By 朱雯娟- Jenny Chu
我們的人生，離不開生活，我們的生活，又離不開愛，所以，愛是我們一切的源頭。為了實踐愛，我們要謙虛，修正自己，愛自己，我們要感恩身邊的每一件人、事、物，然後，我們更要感謝宇宙與天地的加持。
在愛的世界裡，我們要有十足的自信與信心，我們有極豐富的想像力，且相信「心想事成」，我們更有相當的勇氣，付諸每一個行動。因著愛，我們不會辜負我們的生活，我們的人生的。
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愛或恐懼
我們的情緒，是愛與恐懼嗎？其實，我們只有一種情緒：是愛，沒有恐懼。那為什麼我們會有愛與恐懼的情緒呢？那是因為，我們在形成當下的事件的想法時，不是基於顯見的真理，而是以想像的真理，來思考當下的事件。
一頭獅子，突然衝出來大吼，我們嚇呆了，因為我們想像有被抓傷的危險。山路轉了個彎，我們駛向路肩，窗外是三千呎深的懸崖，我們嚇壞了，因為我們想像一轉錯彎，就會死掉。觀眾等著我們發表重要的演說，我們不知所措，因為我們想像難得有機會上台，卻可能讓大家失望而被嘲笑。這一切都是基於我們想像的真理，想像這個「不好的」、「不快樂的」、前方有重重「艱難險阻的」，或是其他什麼的。當然，感到恐懼，並不是什麼問題。在面對改變時，我們是可以預期克服恐懼的，沒有什麼好或不好，很正常，我們都是這樣被教導的，好像恐懼是存在，是真實的。
而真實的真理是，沒有恐懼這種東西。我們只有一種情緒，那就是愛。宇宙裡只有一種情緒，一種能量，我們稱為「愛」。除了愛，無它，恐懼是愛的流露。如果我們不愛自己，就不會為自己擔憂，不會害怕任何東西，不會在乎遭遇到任何事，甚至不在乎是否活著。「求生本能」是愛最自然的表現方式。同樣地，如果我們不愛他人，不愛國家，就不會為他人擔憂，為國家擔憂，害怕會發生什麼事。恐懼和愛是同一件事，只是說法不同而已。愛只有一種，恐懼則以各種形式呈現，包括：害怕、孤單、匱乏、自卑、冷漠、傷感、痛苦、焦慮、憂愁、煩惱、惶恐、鬱悶、不悅、憤怒、緊張、退卻、失落、埋怨、怨恨、失望、絕望等。心靈的本質是愛，並且始終處於愛中，這是心靈的自然狀態。愛與恐懼無法並存，心靈感受到恐懼時，表示愛出了問題。當我們感到恐懼的時候，直覺地，我們會試圖控制恐懼，設法消除恐懼所帶來的不舒服感，而且急於找答案、解決問題。然而，當我們依據眼之所見、耳之所聞，及自己的判斷時，我們不但無法解決問題，反而使問題更隱晦，難以化解。例如，家人最能在生活中看到我的各種毛病，也常常指出我的缺失。這些指點與糾正，會讓我覺得受到指責，感到不舒服，而這不舒服的感覺，是恐懼的一種形式。於是，我試圖控制恐懼，希望家人盡快閉嘴。我常用的方式，包括：(1)辯解，認為家人所指情況，並非事實，誤解了我；(2)反擊，指出家人也有類似的毛病，沒資格批評我；(3)憤怒，以生氣喝止家人，要求立刻停止對我的攻擊。上述用來控制恐懼的方式，都是基於眼前的情境，因此，解決問題的方法，就是辯解、反擊、憤怒。然而，事實並非如此，讓我感到恐懼的真正原因，是心靈的罪咎感。如果我不明究理，試圖控制恐懼，直接予以反應，只會強化我的罪咎感與恐懼，使問題愈演愈烈。
那麼，要如何面對恐懼、化解恐懼呢？因為恐懼根本就不存在，我們是無法駕馭恐懼的，唯有愛，駕馭得了恐懼。所以，當我們感到恐懼時，我們要提醒自己， (1)先洞察這就是恐懼；(2)恐懼源於缺乏愛；(3)缺乏愛的唯一方法，就是補充愛。印度哲人說：「如果喜歡花，就去當園丁。做自己喜歡的事時，沒有恐懼，沒有比較，也沒有野心，只有愛 。」焦慮多半是有原因的，不管是擔心明天的考試、拚業績、還是家人生病，推根究底，通常能找出一個或幾個理由，讓我們知道自己在緊張什麼。倘若仔細分析，我們就可羅列一些癥兆出來。比如，我們「怕自己無法在截止日前，完成預定工作」，但這不是真的恐懼，怕發現自己沒有想的那麼好，害怕面對自己，知道自己會失望而感到恐懼，這種情緒叫做「憂慮」。「憂慮」是一種主動的心理狀態，而「恐懼」則是一種被動的生理反應。小時候溺過水的人，學潛水時，第一次下水，整個頭泡在水裡，就開始恐慌，這是真正的恐懼，因為恐懼是「生物的直覺反應」，必然是「被動」的狀況，是「違反趨吉避凶的生理需求」。相信有鬼的人，如果把鬼當成會害人的壞東西，是會對鬼有所恐懼的。至於不相信有鬼的人，是不可能「怕」鬼的。我們怕不怕鬼，基本上，是受到文化環境形塑的。台灣的旅行團，到歐洲旅行，有人在奧地利的旅館「被鬼壓床」，這種形式的鬼魂，在奧地利是完全不存在的。相信有鬼，而且從小住在亞洲的華人，到了奧地利，是看不到歐洲的吸血鬼跟殭屍的。世界上到底有沒有鬼，鬼是長什麼樣子，其實是我們可以透過邏輯思考找到答案的。就像我們對蛇，也有不同的感受，極度怕蛇的人，就算面對的是無毒，而且牙齒已經拔掉的寵物蛇，也會心驚肉顫，但喜歡蛇的山友，即使在荒野中，看到劇毒的蛇，也會饒富興味地在近距離，欣賞造物主創造的美麗作品。
怕鬼的人，必須相信鬼是真的。同樣的，信神的人，需要相信神是真的，怕蛇的人，需要相信蛇會趁著我們半夜，睡眼惺忪上廁所的時候，從馬桶裡爬出來，怕「共匪」的人，必須相信一不小心投票選錯人，共匪就會打過來。「相信是真的」，才是構成恐懼的條件。我們每個人，都有可能為自己找到很棒的方法，來面對恐懼。例如，有人去收驚；有人跟自己說：「鬼片拍來，就是要嚇人的」，然後，找機會到片場，看化妝師如何把一個普通人，化妝成恐怖的鬼。怕黑的人，可以把黑暗的環境變亮，變溫暖，也可以去黑夜觀星，享受黑夜的美好，也可以單獨走黑暗的巷弄、練「合氣道」防身。怕溺水的人，可以請教練學習游泳、換氣，在水裡自救。所有的恐懼，也都可以去預想最壞的情況，並且接受，就不會感到恐懼了。
美國心理學家佛洛姆，強調愛應有四個元素，愛是照顧、責任、尊重與了解。(1)照顧：我們要看到愛的行為表現中，口口聲聲的愛中，是否有照顧的行為，是否有照顧到對方的需求，「愛乃是我們對所愛的生命及其成長的積極照顧」。善於照顧的人，是不吝嗇於付出行動來愛人的。(2)責任：負責是一種發自內心的自願行為，負責任，表示把對方視為自己重要的存在，意味著看到對方的需求，我們是願意為對方付出時間與心力的。(3)尊重：如果負責缺乏了尊重，愛容易成為支配和佔有，帶著尊重的付出，會看到每個人的差異化，尊重其獨特性。(4)了解：如果照顧的愛，缺乏了解，愛可能會變成強迫。了解是需要時間與耐心，去與眼前的人溝通與對話。願意了解的人，會給予我們時間，去傾聽我們的情緒與價值觀。照顧、責任、尊重和了解是互相依賴且連結的。
了解了愛之後，如果我們沒有人可以愛，我們最應該愛的，就是自己，無條件的愛自己，照顧與關懷自己的需求、對自己有責任感、尊重自己，花大量時間與自己相處，了解自己是誰、了解自己的身心。愛是一門藝術，是一門技術與能力，愛創造的是更完整的自己，更健康的關係，更接納與支持的社會。
幽默的好處
當處在一個看似緊張的場合中，突然一句幽默的話，真的會劃破沉靜的氣氛，讓大家感受到會心的一笑，真好。其實，笑是我們在體驗幽默中，很常見的一種表現。幽默除了能幫助個體舒緩焦慮的情緒，釋放身體的緊張外，適當利用幽默的方式，來回應錯誤行為，也可增加團體的團結，促進融洽的氣氛。研究指出，幽默引發的笑，是能降低壓力賀爾蒙(皮質醇)，對我們的肌肉骨骼、心血管、免疫系統等，都可產生有益的影響，還有，幽默對心跳、血壓、睡眠狀況等，也都會有好轉的現象。再者，幽默感能使人產生正向的情緒，直接維護我們的心理健康，提升幸福感。幽默更有助於建立社會關係，與社會支持，學者們一致認為，幽默感越佳的人，越能有社交能力及人際吸引力，也越能感受到更多令自己滿意的社會關係。
幽默的話語，令人噗哧一笑，不僅讓我們自身感到愉悅，也能幫助我們在日常生活中，甚至面對壓力時，用更正向的心態，來迎接挑戰!人們常說，「笑一笑，十年少」。雖然有點誇張，但近年來，有越來越多的科學證據表明，大笑的確能給身心帶來許多益處。笑真的是開心愉快的標誌，因為，假笑或是強顏歡笑，其實是很難的，開懷大笑後的那種放鬆感，無異於一次痛快的體育鍛煉，它可以放鬆僵硬的肌肉，更能讓大腦釋放內啡肽(endorphins)的化學物質，讓人感覺渾身暖洋洋。大笑的確會加強我們的免疫系統，同時，還能催生更多抵禦疾病的抗體和細胞。研究表明，和親戚或朋友在一起分享笑話時，不但讓大家更具安全感，且笑聲的傳染力，更意味著友善、熱情與包容。如果沒有歡聲的笑語，這個世界，就將變得不那麼友好了啊。
其實，偶爾開開自己的玩笑，適當自嘲一下，也不錯，因為那會讓我們更有人緣、更快樂，原因如下：
1. 能擁抱真實的自己
放不下所謂的「偶像包袱」嗎？為了維持形象，活成別人心目中的樣子嗎？那真的會讓自己活得好累。沒有人是完美的，我們如能誠實地接受自己，接納自己的缺點，就可以幽自己一默。只有當我們有足夠的自信心時，我們才能坦然地開自己的玩笑，接納自己的不完美，面對真實的自我。
2. 提升自信心
對自己有所懷疑，其實並沒有不好。懂得「自嘲」幽默的人，通常較樂觀，能以正向心態，面對生活中的各種困難及尷尬，也較能正視自己的缺點，學會改進。開自己玩笑的幽默，代表著對自己有一定自信心，生活也就不會太僵化了。
3. 別人可能會更喜歡我們，因為我們很真
即使我們並非有意，當我們取笑別人時，很可能會傷害到對方，但如果我們是開自己的玩笑，不僅自己有笑容，也會讓周圍的人，一起大笑，別人會覺得我們既真實又可愛，氣氛也就不會太緊張或冷場。
4. 分享自己曾做過的蠢事
人人都曾做過蠢事，有些事回想起來，甚至會覺得自己很好笑，而這些都是我們可以和別人分享的玩笑話。我們如能接受自己的全部，包括優缺點，就能自在地「自嘲」自己，生活也會更快樂。
幽默不是開玩笑，或隨口說說。想要引起共鳴，我們本身就應該自然而然地流露出幽默感。我們都希望人生有意義。然而，有時工作與生活太認真、太辛苦了，使人變得庸俗，備感壓力。偶爾，我們發揮一點幽默感，不僅可以助興，消除一板一眼的嚴肅感，也可以讓人生的意義，浮現出來。與同事、夥伴、家人、朋友相處時，常常任何出乎意料的事，都可能讓情況發生變化，提高警覺。但，這時，如能在適當時機，幽默一下，其培養出來的默契與關係，就顯得令人彌足珍貴了。
帶著健康的幽默感，是用理智的視角，伴隨著同理心，有人性，與別人互動，產生共鳴的。有趣的是，發揮幽默感，並不是輕忽正經事，相反地，它會更讓我們即使面對嚴肅的事情時，依然淡定地，繼續前進。
我的幽默感，來自我們全家大小事。我現在和先生住在一起，他姓蔡，我叫他蔡先生，他是個很拘謹的人，但也確實很好笑。我的兒子已婚，我叫他小蔡先生，他生了一男一女，老大Charlie，5歲，老二 Ivy，3歲，媳婦是黃小姐，他們全家，就住在我們家隔壁，每天我們也都有超好笑的事發生，哈哈哈哈哈···，每天，我笑都笑不完啦！
Good Morality
The old morality, with roots in religion, speaks of respect, service to others, sacrifice, resistance to temptation, and moderation in the pursuit of pleasure. Now, we see that the new morality celebrates self-centeredness and self-indulgence.
There are current examples we can find everywhere, including campuses at schools, for children’s wrong behavior as follows:
1. Juvenile crime: More than half of all serious crimes in the United States are now committed by youths 10 to 17 years of age.
2. Disrespect for authority: Children and teenagers defy their teachers, even swear at them. Violence continues to mount. Each year, more than 100,000 teachers and hundreds of students are assaulted in school.
3. Children’s cruelty to each other: We’re seeing just children’s meanness.
4. Cheating: Students are cheating on tests, but get good grades as a result.
5. Drugs and drinking: The number of teenage alcoholics is estimated to be 2.5 million in US.
6. Teenage sex: One in five teens has had intercourse by age 15. Half of all illegitimate babies in US are now born to teenage mothers.
7. Theft: Student shoplifters don’t seem to care when they get caught. They don’t think they’ve done anything wrong.
In fact, we should help children a) learn to think for themselves, b) take on responsibilities, and c) develop a positive self-image. Actually, the same approaches that help children grow morally also help our family members manage their conflicts constructively and enjoy a greater measure of happiness.
We have some good ideas about getting children to behave and become fair-minded:
1. Give them choices: Our child doesn’t want to stop playing and have dinner, so we ask: “Would you like to come to dinner now, or go to bed?”
2. Offer challenges: “Let’s see if you can get to the table by the time I count to ten: One, two, three,…” etc.
3. Use stories to teach good behavior.
4. Call time-outs: When children are misbehaving, we need to give them 10 minutes to calm down by having them stop what they’re doing.
5. Spanking may help: One study found that parents who occasionally spank their children do not nag or yell at them as much as parents who never spank. Moreover, spanking may succeed in controlling a particular behavior.
6. Be sure to teach good manners: We have to show children good manners, and give them plenty of praise when they remember their manners.
7. Have them help with the household chores.
8. Teach them to develop a sense of what’s fair.
9. Make rules and be sure to enforce them.
10. When our children are behaving well, we point out to them how much we like it.
Almost everybody, including children and adults, has to learn to become independent-minded. Everyone in the school, from the principal down to the students and the staff, cooks and janitors, must pledge to follow the established behavioral rules, and be compassionate and caring towards others. In other words, it won’t work unless it’s practiced at all times and by all people.
Moral values are the foundation of people’s characters. Genuinely, we might say that, nowadays, strong and undeterred individuals have been shaped by their moral values, thoughts, and beliefs. It’s also really very important that as a decent person in society, we must invest time and effort in our moral growth. The vital moral values are respect, honesty, compassion, kindness, gratitude, cooperation and generosity.
Respect is a vital moral value that all people have to learn, regardless of their age, religion, nationality, beliefs, or points of view. As a matter of fact, every person must be taught from a young age to respect every religion, race, culture, and lifestyle in society. Then, “Honesty is the best policy.” Being true to our parents, teachers, relatives, friends and others, definitely, help us to form a good personality trait and reputation. Compassion is defined as the feeling of love and concern for others. If parents taught compassion to their children from an early age, there would be significantly less hunger, conflict, homelessness, and unhappiness in the real world. The significance of kindness through empathy, acceptance, justice, pleasant gestures, and thoughtfulness is happy enough that it could also imply doing good without expecting good in return. Next, gratitude is the willingness to express appreciation for what we have. And it all starts with happiness. So, it is very grateful for what we have in life to cultivate contentment and thankfulness. Cooperation is the act of assisting others in the pursuit of a common objective. The first step toward developing a spirit of cooperation is to collaborate at home. A family should practice collaboration by doing domestic chores together and listening to one another’s difficulties. Besides, healthy competition can encourage people to cooperate in order to be successful as a society. Last but not least, Generosity is developing a nice and socially responsible person since our childhood. A generous child will be willing to offer his or her time and assistance to others, regardless of the circumstances. We should learn to lend a helping hand to those in need in and outside the classroom at any time.
All in all, we consider moral traits are so important for us because morality can benefit us in our whole lives. Moral traits have social values. If we know a person is honest and compassionate that we can associate with that person safely, and then, we can begin a fruitful relationship with them. Furthermore, from an adaptive perspective, moral traits signal to us that we can increase our wealth and improve our health in the long run.
自助者天助之God Helps Those Who Help Themselves
有些事，不是因為看到希望，才去堅持，而是因為堅持，才看到希望。只有當我們自己本身願意去努力時，上天才能提供機會，幫助我們。人生中永遠有想不到的難題，往往當下也未必能馬上找到解方。重點是，一定要先從自己能做些什麼開始。現今，是社群媒體當道的年代，要讓「自助」發出聲量，一切，就要先從自己想辦法，幫助自己開始。把心思專注在「自助」上，我們才會發現，不但，少了很多負面情緒，更在不知不覺中，為往後的峰迴路轉，埋下種子。有了自助和人助，最後才能期待天助。
每個領域，都有很擅長者，甚至具有天賦者，根本就是老天爺賞飯吃。但是，絕大部分的人，都是透過努力，克服一關又一關，才能養成看起來毫不費力的功力的。跨越挑戰的魄力與勇氣，是自己要先給自己的。常言道：自助、人助、天助，當我們願意先從幫助自己開始，之後，周遭的人，才會看到我們的決心，才更瞭解如何幫助我們。成功是屬於有意願的人的。只有我們自己，才是命運的主人，改變命運的機會，就掌握在我們自己的手裡。
首先，優秀的品行，是我們事業發展的基礎。如果我們擁有良好的職業道德，品行優秀、有良好的行為習慣，肯自動自發、敬業、忠誠，我們一定魅力無窮。其次，觀念制勝，成敗得失，均在一念間。觀念是一種思想，是我們無形之中的行事準則，有什麼樣的觀念，往往就決定我們的行動方向。要想成功，我們就必須樹立自己正確的觀念，用正確的觀念，指導一生。再者，積極的心態，會使人每天如沐春風、鬥志昂揚。最後，養成良好習慣，可成就美好事業。我們反覆的行為，形成習慣，而習慣又反過來塑造我們獨特的個性。哲人曾說：「種下一種行為，收獲一種習慣；種下一種習慣，收獲一種個性；種下一種個性，收獲一種命運。」好的習慣，會使我們內心，湧動一股奮發向上的力量，而這種力量，就會成就我們輝煌的人生。班傑明．富蘭克林說：「珍惜時間，可以使生命變得更有價值。」歌德說：「絕不能讓最要緊的事，受最不要緊的事擺布。」我們要養成珍惜時間的好習慣，因為，時間就是金錢，時間就是生命。真的，自助者，天助也！只有自己幫助自己，自己認識自己、提升自己、改變自己，如此，我們才能改變自己的命運，成就自己的事業。
Interpersonal Relationships
Understanding the importance of social connections, and how to maintain them is the key to creating meaningful interpersonal relationships that follow us through life’s ups and downs. Interpersonal relationships are the emotional bonds we create with the people around us. This refers to both our close relationships with family members, friends, romantic partners, and our more surface-level interactions with acquaintances and coworkers. Any time when we interact with someone, we’re creating an interpersonal relationship, whether it lasts for only a few minutes or our whole lives. Everyone has different personality, so no relationship is the same. And personal connections ebb and flow based on individual needs and levels of commitment. Maybe we don’t talk to a childhood best friend anymore because of distance. Or, we’re close with a work colleague because we’ve bonded over a shared experience. This is a natural part of the relationship lifecycle. In modern times, we, actually, rely on cooperation with others to fulfill our lives not only to necessarily survive, but also to live happily and emotionally.
Connections with others have a host of benefits. They include:
1. Feelings of well-being and happiness
2. A sense of belonging
3. A positive effect on how we manage stress
4. Access to new perspectives and ideas
5. Enhanced resilience in times of crisis, such as a job loss, or the death of a loved one
6. Improved self-esteem
In fact, throughout our lives, except for our family members and siblings, we make friends and maintain friendships from time to time, such as the relationships we develop at school, or others according to shared experiences and interests. But no matter how we meet, a good friend offers comfort, support, and companionship. Here are six ways to cultivate healthy and successful relationships:
1. Learn to listen
It demonstrates respect and care for the other’s feelings, opinions, and interests. As an active listener, we’re more mindful in our interactions, engaging fully with what the other person says.
2. Express openness
A healthy relationship requires sharing opinions, experiences, and emotions. Being open in our personal relationships requires sincerity.
3. Communicate often
We need to use communication very often to share our life experiences, expectations, and understandings with our friends.
4. Be respectful
We don’t have to agree with our friends about everything. But we should demonstrate that we value their interests and thoughts, even when they differ from ours.
5. Offer empathy
Empathy and compassion help us connect with our friends, and let us understand their experiences.
6. Set boundaries
Boundaries define what we’re willing to accept in a relationship based on our expectations and limitations. Boundaries also mean that we care about each other’s comfort levels, and respect each other.
However, sometimes, despite our best efforts, a relationship isn’t meant to be. Feeling sad is a natural and understandable response to losing a friend, no matter how it happens. Interpersonal relationships are complex. Only some of the people we meet will have the privilege of becoming close to us, and that’s perfectly normal. Everyone has something unique to offer, and being open and welcoming to new social interactions will still enrich our life in rare ways. It’s important to give us and our friends enough time to think and settle down. Besides, we don’t complain the situations but stay positive to handle as well as to improve things, once something wrong happens among friends. We have to talk to our friends about expectations and boundaries, and then, wait calmly for the outcome. To sum up, if the situation is not good enough, we talk it out to our friends, express ourselves fully, gain support from our friends, stay positive toward it, give more room and space to figure out, and, at last, solve the problems. Eventually, we need to, patiently, take time to the results. If things still haven’t managed to sort it out, at least, we won’t regret not making efforts.
感動的心
我們人因為是「有情眾生」，內心有感情，所以，很容易為了一個人、一句話、一件事而深受感動，甚至讀一本好書，欣賞一部感性的影片，我們也都會忍不住感動流淚。感動是情感的流露，是人際關係的潤滑劑。一個容易感動的人，生命是有意義的。在團體中，如果主管經常因下屬的勤勞而感動；下屬也會常感受到主管的愛護，必然上下一團和氣。在家庭裏，父母如能常讓子女感動；為人子女的，也會想方設法地讓父母感動。有了感動，彼此就能敬上愛下，和樂相處。人與人之間的互動，感動是不可少的。在我們的日常生活中，無論是朋友、同事或鄰居，如能時時因說話、做事而感動，因禮貌、謙虛而感動，則對於別人所做的，我們就能歡喜感受，對於自己所做的，我們也能時時感動。感動是一種心靈的感覺，它很少張揚於外。感動不會大喜大悲，不會哭天搶地，更不會大吵大鬧，但，感動很微妙，一句話，一個心思，一個動作，一個眼神，或一幅場景，都常常會讓我們感動不已的。
原來，在我們的內心中，自由自在的那份和諧，竟然是感動。而，當我們抓住了和諧的感動時，世界便開始變美好了。我們很難想像，在我們的生命裡，沒有感動，那將是多麽蒼白而空洞啊！現今，在物慾橫流，人人擋也擋不住的當代，談感動似乎是很奢侈的。相對地，寂寞卻是一種真實而深刻的心情，孤立於萬丈紅塵之中，無以分析，無以組合，無法解釋，無以驅趕，它是龐大得無處可容，又細微得無處不入。然而，就在滾滾紅塵，奔波匆忙，漸漸疲憊麻木時，有些細小的事，總能幫我們喚醒內心深處一些沈睡已久的東西，那就是生命中的感動。有了感動，我們就不會感到寂寞孤獨，因為那份感動，是長在心底的一盆不熄的火焰，永遠抗拒絕著結冰。
那麽，請問感動來自哪裡呢？感動是一種怎樣的牽引呢？答案是，感動是我們對現實世界的關愛。在公車上，為一位老者讓座；在公寓門口，為一位孕婦開門；攙扶一位盲者過馬路；在車流的長龍中，停下來，給等候多時的車子，讓出空間；冒雨替不在家的鄰居，收回衣物；扶起倒地的幼兒……等等，這些舉手之勞，樸實不經意的舉動，滲透出來的情感，卻處處讓我們充滿感動。感動是人生中的一道風景，讓人在欣賞與品味中，深受愛的啟迪。有了真心的感動，儘管在風霜雪雨的日子裡，我們都不會感到寒意。於是，我們隨手之勞的一紙短信，一張賀卡，一個問候，一個祝福，都能滋潤人的心靈，陶冶人的靈魂，讓人用心去領悟生命的意義。我們知道，感動不只是一種幸福的感覺，而且是一種難以言傳的體會。只要能真正充滿熱情地面對生命，我們就會有一種無限的充實感和快樂感。感動可以點亮我們每一個日子，使我們每一天的生活，都鮮活生動、充實豐盈；感動可以激盪整個世界，讓宇宙、地球都變得熱情飛揚、平和安詳。
每天，我們踏著綠絨絨的草坪，呼吸著清新的空氣，享受暖暖的陽光，聽聽潺潺地溪水聲，在真實的寂靜中，我們捧讀自己的心靈，在自由的天地中，我們放鬆自己，那麼，幸福的感覺，就不知不覺地在汩汩流淌了。這樣的時刻，是舒心、愜意的。我們如能珍視自己所擁有的一切善良、純真和美好，無論是甜蜜，還是苦澀，在時間的篩子過濾後，我們即能享受令人感動的溫馨和美麗。生活是需要感動的，這樣的感動，不僅是愛情，也來自友情、親情，更來自於彼此間的心心相惜，時刻牽掛。以前，也許我們從來都沒有覺得感動是如此的重要，總認為，生活就是那麼一回事，一切的一切，都歸於黄土，化為烏有。也許是因為看淡了生離死别，覺得人生再無奈，也不過是世間的傷別。但，可就在一瞬間、一個送自種香蕉的小動作，就可讓我們深深地明白，原來，生活是需要感動去支撑，去維持的。只有那樣，我們的心才不會孤寂，我們才能感覺到被愛。我們只有伸出自己的雙手，才會給自己和别人，握手的機會。是感動和感恩，讓一切都變得美好了。我們不一定擁有足够的財富，但，付出和被感動的快樂，却讓我們擁有無數的關愛與問候。是啊，老天是公平的，祂為我們關上門的時候，也會為我們開一扇窗的。打開僅有的窗户，我們同樣可以擁有陽光，擁有空氣，擁有美景，擁有屬於我們自己的美好世界。
Controllable vs. Uncontrollable Things
In life, there are a lot of things that happen to us that we cannot control. Having said that, we don’t need the rest of our life to be negatively impacted as a result. Today, we talk about why it’s important to focus more on things we can control during tough times, rather than focusing on what we cannot. In the following, we have two examples to show the controllable achievements in the world: 江天霖(T. L. Chiang)，台灣鋼琴家；白祐帆(Dylan Pai). 國際標準舞老師，英國國際舞蹈教師協會IDTA認證教師。
如果很喜歡、很喜歡，那就放手去做吧！透過音樂的自我實踐，江天霖正在彈奏著超越文字語言的訊息，用旋律渲染一次次的感動，只要與音樂連結，都能是他的舞台。江天霖說，因為我熱愛音樂，所以，不管多苦多難，我都願意。
記得小時候，很多人的家裡，都會放一台鋼琴，但多半是父母希望自己的小孩，能從音樂領域中，有所啟發；江天霖正好相反，小時候是個電視兒童，對任何聲音都充滿好奇，雖然家中有鋼琴，但一開始是哥哥在彈，後來，他是吵著跟媽媽說他想學。自發性地彈琴，讓江天霖從小就跟音樂當好朋友。如果人生有兩條路可以選擇，一條是很平穩舒適的，一條是充滿荊棘艱困的，而音樂正是那條非常困難的路，我們願不願意選擇走下去呢？江天霖說，他願意。他很小就觸碰著這些上上下下的音符記號，音樂已從他的興趣喜好，轉變成「責任」了。來自音樂班的地獄訓練，他就得學會自我管理、自己盯進度，並面對同儕的競爭。這當然會很累囉！但為何可以堅持呢？因為是自發的喜愛，所以堅持。音樂是一種超越文字語言的訊息，除了家人，更是我們最熟悉的陪伴。對江天霖來說，不管是低潮，還是瓶頸，都是開心的時刻，因為音樂可以廢寢忘食，更可以自我療癒，感到幸福。
白祐帆說，我從未想過，舞蹈竟然能讓我的人生，有如此大的轉變。對我來說，跳舞是一種渴望。兒時身處在鄉村的傳統家庭中，也沒想過找舞蹈教室學舞，但看到電視，聽到音樂，身體就開始舞動了。在我大三升大四的時候，我來到人生的轉捩點：研究所還是跳舞？數不清的練習、上課，還有一場場的比賽，早已一步步讓我走向專業舞者的路了。但是，如果我要考研究所，就必須全力投入，才能進入我想要的學校，這也意味著我無法兼顧舞蹈。親戚朋友說：「好好讀書，找個好工作，穩定的成長，不是很好嗎？」「教跳舞會不會餓死啊？！」
儘管我從小就有跳舞的渴望，但這跟有無天份，完全是兩碼子事。我不是天生的舞者，從小就姿勢不良。在舞蹈，永遠沒有做的夠多的時候。當自己感覺已經做了很多時，看看鏡子，看看自己錄下的跳舞片段，還差的遠呢！這是我們必須接受的事實。我們要不斷地突破自己，才會進步。白祐帆說，有很多人，想學鋼琴、跳舞，都說自己沒有音樂細胞，身體不協調等等，因為太多的擔心而止步，但學了之後，往往證明這些都不是真的。記住，我們永遠不要害怕去嘗試新的事物，因為，我們絕對可以超越時空，廢寢忘食的。
The fact is, we can do controllable things to expect the uncontrollable outcome. The universe is, actually, always full of potentials and possibilities. Look at this, in our today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in the things we can’t control. For example, we obsess over the weather, our jobs, and other people’s opinions of us, etc. Really, there’s nothing we can do to control the weather, so worrying about it won’t make the storm go away. The same goes for our jobs and other people’s opinions. Of course, that’s easier said than done. But, the point is, there’s no way in worrying about something we can’t change and control. We can only know the controllable things, and take action to improve the situations. We can just focus on our attitudes, our affections and our actions to do the controllable things. Bad things happen to everyone every day, but how we choose to react them defines us. If we can see the silver lining in every cloud, we would be better equipped to deal with whatever life throws to us. Life is, no doubt, full of hardships, however, how we learn and grow from those problems matters. We can become stronger and wiser by looking for the positive things that we are able to control.
The following are some of the most common outlets we can use to control in order to deal with things that are out of their control:
Talking to a friend or family member
Writing down thoughts in a journal
Seeing a therapist
Working out
Running or going for a jog
Yoga
Meditating
Organizing or cleaning
Watching a movie or TV show
Hanging out with friends
Breathing exercises
Eating out
Cooking
It’s necessary to find a balance between taking care of the things we have to, and taking care of ourselves. Handling things beyond our power (uncontrollable) can be challenging. The truth is, things we can’t control would be also parts of our lives. Therefore, we need to learn to cope with the uncontrollable things, and live happier, more fulfilling lives. Happiness or a positive disposition is a choice. Our attitudes are the kinds of energy that we project to the world. Thus, going into a difficult situation with a positive attitude increases the likelihood of finding a path through a possible solution. Next are our affections. One of the best way to reduce the stress we are feeling is to increase the amount of connectedness we feel in our lives to other trusted and safe people. Just being able to talk to a friend or colleague who can safely handle our feelings is enormously powerful. Last but not least, we can control our actions. Our future is dictated by our disciplined actions in the form of what we do each day, the habits we develop and what we strive for with purposes. By way of our attitudes, our affections and our actions, we can handle our controllable things, and even expect the great amounts of good uncontrollable things happened in our lives soon.
說話
莫言說：「真正厲害的人，從來不說難聽的話，因為人心不需要聽真話，只需要聽好聽的話，所以，我們要學著做一個有溫度且睿智的人。」懂得如何說話，是一門人生的藝術，若是不會說話，不僅會得罪人，更會禍從口出，而承擔說錯話的嚴重後果。那麼，如何讓自己學會說話呢？其實，不過是：「與貧者談講利益，與富者談找品味，與陌生者談測細節，與弱者談留面子，與男人談重邏輯，與女人談重感受，與孩子談重賞識，與智者談開門見山，與貴者談因勢利導。」因此，見什麼人，說什麼話，就是一種生存之道，更是讓自己在複雜的人際關係中，不受傷害，在各種關係中，如魚得水的根本。一個真正聰明的人，一定是一個有德行，懂禮貌的人，說話聲音不會很大，講話有理有據，邏輯清晰，不會太冷漠，也不會指鹿為馬，阿諛奉承，而是懂得如何去欣賞別人優點的人。柏拉圖說：「智者說話，是因為他們有話要說。愚者說話，是因為他們想說。」傻瓜用嘴講話，聰明人用腦講話，智慧者用心講話。說話一定要有節制和思考，不要不留餘地，不要講太滿，一旦出口，是很難收回來的。而且，有時候，話說到一半就好，看穿不說穿，這才是真會說話，懂得適時讓自己閉嘴，更是一輩子的修行。海明威說：「一個人要學會說話，需兩年，學會閉嘴，卻要用一生。」
每個人，每一天都要說話。不管每一次開口說話的目的為何，通常我們都希望，聽我們說話的人，能夠聽進去我們講的話。但是，不幸的是，我們常常會覺得，對方很容易沒把我們的話「聽進去」。這既會讓我們感到灰心，更會讓我們憤怒，因為對方沒把我們的話「聽進去」，我們被忽視了，也沒被尊重。
不過，我們有沒有認真想過，當我們說話的時候，還有誰也是我們的忠實聽眾呢？其實就是自己啊！寫日記的時候，我們唯一的讀者，就是我們本人，不管我們寫什麼，只要我們爽就好，裡頭的內容，我們沒有要公開，我們對自己負責就好。上傳文章的時候，我們是第一個讀者，裡面的文字，因為會隨著網路，傳到各地，所以我們就會慎言。書寫文字是這樣，同樣的，說話也是一樣。如果，我們就是自己一輩子的忠實聽眾，那麼，平常在說話的時候，我們真的都聽到自己說的話了嗎？我們聽了自己的話後，是什麼感覺呢？覺得爽嗎？愉悅嗎？常常，我們跟長者說話，他們都會說：「妳的嘴怎麼那麼甜？」對待長者，我們是很尊敬的，既不是刻意地諂媚，也不是卑微地討好，所以，他們很喜歡聽。
事實上，我們自己腦中的想法，就是會影響到我們自己的行為和語言，尤其是語言，因為話太容易說出口了，所以，我們通常來不及思考，就脫口而出了。尤其是，那些習慣出現的口頭禪或用詞，都很容易洩露出自己真實的樣貌。只是我們自己很難覺察到而已。如果不認真聆聽自己所說的話，我們通常不會發現，自己平常的表達習慣，到底出了什麼問題。練習用正面語言來表述想法，是很棒的，利人又利己。說話的時候，如果我們能夠用大腦多想一下，儘量使用正向的語句，話中不要問句，不要反問，不要帶那麼多的刺，那會有多悅聽啊！口語表達的改變，聽在我們自己的耳朵裡，舒服許多，別人也會喜歡的。
再者，我們總習慣笑臉對外，臭臉對内，樂於讚美他人，吝於欣賞家人。看到別人優點，就數落家人缺點。脾氣忍於外，卻發於內，口氣温柔對外，對内就十分粗暴。這一切的一切，是因為我們認為，家人之所以是家人，理所當然應承受這些，而不以為忤。尤其是對枕邊人的態度，更是如此，視為其出氣包，垃圾筒，實在不應該。現在，我們真的要把每天向家人說一句好聽的話，當做是一天必做的功課吧！相對於辛苦的考試！工作！學語言！說句好聽的話，完全不費力氣，不用熬夜，不用絞盡腦汁想創意，不用看別人臉色，是最廉價的付出，最輕鬆的負擔，但却是最無價、珍貴的，而廉價免費的東西，大家最不珍惜。我們千萬不要去看家人的任何缺點，而不經大腦的脱口而出！學習說正向的詞句吧！古德云：「自利利他真實義」，凡事先把自己整頓好，先度己，才能度他，利他，立他。好好珍惜家人，論業，願，家人都是我們付出的第一人選。善待家人，是最值得的投資，投資绝不虧本，絕不虧損，而且是複利乘數效果。說聲「你的頭髮很好看」，「你的動作很帥」，「妳的這套衣服很搭」，「妳的表情很美」，「今天的菜好好吃」等等！世界上最好聽的音波，就從家開始揚起吧！
然而，又有人說，我們人都喜歡聽好聽的話，不喜歡聽不好聽的言語，但是，真正對自己有幫助的話，卻是「忠言逆耳、良藥苦口的話」。我們究竟要如何判斷好聽或不好聽的話呢？當我們心存正念的時候，說出來的話，都是中肯、正向、好聽的，即使別人有錯，我們也要和顏悅色的解釋說明，而不是姑息敷衍。相同地，我們也不是只愛聽好話，當自己有意、無意犯了錯時，如果有人指點我們，我們也要心存感恩，不要不高興，還怪罪對方。別人願意告訴我們，是我們的福氣，當有一天，別人連說我們，都不想說，自己就要檢討了喔！思想，會影響個性。個性，會影響言行。言行，會影響命運。我們是當局者迷，旁觀者清，別人給我們的建議，不論好壞，先反省，有則改之，無則勉之。成功的人，都是會把別人好的建言，當作座右銘，努力過一生的。
Being Honest with Yourself via Podcast
Honesty is a fundamental principle that most of us have been taught from a young age. We are told that honesty is the best policy and that we should always tell the truth. However, despite this, many of us still struggle with being honest with ourselves. We pretend that everything is fine, when sometimes it isn’t. We do this to protect our ego or social status, even when it starts to create a personal or social cost to ourselves. Living dishonestly with ourselves can disconnect us from ourselves and others. We might not even realize that we are not being honest with ourselves until we experience negative emotions like anxiety, anger, or sadness. These emotions are a sign that we are not living the way we want to live or being true to ourselves. They may attach themselves to small arguments or irritations that are merely a symptom of a deeper need for change.
It takes courage to be honest with ourselves. Being honest with ourselves means being willing to upset someone else, letting go of certainty, embracing the unknown and making new choices that disrupt the status quo. However, if we truly want to be proud of ourselves, we need to be true to ourselves. If we want to be the best leader, be part of a great team, or run an outstanding business, it all starts with being honest with ourselves. Being honest with ourselves doesn’t mean having all the answers. The first step is to acknowledge that feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, or anxiety keep coming back and that something isn’t right. It’s time to be honest with ourselves that something needs to change.
When we are honest with ourselves, we become more self-aware. We start to understand our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors more clearly. We can identify our strengths and weaknesses and work on improving them. Self-awareness is essential for personal growth, and it starts with being honest with ourselves. When we are honest with ourselves, we make better decisions. We can evaluate situations objectively and make choices that align with our values and goals. Honesty helps us avoid making decisions based on fear, ego, or societal pressure. When we are honest with ourselves, we build trust with ourselves and others. When we are truthful about our thoughts, feelings, and actions, we create a foundation of trust that others can rely on. Honesty is essential for building healthy relationships, both personally and professionally. When we are honest with ourselves, we open ourselves up to personal growth. We can identify areas where we need to improve and work on developing new skills and habits. Honesty helps us take responsibility for our lives and empowers us to make positive changes.
Creating Podcasts help us become more fearless, gain clarity, increase self-reliance and build healthier relationships. The first step is to do some honest self-reflection. To simply acknowledge on our Podcasts that something needs changes due to not right emotions and feelings. Then, via Podcasts, we see things directly from our hearts. We express our true ways of thinking toward us as well as our listeners. Last but not least, we can be even more incredible, impactful and inspirational speakers through listeners’ points of view when we simply start our Podcasts from the depth of our true hearts.
Thinking Too Much想太多
“We think too much and feel too little” by Charlie Chaplin. 我們總是想太多，卻太少去感受--查理·卓別林。 Spoken by the great man, Charlie Chaplin, these words couldn’t hold more truth for the modern age.
We live in a world where the visual objects dominate, and physicality is the only definition of reality. The world has gone mad as we’ve all become entrapped within our heads. The tools we use for our thoughts are only the material ways of living. That is, the average person today has much less social interaction and contact than the prior generations because of the technology of smartphones and social media. People are becoming so concerned with their images in the eyes of others over personal uniqueness and experiences. Gradually, we form all our own thoughts in expectation of situations to harshly judge ourselves and others (想太多) such as, “What if I don’t reach on time?” “What if I do this?” “What if this happens?” “I hope this doesn’t happen.” “I hope the people here aren’t like this.” “I’m so stupid for saying that” and “why did I do that?” …. etc. But, think of that, how about our own internal thoughts in dealing with these different situations? Very often, we are restrained by the chains of our own thoughtful thinking. In fact, there are really so many various ways in which we entrap ourselves within our thoughts, and yet, we don’t see any other ways of living in a lot of cases.
We, then, try to ask ourselves. Why do we enjoy movies? Why do we play video games? Why do we read books? And why do we listen to music? Why are these what we choose to do for enjoyment? Actually, when we watch a movie or read a book, we are no longer trapped within our heads. We are no longer concerned about what might happen tomorrow. We even no longer care whether someone likes us or not. We won’t worry so much of our days and tomorrow.
Imagine that, when we approach an event or situation in our life with loads of pre-formed thoughts, ideas, worries, and opinions, we just feel anxious and lots of passive emotions. Yes, it’s better to let go of our worries, but we all know that it’s not so easy. When we are tormented by constant anxious thoughts, how many of us can get rid of these doubts or anxieties in our normal life? Now, if we can do 5-10-minute meditations every day to listen to our inner voice, we won’t think too much. It can work in terms of calming our internal dialogues. Habit is something created from our instincts or influenced by others in our lives. Our lives today work or exist because of these habits. We always think that we need strong determination to adapt or change habits as we are all victims of failing to try new or changing habits. But, the reality is not because we don’t have determination; it’s something where we are not trying to understand how it works. When a circumstance comes, we usually overthink too much on it. It’s natural to overthink a situation going to happen in the future, and this overthink could keep growing and becoming uncontrollable. Then, it, definitely, impacts our productivity and emotional strength. In this case, we can either stop thinking about it, or challenge our thoughts by asking more positive, realistic ways to look at the situation. In other words, we can train our minds to control and look at the life from a more balanced, less fearful perspective. Thinking too much is really useless at any situations in our daily lives.
The most important thing is that there’s always more room in our life for pleasure, joy, and love, especially if worrisome thoughts have been taking up too much space. As psychologists suggest, “If overthinking is paired with worry, anxiety, and depressing thoughts, using joy can be a great antidote.” We can make time to engage with our favorite activities whether it’s going for a walk or calling a friend or not. Nobody is perfect, and everyone is susceptible to worries and fears. That means overthinking is not a weakness. However, we need to find and try a different tool to enjoy our lives instead of thinking too much. 不要想太多
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