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‘How?’ I say. ‘What have we been doing?’
‘We’ve been meeting over the last few weeks. A couple of times a week, give or take.’

It doesn’t seem possible. Another person I see regularly who has left no impression on me whatsoever. But I’ve never met you before, I want to say. 

You could be anyone. The same could be said of the man I woke up with this morning, and he turned out to be my husband. ‘I don’t remember,’ I say instead.

His voice softens. ‘Don’t worry. I know.’ If what he says is true then he must understand that as well as anyone. 

He explains that our next appointment is today. ‘Today?’ I say. I think back to what Ben told me this morning, to the list of jobs written on the board in the kitchen. 

‘But my husband hasn’t mentioned anything to me.’ I realize it is the first time I have referred to the man I woke up with in this way.

There is a pause, and then Dr Nash says, ‘I’m not sure Ben knows you’re meeting me.’

I notice that he knows my husband’s name, but say, ‘That’s ridiculous! How can he not? He would have told me!’

There is a sigh. ‘You’ll have to trust me,’ he says. ‘I can explain everything, when we meet. We’re really making progress.’

When we meet. How can we do that? The thought of going out, without Ben, without him even knowing where I am or who I am with, terrifies me.

‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I can’t.’
‘Christine,’ he says, ‘it’s important. If you look in your diary you’ll see what I’m saying is true. Do you have it? It should be in your bag.’

I pick up the floral book from where it had fallen on to the sofa and register the shock of seeing the year printed on the front in gold lettering. Two thousand and seven. Twenty years later than it should be.

‘Yes.’
‘Look at today’s date,’ he says. ‘November thirtieth. You should see our appointment.’

I don’t understand how it can be November- December tomorrow- but still I skim through the leaves, thin as tissue, to today’s date. 

There, tucked between the pages, is a piece of paper, and on it, printed in handwriting I don’t recognize, are the words November 30th- seeing Dr Nash. Beneath them are the words Don’t tell Ben.