megan on Instagram @frontrowmoms

Connect With Darlynn: 

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips 
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

Summer Break can somehow be both easier and more stressful for parents. Create a rhythm and make sure your kid’s (and your) needs are met with these 7 family essentials this summer.

You’ll Learn:

• The 7 essential ingredients every family needs to thrive
• Why boredom is super important and how to deal with it
• How to troubleshoot when your kid is complaining, grumpy and over-tired
• What to do to calm all the nervous systems in your home this summer

If you start to see your kids fighting or complaining a lot, seeming lethargic or unmotivated, this episode will help you to know what to work on to get them back on track and enjoying summer again.

You can read the full show notes here.

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Want to binge all of our best summer parenting tips? 

Grab the free summer toolkit here and get a link to the full Calm Mama Summer playlist on Spotify, plus lots of other great resources!

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

Connect With Darlynn: 

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips 
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

On today’s episode, we’re talking about child-led versus values-led parenting. Last week, I walked you through how to define your family values, and this week we’re putting them into practice - letting them be your guide in parenting. 

You’ll Learn:

• The difference between child-led and values-led parenting
• How to be compassionate while still holding your limits
• Examples of value-based limits I used in my own family
• Tips for leading with your values
• Questions to ask as you look at your own boundaries

Leading with your values lets you feel good about the “why” behind your choices, set boundaries that actually work, and keep your family on track with where you want to go. Listen to learn how.

🎁As a special gift to my listeners, I’m also giving you a FREE Defining Your Family Values worksheet. Click here to get yours now.

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As a parent, you're faced with a lot of decisions, and it might not always be clear what you should do. It’s easy to make an emotional decision in the moment that you might not love when you look back on it later.

Child-Led vs. Values-Led Parenting

Over the past ten years or so, we’ve heard a lot about how feelings matter, and we need to validate our kids’ feelings. This is completely true and important. And it’s led to a lot of child-led parenting. 

Where parents get confused is knowing what to do with those feelings after we validate them. Are we supposed to give in?

Child-led parenting is sometimes called horizontal attachment. You and your child are essentially on the same level when it comes to decision making. You are focused on your child’s feelings and what they think of you. You want them to like you, so it’s harder to set limits and hold boundaries. 

Parents using the approach often want to give in so that their kid feels good. They let the child decide what they're doing, what they're getting, and how they're acting. It is a form of permissive parenting.

Values-led parenting falls under the category of vertical attachment.  Here, you are the guide, mentor, leader in the relationship. There is some type of hierarchy, and the kids are not in charge. 

Let’s say your child is on a sports team, and they’re sad because they don’t get a lot of playing time. They don’t want to go to practices or games anymore. They want to quit. 

In a child-led household, you might let them give up because of the way they’re feeling. 

In a values-led household, you might remind them that one of your family values is commitment, so they are expected to finish out the season. Values like integrity, reliability, and teamwork could also apply. You can say, “We’re going to continue to do this even if you’re uncomfortable. I believe in you. I know you can handle it.” There’s still room for lots of love and compassion, even as you hold your boundary.

 

Downsides of Child-Led Parenting

In the short term, child-led parenting can feel really good. You get the perceived feeling of being liked or loved by your child. 

The problem is that kids miss out on opportunities to grow in your values, to trust you, and to build resilience. Kids learn about themselves when they have to work through hard things. 

Low Self Esteem. The increase in child-led or feelings-led parenting is even leading to a self-esteem crisis in kids. They haven’t been given the opportunity to learn to handle discomfort and work through that emotion. 

Life is full of hard and frustrating things. Plans change. We have to wait. We don’t get things that we really want. Emotional upset is a part of life. It’s inevitable that our kids will experience pain and discomfort. 

When you teach your kids when they're young how to deal with that emotional upset, you help them learn healthy coping strategies so that they can be emotionally healthy in the long term.

Insecure Attachment. The truth is, kids shouldn’t be in charge, and they don’t even actually want to be. When you move into a more permissive, horizontal attachment style of parenting, it creates insecurity for your child. 

When kids are insecure, they may be defiant, hyperactive, stubborn, or obsessive. They might gang up on you or fall into people-pleasing. These are all examples of maladaptive coping strategies. 

Instead, we want to create a secure, strong, trustworthy attachment where kids know that there is an adult in the room who has their best interest in mind. Who knows and understands more than they do. Who can be trusted. 

More Conflict If your child doesn't know whether you're going to be permissive or not, whether you're going to give in or change your mind, they will stay in negotiation longer because the boundary does not appear as firm. 

The truth is that we’re all permissive sometimes. We all give in. Don’t judge yourself. Just be aware of why you’re doing it. And if you find yourself in a pattern of permissiveness, recognize that you’re not helping your child in the long term.

 

How to Lead with Your Family Values

In this particular parent-led approach, we’re setting boundaries based on our values, not on power or control. These limits are not meant to manipulate or punish our kids. We want to be in leadership energy. 

Values are a lived experience. You have to live out your values in order to understand what they mean and why they're important.

Here are some tips for leading with your values. 

Expect some resistance. Your child will not necessarily agree with your values and boundaries. They will have feelings about them. They will want you to go against your own values and give in to them.

What kids actually want is a boundary that they can push against. This gives them the chance to practice pivoting their emotions. This is where resilience comes from.

Their mind will find a way to push against the boundary to get a little bit of power and comfort back. They’ll negotiate so they feel like they have some control. 

For example, your child doesn’t want to go to school. You hold your firm boundary that yes, they are going to school today. They might complain or cry. When you wait for the pivot and trust their nervous system to calm and reset itself, you’ll then see…A kid who comes out and says, “Fine, but I’m not putting my shoes on.” You say, “Ok, you can put them on in the car.” 

Don’t rush it. When your kid is having big feelings about your limits, give them a little time. Don’t bribe, don’t promise things. Don’t try to shift that emotion too fast. Trust that it will happen. Validating an emotion means that we allow for it. We sit with it and give the nervous system a chance to catch up and work itself out. 

Help your child reset their nervous system with the 3 Rs of emotional regulation: Rhythm, Relationship, and Reward. Maybe you encourage them to move their body, connect with them, or give them a small, simple task to complete for a little dopamine kick.

Shift your mindset. As a parent, you might feel really uncomfortable with your kid’s big feelings. Practice this thought: This is temporary. Remind yourself that even though you held your boundary, you did not cause their big feelings, and it is not your job to “fix” it.

Practice awareness. The pathway to improvement is awareness. Observe yourself over time and see where you’re making progress.

This week, I want you to observe:

• When you set a boundary, do you hold it?
• When you’re holding it, do you validate your kid’s feelings?
• If you don’t hold your boundary, why not?

 

You are always able to become the leader in your family. When you first start holding firm boundaries, your kids might not believe you. They’ll go through all the resistance strategies they’ve got. They're going to try to get you to change the limit - not because they're manipulative, not because they're entitled, not because they're jerks - but because they don't believe that they can handle the discomfort of not getting what they want. 

When you believe that they CAN handle it, you hold the space, and they eventually learn that they can. As you practice holding firm in your boundaries, they’ll realize that you’re serious and you’re not giving in. 

In the short term, it’s harder to be values-led. There’s going to be tension and discomfort. But it is worth it. When your child realizes that you’re serious about your boundaries, they’ll stop trying to negotiate everything. They’ll become more resilient, feel safer with you, be less stressed, and have less bad behavior. They will know their place in the world and feel like they belong. 

Resources:

• Episode 174: Defining Your Family Values
• Grab the free worksheet: Defining Your Family Values - A step-by-step guide for creating a family value statement to guide you on your parenting journey

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

Connect With Darlynn: 

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips 
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

To have a stress-free summer (or at least something close to it), you’ve got to create the right mindset.  And that’s exactly what I’m teaching you to do in this encore episode of the Become A Calm Mama podcast. 

You’ll Learn:

• How to design an ideal summer day
• How to create your summer bucket list
• 5 new thoughts to practice this summer
• How to shift out of a grumpy mood 

This can be the summer that you feel good, actually enjoy the extra time with your kids and create some incredible memories.

------------------------------------------------

Want to binge all of our best summer parenting tips? 

Grab the free summer toolkit here and get a link to the full Calm Mama Summer playlist on Spotify, plus lots of other great resources!

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

Connect With Darlynn: 

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips 
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes