被批評、被拒絕，我們還能笑臉迎人嗎？
(Being Criticized and Rejected, can We Still Greet Others with a Smile?)
 被批評、被拒絕，我們還能笑臉迎人嗎？其實，所謂的世俗眼光，根本不存在，那只是我們心中對於「人家要是這樣看我，該怎麼辦」的恐懼。在我們一般的日常生活中，只要不去在意被批評及被拒絕，並不會發生什麼令人困擾的事。相反地，對「感到丟臉的事」，我們只要不在意，然後，對「自己的言行」與「面臨的場面」，都不感到丟臉，就不會產生「要是別人這樣看我怎麼辦」的念頭了。只要我們能提昇自己的「丟臉門檻」，就不會在意周遭人的目光，得以隨心所欲了。換言之，就是要讓自己的羞恥心，再遲鈍一點，儘量對丟臉免疫。我們可以具體去思考：「對這件事情感到丟臉，是否有任何好處？」只要從這個角度思考，再將「為避免丟臉」而採取種種行為，所耗費的心力拿出來一比，就知道這一切根本沒有意義。還有另一招，就是轉念，將自己的想法，切換成「這種狀況難免啦」、「什麼樣的人都有嘛」，然後斬釘截鐵地告訴自己：「這就是我，別人要討厭，悉聽尊便。」十個人裡頭，有九個人討厭我，但只要有一個人喜歡我就好，畢竟我也顧不了那麼多人。就算被人討厭也無妨，因為只要我不主動攻擊他人，就不會有人加害於我。無法回應他人期待，也不要緊，不論別人對我有哪些期望，我都只盡力做自己能做的，但求問心無愧。我們必須不斷累積「活出毫不掩飾、真實的自我，其實一點也沒關係」這樣的經驗才好。當然，為了除去心中的芥蒂，還要同理對方的情感，尊重對方的思考。我們要養成好習慣，平常就以不同於他人的角度思考。「做自己」得到的是最真心，其餘的，就要勇敢地斷、捨、離了！
    We all get triggered by rejection and criticism. That’s how triggers work. The first step in addressing this is to allow ourselves to feel bad. It makes no sense to dress it up and act like it doesn’t bother us. But secondly, we must understand that it isn’t someone’s rejection of us that is hurting us; it is we rejecting ourselves.
Here’s the process: We do something and someone criticizes or rejects what we did. We then take that as a cue from our environment that we are wrong, and therefore, we cannot accept what we did. However, the problem gets even more insidious (潛伏的) because if we act from our personal values, it feels like we are rejecting ourselves. So all this time, we’ve been upset at people for not accepting us, when the truth is that we just adopt what they said because we’re normal human beings who take their cues from our environment.
If people celebrate us, and we are living from our personal values, we’d feel ecstatic. If people criticize or reject us, we’d feel sad. And it’s all because we are using people’s opinions as feedback.
What many people do to combat this is to not let people’s opinions matter. This works sometimes and is especially good when people are critical for no special reasons. We then ask ourselves, “How do I feel about the thought that I have to reject/criticize myself when others reject/criticize me?” No one likes to put themselves out there just to be ignored or cut up by people who are just projecting their values onto us. We all judge, and it is okay to judge. Similarly, it is okay to be judged, too. But we don’t have to take up someone else’s values or ideas as our own. And when we understand this, we are better equipped to live a freer and more authentic life on our own.
 

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