Befriend your body Podcast

Attachment Theory

How do our first experiences of nurture and family encounters shape the way we view Love as adults? How do we understand relationships and our place within them? Attachment theory, around since the 1940’s brings us answers to these questions.

Love templates

The human mind learns in templates. We cannot remember every experience or every object we encounter. So our brain makes a template when we are young to help us put events and objects in proper categories.  This includes the way we learn about Love and how the “other” will treat us. The primary caretaker’s behavior becomes our template for love and nurture. They are also our template for the “other.” So our view of love will depend on how we are most often treated.

Changing Attachment Templates

Today we talk about how love templates and how to move from Insecure attachment to Secure attachment. Using the wonderful plasticity of the human brain, we are able to change the first templates of our early relational experiences to more positive ones. 

3 Tiered Model of Change. 

To make this complex interaction a bit easier to understand, I share a analogy of a 3 tiered model of learning. This model is how we gain the early knowledge. But also can be used in order to generate behavioral change as adults. The tiers include LESSONS, LENSES, and LIFESTYLE.

For more information on Attachment and Attachment Theory go to https://stantatkin.com

As well as www.dianepooleheller.com 

How does your facial expression impact feelings of love or anxiety? What is Flat Affect and how does it impact your relationships? We will answer these questions in today’s podcast.

When we feel an emotion, it is normal to show that emotion on our face. And, showing that emotion allows those around us to intuit via Mirror Neurons our mood. As well as how we feel about them. This emotional exchange deepens relationships and increases our intimacy. The face has many muscles and it is suggested there are 21 facial expressions. This mobility allows for many emotions to be transmitted.

However, some people do not show much expression on their faces. Or their face has a flat, or wooden look. This is what is called “Flat affect”. For many, early attachment deficits can be the originating cause of Flat affect. But whatever the cause, the impact on relationships is significant. If we cannot “read” someone’s face, we do not know for sure how they are feeling about us. Or, what they may want from the current encounter.  

Today we will also talk about Flat affect and it’s impact on human relationships. Check out your face in a mirror as you feel an emotion. Do you show your emotions on your face?

Tune in for, “If you are happy, tell your face!

For more information on Mirror Neurons go to Harvard’s Shawn Achor’s video on this topic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsG6OcCQ2eU

Today in our podcast we will continue sharing how Love and Anxiety can war for dominance in our body and brain. One day I came across a family walking at the beach and overheard the 2 younger boys frantically whispering about Stranger Danger. This made me curious about how we determine whether a new person, a stranger, is safe or dangerous? How do we know if they will become a wonderful addition to our life> Or, if they are scary and dangerous and should be avoided? 

Once again we need to understand the brain and how the various regions work together. Today we will talk more about the Reptilian brain and Identity as well as the Limbic system and attachment wiring. Enjoy the podcast.

For more information on attachment and brain wiring of safety or danger go towww.dianepooleheller.com

So how do Love & Anxiety counteract each other? What allows love to win over anxiety? It helps to understand the way the Brain works to answer that question. So today we will talk more about Paul D. MacLean’s model of the Triune brain. By explaining what the differing parts of the brain do,  I will show how they interrelate in ways that can cause Love and Anxiety to wrestle for domination in our lives. 

The brain of course has many more than 3 parts but these are the main 3 areas that are most often connected to safety, danger, and how the human brain developed. 

These 3 areas are, the Reptilian Brain/Brain stem, the Mammalian Brain/Limbic system, and the Neocortex. One of the primary responsibilities of the Brain stem region is to help us avoid danger. Listen to today’s podcast to learn how this danger signal impacts Love and Anxiety. 

For a fun video to learn more about the various areas of our wonderful, complex Brain, watch this short video on Youtube.

 Pinky & the Brain, Brain stem

How do you live your life? Open and trusting, expecting good and doing good? Or, do you live tight and braced in your bodies muscles, tense, scared and closed off to anything new? Or anything you are unsure of and don’t want to try.

Life can be stressful and frightening. The News only seems to focus on dangerous situations, criminal activity, and the selfish crazy antics of politicians. And, we are bombarded with news and negativity every where we turn. It pops up on our devices and social media. It can seem like we can’t get away from it.

But so much more of life is good, positive and safe. People are being kind and helpful to others by the millions but that rarely makes the news. Which is very sad and perhaps why we are such an addicted, stressed out nation.

So what can we do? We can deliberately focus on the good to be found in daily life. Take the analogy of a radio dial, if you don’t like the station, change the channel. The more we focus on the good and safety to be found, the more relaxed our bodies will become. This allows us to open to life, newness and possibilities. Which I would suggest makes life worth living. 

One of the challenges of our fast paced busy lives is that we have so much stress we have trouble calming and settling down. When we move too quickly our bodies go into stress mode and too much adrenaline and cortisol are released into our nervous systems. (I.e. think of a car with the gas pedal all the way to the floor.) The racing mind is one of the consequences of this situation. When the mind races it is very hard to settle back down.  

There are two main ways to calm down our minds and bodies. One is called Top-down processing, and the other is called, Bottom-up processing. Today’s podcast will give you examples of both ways to calm down and feel more relaxed and joyful. We will also do a bit of guided imagery to calm the racing mind using the example of a monkey in a banana tree. Most people find guided imagery calming and enjoyable. Listen now. For many more helpful tools and meditations and imagery go to www.headspace.com

What you you think about conflict? Do you feel it is important for a healthy relationship? Do you think of it as a necessary evil, or do you avoid it like the plague? 

No, I am not reciting a portion of the alphabet but sharing a CBT helpful exercise from a famous 20th century psychologist. Today’s podcast is about the anxious, racing mind. And, about our tendency as humans to fret, obsess and worry. 

While I talked about worry in the last podcast, I did not share much about how to specifically deal with an obsessive thought loop. So today we talk about what to do to make the worry evaporate. ABCDE is an oldie but goodie exercise from Albert Ellis. He came up with this exercise to help his clients learn how to use their minds to refute worries, and to help their bodies feel better quickly. This exercise is a means to keep the mind working for us rather than wasting energy in useless, fretting worries.

Give this a try with your own stressful situations and worries. Let us know how you do!

Many people struggle against worrying and being stuck in negative, fearful thoughts. This is a big problem, and a time-wasting habit. The bad habit of negative “future-izing” or worrying, can ruin our happiness and over the years, our physical health.  

As we continue our series on Love & Anxiety, I will share some simple brain anatomy. I will tell you about the Brain Stem, the Limbic system and the Cerebral Cortex. A lack of understanding of how these brain regions work allow us to stay stuck in spiraling loops of high anxiety or debilitating stress. Learning how to keep the brain stem out of “danger” mode evicts anxiety and decreases stress hormones. This translates into a peaceful life and a relaxed and calm body. Listen and notice how this can help you in your daily life.  Please write in with any questions or concepts you would like to better understand. I prefer responding to what my listeners find compelling and interesting.

Today we are continuing the new series; Love & Anxiety. Where we focus our attention is the second critical factor in how much anxiety we experience in our daily life. And, if love calms or causes anxiety.